Fight Inside
by ReachingAsIFall
Summary: AH: Hate, love, lies, hidden truths, pranks, & twists. Edward & Bella have both been to hell & back because of each other. Now after 5 years of separation, how will they take their anger out on each other? What truths will they find out in the process?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Edward and Bella used to be best friends and both secretly loved each other, but things went wrong their sophomore year in high school and tore them apart, ruining both their lives in the worse ways. Now almost 5 years later they have to face each other again. Taking out all their anger they have felt out on each other. Secrets will soon be revealed, that may or may not have been better left a secret.

**AN: **So here you guys go this is my first fan fic so let me know what you think.

**AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to ****dihenydd. She is the best!**

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**Chapter 1: I'm tired of being afraid of everything and everyone**

_No one cares  
No one listens  
Screaming words that you fake hearing  
No one cares  
No one listens anymore_

_- No One Care _by** Atreyu**

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**BPOV**

"God, why does life have to suck so badly?"

I sat at home on the computer doing school work for my health class; my "managing stress" class no less. I find it really ironic that this course is supposed to help me with my stress and it was really just making it a whole lot worse.

"I hate you!!" I yelled at my computer that was going so freaking slow. I started to smack the sides of the screen as if it would make the computer go any faster.

"Fine you win!" I slammed the restart button with my foot and got up out of the chair and walked over to my bedside table to grab the weights that were under it. As I started lifting the weights up and down, my stomach starting growling. Of course it was growling my stupid stomach always seemed to want something to eat.

"You're freaking not hungry so shut up!" I smacked the palm of my hand to my stomach and then I resumed lifting my weights.

"Hey Bella!"

Great what did he want now?

"Heeey Emmmmmmeettttt." I called back in an annoyed sing-song voice.

"Heeeey Belllllllaaaaaaaa…." Now I know he was trying to annoy me. I could hear that he was just down the hall and would enter my room any minute.

"Emmett! What do you want?!" I yelled at him as he entered the room

"Whoa Bella, calm down."

"Seriously Emmett, I am not in the mood right now, can you just tell me what you want." I kept lifting the weights and avoided looking at him.

"Umm…yeah, what time is the movie at?"

"7" I told him

"Okay, good" He seemed to be hiding something.

I sighed and stopped lifting my weights for a minute

"What else did you want Emmett?" I turned to look at him.

"Ummm….I was wondering…..how do you feel…"

"For god's sake Emmett, spit it out already!"

"Okay! I was wondering if it would be alright if I asked out Rose?" he spat out really fast.

Great, just great. Of course he wants to ask out Rose. I knew Rose had liked Emmett since she met him, but she was too shy to ask him out. Now that is something that is really weird for her, because Rose is usually really bold when it comes to men.

Now Emmett wants to ask her out.

It is kind of funny really. He has never asked if he could go out with any of my other friends that he has gone out with. I really hate it when he has to go out with my friends. It just makes our friendship really awkward, but of course Emmett wouldn't care about what happens to my friendships after he dumps them. Plus I haven't had too many good friends anyways. But still why does he have to go out with one of my best friends.

"Whatever Emmett, do what you want, I don't care." Like it would matter anyways, even if I said no to him he would still end up asking her out anyway.

"Okay great! Thanks."

"Sure, no problem." I growled out him, but he didn't even seem to notice. I walked back over to my computer chair and typed in my password to the computer now that it was done restarting.

"Oh yeah, just letting you know that Jasper is going to come with us." Well that was news to me.

"What? Emmett, no, Alice is going."

"Your point being?"

"You know that they both really like each other so they are probably going to spend all their time together and now you and Rose are probably going to hang around each other and I will end up being the freaking 5th wheel." I hate when shit like this happens to me, and yet it always does, no matter what. Although this is far from being the worst, there are plenty of things that I have gone through that are nowhere near as bad as the things that happened sophomore year in high school.

"Bella you will not be the 5th wheel, I promise." he looked over at me and gave me a look as if I was insane.

"Wow Emmett, what drugs are you on? Of course I will be the 5th wheel, can you not count?" I rolled my eyes at him and huffed.

"Fine, I guess that just means that I am going to have to invite someone else."

"Who are you going to invite? You better not say Mike or Tyler, or else I swear I am going to hurt you."

"No, no, I will invite Edward."

"WHAT?!!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing I jumped out of my chair and ran to stand in front of Emmett. He better be joking, I haven't heard that name mentioned around here for almost five years now. Emmett knows what he did to me and how deep my hatred for that man is. How could he do this to me?

"You better be talking about Edward James Olmos."

"Nope, I mean my best friend Edward Cullen."

"Emmett! What the hell! You know what he did! And I thought that you hated him just as much as I did! Plus I thought he was across the country!"

"Bella I did, I despised him just as much as you do when I heard about what he did to you, but I guess after almost 5 years I really started to miss hanging out with my best friend, and when I heard from Carlisle that he came back from New York, I gave him a call and we started to hang out again."

I started taking deep breaths slowly in and out as I took in what Emmett was saying. So this is what the fuck he meant when he said he was hanging out with the boys. I always assumed that it was Jasper and possibly Mike, but not_ him_. Anyone but _him_.

"Emmett, you better be fucking joking right now."

"No I am not! Now, since you are inviting your friends, it's only fair that I invite mine, and like it or not, Edward is my friend, now if you excuse me I have a phone call to make." He turned about and left my room and I heard him start talking on his phone.

"FUCK!"

Seriously, how can Emmett do this to me? He was there when ___he saw how I treated myself after what Edward did_, and now he is hanging out with him like nothing ever happened.

Memories started to flood my mind and I didn't know what else to do. I ran to the bathroom and shoved my finger down my throat.

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**AN: Sorry for any mistakes, I am not really all that great when it comes to grammar. Please let me know what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Do not own**

**AN:****Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to****dihenydd!**

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**Chapter 2: Choking from intoxication**

_I want you  
To be  
Left behind those empty walls  
Taunt you  
To see  
From behind those empty walls_

_-Empty walls_by **Serj Tankian**

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Why the hell does he have this power over me? Why can he make me do all this shit to myself?

God, he has just totally screwed my life over hasn't he?

I haven't made myself puke for a good two years, and now Emmett just had to bring him up and invite him along. He_had_ to all of a sudden toss a bunch of shit in my face that I really wasn't prepared to hear at all.

I never thought that I would ever have to hear that name mentioned again, and now that I have, I feel so dirty and disgusting that I just have to clean myself out by purging.

I was so worthless.

I wonder how long he has been back. How long has Emmett been hanging out with him? Has Emmett said anything to him? Oh Shit, how much does Edward know about what happened to me?

I leant back over the toilet and prepared myself to hurl again.

NO! I am not going to let that good for nothing dick have this control over me. No one should be able to make me do things that I don't want to do, especially when they are not even around me and haven't been for 5 years.

I pushed myself away from the toilet and went to my desk to pick up my cell phone and called Alice.

"Heya Bella!" Of course, cheerful Alice as always. I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Hey Alice, you know how we are supposed to be going to the movie tonight?"

"Yeah,…And?"

"I don't think I am going to go."

"What! Why!"

"Well, because I just found out a lot of shit that I didn't know before, and I am pretty sure that I am not going to be able to handle it." I hissed

"What are you talking about?"

"What I am talking about is that I just found out that your cousin has been home for evidently quite some time now, and that Emmett is going to invite him to the movie tonight. There is no way I am going to go with that asshole there."

"Calm down Bella. No need to get all in a hissy fit with me. I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did! You didn't tell me that he was home. I really wasn't prepared to hear Emmett say that he has been hanging around with Edward again or that he is now going to come with us."

"Bella I haven't told you because he has only been back for like 2 weeks now, and I really didn't think we were going to start hanging out with him again. Edward hasn't really talked to me anyways, so I thought he was just going to stay away from us." I could tell that she was starting to get mad at me for yelling at her and blaming her for everything.

"I'm sorry Alice."

"It's okay. I guess you kind of have the right to be really angry right now. I mean if I were you I would be pretty pissed too. Bella, I think that you should actually start getting used to having Edward around again considering that now he is going to go to the University with us and everything."

"WHAT?!" She better have not said what I think she said.

"Oh jeez, I shouldn't have told you that."

Too late, you already did.

I started taking deep breaths to calm myself down and prevent myself from going to the bathroom again.

"Bella, it's all going to be okay"

I shook my head back and forth. How was this all going to be okay? He was going to go to the same school with me now. Great. Just fan-fucking-tastic.

Maybe we won't even end up seeing each other at school. I mean the University is kind of large, so there may be a good chance that we will never see each other. It is already bad enough that at times I run into his old "friends", but they don't even recognize me anymore which I am actually grateful for. No one from high school can really recognize me anymore, but that just makes it easier for me to just be invisible to everyone.

"Bella?" Alice interrupted my thoughts

"Yeah, sorry."

"Are you okay?"

"I think so, for now that is."

"Are you sure? You aren't going to do anything stupid are you?"

"Umm…" I prepared for what I knew was coming next

"BELLA! You did, didn't you?" Alice asked with a harsh tone which made me a little afraid of answering.

"Yes" I whispered softly hoping she didn't hear. I lowered my head into my hand and felt my eyes tear up a bit.

I felt so ashamed.

"Bella." I heard her sigh and I knew she would be shaking her head right now.

"I'm on my way over." And with that she hung up.

This should be fun. Now I get her scolding in person.

I laid down on my bed and put my arm over my face.

Okay enough of the wallowing, I only did it once and that is all I will ever do again.

I got up from the bed and headed back toward the computer to finish my work, but I don't think I really did a good job because I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing, I just did it.

"Bella" Oh joy, Alice is here.

"I'm in my room." I called back to her.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice ran over to me and turned the chair so I was looking at her as she kneeled on the ground in front of me.

"Yes, Alice I'm fine. It was just all a shock. I couldn't take it at first, but I did stop myself before I did it again. I am pretty sure if you were me you would have had the same reaction."

"I understand," she looked up at me with concern filling her eyes.

"Alice, I just hate it." I felt myself start to tear up again. "I hate feeling so weak and worthless. I hate that he did this to me. I hate the fact that even after Edward noticed that he was ruining my life he still treated me like shit until I decided to leave school. I hate that I had to love him so much."

I was in full blown tears and sobs now and Alice just stood up on her knees and wrapped her arms around me as I cried into her.

"I know Bella, I know." I felt her tears starting to hit the top of my head. I knew that everything that happened didn't just affect me; it had affected every one of us.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe it is time for both you and Edward to talk."

I pushed her away and stood up and started pacing across the room shaking my head as Alice continued.

"You guys really need to get over this. I really want everything to go back to normal the way it was. I really miss hanging out with everyone. I miss hanging out with you. Hell, I miss my cousin."

"Alice, NO! I am not going to talk to him, and you can hang out with him all you want. I am not going to stop you, but I won't be there when you do. I want nothing to do with Edward." I yelled at her.

"Come on! You don't even know if what Tanya said is true."

"Yes I do, he came up to me and practically said the same thing to me a week later. If it wasn't true how come after all of it he was a complete dick to me and he and his friends did everything possible to make my life hell for the last 3 months that I was there. I had to go through that whole term with them picking on me, calling me names like, Taco-Bella, fat lard, Izzy-belly and at times just plain old fat slut. They were constantly playing dumb ass pranks on me, like putting a couple of drops of Visine in my drink so that I would end up puking all night. I guess they figured that making myself puke wasn't enough. And…And… Edward, the only one who knew anything about me, decided to tell all his friends _everything_about me and they just used that to their advantage to make my life a living hell for me and an amusement park for them!" I was all over the place I could not stay still and yet when I looked over at Alice she was silently sitting there waiting for me to finish.

I started towards the bathroom but Alice stopped me right before I could make it that far. For such a small person she had a lot of strength. All I wanted to do was get this disgusting feeling out of my system.

"Bella, no! You are not going to start this again. I will not let you. Last time you did this you were almost hospitalized. Please don't, please. You don't need to." I could see she had tears running down her face. "You are beautiful and always have been, no matter what anyone has told you. You don't need to go make yourself vomit just to make yourself feel better. I mean you have been doing so well for two years, don't make my cousin be the reason again for you to do this to yourself."

I had stopped struggling against her and looked at her. She was right. He isn't going to make me start this again.

"You're right Alice, you're right, but you aren't right about me always being beautiful and I still am not. I mean I was fat, and nothing that you tell me is going to change that fact."

"You were never fat."

"Alice, don't give me that shit. I may have not been the fattest person ever, hell I was far from it, but I was a fucking size 14, while everyone else in that school was a size two or less. Everyone saw it, and I mean everyone. I was fine with it before. I used to be content with my weight, but once the guy who was your best friend and the one you used to be in love with, notices what everyone else has and wants nothing to do with you, you end up going to extremes." I couldn't stop the tears from pouring out my eyes yet again.

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**Please Review! Criticism is welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Do not own. **

**AN: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to dihenydd!**

**Now read on if you dare.**

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**Chapter 3: All these scars keep ripping open**

_Peel me from the skin  
Tear me from the rind  
Does it make you happy now?_

_Tear meat from the bone  
Tear me from myself  
Are you feeling happy now?_

_- Happy? _by **Mudvayne**

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"You really need to talk to him." Alice started to plead, as I lay back down on my bed.

"Alice, I have already told you, I am not going to talk to him." I know I was being really stubborn, but I had my reasons.

"Fine then, how about we have a little fun then, shall we?" Alice said with a little devious smile.

"What do you mean?" I sat up straight and looked over at her.

"Well, he hasn't seen you for 5 years now, right? And you don't look anything like you did back then." She was on to something.

"Sooo…" I moved my hands signalling for her to keep going.

"Sooo..How about we use that to your advantage. Make him see that what he has done has really had no effect on you, or maybe show him that because of what he did he has made you into the woman you are today." I got what she was saying, and it did make sense. If it wasn't for Edward, I may still be some fat lard sitting on the couch waiting for him to notice me, but at the same time if it wasn't for Edward I would still have my best friend and I wouldn't have ended up going to such extreme lengths and almost ending up in the hospital.

"If you think about it, he more than likely thinks he got your goat when you left Forks High, but now you're going to flaunt yourself and let him know that you are better now than you ever were." Alice had continued.

"But that's the thing Alice, it took a long time for me to be able to get to where I am now and you know that I am still not in the best condition." I stood up and walked past her to get my glass of water.

"But he doesn't know that. He doesn't know that you went Bulimic and everything. You can let him think that you lost all your weight in the healthiest way, rather than the worst way."

While I took a sip of my water I thought about it. It really didn't sound too bad. In fact it kind of sounded like fun to get back at him, but could I really do that to Edward? I mean sure I hate his guts, but he used to be my best friend after all, and now he is Emmett's best friend again. What if this all goes badly and I ruin their friendship because I am seeking revenge.

Then all the old memories came back. Him laughing at me while his friends tripped me so I would land face down in the mud as they walked all over my new books, or having them spit spitwads at my face only to find out they were colored so when I wiped them off my face I had streaks of yellow, brown, and green across my face. This was of course only the beginning. Childish, I know, but things only got a hundred times worse by the time I left that school.

That's it.

"I'll do it." I turned back and faced Alice and she started to jump up and down clapping her hands. Man why was she so happy about this? Shouldn't she actually be protecting her cousin anyway?

Oh wait, this means there is going to be a makeover doesn't it?

"That means we need to give you a makeover for tonight!" I knew it.

"Okay, let's get this over with."

And with that she dragged me into the bathroom so that we could get ready.

/&/

Okay, here I am at the movie theater waiting for my approaching doom. There is no going back now especially, with Alice and Rose holding me down and not letting me go anywhere. There is no way they were going to let me run away. But that still didn't stop me from squirming around in their arms.

"Bella will you relax, everything is going to be fine. Even if something does go wrong, we will be here for you. You look amazing, that jackass won't even know what hit him when he sees you." Rose told me rubbing my arm while Alice nodded her head.

I admit I want to see Edward's face when he sees that his formally fat "friend" is no longer fat. Granted I didn't lose it the best way at first, but once I got control and gained some weight back to a healthy size I kept myself healthy, by eating the right foods, and exercising regularly.

Alice had picked out a great outfit to show all my curves. I was wearing skinny jeans, with a slim tight shirt that tied around the back and sort of made my chest more pronounced. I still felt very uncomfortable in it though. I mean it did show all my curves, but what if it showed some not too good curves? What if Edward saw me and all he saw was his fat friend trying to wear clothes that are too small for her so all her rolls are showing and she had a muffin top?

Oh shit.

"You guys I have to go to the bathroom now!" I started to fight and struggled within their grasps wanting to get out.

"No you don't. You're fine, and you look amazing. Trust me. You don't need to do anything." Alice was looking at me straight in the eyes. "Do you honestly think that I would make you wear something that would make you look revolting?"

"No" I sighed and looked down at my feet

"That's what I thought. Now the boys should be here soon and I want you to be confident and bold. You need to show him that he has had no effect on you at all. Can you do that?"

"I...I think so?" I stuttered.

"No 'I think so's." Rose interjected. "You really need to get him back for all those things he did to you in high school. Show him up. Make him look, but do not let him touch."

I had to roll my eyes at this. Like he would ever want to touch me. As if I would ever _let him _touch me, or even come anywhere that close to me.

I thought back to that day when he came up to me and practically told me that he hated me. I felt anger clawing its way up my body to my face slowly boiling my blood.

How could he say that shit to me? How in the world did I hurt him! He was the dick that hurt me, not the other way around. How could he do any of those things he did to me? Shouldn't he have had some form of conscience and feel guilty and bad for the things he did?

But of course it wasn't only that day he hurt me, at times he hurt me by just sitting there watching and laughing, and sometimes helping other people cause me pain.

_Flashback_

_It's been over 3 weeks now since Edward had confronted me, and I'm not doing well at all. I walk around and ignore everyone. Pretending that what they're doing has no effect on me, but who am I kidding, of course it has an effect on me, and they all know it. That's why they keep doing the things that they do._

_Finally the day is fucking over! _

_I'm walking over to my car when I hear some people snickering. I look up to see Edward and his friends sitting over at a picnic table staring and laughing at me. I turn and look the other way and keep on walking to my truck. It isn't until I unlock my truck and am about to get in when I notice that something is wrong. My truck seems oddly lower. _

_I step back from my truck and notice that the tires are slashed. _

_I hear that stupid ass group over at the table start laughing even harder as I slam the truck door shut and start walking towards the road. _

"_Way to be FUCKING ASSHOLES!" I shout at them with venom, but mainly at the boy that is sitting on his ass and laughing with the rest of them, as I keep on walking._

"_I'd be careful of what you say bitch, you never know, your mouth may end up causing you even more trouble in the end." James shouts back at me._

_I stop and turn to look at him._

"_Oooooo…scary." My voice dripping with sarcasm. "You got me so afraid. What are you going to do next? Tell your daddy?" _

_James' dad is the man of Forks, he has even more money than the Cullens, and everyone knows when things didn't go James or his brother's way they would run to daddy dearest. _

"_Oh honey, the things I'm going to do to you, daddy doesn't really need to know about." he tosses me a sick smile. _

"_I'd be careful if I were you James. Just remember that her dad's the police chief." Edward speaks up for the first time and I shift my eyes to him and glower.  
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"_I'm not too worried about that, I have my ways of getting by the chief. Everyone has their price." He never takes his eyes off me. It's really starting to scare me, so I walk away from them and don't turn back._

_How could he just sit there and laugh as James scared the hell out me? Oh I know, because he is a fucking douche bag that needs to be shot!_

_I'm so pissed as I continue walking home that I don't notice people shouting at me until a car passes by tossing water balloons at me from out of a car window. Not just any car window, a sliver Volvo, __**Edwards **__silver Volvo. _

_As they drive by I hear hysterical laughter coming from the car. Now I'm soaking wet in the middle of the winter with bruises and welts forming on my arms and head from the water balloons. _

_I can't move. I'm so cold, wet and hurt, so I do the only thing I can think of. I fall to the ground and start crying like a baby. _

_Once I slow down the crying, I move towards the bushes and make myself puke, cleaning myself of today's mistakes, of being too much of a wuss to stand up to those douche bags and tell them off for good._

_When I'm done I clean my mouth off and continue the walk home. Why I didn't wait for Alice or someone to give me a ride, I'll never know, I just wanted to get out of there and leave. _

_End flashback_

"Okay, I'll do it!" I stood firm and tall trying to show them my sudden boost of confidence.

"That's our girl!" Alice cheered.

Of course it was then that I saw Emmett walk through the doors towards us in the lobby.

"Hey Em. Where's the other two?" Alice inquired when we realized that it was only him that came in.

"They are on their way in; Alice can I talk to you?" Emmett pulled Alice off to the side.

Oh great. What is it now?

They were talking softly thinking that I couldn't hear them.

"Is she going to be okay?" Emmett asked, with his voice full of brotherly concern. "I mean he is about to come in and I don't want it to flick a switch and make her go back."

God why is he so worried about me now? Wasn't it him that had invited Edward along in the first place?

"I think she will be fine. I'll keep watch over her." I noticed Alice look over at me from the corner of my eye. "She really needs to face him anyway. She needs to get past this or I don't think we will ever get the old Bella back or even the old Edward back."

The old Bella, humph, yeah who wants her back? She was the pushover with extremely low self-esteem that no one wanted to be near, unless they wanted a to boost their own self-esteem.

What did she mean by the old Edward back? I am pretty sure that her cousin would act like himself around her.

I decided to stop listening to them and looked towards the main doors.

Bad idea.

Jasper came in and right behind him was Edward himself.

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**AN**:** Review please? **

**Also so I went to see Twilight at a midnight showing the other night, and I got to say, I freaking LOVED IT!! I have to say that my favorite scene would have to be the baseball scene. It was pretty amazing. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Do not own, but I will eventually have RPatzz to myself. hehe**

**AN: Okay thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far. **

**And this chapter and the next one will be flashbacks, so I hope you enjoy. **

**AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to ****dihenydd.  
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**Chapter 4: I will run and hide till memories fade away (Part 1)**

_Waste away  
I'm crawling blind  
Hollowed by what I left inside  
For you, just you  
I'm caught in place  
But I ignore what I can't erase_

_- Hide _by** RED**

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**Flashback 5 years ago**

"So, are you going to come over after school today?" Edward asks, as he drives us to school.

"Edward, that is such a stupid question. Why wouldn't I come over today? I mean, I come over almost every day." I giggle a little. Edward can be so dumb sometimes. He asks me that question every day, and every day I give him the same answer. He can't seem to get it through his thick skull that I wouldn't want to do anything else.

"Just want to make sure. Who knows, one day you may finally get sick of me and hang out with someone else, or maybe even find a guy you prefer to hang out with rather than just your best friend." I notice his face fall, but don't make anything of it. All I do is look down at my hands in my lap. I want to tell him so badly that the only one I ever want to be with is the one sitting right next to me. He would never want me though. Who would? Living in such a small town, where everyone knows each other, I'd always be the fat chick.

I've always been at ease with my weight. I mean, I'm nowhere near as fat as some people, but at a little over 140 pounds, I'm the fattest chick in the school. I'm losing weight, sure, not as fast as I would like, but I was still losing it, right?

"Yeah, because you can actually see some guy wanting to go out with me." I tell him and roll my eyes.

"Bella, you really don't see yourself clearly," he looks over at me as he pulls into a parking space at school.

"Edward, I see myself just fine. I know who I am and what I look like, and so does everyone else in this school. It's you that can't see me clearly." I unbuckle myself and jump out of the car before he can say anything else. I hate it when he does this. Of course he would say things like this to me. I'm his best friend, and he's just trying to make me feel better, but it's not going to work.

"Bella, wait up!" I hear him call after me, but I just keep up my pace.

"Bella, please listen to me, I want to tell you something." He tries to stop me, but I keep on walking. I really don't want to talk about me. I just want to go on with the day and forget about it.

"Eddie puss!" Great, one of the schools biggest douche bags, Felix, is coming to make the day worse.

"Just ignore him," I tell Edward as he stops and scowls at Felix. I grab his arm to pull him, and eventually we walk away.

"Edward! I'm talking to you. I just wanted to ask if your mom is still sore, because she was taking it pretty hard last night." Felix and his posse, including his little brother James, as well as Victoria, Laurent, and a few other pricks, laugh their asses off, thinking it is so goddamn hilarious. Edward breaks from my grasp and heads towards them, but I grab his arm yet again before he does something he would later regret.

"Just keep walking," I tell him.

"You better listen to what tub of lard there says, you don't want to end up going home to mommy with a broken rib." Felix calls out as I pull Edward further away from him.

"God, I hate him. Just because his dad is one of richest guys in town, he thinks he rules this place." Edward was shaking with anger.

"You just need to learn to ignore it, and maybe he'll get bored and leave you alone."

"Or he'll keep doing it until he ends up getting shot." He sneers.

"Edward chill will ya?" I stop walking and stomp my foot while looking at him.

"No, Bella!" He yanks his arm out of my grasp again and raises his voice, "I'm sick of his shit, I'm sick of you telling me what to do, and I'm sick of the attitude you have towards yourself! If you want to hate yourself, fine, but leave me the hell out of it! I'm just so sick of it! All of it!" I stare at him in shock, my eyes wide and my mouth open. What is his problem? I wish I could blame this all on Felix, but I feel it is partly my fault. If I didn't feel so bad about myself sometimes, he probably wouldn't have said anything. Maybe this isn't about me and my attitude at all? What if this is his way of letting me know he's finally tired of me?

"Bella," he sighs. "I gotta go."

And with that, he leaves and I feel my eyes start to well up and run to the bathroom. I move into a stall to grab some toilet paper and clean up.

Why am I even crying? Maybe he just needs some time? I should just give him a break.

I swear I must be PMSing or something because my emotions are really weird today. I've never been this sensitive to anything before.

I look at my phone after cleaning up my face a little bit, it is 8:00. Great. I am late to class.

Just as I'm about to leave the bathroom, someone pushes me back in. Of course, it is none other than Malibu Barbie.

"Tanya." I growl at her.

"Bella." She steps right in front of me so I can't leave.

"What do you want, Tanya?" I let out an exasperated sigh. I'm nowhere near in the mood to deal with this psycho bitch.

I know she has this huge thing for Edward, and I always felt that Edward liked her as well, which makes me hate her all the more.

"Wow, aren't we in a grumpy mood." She crosses her arms in front of her overly large chest and puts her right foot out in front of her to make her seem tough.

"Will you just tell me what the hell you want so I can move on with my life?"

"Oh, Edward felt it was time to tell you about us." I don't like where this is going. What is she talking about? "He couldn't do it himself, don't ask me why, but I don't care anyway. I wanted to see your face as I told you this."

My heart starts pounding in my chest, and I feel my face going red from anger. My hands start to clench into tight fists, getting ready to sock her in her pretty face any minute.

She is just going to make up lies like she always does.

"Fine, go ahead and tell me, but whatever you say won't make it true."

"Oh, but it is." She looks slyly at me and continues, "Edward and I have actually been going out for the past couple of weeks. He didn't know how to tell you this, but I do. He thinks that you're a fat slut who is too insecure about herself, and it seems like you always need him around to tell you that you're 'perfect the way you are', and he's just sick of it." She spits out those last words, the same words that he had told me not 30 minutes ago.

"He's tired of carrying your fat ass around. He wants nothing to do with you anymore!" She turns around to leave, but then turns back. "Oh, by the way, he doesn't like you either. We all know that you're in love with him. Even he knows. We can all see it, but what made you ever think he would fall in love with someone like you? I mean look at you!" She waves her hand at me gesturing up and down, and I follow her hands looking down at myself. "You're the size of an elephant and the fucking earth shakes and trembles wherever you go. Stay away from him — from us! Just get the fuck out of our lives!" she screams at me.

I push her out of the way and run to the parking lot. I lean against the side of the building with my hands on my legs taking deep breaths.

Edward hates me. He thinks that I am nothing but a burden to him! And it's true. All I do is weigh him down. He could hang out with other friends and do fun things, but instead he stays with me and keeps me company.

I can't believe it. He even knows that I'm in love with him, but he doesn't even have the guts to tell me to my face that he doesn't see me that way. Should I really believe what Tanya says? Maybe I should actually talk to him about this.

Yes, that's what I need to do.

I push off the wall and walk back into the school. Little do I know that I will end up walking in on something I never wanted to see in my life.

Edward and Tanya are locked in a passionate kiss. Edward has her pinned to the lockers with his palms either side of her face. Tanya has one of her arms wrapped tightly around the back of his neck while the other holds tightly to the front of his shirt. My whole chest tightens up and I can't breathe. The sobs are slowly making their way up my chest about to pour out of my mouth.

Tanya sees me from the corner of her eye, and throws herself even deeper into their kiss. I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as my world comes crashing down around me.

It's really true. I'm nothing to him but his fat best friend — now ex best friend — and he's always seen me that way.

With that, I turn and run. Where am I running to? I have no idea, I just run. Eventually, I end up at my house, happy that my dad isn't home because I run straight upstairs to the bathroom and for the first time ever, I stick my finger down my throat and start to gag and vomit.

I never thought I would do this. I always thought you had to be stupid to make yourself throw up just to lose a few pounds, but now I understand. When the person you are madly in love with says you're too fat, you want to take care of it the fastest way possible. Not only that, but you feel so dirty and disgusting inside that the only way to feel clean is to get everything in you, out.

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**Please tell me what you think! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

**AN: **So as a Thanksgiving treat for you guys I decided to post a new chapter! Yay! But sorry to tell you that it is not the theater chapter yet, but it is the 2nd half to the flashback scene. I also have to tell you that this will be the chapter I will do in Edward's point of view once I decided exactly where I want to add it in. I hope you enjoy. Also just letting you know, this story will be having a lot of cliff hangers because I love keeping you guys on the edge of your seat, so sorry if you hate them.

** _AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to dihenydd!_**

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**Chapter 5: I will run and hide till memories fade away (Part 2)**

_Close my eyes theses voices say  
Haunting me, I can't escape  
For you, just you  
Time will always wait  
While I throw away what I can't replace_

- _Hide _by **Red**

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**(Flashback 5 years later continued)**

It's been a week since everything happened, but it feels like ages. I've been trying to avoid Edward. I really don't want to talk to him, but I can tell he wants to talk to me. To be honest, I want nothing to do with him anymore.

After Tanya spoke to me, I really wanted to talk to him. But after what I saw, the way he was all over her, I couldn't handle Edward saying it to my face. It would hurt too much, more than it already did.

After I ran home and threw up, last week, I fell asleep in the bathroom. Emmett came home and found me there. I saw the fear and concern in his eyes as he discovered me lying on the floor. All I could do was cry. I felt so embarrassed about what I had done, but I couldn't control myself after that. The past week I'd not been able to control myself _at all. _I was a total mess. Each time I saw Edward, heard about him, or even thought about him I would end up going to the toilet.

At first I played it off as being sick, but Emmett and everyone started to notice that I was avoiding Edward. They knew something was up. I said nothing to them but they ended up avoiding Edward too, knowing he was somehow involved. I didn't think they needed to avoid him, as well. They were his friends too. But I wanted nothing to do with him.

I'm at my locker pulling books out, and am about to walk away, when I hear him.

"Bella!"

I freeze and slowly turn to face him, not wanting to look at his intense green eyes. As soon as I see him look at me I turn and speed away. I hear him call after me, but keep moving, until I feel his hand grab my arm and roughly turn me so that I'm facing him.

"Let me go Edward!" I fight against his grasp, but he holds me tightly.

"No Bella, I need to talk to you." He looks me straight in the eyes, and I notice his are filled with anger and worry. I do everything I can to look away and escape his hold. His eyes are burning a hole into mine.

"No, no we don't! I don't want anything to do with you! I never want to talk to you again, so leave me the FUCK alone, will you?!" I have never cursed at him before. This is the harshest thing I've ever said to anyone in my life. I don't know what else to say to him to make him understand how badly he has hurt me.

I feel him loosen his grip and I pull my arm away as fast as I can and run away. Of course I run to the bathroom.

"Bella?" someone calls to me. But I can't stop. Once I start it is impossible to stop.

"Bella?"

It's Alice.

"Bella I know you're here, I saw you run in." I hear her approach the stall I'm in.

After emptying myself I am so exhausted, from using all my muscles, that all I can do is lay my head on my arm that rests on the toilet. I know it's disgusting but I just can't hold my head up.

"Oh my god, Bella!" Alice runs to me and pulls me into her arms.

"Bella, what's going on? And don't tell me that you're just sick. This is a lot worse than the flu."

I don't respond at first. I don't know what to tell her. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this.

"Alice, I just don't get it. Am I really that ugly? Am I really that repulsive, that my best friend can't stand the sight of me?" I'm rambling, slowly letting my feelings out. But it's not enough.

"No, no, no Bella, of course not! What's happened? Will you please talk to me?" I can tell Alice is really scared. But all I can do is sob.

Slowly, my crying slows down.

"I think we should get you home." Alice helps me to my feet.

"No" I shake my head, "I gotta go to class. I can't let this get to me."

"Are you sure?"

I nod my head at her and wipe my eyes.

"Will you please tell me what's going on?" She pleads with puppy dog eyes.

"I will Alice, just not right now. Okay. I gotta get to class."

I hear Alice softly say okay as I head towards my class.

I enter the classroom, go straight to my seat and stare out of the window. I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and try to forget everything that has been happening.

"BELLA!" oh shit. Why can't he leave me alone!

I turn my head towards the class doorway. Edward stands there looking royally pissed. I am so scared. I have never seen him look like this, and it terrifies me.

I leave my seat, and run away yet again, out the back doors of the classroom. I reach my truck and open the door, thinking I am free and clear. Until someone pushes the door shut almost taking my fingers with it.

I feel my heart thrash in my chest as I look up at Edward.

"Edward, please, just please leave me alone." I beg him, and feel the tears coming, but I'm not going to let them fall in front of Edward.

"No Bella, I want to know. I want to know how you could do something like that!" He yells at me.

What's he talking about? Is this because I told him off? That can't be it. There is no way he could be _this_ angry at me for that. I can understand him being furious, but this is terrifying.

"What are you talking about? What could I do to you to make you so angry at me?"

"Are you going to stand there and act like you don't know what I'm talking about?!"

"Well obviously I am, since I have no fucking clue why the hell you're so angry at me!" I feel my face go bright red with fury. How can he be blaming me for anything? I haven't done a single thing to cause him to yell at me like _this._

"God Bella, you are so full of it! I'm done with your shit. I'm done with you. You want nothing to do with me? Well fine because I don't want any god damn thing to do with you! You're nothing to me but a FAT FUCKING WHORE!!" He spits these last three words while shoving his finger in my face. I can't control my tears anymore, and they roll down my face by the gallons.

I don't know when, but evidently at some point in are heated fight, Edward and I had attracted a small portion of the student population. They all watch Edward and me as if we were animals at a zoo. I start to feel as if I'm a live lamb being served to a hungry lion and every single one of these assholes loves it.

Yeah, who would want to miss a poor defenseless animal being ripped apart by a giant beast?

Where's Emmett when I need him?

Edward storms away from me and makes his way towards Tanya where she leans against her blue Mini cooper, a huge, fucking, ass grin on her face.

Some of the eyes of our spectators continue to watch Edward, while others stay on me and my quivering form.

Edward ignores them all and walks right up to Tanya, pushes her against her car, and kisses her fiercely.

I rip my car door open and fumble with my keys trying to put them into the ignition. My brain runs a thousand miles a minute. I need to get home, but it seems as if god's trying to make my life difficult.

I keep dropping my keys on to the floor below my feet and struggle to get them. I can hear the laughter build up outside of my truck as I fight to get the fucking thing started.

I finally stuff my key into the ignition and peal out of the parking lot as fast as possible and try to make my way home. I begin to think that I'm not going to make it with the constant tears in my eyes, blurring my vision. I'm waiting for the moment I run into a gutter and get stuck there or hit another car that will finally end my life.

I see the familiar white house and breathe a slight sigh of relief. I pull into the driveway and feel safe from Edward, at least for the moment.

I exit my truck and slam the door shut. I can't even take one step away from it. My body's so drained and worn out from the constant puking lately and running away from Edward, so I slide down the side of my truck. My ass hits the cold, wet pavement with a thud. I bring my knees to my chest and start crying like never before. My body convulses with sobs raking throughout my body.

There's no way of avoiding Alice and Emmett now. They're going to hear about what happened from the other students, so I'm going to have to tell them exactly what happened between Edward and me.

Edward. I know from this moment on he'll try his hardest to make my life a living hell, but I don't think I'll ever know exactly why.

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**Please, please review. It really helps to know what you guys think!**

**oh also as I side note, me and my sis went to go see Twilight again and we stayed during the credits and we found out that Rob's sister, Lizzi did some of the vocals in the movie. I thought that it was pretty interesting. Well anyways...**


	6. Chapter 6

**DO NOT OWN**

**AN: **Okay so here you guys go we are back to the movies.

**Please Review**

**_AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to dihenydd! Seriously, she's pretty much perfect.  
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**Chapter 6: Sometimes I need you to STAY AWAY FROM ME**

_Don't Stay  
Forget our memories  
Forget our possibilities  
What you were changing me into  
(Just give me myself back and)  
Don't Stay_

_-Don't Stay _by** Linkin Park**

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_What did she mean by the old Edward back? __Had he changed?_

_I stopped__ listening to them and looked towards the main doors._

_Bad idea._

_Jasper came in__ and right behind him was __Edward._

I held my breath as I watched him make his way towards us. He wasn't looking at me though. He was looking at his feet and I was grateful for that. I was having a hard enough time as it was. I didn't know what I would do when he looked up. If he even did.

As he got closer and closer, I took deeper and deeper breaths trying to stay calm, but it didn't work. I looked at Rose who gave me an encouraging smile. All I could do was stare at her.

"Jasper!" Alice called and ran up to him giving him a hug.

I looked at the man not 5 feet from me, but he was still looking at his feet. I looked away from all of them and noticed the bathroom.

I turned and went towards it as fast as I could, but Alice was trailing right behind me as I pushed the door open.

She moved to pull me back, but I wasn't going to throw up. I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. Instead I walked over to the sink and turned on the water to splash some on my face. Alice was there rubbing my back.

"Just breathe Bella. You'll be alright." I wanted to believe her. I took deep breaths as Alice continued to rub soothing circles on my back.

I didn't know if I could do this. It was too sudden. I knew I needed to finally get over this and face him. But it wasn't as easy as picking A or B on a test; more like trying to write an essay with no clue where to start.

It's not easy facing someone who has ruined your life as if you were less than human.

But I needed to do this. I needed to go out there and face him. It wouldn't be easy, but I must do it.

Moments later I heard the door open and saw Emmett standing there.

"Emmett, what are you doing in the girl's bathroom?" I shouted at him.

"I just wanted to check on you. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed to clear my head for a minute."

He looked over at Alice as if asking her if I'd done anything. I just rolled my eyes at him in frustration. Why couldn't he believe me? If he was so afraid of me having a setback he shouldn't have invited Edward.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked.

"Yeah. It's about time I faced him."

I slowly walked out of the bathroom with Alice behind me and Emmett leading. I didn't look up from my feet as we came closer. I heard Rose talking and Emmett stopped. I noticed Alice's little feet dancing towards someone and her talking softly to them.

Then I heard it. The voice I thought I would never hear again.

"Bella?" He spoke so softly I wasn't sure if I imagined it.

I lifted my head slowly and saw the face that had haunted me for years.

There was no way this was going to be easy.

It seemed like Edward hadn't changed much, but at the same time he looked like he had gone through a world of changes. He had matured, but not in a good way. As if hell had swallowed him and then spit him back out. He had dark rings around his eyes as if he hadn't slept in ages and his normally dishevelled hair that used to glow now looked dead and flat. And his eyes…the eyes that were once a sparkling candy apple green were dull and gray with no hint of life in them.

This wasn't the same boy I had fallen for with the crooked smile that made my heart soar.

I didn't know what to do. I folded my arms across my chest and let out the lungful of air I was holding. I nodded my head at him.

He stared at me as if I was the boogeyman or something. He was shocked and it felt good being able to surprise him. It was short lived though, his surprised face slowly turned into a look of hate, and… something else. Seriously what could his problem be?

I just scowled back.

"Okay you guys the movie should be starting soon," Emmett said interrupting our stare down. "Let's go get us some seats. If I don't get the seat I want there is going to be hell to pay."

Edward didn't look away but I turned my head and gave Emmett a small nod. When I turned back Edward was still looking at me.

"Bella come on, you're going to sit next to me!" Alice grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Edward.

This was going to be a long night.

/&/

God, could this movie be any longer? I was so damn sick of watching these two make out. Wasn't this supposed to be an action movie, not a chick flick?

It made it worse knowing a certain someone was sitting behind me. I could feel his hot gaze on the back of my neck the whole time.

I kept sinking lower and lower in my seat trying to stop the feeling of him looking.

No such luck.

"Is this over yet?" I hissed over at Alice.

"Oh hush will you? It's almost over. Stop throwing a fit," she hissed back at me and continued watching the movie.

I huffed and turned, noticing from the corner of my eye Jasper doing the classic yawn and stretch as he put his arm across Alice's shoulders. She looked up at him, smiled, and scooted closer to him.

I rolled my eyes at that. Of course that would work on Alice. She seemed to like all things cheesy.

On the other side of me, but a row back next to Edward, Emmett and Rose were sticking their tongues down each other's throats.

Ugh, just make it stop. That is just disgusting!

I turned back to the screen expecting to finally see a little blood and gore only to see the happy couple were making out. Again!

"Okay, enough of this shit." I couldn't take it anymore, the kissing couple, Alice and Jasper, Rose and Emmett - and Edward's stares!

I got up from my seat and left the theatre. I felt people stare at me because of the scene I was making, but I didn't care. At the rate the movie was going this would probably be the most violence they would see that evening.

I went out to the lobby and sat on a bench up against the wall. I put my face in my hands and groaned.

"You know, that was a really rude thing you did back there." I looked up to see Edward standing in front of me.

How long had he been there?

I scoffed at him. He was telling me I was rude after all he had done? There was absolutely no comparison. What a hypocrite.

"You know, I don't like this either." He said.

"Then why are you here? You didn't have to come."

"I was invited," he sneered. "I decided that I wanted to get out of my hell hole and hang out with my best friend. Little did I know I would come out of mine just to fall into your's." He was getting angry.

"Well sorry to ruin everything for you, just because I came to hang out with my best friends and brother." I matched his anger.

Why did he act as if this was harder for him than for me? This should be nothing to him; he should be gloating over getting the best of me.

"Whatever Bella, I'm not ready to deal with you right now. I thought that I could do this but…no." Edward was pissed and yelling at me.

I was in his face now. "Fine _Eddie, _why don't you just leave?!" I screamed at him.

He stepped back, turning, but then suddenly turned back.

"You know what? No. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction."

"Fine then –" I was raising my voice when the manager came over to us.

"You two need to get out of here now!" He yelled at both of us. I hadn't realized we were attracting an audience.

"FINE!" we both yelled in unison and turned towards the door leaving the building. I kept on walking as fast as I could to get out of his sight.

"Bella, where do you think you're going?" I heard him call from behind me.

"Anywhere, I just want to get away from you."

"Of course you would leave. You're always the one that leaves. You were never brave enough to stick around. When things get hard you leave!" I stopped and turned, stomping my way over to him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean. I left because of you and your jackass friends and girlfriend. Did you think I would stay at that fucking school just so I could be your play toy and have you guys continue to torture me just to give you something to do! I'm sorry I couldn't take your shit. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to let it go on. Yes I left and I'm happy I did! It got me away from you." I poked him hard in the chest hurting my own finger in the process.

"You go through what I did and then tell me if you would stay!" I continued to scold him venting the anger and frustration I had held in - but not all of it. I was afraid if I let it all out something bad would happen and he would leave forever.

It was all so confusing. I did want him to leave. I swear I did. But at the same time I wanted him to stay. It was ripping me apart having this conflict with myself.

I saw his eyes change from anger to hurt but then quickly turned into rage.

We sat there for what seemed like hours.

"Hey you guys what's going on?!" Alice called to us fearing something horrible was about to happen. She ran out of the theatre with everyone else.

"Nothing, nothing at all," I sneered.

"Just watch your back Swan. You never know what could happen." Edward acted like no one else was around.

"If anyone should be careful it's you Cullen. You won't even know what's coming. I'll make up for all those years." I was so angry I didn't know what else to say. I really wanted to make him pay for what he'd done.

"Bring it on. I'm sure I'll be able to handle any pathetic attempts you throw at me."

"You just wait Edward. You'll wish you were back in New York." I saw both his and Alice's eyes change. His in confusion, hers wide eyed and worried.

"Okay it's time to go! Come on Bella." She talked really fast and ran over to me, grabbing my arm and pulling me in the direction of the car.

What was that all about? He had been in New York hadn't he? Why should I care? I was just going to get back at him for all he had done. It was time for me to get even.

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**PLEASE REVIEW**

**I actually wrote this for you when I am supposed to be writing a paper for finals, but I am really stuck on that so I did this instead. **

**So where do you think Edward really has been? Was he in New York or somewhere else? **


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN**

**AN: **Okay so sorry you guys for such the long wait, but college finals can be a killer, but now I am done for a good three weeks, so I am going to try and do as much writing as possible. Also since I took so long I gave you guys an extra long chapter. I hope you enjoy, if not, let me know what I did wrong, or why you hated it.

Also you guys if you have any ideas for anything please let me know, I had a hard time writing this because I'm starting to run into a writer's block.

Anyways read on if you dare.

**AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to ****dihenydd!!**

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**Chapter 7: And this is me being nice**

_When it's your turn  
You'll get your lesson learned  
You'll be blister burnt  
My adrenaline  
Is going to do you in  
I'm seeing red again_

_You cross me once and you'll see  
It's like a match in gasoline_

_-Gasoline _by** Porcelain and the tramps**

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I was ready to get back at Edward for everything he had done to me. But when would be the perfect time to start my game, and what exactly should I do to him? I had so many ideas going through my head but none of them really seemed good enough. I wanted to ask Emmett for some ideas, but I was afraid he would yell at me.

I could imagine him telling me to talk to Edward and sort this all out. Then again, I could also see Emmett sitting down with me thinking up the perfect schemes to payback Edward. Actually yeah, I saw him doing that one more than the former. To be honest though, I wanted to do this all on my own. I wanted to show Edward that I didn't need anyone else's help for anything.

By the time Tuesday came I remembered what Alice had said about Edward also going to the University of Washington, but I had yet to see him. I was really glad that I hadn't seen him. I was beginning to hope I was never going to see him, which would make my life a hundred times better.

I was sitting in the school's cafeteria, surfing the internet on my laptop whilst waiting for my sociology class to start, when _he _came over.

_Great._

As soon as I start thinking that I may never see him here, he _has _to show up.

"Bella?"

_Just ignore him and maybe __he'll__ go away, or better yet completely vanish._

"Bella, please listen to me."

"Why? Why do I have to listen to you? At our last encounter I recall that you practically threatened me and told me to watch my back." I didn't look up from my laptop.

"Yeah, and I recall you did the same thing to me." I lifted my eyes up a little bit to see him looking at me with a slight smirk on his face.

What was he smirking at anyway? Did he really think I was going to sit here and actually talk to him?

"I think it's fair to say that you deserve some of the payback that's coming to you, don't you?" My voice came out sharp and harsh. I took my eyes off him and turned back to my computer.

"No, you deserved what you got." I heard him mumble.

"I deserved what I got?! How can you fucking say that?! You know what? I'm done talking to you. I didn't deserve anything! You on the other hand, deserve every little thing that is coming your way." I stood up from my seat and pushed the chair back.

"Just know this, whatever lame stunts you try to pull on me, I'll return the favor." He gave me an evil smile as his voice dripped with venom. I knew he was being serious, but I was not going to be intimidated anymore. If he thought he could still get to me, he could think again.

"I'll keep that in mind." I gave him a fake smile and slammed my laptop shut.

As I got up I ran into his shoulder pushing him to the side. Pathetic, I know, but right then I didn't care.

I went to the nearest Starbucks until my class actually started. To distract myself I pulled out my copy of Nicholas Sparks' _The Lucky One_, escaping reality for a little bit and entering a whole other world.

I don't know how long I sat there, before I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I grabbed it and opened it noticing it was a text from Alice.

**B**

**How is class going?**

**E**

God Alice, for someone who lives for texting you sure know how to miss a button.

Oh shit! I looked at the time.

"Shit, shit, shit…" I repeated over and over again as I hurriedly got my things together and booked it out of Starbucks. I was 20 minutes late to class and I had a test _and _a paper due today! I was in deep shit.

Back at school I ran straight for my classroom and ripped the door open. Looking towards my seat, I noticed someone sitting in it

I only saw their back but I would know that hair anywhere with its bronze locks and messy disarray. Slowly he turned around as my eyes got wide. He grinned at me and gave me a wave. Both my face and chest fell into my stomach from shock.

"FUCK!" I shrieked as I turned around and left the class feeling everyone's gaze on me. As I stormed out I also heard a faint, yet very familiar chuckle.

Cullen you are going to get it.

I headed straight for my truck in the parking lot, grumbling on the way, when I spotted a very familiar silver Volvo.

That's when an idea popped into my head. It had to be his Volvo, there weren't many people here driving a hatchback Volvo. Also the license plate read "pwned11". Seriously who would have that on their car? I rolled my eyes and kept on walking towards Edward's car.

Once I got there I felt my way around under the car. I knew Edward had one of those magnetic cases that stick to the bottom of your car and hold a spare key.

I found the key and unlocked the door. I started the car and pulled out of the parking space deciding to leave it in the parking lot on the other side of the school. I knew he was going to be pissed, but that was the point.

Before getting out of the car, I turned on the radio to the Disney station with the volume full blast. Edward despises Disney singers as much as I do. I really don't see how some people actually liked listening to Miley Cyrus. She sounds like someone scraping their nails on a chalkboard. He was in for a really nice surprise when he found the car. _If _he found it.

I left his car and practically skipped back to my truck, so happy about my little scheme. I know it wasn't that good a prank, but it was good enough for such short notice.

I drove home listening to Scooter's song "Fire", singing along with it.

"Hey Bella, what're you doing home?" Emmett asked once I made it home. He was sitting on the sofa, eating a sandwich and watching Battlestar Galactica, his favorite show.

"I could ask you the same thing." I made my way over to the kitchen to grab us a diet Pepsi each and sat down with him.

Emmett was a construction worker for Riverside homes, which is how we got our house for such a great deal when we first moved to Seattle from Forks.

"I got the day off" he stated as I handed him his drink. "What about you?" He opened his drink with a pop. I followed his example and opened mine as well.

"Let's put it this way. You know how people leave a pile of shit on your door step and runaway?" he nodded his head, "Well in my case they threw the pile of shit in my face, and instead of running away they sat there and laughed. You know what I did?" I took a giant gulp of my drink. "I ended up leaving it in their car. Well not really, but I should have done."

"I take it you saw Edward today." He never took his eyes off the screen.

'That obvious is it?" I rolled my eyes.

"Just a little." He gave me a small smirk.

After watching a few more episodes of Battlestar with Emmett, I decided it was time to make dinner.

"So what do you want for dinner?" I stood up and looked down at him.

"Steak."

"Of course, thick meat for the thick headed man." I walked towards the kitchen.

"I can't help it. I love me some meat."

"You're lucky I have some steak already defrosted in the fridge, or else you'd be having a salad."

As I was in the kitchen pulling out the ingredients for dinner Alice arrived.

"Bella?" she called out.

"I'm in the kitchen."

Alice came around the corner to greet me.

"Hope you're making enough for everyone."

"What do you mean everyone? I was cooking for Emmett and me. I wasn't expecting anyone else."

"Well, I'm here now, and Rose and Jasper came with me."

"Where's Rose?" I asked as I took out some potatoes and started peeling them.

"She's on the couch with Em."

"Of course she is. She won't be coming here to hang out with me anymore, will she?'

"Yeah, her first priority when she gets here will be to make out with Emmett as much as possible and when she's ready to leave she'll say hi to you." We both laughed at that, as it was more than likely true. It sounded just like Rose.

"So you and Jasper, huh?" I gave her a sly smile and then she did something out of character. She blushed! Out of all of us it was usually me who blushed. "Alice did you just blush? That is such a rare thing for you to do!"

"Shut up. Only you would notice someone else blushing, since you're such an expert. Well, at least you used to be, I don't see you blush very much anymore. It is kind of sad."

I kept on peeling the potatoes, but faster.

"Alice, that's because I've been humiliated so many times, in so many different ways that nothing really embarrasses me any more. I just get angry. Hardly anyone compliments me these days, except you guys and I am too used to that to blush. You used to say them all the time when I was in that dark phase. Now stop changing the subject. Did you and Jasper happen to spend this past weekend together?" I slowed down my pace of peeling.

"I like him a lot and yes we did spend a lot of the weekend together. In fact we skipped class today and went to the zoo." She took an apple that was sitting in the fruit basket on the counter and started chewing on it.

"Oooooo…The zoo, that's a big step." I told her sarcastically and waved my hands in the air.

"Shut up." She giggled as she pushed me. I smiled.

"Oh before I forget, thank you for taking the time out of your busy day," I looked over at her and smiled before I continued, "to send me that text message, or else I wouldn't have known I was missing class. Not that it mattered anyway, I didn't even go."

"Bella, I didn't send you any message."

"What are you talking about?" I stopped what I was doing.

"I didn't have my phone at all today. I loaned it to Edward because he lost his." She kept on eating her apple.

"Of course! So he knew we had class together today?"

"Of course he knew. Actually when he was scheduling classes he asked me what classes you were taking." My eyes got really wide as Alice sat there calmly chewing her apple.

How could she sit there and act like this was nothing. He scheduled himself in my classes on purpose. He really did want to torture me.

"Alice!" I stood there with my mouth open, not knowing what to say. So she continued.

"Speaking of which, he's coming too. In fact, he should've been here already; he didn't have a meeting today."

"ALICE!" I screamed.

"What?" she tried to act innocent, "I want to spend some time with my cousin and so do Em and Jazz, and you should too. He's been through a lot, despite what you believe Bella." I shook my head at her.

"Bella, he really isn't the same as he was in high school. Thank god for that. I don't know what I would've done if he'd kept going down the path he was on. If it wasn't for what happened to Tanya, who knows where he would be."

Wait, what? When did Tanya come into the picture? I closed my eyes and leaned up against the counter trying to keep control of myself as Alice continued to ramble on.

If there was anyone I hated more than Edward it was Tanya. It sent shivers up my spine thinking about her, and I wanted to hurl. Not to cleanse myself or anything, but because she made me sick to my stomach.

Okay no more. I was done thinking about her.

"Alice," She stopped her rambling and looked at me, "please explain what could have happened that is so horrible as to make him 'change', because right now he seems like the same jackass he was in high school." I took the potatoes that I had finished peeling and started to cut them forcefully.

"Bella, you know as well as I do what his real mom was like and what she did, that was horrible enough as it was."

Why was she bringing this up now? I knew about Edward's real mom, but that was a long time ago and now he has Carlisle and Esme who are the best parents anyone could ask for.

"That was when he was like 6 years old. It's never really seemed to affect him before. I don't see how him acting like a giant prick in high school is related to what his mom did. Even if it was, why take it out on me?"

"Trust me Bella, high school was bad for all of us. Just, some of us had it worse than others." She hesitantly lifted her eyes off the apple she was eating.

"Alice, no, not until he gets what he deserves."

"Whatever Bella, just play nice."

"I'll be as nice to him as he was to me." She gave me a stern look and shook her head.

"Where is he?" Alice huffed after a few minutes of silence. I had finished cutting up the potatoes and was putting the rest of dinner together, with the meat already on the grill cooking and potatoes boiling.

I shrugged, smiling to myself, picturing Edward freaking out about not being able to find his car.

Food was nearly ready so I went to set the table when he burst through the door.

"Edward! There you are." Emmett left Rose on the couch and ran over to give him a man hug.

Did everyone know he was supposed to be coming over but me?

"Hey Em."

"What took you so long to get here?" Jasper asked from the big chair he was sitting in.

"Sorry, but I had a hard time locating my vehicle."

I slowly lifted my eyes in their direction, and caught him looking at me so I lowered my eyes back down.

"You couldn't find your car? You couldn't think of a better excuse for being so late?" Emmett was smiling at him.

"Guess not." He shrugged, "But I do have something. Bella I believe you left this in the car." I lifted my head so fast my neck snapped, and gasped as I saw what he was holding. In his hand was my book bag. I stood there frozen, not knowing what to do. I let my eyes sweep across the room, everyone's face seemed to match mine - surprised and shocked; but theirs held a different shock to mine.

"I wasn't going to give it back, but then I figured you're going to need it because we have a paper due Thursday and your books are in your bag."

I went over to him and ripped my bag out of his grasp.

"Bella, what were you doing in Edwards car?" Rose questioned from beside me.

"Nothing" I mumbled as I set my bag by the stairs and went back to setting the table.

"It's time to eat." I called as I put everything on the table ignoring everyone's stares. I pulled out a chair, sat down and dished myself some food.

"Are you guys going to eat?" I motioned for them to sit down. Edward had a big cocky smile on his face and was the first to sit down, across from me. Slowly everyone else made their way over to the table.

Although no one approached the subject of my bag in Edwards's car, I knew they were all curious about it. I wasn't going to bring it up though, so we all ate and talked. Scratch that, they talked and I sat there playing with my food listening to them.

"Hey Em? Is it alright if I use your computer? I have a paper to finish and want to get it out of the way." Edward pushed himself back from the table, closely followed by Emmett.

"Sure, the computer is upstairs in my room." Emmett made his way to his favorite spot on the couch and patted the seat, looking expectantly at Rose.

"Can't you guys at least put your dishes in the sink?" I asked.

Emmett rolled his eyes and shared a glance with Edward, who was about to go up the stairs.

"Nope." They both said at the same time.

"Fine, but I'm letting you know now, I'm not cleaning up tonight, I'm going to take a nice warm bubble bath." I pushed myself away from the table and made my way up the stairs pushing Edward in the process for the second time that day.

Once I grabbed my change of clothes and my bathroom stuff, I made my way towards the bathroom. Walking past Emmett's room I noticed Edward typing way on the computer. All the anger and rage I held inside me surfaced and all I wanted to do was go over there and strangle him; just let it all out, but I decided against it.

Something deep down told me I should talk to him about all of it, but a larger part of me wanted to get even with him - right now. I was going with that side until he proved to me in some way that he _had_ changed.

/&/

Two days later Edward still hadn't said or done anything, besides my bag that is, to get even with me. I was beginning to think that maybe it wasn't a good enough prank to get to him. I really needed to think of something better, but I was never really good at this kind of stuff.

The first half of my day passed by uneventfully, but then it was time for Sociology again. My class with Edward. I only had the class twice a week and it used to be one of my favorites, but now I dreaded setting foot anywhere near that class.

I went to class a little early so that I wouldn't end up making a scene again.

The class filled up slowly but there was no sign of Edward until just before class started when he entered the room and took the seat behind me.

Soon the teacher began class, talking about the human gender roles and how they start from birth when you are either wrapped in a blue or pink blanket, and before I knew it class was almost done. I had survived a whole lesson without Edward even twisting rubber bands in my hair or putting gum in it. I was okay.

"Now class before you leave I wanted to discuss your papers." Mr. Tanzer stated.

Uh oh, I never did turn mine in, and I completely forgot to email it to him instead.

"Everyone did a great job, with the exception of one person." He went on as he was handing out papers, then his eyes landed on mine.

"Ms. Swan, care to explain to me how the lyrics to Miley Cyrus' song '7 things' fits into the Marxist theory?" I heard everyone in the class burst out laughing, but as was usual now, I didn't blush. I felt myself becoming angry and I swear my eyes were bursting out of their sockets.

"Uhh…" I felt my heart banging against my chest.

I hated public speaking. I have always had a fear of it, hell I had a hard time just raising my hand in class, which was why it was always a surprise when a teacher actually knew my name.

Now there I was sitting in class with about 20 pairs of eyes looking at me and laughing. I was on a roll for making scenes in this class.

"Mr. Tanzer…I…I didn't even…even do my paper." I stuttered.

"Really? Then how come it is in my hands and was from your email address?"

I didn't know how to explain this. I knew I hadn't done it, then it clicked, of course Miley Cyrus. I turned in my seat to see Edward with the cocky grin I had become accustomed to.

"Mr. Tanzer, I can explain-"

"No Bella. I don't appreciate the kind of behavior you've shown these past few classes, but since you have such high scores in this class I will let you have until the end of today to do the real assignment and have it sent to me." I nodded my head.

"Now class is dismissed."

Mr. Tanzer walked over to me and forcefully handed me the paper that was in his hands.

"You can have this. I have no use for it." With that he went back to his desk.

I flipped through the paper angrily, then opened my bag and pulled out my class binder to find a sticky note stuck inside in _his_ handwriting.

**Bella, **

**I figured you would enjoy the song as much as I did.**

**E.**

I crumpled the paper in my hand and marched out of the room to look for Edward.

When I saw him I took a couple of deep breaths before I smoothly made my way over to him.

"Hey Edward, that was pretty clever." I put on a fake smile as he looked at me in astonishment.

"You mean, you aren't angry?"

"No, why would I be? It was actually pretty funny. I mean I moved your car and you got back at me. It's all good." I waved my hand in front of me in a 'forget about it' motion. "So I was about to get some coffee and donuts. So what do you say, do you want a Hertz donut?"

"Uhh...I guess?" He said a little unsure.

"Okay." Right then I pulled my arm back as far as I could and socked him in the stomach. As soon as I did he keeled over holding on to his stomach as I shouted.

"HURTS DON'T IT!" I stormed off after that and went home to get my paper done.

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**Review?  
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	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN**

**AN: **So here is the next chapter for you guys, I just want to say thank you to all those who have been reviewing I really appreciate it. It really gives me the inspiration to write this story.

Also Letting you guys know, I don't think I ever said this before, but this is going to be a very angsty story, I have just finished writing out the plot line, and yeah, it is filled with lots of angst, sorry to those who hate it.

**AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to dihenydd.**

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**Chapter 8: If I go down I'll be taking you with me**

_I'm not sorry anymore for the way I was before  
And as far as I'm concerned I'd say we're even  
I'm not sorry anymore, there's a change  
you can't ignore... there's a lesson to be learned  
I'd say we're even_

_-Sorry _by **Nick Black**

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After I gave Edward that donut it was a never ending battle between the two of us. We went back and forth with stupid ass pranks for the next couple of months, some of them were worse than others. Although I was surprised when Thanksgiving came around he didn't do anything. The reason - he wasn't around. I had no clue where he was and no one was telling me, but I didn't ask. It was nice to go through the Thanksgiving holiday without looking over my shoulder waiting for Edward to do something.

Anyway, when Edward was around some of the pranks would include him stepping on the back of my shoes whenever he was walking behind me; I would shove ice cubes down his shirt whenever he came over. Once he put crayons in my shirt and dried them in the dryer and when I wore it itched like hell. God he was so fucking obnoxious.

When I put a bumper sticker on his car that said "CALL FOR FREE SEX" with his number, Edward put my number on a website for phone sex hotlines. Now that got pretty bad, I had some pretty disturbing people call me, like this guy named Jake. I shiver just thinking about his name.

Another time while I was at work at the Doggie Hotel at Pets Smart he came by and let all the dogs loose, thankfully my boss wasn't there and my friend, Angela helped capture them all.

After that incident, I went to the music store where Edward worked and swapped a good portion of the CD's around, things like swapping a Bob Marley CD with Atreyu. I laughed at the trouble he got in.

I found out that Edward was living with Jasper when Alice needed to go there and get something for Edward that he needed for some meeting. In fact he went to these meetings three times a week. The one on Friday seemed to take a good portion of the day; sometimes all day long. I don't know what it was for, and I honestly didn't care that much. I cared more about trying to think up schemes to get at him.

I went there with her, but not without her questioning me. I could tell she was worried that Edward and I were taking it too far. I knew she worried things would end badly for both of us, but to be honest the worst that could happen was that Edward would finally leave. I thought this would be just dandy, but deep down part of me churned and clenched at the thought. I didn't know why, but figured I would probably end up bored and lonely again without anyone to pick on and tease. Then again it would mean I wouldn't be picked on and teased anymore either. To be honest I'd been having fun these past couple of weeks thinking of things to do and wondering what he was planning. Sure I would get angry and pissed off when Edward actually did something, but then it was always fun getting back at him.

When we reached the boy's place and went inside, I was amazed. It was just so nice, clean and organized. I'd been to Jasper's place before, but it had never been this clean, so I figured it must have been because of Edward. That was just the way Edward was. I had always teased him, saying he was just like a girl, needing things to be clean. Emmett was a pig, in his room there were clothes all over the floor, dirty dishes on his desk, and everything, but Edward was the total opposite.

As I scanned their place my eyes landed on a grand piano that hadn't been there before. I knew it must be Edward's. He had always loved playing the piano when we were younger, I guess that hadn't changed.

I felt a small smile spread across my face as an idea formed in my head. Alice noticed it and looked between me and the piano.

"No, Bella, no, not his piano. He'd seriously kill you and not think twice about it, if you do anything to that thing."

"Come on Alice, all I want to do is play around with the keys for a minute. Maybe un-tune it so that when he is plays Clair de Lune, it sounds like a horrible out of tune version of the Entertainer." I shrugged not taking my eyes off the piano.

"Bella, NO! You can do anything else but not his piano. You know how much he loves that thing."

I really did know. No doubt he would want to shoot me if I screwed around with it.

"Fine, I guess I'll just have to do something else." I sighed deeply.

Man what was I going to do now?

"Okay, I got it." Alice came back from a room with a folder in her hands and started waving it around, "We can go now."

"Okay"

I was following behind her when something caught my eye. It was some sort of journal sitting open on a desk, but what stopped me was the fact that it was in Edward's handwriting.

Since when did Edward start keeping a journal? It wasn't like him at all. He always teased _me_ about keeping a dairy when I was little, saying I could be his personal diary and tell him everything. Little did he know that there was more to me than he would ever know. There was no way I could tell him everything. After what happened I was glad I hadn't told him more, because the things I had told him he had used against me in high school.

Curiosity got the better of me and I slowly made my way over to the desk. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself. When I reached the journal I was able to pick out some of the words in his elegant script.

**I have found myself too distracted to even think about doing it…**

**I thought that coming back and seeing her would trigger something but, it has seemed to have the opposite effect. **

**Plus, there is also Alexis…**

"Bella?"

I didn't have time to make sense of it because Alice started to call me and I heard her footsteps getting closer, so I turned around and headed outside to join her.

"What were you doing?" She asked when we shut the door and left.

"Just getting a drink." She looked at me suspiciously. I hoped she bought my lie. I really didn't want her to know I was snooping around.

After that, I thought a lot about what I'd seen. I had no clue what to make of it. What was he so distracted about and what hadn't he thought about doing? What did he mean by seeing _her _would trigger something? Who was 'her'? Was I 'her'? If I was, what in the hell could I possibly trigger? But my biggest question was 'who was Alexis'? I would have asked Alice but it really wasn't right of me to go through his stuff, and if I asked her she would know I had.

All I wanted to do was just to annoy the hell out of him. I didn't want to delve into his private life. I wanted nothing to do with that, because I was afraid it might lead to something I didn't want to know and send me back to where I started. I was not going back there, I had come too far to go back now.

It was probably nothing, and I was just over analyzing something that had nothing to do with me. I wouldn't let these short, incomplete sentences get to me. I was going to stick to my plans and ignore it. It couldn't be important, could it?

"Have you thought of anything yet?" Rose asked as we sat on the sofa. We were both trying to think of something to do to Edward as retaliation for him unscrewing the bottom hinges on all the kitchen cabinets, leaving them wobbly so they banged my head when I opened them. Add this to my already uncoordinated personality, and when I opened a cabinet I was hit in the head, flew backwards, tripped over something, and ended up on the floor with a giant purple bruise in the middle of my forehead. Edward got a kick out of that, he ended up calling me a Klingon until it went away.

"Nope" I said with a pop on the "p".

We sat there for a few more minutes thinking then Rose yelped, making me jump.

"I know!"

"What do you have for me?" Rose was the only one who would really help with ideas and setting up the hoaxes. Emmett and Alice wanted nothing to do with Edward's and my skirmish.

"Well I actually read about this on the internet, but I'm not sure if it works, but you know how Edward has this thing about his hair?" I nodded my head wondering where she was going with this, "Apparently if you take off the shower head and fill it with that colored powder Kool-Aid, then it can dye someone's hair for a good week or for up to about 2 washes."

A great big grin spread across my face. This could work.

After we had gone to the store and picked up the perfect color of Kool-Aid for this time of year, we headed over to Edward's and Jasper's place after getting the key from Alice by telling her I had left something over there when we went to grab that folder for Edward. We filled his shower head with the Kool-Aid and headed out. I was just glad that they each had their own bathroom, unlike mine and Emmett's place, or else we would have to deal with the wrath of not only Edward but Jasper as well.

--

It was the beginning of December and we were all putting up Christmas decorations. I had put Emmett and Jasper in charge of outside lights while we girls were in charge of decorating the inside. I had told them that next weekend we should all go looking for Christmas trees, because finals would be over by then and we could decorate the trees as a way of officially starting our Christmas break.

I was in the middle of hanging a garland on the banisters of the stairs when I heard Emmett's booming laughter along with Jaspers.

"What the hell could they be laughing at?" Alice asked as she pulled out some Christmas lights. Rose and I exchanged looks and ran towards the front door, Alice following closely.

"You guys, what is it?" She called from behind us in utter confusion.

When we opened the door we saw Emmett and Jasper supporting each other, laughing hysterically, and looking at Edward, who's normally perfect shade of bronze hair was now a bright shade of green, but with some of his original hair color still showing.

He stood there expressionless as Emmett and Jasper laughed and as soon as we girls really took in what he looked like, we started laughing just as hard.

"You…you look…like Christmas." Alice sputtered between laughter, and it was true, with his now green hair, and some of his bronze hair poking out, and pale skin he did look like Christmas.

Edward looked over towards us and made eye contact with me.

"You!" He pointed at me and I stopped laughing and stood straight with my arms across my chest. "You did this!" He pointed to his hair, it wasn't a question. He knew I'd done it. I mean, seriously, who else would it be?

"Your point being?"

"Good job" he gave me a thumbs up.

WHAT?

"WHAT?!" both Rose and I shouted together.

"Yeah, I actually like it. I think it is perfect for the holidays." He ran his hand through his hair and grinned.

I just growled at him as he made his way towards us pushing us out of the way so he could get inside the house.

After going to the kitchen and grabbing something to eat, he sat down on the sofa as we all finished decorating.

To be honest, I was a little upset when he didn't put up more of a fight. Hell, who was I kidding, I was more than upset, I was pissed off. It really didn't help that as we were all working and putting things together he would boss us around and complain that we weren't doing anything right. Saying dumb ass things like, "those lights are crooked", or "that fake snow isn't fluffy enough" and even, "that Nutcracker shouldn't go there unless you want to scare the hell out of someone." I told him to shove it repeatedly of course, but he wouldn't listen.

He just kept going on and on non stop! Well guess what, he was going to be in for a _rude awakening_ tomorrow.

--

We finished decorating and agreed to go tree hunting the following Saturday afternoon. I was going to help Alice and Rose decorate their place. Alice had asked Jasper if they needed help with their place, but they said they could handle it on their own. I just rolled my eyes. I knew they weren't going to put any decorations up, not that it mattered; they were always at someone else's place never at home. They only went there to sleep, if that.

"So Bella, are you going shopping with us tomorrow?" Alice asked with a peppy voice.

"Ugh, if I must."

"Yep, we are going to go Christmas shopping!" She clapped her hands in excitement.

"Oh and I guess I should tell you that afterwards Emmett and I are going out to eat." Rose said

"Oh, and so are Jasper and I, so it looks like you'll be all on your lonesome tomorrow night." Alice gave me a fake frown.

"I think I'll survive."

"So we'll pick you up after work, okay?" Rose said.

"Okay guys, but just remember I have finals coming up, so I don't want to be out all day, okay?"

"Fine party pooper. We'll see you tomorrow."

With that Alice and Rose left, but not without giving small kisses to their boyfriends, leaving me with the boys.

"Well night boys." I started to head upstairs.

Emmett and Jasper just nodded their heads.

"Night Bells!" Edward called out in a really annoying sing song voice.

"Night Assclown!" I yelled back hearing him laugh.

Once I got to my room and was changed for bed, I set the alarm to wake up early. If dyeing his hair had no effect on him, what I had planned next surely would.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: **Okay you guys, here it is, I decided to put this up already because I have gotten more reviews in just one day then I did then in those weeks when I didn't update. You see what could happen when you review.

Anyways, so this will be the last chapter for pranks, and you will see why. Also big thanks to all those who did review, you guys are the reason why you are getting this now. Another thing, for those of you who want to know why Edward is such an ass, the answers are coming soon. You are going to start seeing what has been going on with Edward, and the truth of what happened to him during those 5 years will come out, and then you will know what he thinks Bella did. Just be patient.

READ THE NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!!!

Sorry for the long note, so read on, if you really dare.

**AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to ****dihenydd.**

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**Chapter 9: Haunt my mind**

_Now once it sets its eyes on you  
But I won't run,  
Have to stare it in the eye_

_Stand my ground, I won't give in  
No more denying, I've got to face it  
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside  
If I don't make it, someone else will  
Stand my ground_

_-Stand my ground__ by __**Within Temptation **  
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**_Flashback_**

_I hate PE, scratch that, I loathe it beyond all belief, just as much as I __hate__ Edward, __maybe__ even more considering all __his __douche bag __friends have this class as well._

_Here I am sitting on the bleachers waiting for class to start after __getting__ changed__.__I watch__ people slowly come into class, in groups, talking and laughing__. There is always a group of two or more people who would come in, look at me, and__ start__ to laugh. I really wish that Alice or Rose were in this class, __because they'd have the guts to kick them in the ass without thinking twice. _

_I remove my gaze __from__ the doors and stare down at my feet. I hardly notice someone sitting down near me until I see their shoes. They aren't sitting too __close__ to me, but __close__enough__. __Nobody__ usually sits this close to me. _

_Tilting my head __a little I __see who is sitting next to me. It's none other than Felix._

_The__ last few weeks __I've__ noticed a slight change in him. He doesn't seem as obnoxious, well at least around me. __ He__still acts__ like a dick around Edward and __pulls __shit on him __as __usual, but he doesn't do anything __to me__, which I'm grateful for. __What__ I hate though, is that when Felix does something to Edward or teases him, his brother James __always__ tell him off. I really think __Edward__ deserves the shit that Felix does to him, __but don't understand why he lets his little brother tell him off__. _

_Whenever Felix is around me, he just sits__ quietly __and looks around. __It always seems like he wants__ to say something but __he __never does. __It annoys me at times, especially in Biology where he is now my lab partner.__ I used to be with Edward, but we switched and he __got__ Tanya, and I'm with Felix. _

_I lift my head fully, the back of Felix's head faces me and his eyes dart towards the doors. I follow his gaze towards the gym doors, and wish I hadn't. _

_Walking__ in are the king and queen themselves. Tanya__ holds__ tightly to Edwards arm, while Edward __looks unhappy__. His eyes scan the gym and find mine only to look away __quickly__. Tanya must __have__ noticed __as__ she gives me an amus__ed__ look and __pulls__ Edward towards the bleachers, sitting her fat ass three rows directly in front of me. _

_Edward wraps his __arm__ around her waist and she looks over at him. Tanya leans in __to kiss__ him, actually it __i__s more like slobbering on him. __I__ make a disgusted grunt. _

_God, that is just fucking grotesque. _

"_Get a room will ya!" I turn and look over at Felix who is__ staring__ at the two chimpanzees going at it in on the bleachers. I catch him __glancing__ at me. _

_Just__ then James and Victoria come in through the doors followed by the rest of their group. _

"_Felix, relax. You need to quit yelling at everyone else just because you can't get any." James rolls his eyes at Felix. _

"_No James, Felix is right." Two people __are heading__ towards us. _

_It is Kate and her boyfriend Garrett. Kate is Tanya's sister, but __her complete opposite.__ Kate is kind and __smart__ while Tanya is a bitch and __dumb__ as a fucking doorknob. _

_Kate__ and Garrett are the only ones in this class that __help me__. __If__ James or anyone __else tries__ to hurt me in anyway, physically or mentally, and Alice, Rose, Emmett, __or __Jasper__ aren't__ there, they__ stick up for me._

"_Who the hell shoved a stick up your ass Kate?" Tanya scowls at her sister. _

"_The __person in front of me who is about to have__ my foot shoved up __her__ ass. So shut the hell up." Kate growls back at Tanya looking as if she is __about__ to slap Tanya across the face, but Garrett is __holds her back._

"_Why don't you listen to your sister, Tanya?" Edward __asks__ her._

"_What? Are you going to take her side, and let her defend that little bitch! __ After all__ she said about you?! After she went behind your __back__!" Tanya starts yelling at him. _

_What__ the__ hell did I say about him? What did I do? What is she talking about? _

"_No, no, that's not it, it's just that we don't really want to get into __trouble__, we still have the rest of class." Edward says to her glancing back at me. Tanya does the __same__ and gives him a knowing smile._

_Oh shit this isn't going to be good for me. _

_James notices their glances__ and__ stares __at __me. I wish I __was__ invisible. _

"_Ahh, lookie what we have here!" I__ feel James' eyes staring at me and it makes__ me shiver and shake to my bones. _

"_Looks like we all have a little snack." James snickers. "So precious, do you want to do something fun?" He reaches over __and pushes__ my hair behind my ear. __I__ flinch back cowering away. _

"_James, leave her alone." Felix hisses at him in a harsh, brutal tone. Edward looks up at him in shock and disgust. _

_Why's Felix being so nice to me anyway, what's happened to him?_

"_Oh don't listen to him he's just annoyed because dad took away his car, so now he has to have his lil bro haul his fat ass around." James rolls his eyes and looks back __to__ me, while Edward keeps his gaze on Felix. _

"_Now, how about we-"_

"_James, leave her alone!!! Seriously why don't you go fuck a dog or something?" Kate sneers at him. __Garrett comes __over and __helps__ me up from the bleacher. _

_As__ we walk away from them, I can still hear t__hem calling__ out to us, but I__ ignore__ them __and__ so does Kate._

"_Bella, you should __talk__ to Coach Clapp __and__ see if you can get out of here, because I don't know how much longer I can keep them off your back." Kate suggests._

"_Yeah Bella, I heard some of the things they're planning to do with you today in class __when__ I was in the locker room and none of them sounded good." Garrett declares._

"_Really__? __ Because I thought all the rest of the shit__ they've__ done to me __was__ a fucking blast!" I shout sarcastically__ at__ them. I __don't__ mean to be so rude to them. __They're__ just trying to help me, and I'__m taking__ my frustration out on them. _

"_Sorry guys"_

"_It's alright we understand." Garrett gives me a sympatric smile. _

"_Alright__ everyone. __Time__ to start!" Coach Clapp calls out. _

"_Well, I guess I better go talk to him." Both of them give me a nod as I make my way over to Coach. _

"_Hey coach?" I walk timidly towards him._

"_What's up Bella?" he's checking off things on a clipboard. _

"_Umm…I'm not feeling too well, can I go to the health office?" I play with my fingers while I plead with him __with__ my eyes. I don't think this __will__ work __as__ I have used __this__ card __too__ many times. I __always__ try my hardest to get out of this __class__. _

"_Bella" he sighs, "You __can't__ miss anymore __class. If you do you will fail." I know he's right, I've missed way too much of this class, I'm surprised I'm evening passing at the moment considering how much I have already missed and how poor I am in the class. I can't fail this class or I won't graduate, and I don't want to do that to Charlie. It would upset him too much to know that things are so bad that I won't be able to graduate because I don't want to take a class. He still doesn't know what's happening, even though he has pleaded with me to tell him. I just can't though, it's too hard. _

_I just nod my head at Coach and he decides to proceed. _

"_Okay class, today we are going to play some floor hockey, __now I'm__ dividing you into teams." I__ groan__. This isn't going to be good. _

_--_

_I end up walking to my truck with a __limp, a few bruises on my arm and a really bad ache in my side where I'm sure I'll see a big bruise once I get in the shower. _

"_Are you sure you're okay?" Kate asks as __she__ and Garrett help me into my truck. I want to get out of here before Alice or Emmett __see__ me, because I __know if they see me like this, I will have __to deal with their endless questions and sad, angry eyes. I understand their feelings but I have too many of my own to deal with at the moment._

"_Yeah I am, thanks you guys, I am sure__ it would've been__much__ worse if __you weren't__ there." I give them a reassuring smile as __I climb __inside my truck. _

"_Yeah, and thank god Felix was there to kick some ass." Kate says._

_It's__ true. Felix did kick some ass, __quite__ literally. Kate and Garrett tried their __best to protect me from flying pucks or people pushing me against the brick wall with force__, __but when someone did manage to do one of those things, which they did a lot, Felix would smack them with his hockey stick "on accident" or ram them against the wall.__ It __was__ really surprising, but I didn't think about it too much because most of the time I was concentrating on not getting hurt, especially by my own team mates. _

_Edward was of course the __worst__. __He would ram me into the wall saying he was__ trying to get the puck, which was a bunch of bullshit__, but what hurt the most was him just standing there watching as I was beaten up__. His face __showed__no sadness, no remorse, no guilt, - nothing as he watched someone who used to be __his best friend__ getting__ attacked._

**_End flashback_**

My alarm went off at three in the morning. At first I just turned it off and lay down to go back to sleep, but then I remembered my plan. I jumped out of bed, got dressed and grabbed the things I had prepared earlier.

Luckily I had kept hold of the key Rose and I had borrowed earlier knowing I would probably need it. I had borrowed Emmett's jeep, without his permission, because the road was slick from the wet and cold; and also because my truck would wake up the whole neighbourhood. I hated my truck, but I loved it too, we had been through a lot together and I wasn't ready to give it up.

Soon I was parked in front of their place sitting in Emmett's jeep. I took his jeep, without him knowing, as the road was slick from rain and I knew my car would wake up the whole neighbourhood.

As I parked in front of Edward's place I started thinking. Should I really do this? Maybe it was time to end this now? Maybe that's what Edward is trying to do by not freaking out about his hair? Or maybe that was his way of getting back at me?

Ugh, who cares anymore? I'm already here; I might as well do it anyway.

I jump out of the car being careful not to slip and fall as I head towards the front door.

Once inside, I make my way silently towards Edward's room trying my hardest not to knock into anything and wake him. I'm doing a good job until I stub my toe. It hurts like hell. Stupid wall.

"OW" I whisper hiss as I hit my foot against something, yet again. It's a desk, the desk with the journal on it. I look at the desk in the dark and feel my way around trying to see if I can find it. I want to read more of it. There is so much I want to know. I think if I read it I will find out so much and have all my questions answered.

I keep looking and as I make my way around the desk I notice a light coming from down the hall, from Edward's bedroom. Is he still awake? Did I wake him?

I forget all about the journal as I approach the door and open it. Lying on top of his sheets with open books and notebooks surrounding him is a shirtless Edward.

I feel my breath catch in my throat as my eyes scan his sculpted and chiselled chest and look into his face. His eyes are closed and he looks so peaceful. He doesn't look as he normally does, with a harsh face, always either angry or smug. He looks relaxed, his face smooth. I let my eyes drift down his chest and his tight, but not too tight, 6 pack. He must work out a lot. My gaze carries on to his little bronze happy trail and lower-

_WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?! I hate this man! I am not supposed to be checking him out._

_No, I'm not checking him out at all. That is not what I'm__ doing._

I need to get on with this. I pull out the giant fog horn Emmett bought a long time ago and the can of shaving cream with the nail in it that I put together earlier.

I shake the can, pull the nail out and book it out of the room as fast as possible. The can starts going insane spinning around, shaving cream is being spread all across the room covering Edward, his books, and pictures he had on his drawers, - everything, with thick heavy white cream.

I point the horn in the direction of sleeping Edward and push it long and hard.

A loud noise busts through the room making Edward jump 5 feet into the air screaming. I can't stop laughing. As soon as he recovers from the noise he notices the shaving cream covering him and everything else. He spots the can spinning around and runs to cover it, to stop it.

I can't control myself. I'm laughing hysterically.

"WHAT THE FUCK, BELLA?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" He keeps yelling while holding the shaving cream can tightly in his hands. I can tell he's afraid to let it go. I turned and leave a stunned Edward standing in the middle of his room.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Edward shouts after me. I can hear him stomping out of his room.

As I walk down the hall I run into a startled and sleepy Jasper.

"What's going on? Bella what're you doing here?" Jasper rubs his eye with the back of his hand.

"Oh nothing, just giving Edward a wakeup call." I shrug as I walk away, back towards the jeep with a confused Jasper and a screaming Edward behind me.

Time to go home and get some more sleep, Alice and Rose should be here in a few hours so we can go shopping.

--

"Did you seriously do that?" Alice asks as we head back home from shopping.

I just nod my head.

"That is so bad ass Bella, good job." Rose gives me a pat on the back.

"Thanks, you should have seen his face, it was priceless."

I look over at Alice who is driving. She has a concerned look on her face.

"What is it Alice?" I sigh. I know she hates this and that she's worried about Edward or me taking this too far.

"Well, you did two stunts on him in a row, aren't you a little worried about what he is going to do to you?"

I just shake my head and purse my lips, "No, not really, I can take whatever he brings."

"Okay" Alice sighs uncertainly.

--

Soon we arrive back at my place. Rose and Alice help me unload my bag, which really isn't that much, so we get it done in a single trip.

They stay for a little while longer waiting for Jasper and Emmett who are still at work, so we pass the time playing Rock Band.

"Girls, are you ready to go?" Jasper calls as he comes in followed by Emmett.

"Wait, are you guys going together?" I ask, pointing between the two couples.

"Yeah, we decided to go out on a double date." Jasper said kissing Alice on the temple.

"Great way to make me feel left out you guys." I huff. I hate being the one left out of things, but I know I should let this slide, it still annoyed me though. It always will, knowing that they can go out together and do couple things while I'm stuck at home.

"You could come with us, but only if you bring Edward." Alice smiles wickedly at me.

"Okay you guys have fun." I push them out the door.

"Be safe Bella!" Rose sings out as they get into the car, "If you get too scared, just remember Edward is home alone too!"

I just slam the door and head upstairs to my room and grab my books to work on my finals.

--

I am in the middle of typing up a paper on the aspects of digital photography for my photography class. I try to stay awake, but I keep feeling my eyes droop and my head drop down. Eventually I just give up, shut my laptop and lie down on the couch to get a little bit of sleep.

--

Bang, bang.

What the…?

I wake up to the sound of something banging and I have no clue what it is, so I lie back down on the couch thinking it is all in my head.

BANG!

I shoot back up and stand up from the couch. My heart is pounding in my chest. Seriously what the hell is going on? I listen for the sound once again to see if I can figure out where it's coming from.

BANG

I jump in the air at the sound, my heart beating faster than ever before.

What's scaring me is that it's coming from inside and *gulp*…upstairs.

I'm breathing rapidly, and heavily, "Hello?" I call out sheepishly as my voice shakes.

Of course no one answers.

I take a deep breath and steadily make my way towards the stairs.

"Whoever's there, you better answer me or I swear to god I'm going to pull out a gun and shoot you as soon as I find you." I call out as bravely as I can. As I near the stairs I open the closet and grab an umbrella.

Great, I'm going to fight off some creepy predator with a fucking umbrella, and it's not even raining.

"SHOW YOURSELF NOW!!" I scream up the stairs.

"BANG!"

I jump yet again. I am so close. Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me?

I can hardly hear anything correctly because of the erratic beating of my heart.

I take a deep breath and place one foot on the stairs, then another. My heart beats faster and faster with each step I take. It almost feels like an Aliens wants to burst out of my chest.

I continue to make my way up the stairs holding my umbrella as if it were a hard metal baseball bat.

I am near the top of the stairs when I see something.

I take another step and view of one of my worst nightmares.

There in front of me crouched down is the fucking scariest clown I have ever seen, holding out a giant colored lollipop to me.

"Want some candy" it says in a sick demented voice.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

I chuck the umbrella at the creature as hard as I can, and turn to run down the stairs. I lose my footing and instead I trip and roll down the stairs, over and over again I hit the walls. I feel my ankle twist and something snap in my left hand.

As I'm falling I hear someone calling out to me in a scared voice.

When I land on the ground and stop rolling, everything is spinning. I can't make out up from down, but I faintly hear someone calling out to me.

"BELLA!" I would recognize that voice anywhere.

"Edward?" I call out in a soft whisper as everything spins.

"Bella! I am so god damn sorry." I see a blurry shape in front of me. It's the clown's outline but he has taken something off his head and it's Edward's hair underneath.

_That god damn mother fucker!_

Then everything goes dark.

* * *

**AN: OH MY GOD!! You have to go to my profile to see the picture of the clown costume he was wearing! It is god damn scary, and you guys got to understand that I HATE clowns, so when I was looking for a picture that would be perfect, I found this one, and it scared the shit out of me. SO GO TO MY PROFILE and see it! The link is on there. Oh and the way the clown is crouched down handing that kid the lollipop, that was how I pictured Edward sitting at the top of the stairs. **


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:** okay you guys, so I wanted to get this chapter out earlier, but things kept coming up, and they would not stop!

First of all I want to say I FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!! I got almost 50 reviews for the last chapter. That is the most I have ever gotten. I am glad that everyone loved the clown, well hated the clown, but loved what I did.

Special thanks to

**JasmineMarie84:** Thanks, that was my favorite line by far that I have written, but of course I got the inspiration from that whole story about rob and the umbrella chick. Hehe

**redd4169: **Because you are so god damn amazing likes that.

**Ms. Volterra: **I really loved your review, it was very thoughtful, and made me happy.

**twi_cullen: **Thanks for reviewing almost everyday until I updated.

Oh, and you guys, the embarrassing story that is in here, it's not mine, I actually found it on this site that is full of embarrassing stories that me and my friend were reading through on night when we were bored, and I thought that this story was pretty embarrassing.

Another quick note, the guy that I picture for Felix, is the one and only Jensen Ackles.

Okay read on if you dare

**AN 2: Chapter has now been re-edited thanks to ****dihenydd.**

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**Chapter 10: Your petty little bombs**

_How can you ask for forgiveness,  
How can you think that your crimes are victim less,  
I know you and your sins,  
Your retributions,  
So how will you lay your penance down?  
We're all judged in time,  
So how will you clear your conscience when your lies unwind?_

_- Little Bombs _by **Dashboard Confessionals**

**

* * *

  
**

**_Flashback_**

_I should just give up and leave. __Why the hell am I still even going to this fucking school?__ Do I take some sick pleasure in being treated like a total piece of shit? Seriously, today I have already__ had my school bag stolen__, __my clothes shoved into the toilet during gym__, and ended up face down in the dirt because someone "accidentally" tripped me. What could__ they__ possibly do __next__?_

_Just one more period then I'm done for the day. The sad thing though is having to get up tomorrow and do it all __again__._

_I enter my last period class and sit in my usual spot in the corner away from everyone and their stares. I go through the class without anyone __picking__ on me or even looking back at me, __which__ made it easier for me to get through the class, and as soon as the bell __rings__, I run towards my truck before __anyone can stop me. Usually__ Emmett, Alice, Jasper, or Rose __would__ meet me after every class __and__ walk me to my next, to my truck, or towards one of their cars. I __hate__ that I need a body guard to help me around, it makes me __feel__ useless and helpless, and I really hate that feeling. Who would __want to feel that way?_

_Luckily__ for me, I don't have anyone with me today, (note the sarcasm), __except__ Kate and Garrett that is. It really sucks when __they're all here__ surrounding me, but __it's__ even worse when none of them are here. Emmett __was__ with Charlie __at__ an officer's convention, Rose __was__ out of town __visiting__ her sick grandmother, and Alice and Jasper were on a class __field__ trip to some greenhouse thing for their Bio class. So, yeah, I'm alone right now. _

_ I'm running__ towards my truck and turn a corner, and __wish__ that I __hadn't__. Edward and James __are__ in the middle of the hallway talking and when they see me, __a__ sadistic grin __spreads__ across James' face, while __as__ usual __Edward's__shows nothing__. I__ turn__ around but __run__ into Demetri, Alec, and Laurent. _

_I try to push my way past them, but it __doesn't__ work out __too__ well. _

"_Now, now, where do you think you're going? Everyone else has had their fun with you today, but I haven't yet. And__ Edward hasn't__ either." James motions towards Edward._

"_So what should it be today, Edward?" Edward hands __him a book__which__ I immediately recognize __as__ my diary. How did he __get__ that? _

_Thankfully it's__ one of my older diaries, the one before I started to realize my feelings for Edward, but __it still holds__ some of the most embarrassing stories of my life. _

"_Dear Diary," James__ reads from it__ and I feel my face going red and I start to spin around looking for somewhere to run._

"_Oh, this is actually a good one, ha ha ha… 'I was over at Alice's for her 12th birthday party. We had so much fun. We __stayed__ up late and ate loads, upon loads of candy, and junk" He stops for a minute and I stand there, I don't know what to do. "oooooo…..Big surprise there, the big girl likes her candy." He l__ooks __at me and I look over at Edward pleading with my eyes __for him to take the __god damn thing out of James' hand, but he stands there with a smile on his face, while everyone else __giggles__ like a bunch of school girls. _

_James __continues__, "'While we were sitting watching Chocolat, because Alice loves her some Johnny Depp, I started feeling a little sick. I had a really bad stomach, so I thought that I needed to go to the bathroom, after I went, I still felt like crap, so I thought that I should sleep it off, but when I woke up the next morning, I felt a little sweaty, and then I rolled over to my stomach and felt my underwear all wet. I decided to get up to go to the bathroom and once I got into the bathroom I noticed that I had started my period!'" Everyone__ burst out__ laughing, and now we __were __attracting a crowd of people who are __all__ laughing. I look around the crowd __to see__ if __anyone__will__ come and save me, but no one is willing too. _

"'_It had gotten all over my PJ bottoms, I didn't know what to do, I started to freak out! I couldn't call my mom because she lives clear across the country, and calling Charlie about this, would make this more embarrassing, him having to come save his daughter because she started her period for the first time. I don't even think he would know what to do, hell I wasn't even sure! So I had to do the next best thing. I went over and woke up Alice, who took me upstairs to her mom. The worst part was that after her mom and gotten me a change of clothes, she couldn't find a pad, so she had to show me how to use a TAMPON!!!!'"_

_I almost hurl right there __without even needing my __finger. I start to hyperventilate, __and __can't control myself. _

"_Oh, here is an even better one!" James shouts._

_Oh god, please help me, please!!! I beg as I fall to the floor and cover my face in my hands while everyone __laughs__ at my expense. I look up to see Edward __is__ looking down at his feet. He isn't even brave enough to look me in the face now. How __could__ he do this? How __could__ he give__ my__ Diary to someone like James!_

"_JAMES STOP NOW!!!" I look up to see Felix standing between me and James._

"_Ha ha ha__, why would I do that? __We're__ all just having a little fun."_

"_You've__ had enough fun." Felix tells him._

"_Ah, I see what __you're__ doing. I didn't know you liked them round, but hell, whatever pleases you." James winks at me. What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

"_What the Fuck James?" Edward's now facing James with a disgruntled look, "That's it! You're going to let Felix have his way with her now!" he's looking at me with a sort of worried look on his face. Why does he care about what Felix does to me? Is he pissed because he can't cause me anymore pain for the day?_

"_That's not what I'm trying to do you fuck face. I want you guys to fucking stop and leave her alone. You guys have done enough to her today." Felix states. _

"_He's right Edward. There's always tomorrow." James __replies simply__._

"_Yes there is, but __I__'__d__ rather give him another broken nose now." I guess that explains why Felix came to school with a giant bandaged nose after Edward and I had that fight, but why __would Edward get into a fight with Felix anyway__? And why did it happen around the time of our fight? What the hell is going on? _

"_Relax man, let's go." James __pulls__ Edward in the opposite direction __to__ us, and Edward glances between Felix and I, but once he__ his eyes fix__ on Felix, whose back __is__ to me, he __lunges at__ him._

"_What the fuck man!" James catches Edward, "we don't need to start a fight now, plus, you know what my old man would do to you if you __gave__ him another broken nose, so let's go and let Felix have his fun." With that Edward __quits__ struggling and__ storms__off, __but not without looking at me again. There is something in his eyes, but I don't know what it is. More than likely it's the disgust he usually has for me these days, but I'm not sure._

"_I'm sorry Bella. Are you okay?" _

"_What kind of fucking dumb ass question is that Felix?! Would you be okay after a day like __I've__ had, or the past fucking months __I've__ had? You know what, I know __you're__ trying to help me and everything,__ but__ I give up. __I'm__ fucking done __here__." _

_I leave him __there, go__ home and never return to that school again. _

**End Flashback**

Beep…Beep…Beep…

Oh man, my head hurt, and what was that beeping noise? It's not really helping my headache at all.

"No, I don't want you here, get out!" I heard someone raise their voice, but at that moment I couldn't concentrate on whose voice it was or even open my eyes to check who it was.

"Edward, I am her doctor. If anyone shouldn't be here it's you! You're the one that caused her to end up here." another voice said harshly.

"I am not going anywhere until she wakes up."

"You do know that I have the power to kick you out of this hospital if you don't behave, and believe me I'll do it in a heartbeat if you don't settle down!" That voice was starting to sound oddly familiar.

"Settle down! Why should I trust you? Who knows what you're going to do when I leave this room, you could-"

"Will you two stop!" Alice yelled in a whisper at them. The room went completely silent for a moment.

"Fine, I'll be back in a little while to check on her." The familiar voice stated.

I heard Edward growl at him as his footsteps slowly faded.

"Edward, what the hell were you thinking?" Alice raised her voice, "How could you be so fucking stupid?"

"Alice, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I was caught up in the moment."

"You think sorry is going to make this better?"

"You don't think I feel bad about this? You don't think that I feel guilty?" Edward snarled.

"You never have before!" I heard what I assumed was Alice stomping her foot.

"Alice, stop right there, you don't know what happened, you don't know anything."

"You're right, I don't know what happened between you two, nor do I really want to know what happened to make you guys like this. Edward, I know that you've had a hard time and have been through a lot, but she did too! You have no idea what kind of stuff she did. What she went through."

"She started it first! She deserved what she got back then for what she did to me, I mean, look what happened to me!"

"God Edward, you sound like a fucking four year old. Stop thinking you were the only victim in this, when you weren't at all!" Alice jeered.

"What did I do?" Edward sounded taken aback.

"You sent your little bitch to do your dirty work."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not going to sit here and tell you, this is between you and Bella, and if that little slut was still around you could ask her!"

"Yeah, but you and I know that I can't ask her now can I."

"STOP IT!" I shouted making my head hurt even more in the process and sitting up.

I couldn't take it anymore. I really didn't want to hear anymore of this shit. My brain hurt too much at the moment. I really didn't want to deal with the past now, I only wanted to focus on where I was now, and get out of the situation I was in.

I slowly opened my eyes, but the lights hurt them so I closed them and lay back down.

"I'll go get the doctor" Alice said giving Edward a dirty look as she left the room.

Once I realized Edward and I were alone in the room, I forgot my headache, sat up and grabbed whatever I could and started chucking things at him.

"You….Fucking….Asshole…" I yelled at him in between tossing pillows, magazines, and anything else I could get my hands on. Edward skilfully dodged them all, so I gave up and leant back against the bed. I guess he'll have to pay later, but I didn't know how.

"Bella, God Bella I am sooooooo…. Sorry." Edward walked a little closer to me running his hands through his still slightly green hair.

"Are you really?!" I snapped at him. I picked up more things and chucked them at him. Edward dodged another pillow but the TV remote hit him in the head.

"I guess I deserve that, but I really wasn't planning to hurt you. It's just that, I guess I got carried away in all this."

He was right. He did get carried away, we both did. We had let things go too far. You know what they say - it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

I let out a deep sigh.

"You think?! Maybe this is a sign telling us to stop with all of the pranks."

"You're right…, so what will we do now? Do our best with angry stares, and quick dumb ass witty remarks?"

"Yep." Edward chuckled.

"I didn't think you would get so scared."

"Yeah, because it's not at all scary when you wake up at night to a bunch of noises coming from inside your house and when you get up to investigate it, it turns out that one of your worst fears is sitting at the top of the stairs offering you candy." I said sarcastically.

"Sorry, I thought everyone loved a clown."

I punched him as hard as I could with my clenched fist but only hurt myself more in the process. I noticed that on the hand I had hit him with my finger was in a tiny cast. Great, just great, I broke my finger. How sad is that, I fall down a bunch of stairs and end up with only one broken bone and that is my god damn finger. I should be thankful that only my finger is broken, but I kind of wished it was more, and then Edward would feel even worse for scaring me nearly to death.

"You know, just because we aren't going to play pranks on each other anymore doesn't mean we're friends, or that I have to be nice to you. I still hate you." I was being really grumpy. Maybe it was because of the medication they gave me, and the fact that my head was throbbing in pain.

"Whatever floats your boat, Bella." He started to move away from the bed but patted my hand first, it shocked me. Not the fact that he touched me. It really shocked me. I felt that familiar jolt that I used to feel when we were back in school and still friends.

As he headed towards the door, I grabbed my hand and held it to my chest.

It was all in my head, just me, nothing else.

"So, you're awake!" The doctor came into the room. He looked as familiar as his voice sounded. I saw Edward give him a death stare as he left the room, and the doctor returned it.

"Do I know you?" I had to ask because it was really annoying seeing him but not fully recognizing him.

"I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that you can't remember who I am." He checked the machines around me, and then smiled, but what really gave him away were his dark hazel eyes.

"Felix?" My mouth hung open in disbelief.

"The one and only."

I didn't know what to make of this or what to do. Edward hated Felix with a fiery passion, which would explain why he was yelling at him earlier.

Felix was good looking in high school, but now, *whistles* he was pretty amazing to look at, and a doctor too. That's pretty good.

"Bella if you don't close your mouth, bugs are going to fly in it." I instantly closed my mouth.

"So, doc, what's wrong with me today?" I asked as he looked at his clipboard. I pretty much knew what was wrong-I just didn't want to sit in silence any longer.

"Well, you took a nasty fall."

"No shit Sherlock." He laughed and continued.

"You have a sprained ankle, but if you keep off of it, it should be good in the next couple of days. You have a concussion on the right side of your head, an ugly bruise under your arm that we worried there might have been internal bleeding, but that was a false alarm, and a broken finger." He pointed to everything with the end of his pencil, and then went back to writing on his clipboard. "You probably knew all that didn't you?"

"Yeah, it's kind of hard to miss when some part of you is aching as though a ton of bricks had landed on it. So when can I leave?"

"Someone is a little anxious to get out of here."

"You have no idea. This place could be a second home, although I haven't been here in awhile, surprisingly for me."

I smile tugged at the corners of his lips, "You should be released sometime tomorrow morning."

I nodded my head, "So you're a doctor now, that's pretty cool. I really didn't peg you for someone who would go into a medical field."

He folded his arms across his chest after he shoved his pen into his coat pocket, "Yeah, well, I decided that I really wanted to help people out."

"Makes sense, you helped me out in high school."

"Except in high school, I was more brutal towards the people who hurt you and mostly attacked them, rather than fixing your injuries. Maybe I should've become a hit man or something instead." He shrugged and looked out the window as if he was serious but he then smiled at me, to show me he was joking.

"Felix, why did you help me out back then? Before, I thought you hated me, so when you started sticking up for me, it didn't really make a whole lot of sense."

"Bella, I never hated you, I just didn't like the person you hung around with."

"Well, turns out I don't like him too much either." I smiled at him and we both laughed.

--

For the rest of the night Felix was in and out of the room checking on me and sometimes when no one else was in the room we would sit and talk. He talked about what Medical School was like for him, and I told him that I was trying to get a degree in Fine Arts and Photography, with a minor in Sociology.

We talked about our plans for the Holiday season and what we enjoyed most about it. So far, I hadn't enjoyed any of it, apart from coloring Edward's hair. Felix told me his favorite part so far was seeing me again. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but didn't.

We were in the middle of discussing what it was like for me working at a Doggie Hotel when Edward came into the room.

"Bella?"

"What Edward?" I was still irritated with him. I really didn't want to talk to him right then.

"Just letting you know that Emmett is signing papers so that we can go." His voice was rough and callous as he looked at Felix.

"Oh thank god."

After the papers were filled out and I said a good bye to Felix, I got my stuff together. This included a pair of crutches for use until my ankle got better, which Felix said should be by the next day if I kept off my foot for the rest of the day.

"So what did Felix say to you?" Edward asked looking down at his feet as we made our way out of the hospital.

"Nothing. Why does it matter to you anyway?"

"Because, he is an ass and I hate him. Bella, you shouldn't hang out with him again."

"Who are you to tell me what I can, and can't do? I hate you, he hates you, and you hate both of us, so I guess we're all even."

"But Bella I -"

"No Edward, I don't want to hear it. Felix stood up for me, and helped me out when you were making my life hell."

"But Bella-"

"Bella!" Felix ran towards me before we made it outside. Edward tensed beside me.

"Hey Felix."

"Bella, I was wondering, do you want to get some dinner with me? I have work until Wednesday, but then I have the night off." I thought Edward couldn't get any tenser but he did. He was begging me with his eyes to say no to Felix.

I would have given in to his intense gaze, but after he had almost killed me I wanted to get back at him, since he still seemed to hate Felix so much.

"Sure, why not?"

A great grin spread across Felix's face, as Edward ran off and burst through the hospital doors. I looked back at Alice. She looked scared and ran after Edward. Emmett and Rose looked between us, not really sure what was going on.

"Great! I will umm..Pick you up then." Felix couldn't get rid of the smile on his face.

"Yep see you then"

I left the hospital with Emmett and Rose tagging along behind me hand in hand, but going as slow as humanly possible so I ended up far in front of them. When I reached the car I heard hushed whisperings.

"Edward, it's nothing. I'll talk to her alright, but please don't do anything stupid. I don't want you to end up having to go back there because of this one thing. It's already been hard enough lying to everyone and telling them you were in New York. Please relax."

"Alice, how can you say that? It's reminding me of high school all over again, and I want to get over that, but I can't knowing _he'_s back here and is going to be hanging around with her again."

"Bella!" I jumped in the air and Alice and Edward snapped their heads in my direction.

"You walk really fast for someone who's limping." Emmett said motioning towards my leg.

"You could've probably kept up if you and Rose didn't stop every two feet to admire each other's mouths."

"I'm sorry. It's like an amusement park in there." He cooed looking at Rose and starting to kiss her again.

"Kay, I'm going now." I made my way over to Emmett's Jeep.

This was not good.

"Why are you just standing there?" Rose asked once she and Emmett finally reached the vehicle.

"Well I kind of need help into the car. This thing is like 10 feet off the ground. Do you expect me to jump into it with a sore ankle and a broken finger?"

"Here I'll help you." Edward said from behind me, his voice toneless.

Before I could protest I felt his hands grip my waist and lift me up quickly. Edward soon followed, shutting the door behind him. The whole way back he sat as far from me and as near to the door as possible while Alice looked out the window.

"Hey Alice, where's Jasper?" I realized Jasper wasn't with us and I hadn't seen him at all.

"He had to work. He says he wants some money so that we can do something really special for Christmas." Her face lit up as she thought about what he could do. I nodded my head and looked back at Edward. He was still as far from me as possible, his eyes fixed out the window.

I thought about everything that had happened in the last few hours. There was so much going through my head I wasn't sure if I understood it all. I was sure something had happened to Edward to make him who he was now, I just didn't know what. I knew he hadn't been to New York, but then where was he? I also couldn't help feeling that a lot of this had to do with Tanya, but I also had a feeling there was a lot more that Edward wasn't even letting his own cousin know about.

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**AN: Whew, longest chapter yet. Sorry for any mistakes.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**

**I want to try to get past 200 reviews, and the fast you do that the faster I will update, because I actually have the next chapter already written down and I am working on the chapter after that right now.**


	11. Chapter 11

**THANK YOU THANK YOU!! I got Over 50 reviews for the last chapter. I FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!**

**I really tried to get this chapter out earlier today, but we went out Christmas shopping before the snow storm comes in again. **

**Okay you guys here it is, you finally get to know where Edward has been. I was going to wait a little longer, but then it seemed to work better here, so here you go. **

**Now read on, if you dare.**

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**Chapter 11: The world is lost and blown**

_Is it bright where you are  
And Have the people changed  
Does it make you happy you're so strange  
And in your darkest hour  
Now all secrets fade  
We can watch the world devoured in its pain_

**_-_**_The Beginning is the End is the Beginning_ by **Smashing Pumpkins**

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Finals week. Joy.

After we had arrived back home from the hospital I went straight upstairs to my room and studied for my finals that I had coming up just to keep myself busy and occupied.

I tried to only focus on my school work, but I would still find myself drifting off and thinking about everything that happened. At the moment all I really could think about was when I said yes to Felix. Should I really go out with him? Sure he helped me out in school, but I still felt uneasy about him, especially after the way Edward was looking at him and how he was begging me not to go out with him with his eyes. They had seemed so sincere.

I don't know what I was thinking when I said yes.

I really don't date. Hell, I have never been on a date in my life. Who could after the guy you like thinks you are nothing but a fat bitch and doesn't want you? You kind of end up seeing yourself as if no one in this world wants you, and that you really are nothing but a fat bitch.

When I said yes to Felix, at the time it was just to get back at Edward, but now I don't think I really can go through with it. Felix is a really nice guy, and nice looking, but I can never see myself with him or anyone for that matter. I was way too screwed up in the head for that.

I don't know what I would do if I got close to someone and then they just turned me down because they come to realize what Edward did.

Edward has actually kept himself away for the rest of the weekend. No one has really seen him. Well, no one but Jasper, and he said that Edward just stays in his room. I could tell that Alice was relieved to hear that is all he has been doing. I just wanted to know why she is so worried about him, I am pretty sure he can take care of himself.

I'd just finished my last final for the day and was headed back towards my car, my ankle was better because I did as Felix had instructed and kept off of my foot, and my finger really didn't hinder my driving abilities, so I could still drive my truck around.

"Shit!" _Great. There's that voice I love to hear so much_. I rolled my eyes. What was wrong with him now?

I made my way over to Edward who was under the hood of his car and playing around with things under it.

"Hey" I walked up to him, not sure what he was going to do.

"What do you want?" he sighed irritably.

"Never mind, if you are going to be like that." I turned on my heel and headed back towards my truck.

"Wait!" I stopped but didn't turn.

"Do you think that you could give me a ride? I have to go…to a…meeting." I turned to look at him seeing him nervously rubbing his hand against the back of his neck.

Ah, the infamous meetings. If I take him then maybe I will finally know a little of the truth.

"Come on" I motioned with my hand for him to follow me.

Once I got into my tuck and started it I heard taping on the passenger side window.

I looked over to see Edward standing outside the truck.

Oh duh. I leaned over and unlocked his door.

"Sorry, I don't usually have anyone else ridding with me so I never unlock it."

"Understandable."

I started to laugh a little as I pulled out of the school parking lot.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked.

"Nothing really. It's just you gave me, and you still do, so much shit about this truck, and yet it is still running while your precious Volvo is stuck in the parking lot broken down."

Edward had a slight smile on his face. He knows how much crap he has given me, so of course it was a little funny. It was a little ironic actually.

"So where to?" I asked as I came to a stop light.

"Umm…The community Center." He said softly and kind of fast.

The community center? Isn't that where they hold all those extra classes like Driver's Ed, some of those cooking class and a bunch of other non credit classes for school? But wait, they don't usually have those this time of day. The only things they hold this time of day is….no, no, that can't be it. He must be going for something else, but not that.

Edward was looking at me after he had told me where to go, probably trying to see if I figured it out, but I just kept my face firm and like I was totally oblivious to all of it.

"Do you have any music?" he asked after a while of silent driving.

"Sure do." I reached over and opened the glove department in front of him and handed him the CD case that I had in there.

"What's all this?" he asked as he was flipping through the CDs, "Rise against? Mudvayne? Red? Who are these guys, and what happened to the good old bands that we used to listen to like Linkin Park, Acceptance, or even Britney spears?

"Hey, don't you dare diss the music I listen to now. My music range has expanded over the years. Red is my favorite band so don't you dare say anything about them, and for you information I still listen to Linkin Park, they are still one of my favorite bands, Acceptance broke up years ago, and what the fuck are you smoking? When is the last time we've ever listened to Britney Spears?" Edward was just laughing at my little rant.

"It's okay Bella, chill. I was only teasing." He continued to laugh and I couldn't help but smile. It's been so long to have him actually laugh at something I said rather than something he did to me during this past while he has been back.

He stuck in Linkin Park's newest CD and we just sat there listening the songs, and before I knew it I was singing along with it. I could feel Edward looking at me, but I kept my eyes on the road continuing with my awful singing.

"Bella, why did you agree to go out with Felix?" that kind of caught me off guard. I was sure he would say something about my singing first. I turned down the stereo so I could talk to him.

"Because I want to catch up with an old friend." I pulled into the parking lot of the Community Center.

"But that's the thing Bella. He was never really a friend. You used to hate him just as much as I did." Edward stated with an annoyed tone.

"Yeah, _used to_. He stood up for me, you didn't." I found a parking spot and pulled into it, ignoring his attitude.

"Well of course he stood up for you, he knew you would give him whatever he wanted, just like before." Before I could respond he jumped out of the truck slamming the door in the process. He was walking away from me and the truck as fast as he could with his shoulders slumped. I jumped out and followed after him. I demanded to know what his problem was.

"Edward, Edward" I kept calling after him but he didn't listen to me he just kept going on and into the building.

"EDWARD! I want you to stop right now!!" I screamed at him following him inside.

"Bella no, go home now!" He had turned around and was pointing back to the truck outside.

"No, not until I get some god damn answers out of you." We were standing in front of a door, but I wasn't really weren't paying any attention to it.

"Bella, you need to leave now!!" he tried to push me back out towards the front doors but I stood firm.

"NO!" I yelled.

"YES! NOW!" He screamed even louder than me.

"Excuse me, are you Edward's family support for today's A.A meeting?" a small scrawny guy asked me interrupting our fight.

Wait what?

"No I am!" a voice came from behind me. It turns out it was Carlisle. He came around me and took Edward by the arm, who was just staring at me in anger and fear. He was breathing heavily while I just looked at him with shock and I wasn't sure I was even breathing.

"Bella, you should go now." Carlisle said, "Edward let's go, the class is about to start." He pulled Edward towards the room, but Edward wouldn't budge, he just kept staring at me. It almost looked as if he wanted to hurt me.

"Edward now!" Carlisle commanded so Edward gave in going into the room.

"Bella, I am so sorry, but I think it is best if you just head home now, don't worry too much about this. It'll all be taken care of. " Carlisle said as he put his hand on my shoulder. I lightly nodded my head as best as I could. I was about to leave when he stopped me.

"Bella, I know that this may sound bad, but I am kind of happy that you now know. He's been coming to these types of meetings here twice a week, and they have been trying to convince him to finally come out and tell everyone, but he would not listen. But now that you know, maybe he may be more open and finally be able to move on and become himself again." Again I just lightly nodded my head and I turned and left the building, running to my truck as soon as I reached the outside.

--

As soon as I got home I just sat in my truck for what felt like hours. Not feeling anything. I wasn't sure what to feel. Should I be angry that Alice and everyone have kept this from me? Should I feel guilty for finding out this way, or for even finding out at all? Should I be upset about finding out that all this time he used to be an Alcoholic, or even worse.

But the thing is, I felt all those and my brain and my body just didn't know what to do with all the complex emotions.

Tap…Tap…

I jumped at the noise and saw Alice standing outside of the car, I unrolled the window.

"Bella, why are you sitting in your truck? Oh my God Bella why are you crying?!" I didn't realize that I had tears coming down my face until she had pointed them out.

"I.."I took a large gulp, "I just got back from the community center." I didn't look away from the steering wheel as I heard Alice gasp.

She came around the other side of the car and got in.

"Alice, why didn't you tell me? What they hell has been going on?! Does all this explain why he was gone for so long, and I know he wasn't in New York so don't try to pull that shit on me."

"Bella, I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but Edward is too damn stubborn that I know he will really never tell you anything. Hell, he still hasn't even told me everything. All I know is what I have got through my parents and Carlisle and Esme, and from some of the things I have seen." She looked over at me.

"What happen to him Alice?" Tears started to fall from her eyes.

"I don't know Bella." She started to cry out now. "I mean I started noticing something wrong with him before you left school. Anytime I would see him, he would look as if he hadn't slept in day, and his eyes were always blood shot, steadily getting worse every day, but as soon as you did leave school, things went overboard." Alice took a couple breaths before continuing.

"Before, all it was was just late night parties that eventually turned into days and then weeks of him beginning gone. No one really knowing where he was or what he was doing. Everyone was so worried about him, but whenever we would see him and try to ask him questions, he wouldn't answer us. He would just walk around like a ghost.

"We all knew that he was getting into some deep stuff, but we didn't know what it was, and who was even providing it. Esme and Carlisle tried to help him out, but he wouldn't let them.

"One night, when I was over at Edward's place helping Esme out with ideas for a house she was remodeling we heard someone honking their horn as they were driving down the street. As soon as we got out of the house we saw Tanya and James pushing Edward out of the car while it was still moving. He ended rolling down the road into the yard.

"Esme and I both started screaming and ran over to him. When we got over to him he had completely blacked out and was barley even breathing. Esme had called Carlisle and we took him to the hospital. He had to have his stomach pumped. They had found an extreme high amount of alcohol and Cocaine in his system, along with some other gateway drugs. They were surprised that he didn't die." The tears that were coming out of her eyes seemed as if they would permanently stain her cheek. All I could do was sit there and stare at her.

"God Bella, it was a miracle that he didn't die when he should of. If it seriously wasn't for what happened Tanya I think he would of still kept on going down the path that he was on" Alice couldn't control her sobs that were raking her body, I was right along with her.

"Alice, what happened to Tanya?"

"She…She, she died Bella." Alice stuttered.

"WHAT?"

"One night they were at James' place and he had gotten some pretty hard core stuff. There was the usual different types of Alcohol and some Cocaine, but he also got some Acid, heroine, and even some Meth. Evidently Edward wouldn't try any of the harder drugs, so Tanya tried to be the brave one and show him that it really was no big deal. She took some Heroine and the first dosage was no big deal, but still Edward wouldn't do it. Tanya ended up doing more and more and didn't stop. She decided to even throw in a little Meth. She ended up overdosing and started to spasm out and had seizures right there on the floor.

"Edward had stayed there with her while everyone else left. He called the ambulance and soon they arrived along with the police. He was taken to court and wouldn't give anyone else's name away on whom else was at the party and who provided the drugs. They decided to send him to a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center in Utah.

"We all thought it would be good if you didn't know. If you believed that he was in New York away from you because at that same time you were on the verge of almost killing yourself as well."

I just sat there staring out the window. "I...I don't know what to say."

"Bella, please, please just tell me what you did?" Alice was bailing and clutching on to me with all the strength she had at this moment.

"Alice, I don't know what I did." I was crying along with her and we both just sat there holding onto each other crying over the past, and what has become of Edward.

At this point all I wanted to know is what I had done. I was seriously stumped by the fact that I could've done something to hurt him, even though the whole time I avoided him as much as possible because of what he did to me.

I knew that if I brought this up to Edward, he really wouldn't say anything to me. He believes that I know what I did to deserve what I got, but I didn't have the slightest clue.

It was dark outside, but we still didn't leave the confines of the truck, we sat there for who knows how long just holding each other while outside christmas lights were twinkling about us trying to say Merry Christmas, but so far this season hasnt been so Merry after all.

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**I know that it is not as long as the past few chapters, but it is something, and it was a really important chapter. **

**Sorry for any mistakes!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!! Next chapter will have the return of James, maybe. **

**If I get near 300 reviews I will update sooner!  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**First off, ROB CUT HIS HAIR!!!!!! It's all gone, and kind of sad, but with or without it, he is still one sexy beast. **

**Sorry it took so long for this chapter. I kind of got stuck, I was going to have a chapter with James for this chapter, but as I was writing it, it didn't seem to quite fit here, but he will come in later on. Also I have been really pissed off at people in this household. I have been trying to find a job, and I have applied to places, but my freaking father doesn't seem to understand that no one wants to god damn hire me. It's pissing me off, and he is threatening to ship me off to Utah and live with my aunt. Then if that doesn't work, he is just going to kick me out of the house all together. I hate him. **

**Sorry for any mistakes, PLEASE REVIEW!! Thank you to all of you that did review, they really make me happy and right now I really need some cheering up. **

**Anyways read on, if you dare. **

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**Chapter 12: To me, coming from you**

_to me, coming from you,  
friend is a four letter word.  
end is the only part of the word  
that i heard.  
call me morbid or absurd.  
but to me, coming from you,  
friend is a four letter word._

_-Friend is a four letter word _by** Cake**

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It's been a week since I've found out about Edward and a week since I've last seen him.

I wasn't sure if I really wanted to face him after finding out what I have. He's probably also furious with me for finding out like I did. I don't know what he's going to do when I see him again, or if I do see him again. He seems to be hiding from me. Edward even ended up skipping the sociology final that we had. Alice said that she had to go over to his place and demand to see him because he wouldn't come out of his room. I knew Alice was relieved that all he has been doing is staying in his room rather out and about doing god knows what.

I never did go on that date with Felix because he ended up having to work some more at the hospital. I was actually kind of relieved when I heard this. I really don't know if I am ready to go out with him. It just doesn't feel right and I just can't do it.

I did tell him that I wasn't ready, but I did say that we can still hang out and be friends and we'll see what happens in the future. Felix seemed content when I told him over the phone, but I don't know how he really felt about it.

It was nine in the morning on Saturday and I was just lying in bed having so many things go through my head. We were supposed to go tree hunting today with everyone, but I don't know if that was still going to happen.

"Bella, get up and get ready to go!" I heard Alice call from downstairs.

Never mind, I guess we are going to go. I just really didn't want to go.

"Bella, get your ass out of bed now!" Alice came into the room and picked up a small stuffed animal that I had lying around and chucked it at my head.

"I'm up, I'm up. Jeez. The one you really should be trying to get out of bed is the one in the next room."

"He is already and waiting downstairs with Edward."

I bolted up right on my bed when she said that, she gave me a devious smile.

"How…what..?" I babbled.

"After much talking, I finally convinced him to come today, well, forced him to come today, and I told him we'll not bring up anything that happened at the community center. But I did tell him that you know about Tanya. He got a little pissed at me for that, but I calmed him down."

"Are you sure he is going to be okay?"

"He's going to be as okay as he can possibly be."

I gave her an unsure look.

"Alice, I am not sure if I am ready to face him. I mean, so much has been happening to me lately and I don't want to push myself into talking to him and end up hearing something that I really don't want to hear. What if it just sends me over the edge?"

"You'll be fine. You've been doing so well lately. I think that this may actually help even more. I want you guys to become friends again, and the only way that is going to happen is if you guys start talking to each other and hanging. Even if you don't talk about everything that has happened, just as long as you guys can be around each other again, I am sure that the truth will come out eventually."

I didn't say anything. I just played with my fingers.

"Bella, everything is going to be just fine. Trust me, will you. Come look for a Christmas tree with us, it won't be the same without you. You always seem to be the one to find the best one."

"Okay, let me get ready." Alice started clapping her hands

"Oh, I want to let you know now, his sponsor is here as well."

"His sponsor?"

"Yeah, he thought it may be a good idea to come today after what happened. It was actually Edward's idea anyway. It could be just to help Edward through today and showing him that it's okay that we all know about his past."

"Okay, well I need to get ready, so move your butt out of here." I pushed Alice out the door and shut it, and then I remembered something.

"Wait. Alice?"

"Yes Bella?"

"I was just wondering, does Edward know about me and my whole Bulimia stage?"

"No" She shook her head. "I really don't want to tell him about that. I feel that you should tell him, but if you don't soon, I will."

"Alice, please don't. When I am ready to talk about it I'll tell him myself."

"You better." With that she left again heading downstairs.

I really wanted to talk to Edward about all this and so maybe today he will actually let me talk to him. This could be a step into maybe gaining a little bit of our old friendship back.

I don't think we can ever go back to being best friends, or even good friends at all because of everything. I don't know if I can really forgive him, but I know that it would make everyone happy to show them that at least we can be the same room without ripping each other's heads off.

I headed down the stairs wearing a long dark pair of jeans and a heavy jacket because it was freezing outside.

"Okay you guys we can go now!" I called out once I reached the bottom of the stairs.

All around waiting by the door were six other people. Five of them I knew but the last one I didn't. He had slightly tanned skin and shaggy dark hair. To go along with the rest of his dark features were his dark and mysterious eyes. I could only assume that this was Edward's sponsor.

"Hello?" I slowly made my way towards everyone. Edward was the one to step forward.

"Bella, this is my sponsor, Seth. Seth, this is Bella." Edward motioned his hand between us and as I was shaking his big warm hand, I saw an exchange between Edward and Seth. I could tell Seth was asking something through his eyes, and Edward just nodded his head a little.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella." He looked back at me.

"It's great to meet you too." We let go of hands and I put mine at my side. Edward gave me a small smile, and I returned one too him.

"So, I guess we should go, I don't think we're all going to fit in my jeep, so what do you want to do?" Emmett asked holding onto Rose.

"How about this, the three of you ride with Emmett," Seth pointed at Jasper, Rose and Alice, "while Bella and I ride with Edward." Seth was beaming at his own suggesting, while I just sighed. Just because I wanted to talk to him, didn't mean that I wanted to end up spending all day with hm. Talking to him could take less than hour, but they all seemed like they wanted us to talk all day.

"Sounds like a great idea." Emmett said.

"But you guys..." I began to protest.

"Now, now Bella, it seems like Seth wants to get to know you, so just listen to him" Alice instructed as she headed out the door.

"We'll see you guys there!" Rose called out as she got into the jeep and they drove off, with me watching them disappear down the road.

"So, you guys ready to go." Seth asked

"No, but I still am going anyways." I marched my way down the path towards Edward's car.

"Looks like you got your car fixed." I stated with Edward walking right behind me and Seth beside him.

"Yeah I did, I got it fixed just the other day."

"That's good." I nodded my head.

I was about to set in the back seat when Seth stopped me. "Bella, you are in the front seat."

"Why? I am just fine with seating in the back. It's not going to make a difference."

"Bella, just come seat up in the front." Edward snapped, and Seth gave him a dirty look.

"Fine, jeez, no need to your fucking panties in a twist." I opened the front seat door and slid in while Edward and Seth slowly followed.

We were driving along a winding road and I could feel myself starting to get nauseated.

"So Bella, tell me a little about yourself?" Seth asked from the back seat distracting myself from the twisting road.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything and everything, I would like to get to know the girl that Edward here can't seem to stop talking about." He grabbed Edward's shoulder and starting shaking it while Edward's facial expression suddenly became very nervous as he shifted his eyes toward me for a second.

I didn't change my expression at all. It figures he would be talking about me, probably telling everyone in that meeting all the things that I did to him, rather than all the things he has done to me.

"Huh, well if Edward has talked so much about me then you should know that I was born and raised in Forks, my mom and dad our devoiced and my dad is the police chief and a complete workaholic, while my mom lives in Florida and spends her time with her new squeeze toy, Phil, and creates all these new adventures for the two of them to go on. I went to school with Edward here, up until sophomore year when I couldn't stand it anymore and I left. More to that story later on when I feel I know you better." I know I was being a bitch, but I couldn't help myself. I don't know why, but when you start a habit, it is kind of hard to break it.

"Sorry." I mumble when I became really aware of my actions. God, seriously what the hell was wrong with me. I just found out Edward was in rehab and in A.A and all I could do was bitch and whine. I needed to stop.

"It's okay Bella." Seth was the first one to say anything. Edward didn't move he just kept his eyes on the road.

"So Bella, how were finals?" I was surprised by who was the one to ask the question. Edward had his face turned towards me a little bit glancing back and forth between the road and me.

"They were great. They turned out to be much easier than I thought they would be, especially the sociology one that you missed."

"Do you think he will be any chance let me make it up?"

"Depends, you have to talk to Tanzer yourself about it. He may let you. I mean he let me redo 'my paper'" I put up air quotes around "my paper" and both Edward and I laughed together at the recalling the paper that he did for me.

"I'm sorry." Edward said.

"It's really no problem. Although it would of have been if Tanzer didn't let me make it up." I replied.

"Not just about that, but about all the pranks that I did to you ever since I got back." This time he kept his eyes forward and didn't look back at me.

I took a deep breath and let it out, at least it was something. He wasn't sorry for the way he was in high school, but he was sorry for those stupid little stunts he has pulled the last couple of months. I was a little angry at that fact, so I didn't say anything after that. Through the side mirror on the car I could see Seth's face and could tell that he was a little disappointed, but still content at the moment with Edward saying sorry.

"Hey Bella, I was wondering, are you really seeing anyone?" That caught me off guard and Edward tensed.

"No, why? You asking?"

"Ha-ha, no, I am happily married, see." He pointed to the ring on his finger that I didn't notice before. "No, I'm asking because Edward keeps going off about-"

"We're here." Edward pushed on his breaks fast and hard causing all of us to fall forward and snap back.

"Dude that hurt, man." Seth started to complain and rubbing his chest where the seatbelt was.

"Sorry, now let's go." Edward jumped out of his car, and I followed along with Seth who was still rubbing his chest.

"Where is everyone?" Seth asked as soon as we caught up with Edward who was talking to the sells lady about the prices of the trees and where we could cut.

"Edward tends to speed, so we probably ended up passing them without really realizing it."

"Or Emmett stopped at Taco Bell so he could get something to eat." Edward came up right beside me making me jump a little.

"How do you know?" He pointed towards Emmett's jeep that was now coming towards us and I could see Emmett shoving a Crunch wrap supreme in his face.

"Of course" I heaved a sigh and giggled a little.

"Hey Kids!" Emmett bellowed as he got out of the truck along with everyone else.

"Emmett did you get some for the rest of us?" I went up to him.

"No, you guys are adults. You could've got some yourself."

"Fine." I snatched the Crunch Wrap out of his hands and started eating it.

"Don't you dare go throw it up now." Emmett started laughing and I tossed him a wide eye look. I can't believe he just said that! Edward was confused by Emmett's phrase, but he would soon be able to figure it out. It doesn't take a genius to figure that shit out.

Emmett was the one to always joke around about my past problems. I really didn't have an issue with it before, because it was a stupid thing for me to do, but now with Edward around I really didn't want him finding out before I was ready to tell him myself.

How in the hell am I going to get around this and play it off as some kind of joke.

"Jesus Emmett, the only one around here that does that is you, and that is because you were finally able fill yourself up and there was no other place for you to put it. A miracle really." Thank god for Rose.

"But I always still end up eating it after I empty myself."

"Eww..., man that is disgusting." Jasper stated walking over with Alice. Emmett just started laughing.

"Okay you guys, who here is ready to find us a tree?" I asked.

"Hey Bella, we decided that this year, since we spend Christmas at your place, and most of our time over there, that we are only going to get the one tree." Alice told me.

"If that is really what you guys want to do." I shrugged.

"Sounds pretty legit to me." Edward said from beside me.

"Whatever, let's go find a tree." I rolled my eyes.

"Wow, way to motivate us to go find a tree." Emmett said sarcastically.

"What do you want me to do Emmett, make a game out of it?"

"Oooo... That sounds like fun! Good idea Bella." Alice cheered. Oh great.

"We should split up into teams, everyone with their partner." Alice hugged Jasper to herself.

"Hello Alice, we three don't have partners." Edward pointed at me, Seth, and himself.

"Well, you guys can all be together."

"Actually shouldn't you guys have a judge to tell you which tree is the best?" Seth asked.

"Your right Seth, you can be the judge." Rose stated.

"Okay, I can do that."

"What do the winners get anyway?" Edward asked.

"hummmm…."Alice was tapping her chin thinking, "How about the losers have to buy the winners a gallon of ice cream each."

"Wow Alice, really? That is the best you could come up with." I teased her.

"Shut up, I want some ice cream." She snapped. Man she must be PMSing or something.

"Hey, anything that involves wining me some food, I'm in." Emmett started rubbing his stomach.

I just rolled my eyes.

"Since I am the judge, I will give each team a half an hour to find the perfect tree, and then once time is up I will…let's see what I have." Seth started searching his pockets for something and pulled out his Cell phone "this will have to work. I will start playing this techno version of carol of the bells."

"Very fitting." Edward agreed.

"Get ready, set, and go." With that everyone split up in search of the perfect tree, but Seth still hung around with us.

We silently made our way around the tree farm looking at all the fir pine trees.

"What about this one?" Edward was standing near a tall Douglas fir tree. It seemed pretty decent, until I walked around the whole tree.

"Edward, that whole back side doesn't have anything on it. It is dead!"

"Your point being. The rest of the tree looks great. You just set the dead side against the wall where no one will see it." He was being such a smart ass.

"No" I simply told him.

"Fine."

"So Seth, have you already got your Christmas tree?" I asked as I avoided a giant mud puddle.

"Yeah, my kids actually picked it out."

"Oh, you have children?"

"Yeah I have two actually. Two girls." He started smiling at the thought of them. "They are twins. They just turned five."

"That's cute. I have always wanted a little girl myself if I ever had kids." I told them while Edward lifted his head to look at me.

"They're a handful, but I love them to death." Seth continued as I was examining a tree.

"Hey Edward, what about this one?" I finished examining the tree and it seemed really perfect.

Edward came over and gave an examination of the tree himself.

"Wait, why am I looking at this tree? I thought you were the expert."

"We are a team aren't we? I wanted your opinion."

"It seems fine to me."

"Okay then, this is our tree."

"And quite a good one if I do say so myself." Seth interjected.

"So Edward, what kind of Ice cream are you going to have them buy you?" I asked as we just stood by our tree waiting for the time to run up.

"You know what kind of Ice cream I like."

"You still love Ben and Jerry's pistachio ice cream?"

"Yep" He replied. "Always have and always will. Isn't yours still mint chocolate chip?"

"Yes it is. I am surprised you still remembered."

"How could I forget? You were always eating it whenever I came over to your house."

Now that sounded nasty. He was just reminding me of the fat girl that would sit on the sofa and eat her feelings away. I was looking down at the ground.

"Oh shit Bella, I didn't mean it like that." He came over to stand in front of me "I'm sorry."

"Sure you are."

"Bella, I mean it" Just then his phone started to ring, he looked at the caller ID, "I have to take this."

He walked away from Seth and me and started talking on his phone.

"You know Bella, he has been taking all this better than I thought he would." Seth spoke up.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that after you finding out, it may send him over the edge, but it hasn't. I'm really hoping that now because you know he can finally finish those 12 steps."

"Oh, you mean that 12-step recovery program?" Seth nodded his head.

"He has done well with the first few, but then got stuck with steps 8 and 9."

"Which one are those? "

"Well 8 is when you make a list of people that you harmed and want to make amends with, while 9 is finally going out and making those amends."

"So, can you tell me who was on his list?" I asked jokingly.

"That's the funny thing. The only real person that he had on his list was you."

I didn't know what to say after that, I was somewhat flabbergasted at the fact that Edward felt that I was the only one that he really needed to make amends with, and also hurt at the fact that he can't seem to be able too.

"Bella, it's going to take time for him to finally open up. The best we can do is wait until he finally feels comfortable enough to. Don't push him into doing it, or else that may end up causing a disaster. Just let things run its course, make him feel welcomed, as if nothing is out of the ordinary." Seth went on.

It wasn't until then that I remember something that Carlisle had said to me at the community center.

"Seth, when I went to the community center Carlisle had said that the class was only twice a week. Is that true?"

"Sure is, Mondays and Wednesdays"

"Then, where is he on Fridays? He is gone most of the day if not all day, which is weird because I see him every day, expect for then." Seth just shrugged and looked down at his phone.

"Times up." He lifted his phone up and held it high in the air so that everyone could hear the music. "EVRYONE FIND YOUR TREE AND STAND BY IT, I AM MAKING MY WAY AROUND NOW." Seth cupped his hand around his mouth to make his voice louder.

"See you in a second." He told me then took off. I sat there in front of the tree bouncing back and forth from my toes to my heels waiting for Edward to get off the phone or for Seth to get back and announce which tree it was.

"Kate, I will be there later…Yes I know…But I told you I was doing this today...I'm sure she's fine…" Did he just say Kate? Kate Denali? Tanya's sister, Kate? The one who helped out in high school?

"Yes, I'll talk to you later." Edward finished his conversation and turned back to see me staring at him. As fast as possible I turned my head in the opposite direction to act as if I didn't hear a thing.

"You heard that didn't you?" Edward was standing by me again.

"Only the last little bit. Hey, just curious, why are you still talking to Kate anyway? I haven't talked to her for years."

"Bella, you haven't talked to anyone in years." I frowned at him, "Well…you know… since what happened to...uh...Tanya… I keep in contact with her just to check up every now and then." He was fidgeting around a lot and it was really making it hard to believe him. Sure it sounded as if that could be the whole reason, but by the way he said it and the way was acting, it really didn't seem like the truth.

"Hey, you guys win!" Seth came back over to us followed by the rest of the rest of the gang.

"Of course" Emmett huffed as he came near us.

"Hey, blame Alice. She wanted to go with your partners rather than picking teams." Edward stated.

"Let's say we cut this tree down and head home." Emmett pulled up the saw from his side and went over to the tree.

"Nuh-uh, after this, you guys owe Edward and me some ice cream."

Emmett growled and continued cutting down the tree.

Emmett stood back from the tree and pushed his foot against a little bit.

"TIMBER!!" He cried out like a real lumberjack as the tree fell to the ground. We all just started to laugh at him.

Emmett being the biggest one there both in size and ego, picked up the tree and started to carry it to his jeep. We asked if he wanted help, but of course he said no.

Everyone was walking ahead of Edward and I. Alice was holding on tightly to Jasper, Rose was talking to Seth about a car he has been working on with a friend of his, and Emmett was bounding towards the jeep with the tree bouncing on his shoulder.

I thought about what Seth said about acting like everything is fine around Edward and making him feel comfortable, so I decided to strike up a conversation.

"Are you going to stay over and help us decorate the tree after we eat our Ice cream?" I asked nonchalantly.

"No I have to go somewhere."

"Oh okay. Are you going over to Kate's?"

"Look Bella" He said gruffly, "I know what you are trying to do, don't think I am stupid. Just because you know a little bit about my past, doesn't mean you have to go around and act like we are friends, because right now, we are far from it." I stepped away from him as he step closer.

"Bella" He started to rub his forehead with the palm of his hand, "I don't really hate you anymore, but I don't really want to be your friend right now."

"Oh thank god, because I was so worried at the thought of you still hating me." Sarcasm dripping from my voice and I started to walk away from him, "Now that I know that you don't hate me, but you can't really be around me, I can sleep peacefully." I was turned facing him now walking backwards.

"Bella" He started to warn me about something but I ignored him.

"I just wanted to get over this thing you have against me, but I guess I have this type of shield or something built around me that prevents you from being able to be normal around me." I was walking faster backwards waving my hands in the air.

"Bella, watch out!" Edward reached out for me.

"What?!" At that second I tripped over a branch causing me to slip in some mud and start sliding down the hill grabbing Edward and dragging down with me.

"Oh shit" I was sliding along the wet mud feet first towards the bottom praying that I didn't end up hitting a tree along with Edward.

"Ow, god damn it." We had reached the bottom and I was trying to stand up but couldn't. My broken finger was throbbing, it hurt so badly. I wouldn't be surprised if I just ruined it some more. I started laughing then at my own clumsiness, and Edward joined me. It really was just a mix between laughter and trying not to cry at the pain.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as he was trying to help me stand up after our laughter ended.

"Why do you care?" I pulled my hand away from him as soon as I was standing on my own two feet. I was absolutely covered in mud. I used my own hands trying to get as much mud off me as possible, and I felt another pair of hands trying to help me as well.

"Thanks Edward, but I really don't need your help to clean myself off." He raised his hands up and held them in front of him as I continued.

"Bella?" I stopped what I was doing.

"Felix?" Felix was standing in front of me with a saw in his hands.

"Hey, how you doing?" He ran over to me and gave me a hug as I heard Edward let out a growl.

"I was doing well until I fell down that hill" I was still holding my finger. "Do you think you can look at my finger? I hurt it on the way down."

"Sure, of course I can, just come with me to the car. I always keep a first aid kit in there."

"That sounds like a smart thing to do. I should really keep one with me at all times." I started to follow him to his car and I could feel Edward trailing behind me.

"You know Edward, you can go now. I will be back up there in a minute. After all you don't want to be around me anyway, so why don't you go with everyone else and help tie the tree to Emmett's jeep." Edward just stood there looking at Felix. "Edward, go now, I can take care of myself."

He grumbled something and walked away leaving me with Felix.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay, now my car is right over here." He led me towards his car, which turned out to be an Audi R8, the car that I've always wanted.

"This is your car?" I was pointing to the smooth sliver vehicle.

"Sure is, you like?" He made his way towards the car and unlocked it opening the passenger side door and pulling out a kit.

"Like it? I love it! It is like my dream car." He was laughing at my enthusiasm over his vehicle.

"I am glad you approve of it, now come have a seat." I made my over to the passenger side and sat down in it and admiring the leather seats and the amazing stereo system that he had in it.

"Let me see your finger." I held out my hand with the broken finger as he slowly unwrapped it to take a good look at it.

"How is it doc?" I asked.

"It doesn't look like you really broke it again, I think you're good." He began wrapping it up again tightly.

"So are you hanging out with Cullen again?" He said his name with venom.

"No, not at all."

"So you guys aren't friends?"

"Nope, he doesn't think I'm a good enough friend for him, plus at the moment, I don't think I ever I want be his friend again. How can I after everything. Things are just too….different between us now to have things go back to how they were in our early high school years."

"That's kind of good to hear."

"Why do you say that?" I was curious.

"Let's just say, there are a lot of people out there who could be a better friend then him."

"Don't worry about it. He's never going to be my friend again. He'll always be Emmett's best friend, nothing more to me.

"Alright, all done." He finished wrapping my finger up and was putting the first aid kit back under the seat.

"Thanks doc." I smiled at him.

"My pleasure." He picked up my injured hand and kissed it.

"Bella!" I heard someone start calling me.

"I guess that means it's time to go." Felix said.

"Yep" I replied. "I will talk to you later."

"Okie dokie." I just laughed and waved good bye to him as I hiked my way back up the cars.

"Are you alright?" Rose asked as soon as I made it back looking at my filthy clothes.

"Yeah, I'm totally fine." I smiled reassuringly at her.

"Emmett?" I heard Edward call form over by his car, where Seth was standing by him. "Seth and I need to head back and do something. You need to take Bella back in your car, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"What? Why? She's all fifthly. I don't want to have her riding in my car." Emmett started to whine.

"Oh shut up you dick." I shouted at Emmett and jumped into the back of his car, Alice and Jasper right behind me, and I watched Edward and Seth drive away.

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**Just a little note, this really was just a filler, but there was something important in there. Also Bella and Edward both are kind of at a weird place right now, they aren't totally sure how to act around each other now, but things will change a little bit in the next chapter. **

**I know that they are probably a bunch of mistakes in there, but right now, I am too annoyed at people to deal with it. I will update again hopefully on Christmas Eve, and there will be a little surprise in the next chapter. If I get a good amount of reviews, I may update tomorrow night instead. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Here is your chapter. I wanted to get it out yesterday for you, but that didn't work out to well, but here it is. **

**I do want to thank all of you have reviewed. I LOVE YOU GUYS! And thank you to all those who wished me luck and not to worry too much about not being able to find a job. I would also like to send a special thank you to redd4169, am sorry that I didn't respond to your review, but I got to say you are one lucky SOB if you got to meet rob 3 times! Maybe I should be a flight attendant. Hehe. **

**Anyways Read on, if you dare… **

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**Chapter 13: And now I wish those nights would last**

_I remember when we used to laugh about nothing at all  
It was better than going mad  
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through  
Forget 'em all  
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall  
Together we faced it all  
Remember when we'd_

_Stay up late and we'd talk all night  
In the dark room lit by the TV light  
Through all the hard times in my life  
Those nights kept me alive_

_-Those nights _by **Skillet**

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After that day we went tree haunting, we had stopped by the store and bought some ice cream, not just for me, but also for everyone else, since we all kind of wanted some.

Edward didn't come back the rest of the day, but I was assuming that was because he was out with Seth or Kate. Kate, what was up with that? I feel like there is more going on then Edward just going to catch up with her and check on her to see how she is doing.

I'm not going to dwell on that too much anymore. Anything that has to do with Edward really has nothing to do with me.

I was in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready for everyone before they got here when I heard a knock on the door. As I approached the door, I looked through the peephole to see some familiar penny colored hair. Why was he here so early?

"Hey Edward" I opened the door up for him and let him in.

"Hey Bella" he walked inside the house taking off his jacket and wet muddy shoes.

"You know you are here early." I went back into the kitchen, Edward following me.

"Yeah, I know. I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Really? Talk to me, not growl or hiss like usual." I chided "You know, I am sick of riding this Roller coaster with you. One second you are up and fine with talking to me, then the next second you are down saying that you don't want to be my friend." I was moving about the kitchen pulling out sauces from the fridge and spices from the cabinets.

"That's what I kind of want to talk to you about." He ran his hand through his hair looking somewhat uncomfortable.

"I'm waiting" I continued pulling out things.

"I talked to Seth and a little bit to Kate, and they both told me that it is about time that I start moving on." He picked up a pen off the counter and started playing with it in his hands.

"Bella, I am in a really weird position right now in my life, and it never seems as if things ever go easy. I understand that things aren't easy for you either, but when I said that I didn't want to be your friend, I over reacted and I didn't really mean it. It would be great to be your friend again. It's going to take some time for me to be able to have things go back like that. But if I'm being honest with myself, one thing I do miss is talking to you." I kind of missed talking to him too but I really don't understand why he's always making all this seem like everything's harder for him then it ever was for me. I'm sure that this was as hard for me as it was for him, if not harder. He had been through a lot of shit and I get that, but I did too, plus I had to deal with all his high school shit from him and his buddies.

I stopped what I was doing and leaned up against the counter.

"I understand Edward, and it is difficult, but I know that it would make everyone happy to see that we can stand around each other but," I took a deep breath, "I don't know that I can ever really be your friend again after what you put me through." He started to nod his head and run his hand through his hair yet again, "As of right now the most I can be is a…acquaintance, I guess."

If I take baby steps to all this, maybe we could end up being friends again. Although I'm not entirely sure that will ever happen.

"As of right now, I will take it. All I ask is that we can be in the same room with no glares and snares, for right now."

"I'm not so sure that I can do that." I giggled a little, "I love being rude to you, it gives me something to do."

"As long as it's no physical abuse or too much emotional, you can be as rude as you want if it gets you to stay talking to me." He replied.

"Okay than"

"Since I am here early, do you want any help?" Edward asked after a few moments of silence.

"I think I can handle it by myself like I always do, but thanks."

"Just let me help you." Baby steps Bella, baby steps.

I nodded my head and Edward walked further into the kitchen.

"So, what would you like me to do?"

"See the French bread over on the island," I pointed towards the two loafs of bread on the island in the middle of the kitchen, "it needs to be sliced."

"I can do that." He grabbed the knife and began cutting while I put the tortellini into the boiling water and mixed up the marinara sauce with mushrooms.

"Have you picked out our classes for next term?" Edward asked as he neared the end of cutting the first loaf of bread and moved on to the second.

"Yes I have."

"Any good ones?"

"I'm taking a few, but the one I am looking forward to the most is my Darkroom Photography." I told him pulling out dishes from the cupboard.

"You still love photography?" he finished cutting the bread and was leaning against the counter.

"No, that is why I am taking photography classes." I said sarcastically rolling my eyes.

"That was a dumb question to ask wasn't it?" He smiled.

"Yep. But to answer your question, yes I do still love it. I stopped taking photos for awhile, but then when I started college, I picked it up again. It was been my stress reliever and when I take pictures, it really helps releases and expresses some of my pent up feelings that I have had." Little did he know that I stopped taking pictures after sophomore year. Every time I even picked up a camera, it would remind me of the past, and it hurt too much, but now, that is how I get my frustration out.

"That's good to here. I am glad that you still love it."

"Thanks"

"Bella? Where are you?" Emmett came in.

"We're in the kitchen!"

"We? Oh, hey man!" Emmett came into the kitchen and gave Edward a man hug, "You're here early."

"So I have been told. Here Bella, I am all done." He handed me a bowl that was covered in cloth and filled with the sliced French bread.

"Thank you. You can actually go set on the table along with these dishes and set them up." Edward took them a headed towards the table.

"How is it going?" Emmett asked as soon as Edward went into the other room and I started to drain the tortellini.

He was probably worried about what kind of exchange I had with Edward. I know that he's looking out for me, but I can take care of myself, and it annoys me that no one else can see that.

"Good." Emmett looked at me skeptically.

"Really Emmett, all we did is talk a little bit and we came to an understanding."

"I believe you" he sighed, "what are we having anyway?"

"Cheese filled tortellini, French bread, and a salad."

"Sounds delicious." He kissed my temple then went to the fridge and got out a drink for everyone.

One by one, everyone came in talking to each other at the table until dinner was fully ready.

At dinner it was surprisingly peaceful, no glares from Edward or me, or even snide remarks. We really didn't say all that much to each other anyway.

--

The next couple of days passed like they had at dinner, expect with the fact that Edward had started to talk to me a little more, and I would start talking to him to a little bit, a lot of the time using my greatest strength, sarcasm, but at least I was still talking to him.

Whenever we did talk, it never really got to be personal stuff or anywhere near past events. I guess he thought it was way too soon to talk about that, but that was fine with me, it was still giving me time to think about when and how I would approach the topic of my Bulimia.

Our conversations were always casual things, like when watching a TV show or movie, we would talk about it, or even talk about the weather. I hated talking about the weather that was always something you bring up when you cannot think of absolutely anything else to talk about. Kind of sad, I know.

I was starting to warm up to him a little, but it still never stopped me from throwing him my snide remarks every once in awhile like I said I would. At the end of the day though, after he left, Alice would always come up to me and ask if I told him, and I would always tell her the same thing. Soon.

I really did want to tell him and get it over with, but I couldn't. It was really driving me insane that I couldn't go up and just tell him, and let him deal with the guilt he deserves, I just couldn't.

"What game do you guys want to play tonight?" For the past few nights when everyone was over we would play a game. One night it was Apples to Apples, another night it was Taboo, now here is another night, and we can't really seem to think of anything.

"How about we play a game outside?" I suggested

"What? Bella, its freezing outside." Rose started to whine.

"So what why don't you grow a pair, plus I am pretty sure that Emmett will keep you warm."

"True." Rose shrugged and nestled closer to Emmett.

"Alright, but what game?" Jasper asked, Alice sitting on his lap.

"How about Ghost in the Graveyard?" Edward offered and I looked over at him.

"That does sound like fun." I agreed and he smiled at me.

"Looks like we are playing Ghost in the Graveyard, but I'm not it." Emmett shouted.

"I'll be it!" Edward offered holding up his hand and we all looked quizzically at him.

"What? I haven't played in years, and it sounds fun hiding somewhere while all you guys have to come look for me."

"Everyone go get your coats on and head outside." I said.

--

We had decided that our safe point would be the back of my truck. Once we find Edward we had to run back there and hop in before he tags one of us. We had decided to move the truck down the street a little ways to make it a little funner. I know that's not a word, but deal with it.

"One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock rock, four o'clock, five o'clock, six o'clock, rock," we started chanting as Edward went to go hide, "seven o'clock, eight o'clock, nine o'clock rock, ten o'clock, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, MIDNIGHT!!" We all had shouted at the end and all split up to go find Edward.

I was alone walking around the yard, while Emmett went up the street a little bit with Rose, and Jasper and Alice went in the opposite direction. I couldn't help but look at all the Christmas lights that were hanging around on the houses around me and on ours as well. Emmett has always loved the multicolored lights, while now days I mostly see people use those white icicle lights. But Emmett liked being bold and different we even had a giant penguin on the roof that is holding a present and sways back and forth. I was the one to pick that out. I thought it was adorable, and it made me smile when I saw it. Emmett, thought differently, but still let me get it, not that I needed his approval anyway.

I was still making my way around the yard, and I couldn't see anyone or anything, I was about to turn and look elsewhere when I heard a noise. It was coming from the tree that we had in the front yard.

I slowly made my way towards the tree and looked around it, but I couldn't find anyone, so I turned and headed back, until I heard the noise again. Where the hell is that coming from? I made my way slowly back to the tree, and then I heard it again and stopped mid stride. The sound was coming from above me.

I slowly lifted my head to look up at the tree to see a giant black shape hiding up in the tree.

"GHOST IN THE GRAVE YARD! RUN! RUN! RUN!" I shouted so that everyone could hear, and booked it away from the tree as Edward jumped down out of it and started chasing after me.

He was directly behind me and I could feel his hand near about to touch me, so I took a sharp turn causing him to lose his footing and fall in the mud.

I stopped and turned to look at him and started laughing. The clumsy one wasn't the one to trip and fall this time; it was the one that was usually so graceful.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. I'm going to get you still." He slowly stood back up.

"You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man." I started to laugh some more.

"You still have a ways to run, so we will see what happens." then he came charging at me.

"Oh shit." I started to run again as fast as my legs could carry me. Then I saw it. Our safe point. I started to run even faster.

Getting closer and closer to the truck, I could see Alice and Jasper in it. They started to scream at me and tell me to run faster.

As I neared the truck I had reached out for it with Edward was right behind me, I could feel his hand so close to me about to touch me. Just then Alice and Jasper's hands reached out from the tuck and I grabbed on to them as the pulled me in away from Edward. He slammed into the side of the truck from going a fast speed, but didn't really hurt himself because he had put his hands out to stop him.

"Told…you…couldn't…Catch…me…" I said in-between breaths.

He took a couple of breaths and leaned his back against the truck.

"You know, this is only the first round."

"And you know that Rose and Emmett are still out there... If you are lucky you can scare them to death as they are making out." I told him as he started to chuckle.

"Good idea." He pushed himself off the truck and went off to look for the two horny animals.

The game went on like this for a few more rounds, after Edward scared the shit out of Rose and Emmett who were on the ground all over each other. Edward ended up tagging Emmett, because he was on top.

Eventually we did go inside and had some hot chocolate before everyone headed home. I teased Edward about me being able to outrun him, and he only said it was because he let me. He was so full of it at times. He couldn't handle the fact that I did outrun him.

That night I went bed fast and soundlessly. It was the best night I have had in a long time, even with Edward there.

* * *

**FLASHBACK  
sophomore year, before Doomsday. **

_**EPOV**_

"_Merry Christmas!" I shout as soon as Bella opens the door with a giant smile spreading across her face. She always has the best smiles. Whenever she smiles it really does light up a room, so I decide to give her my famous crooked smile that I know she loves. _

"_So are you going to let me in or am I supposed to stand out here in the cold." I tease her and a blush reaches her cheeks. _

"_Sorry" she moves to the side so that I can pass her and enter the warm house smelling the amazing aroma of cookies, and pie. _

"_It's alright, now is that your famous Swedish Wafers that I smell you baking?"_

"_Yes it is, I just finished them." She bounces off into the kitchen only to bring out a plate of white cookies that have a delicious sugar frosting in between two of them. These cookies are amazing. They melt in your mouth as you eat them. I take one and eat it slowly, savoring its sugary flavor. _

"_Are they good?" she asks and I nod my head enthusiastically._

"_Did you get something for me?" She nods her head toward the present that I still have in my hands._

"_Why would I get you a present? Maybe it's for Charlie." I begin to teas her.  
_

"_Fine, be that way, then you won't get your present." She crosses her arms and goes over to the living room to sit down on the couch. _

"_You got me something?"_

"_Yes I did, is it such a bad thing to get my friend a gift?"_

"_No, not at all." She smiles again at me with her big brown eyes, shinning brighter than all the Christmas lights surrounding the living room. _

"_Does your mom even know that you're here? Its Christmas eve, you should be with your family." Bella begins to play with the end of her shirt. _

"_Bella, you are just important to me as my family." She blushes and I can't help but reach out and touch her cheek. I don't know what I would do if I never see her blush again. It's just too magnificent. _

"_I love it when you blush." I tell her sincerely. _

"_I really hate it. It's annoying as hell. I wish it would go away, just like all this." She pats her stomach._

_Just because she isn't as small as the rest of the anorexic girls in school doesn't mean she isn't as good looking at them. Bella always thinks of herself as fat, and she really isn't, she actually has curves, unlike other girls. I always thought of her as more belumptious than anything else. Plus it isn't the way that she looks on the outside that makes me like her so much; it is the inside of her, as cliché as that sounds, but true none the less. I love her for her personality and spunk, she can always make me laugh and smile even when I'm having one my bad days. _

"_Bella" I start to shake my head. She knows I hate when she talks down about herself like that. _

"_I know, I know, I'm sorry. I guess that should be my new year's resolution, not talking down about myself, but I can't help it if it's true."_

"_But it isn't true."_

"_Edward, you are my best friend, you are supposed to be nice to me, because if you weren't I would kick your ass, and you know it's true." I chuckle, and nod my head, but only if she knew that I really didn't want to be just her best friend. _

"_So Cullen, do want your gift first?"_

"_Sure, why not. Give me what you got." I place my present to her on the coffee table and lay my feet on the table as well, putting my hands behind my head and leaning back as she went over to the Christmas tree and pulls a gift out from under it. _

"_I hope you like it." She sounds shy as she hands me my finely wrapped Christmas present. _

_As I open the silver paper I'm left with a white box. I open it and sitting there nestled in tissue paper is a leather bound book, embed with golden elegant writing that said, "Découvrez-vous", meaning Discover yourself. Filled inside it are blank music note sheets, waiting to be filled with the little notes that come to my mind. _

_I love playing the piano, it's my life. Once I was taken in by Carlisle and Esme, the first thing I really noticed was this giant black grand piano that was sitting in a small room, off the living room all by itself, begging me to touch it. I went straight for it and started to play it. As soon as I hit one note, I felt warmth spread through me, this is what I need in my life. It's my way of expressing myself to everyone around me._

_I had open the leather bound book and on the inside of the cover is a note in Bella's handwriting: "Life is like a __**piano**__... what you get out of it depends on how you play it."_

_I close the book back and let my hands trial the writing. _

"_Do you like it?" Bella questions a little uneasily. _

"_I love it, thank you." She smiles at me yet again. I do love it. It's one of the best gifts I could've asked for. That is unless she accepts my other gift that I have for her later. "Now, here is yours." I hand her the gift I got her. _

_I'm really hoping that she likes her gift. I personally think it's perfect for her. It's what she needs and wants. It wasn't easy at first finding her a gift, because she hates when people do buy her gifts, but deep down I know that this will be the best gift and that she will accept more easily than others. After all I want to make this Christmas one of the best she will ever have. _

_She starts to shake the box around a little bit._

"_Its socks!" she cries out, but I know she's joking. _

"_Just open it."_

"_Fine grumpy gills."_

_She rips the paper off slowly, but as soon as she sees part of it, her eyes widen in astonishment and she rips the paper off faster. _

"_Oh my god Edward!" she squeals a little bit as she fully removes the shinny foil and looks at the box. _

"_I can't believe you got me a camera! And it's the one I wanted!" I got her one of those high digital cameras that is 25 mega pixels, and it came with a bunch of different types of lens that you can switch for different types of shots. _

"_Only the best for my best friend." I notice her eyes falter for a moment, but then she looks back at the camera and opens the box it taking out all the pieces for it. _

"_Wait a minute Edward. How did you afford this? Last time I recall it was almost four thousand bucks. Oh god, please don't tell me that is how much you paid for it." She places everything back into the box resentfully. _

"_Relax, Bella, I got it back on black Friday and because of that it was only about one thousand dollars instead of four." She still doesn't seem to sure. _

"_But Edward." She tries to rebut._

"_Nuh-uh. It wasn't just me anyways. It was everyone, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, all of them." _

_She can't hold back her grin anymore as she pulls the camera back out and examines it. _

_She turns it on and snaps a picture of me, surprising me for a minute. She looks at the back screen and grins even wider. _

"_I really love it Edward." She leans forward to give me a quick peck on the check, and I feel my face heat up, but thankfully she doesn't notice. "Thank you. Can we go try this out?"_

"_Sure we can." We then spent a lot of the evening taking pictures inside and out, of each other preserving our memories. All too soon it got later and it's almost time for me to go._

"_Hey kids, what are you up to?" Charlie asks us heading towards the front door._

"_Look Dad. Edward got me a new camera!" she waves her camera around a little bit to show it off._

"_That's great Bells."_

"_Hey, do you think you could take a couple pictures of both of us real fast?"_

"_Sure kiddo." He takes the camera from Bella's hands._

"_Smile kids!" I stand right next to Bella with my arm around her shoulders, and before I know it she leans into me and gives me another peck on the cheek and then there is a flash._

_Bella runs up and to take the camera from her dad._

"_Thanks dad" and she gives him a peck on the cheek as well. How I wish that there could have been something more to that peck on the cheek to me then there really was. She seems to give everyone she cares about a small one. _

"_I'll be in soon to finish dinner."_

"_Okay Bells." Charlie heads inside after that and Bella runs back over to me. _

"_Hey Bella, come sit with me for a minute."_

"_Sure" _

_We walk over to a swinging bench that's tied to a giant oak tree. Just then it starts to snow._

"_Wow, I can't believe it's snowing!" Bella reaches her hand out to catch a few snow flaks on her hand to watch it melt, as some landing in her dark, soft hair. She really does look beautiful, and I find it upsetting that she doesn't see herself that way. _

"_Bella, there is something that I want to tell you." I try to keep my voice firm and strong and avoid it from being shaky. _

"_What is it?" her big brown eyes peering into my green ones. _

_I take both her hands in mine._

"_Bella-"_

"_Bella!" Son of a bitch._

"_Yeah dad?" She calls back._

"_Your mother is on the phone."_

"_Okay! Sorry Edward, but I should get that, you know how Renee is." She says softly and I my heart falls for a moment._

"_Yeah, I should probably get going too. Esme is probably wondering where I am." I run my hand through my hair a couple times. _

"_Okay then" she lets out slowly. "I guess I'll see you later?" She pushes herself up from the bench. _

"_Yeah….Later" she runs towards the house while I stay sitting there._

_I want to tell her so badly and it has already taken me a lot of courage to do it right here. I spent months trying to build up the courage and I still don't have enough of it just to shout it out to her as she runs into the house. _

_This may be a sign telling me that maybe Bella doesn't feel the same way about me. Maybe she really only sees me as a friend, and I really don't want to ruin our friendship by telling her how I feel and not have her return my feelings._

_I can't tell myself that. I have to do it one day or it's going to drive me insane forever. One day I will have enough strength and courage just too finally blurt it out and tell her that I'm in I love her. I have been since that day at the park so long ago._

_I'm in love with the amazingly wonderful, Bella Swan. _

**End Flashback**

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**Thank you again to all those who reviewed. This chapter was supposed to be longer, but I can't type anymore, because I have to go help with the Christmas dinner. Sorry for any errors, when I have time, I will go back and fix the ones that I notice.**

**I want to wish you all A Merry Christmas, for those of you who celebrate it, and Happy Holidays! Hope you guys all have a great day!**

**Next chapter will be up as soon as I can put it up. And guess what, they are going to play twister. Hehe. **


	14. Authors Note

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**You can ignore. Just move on. **

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I am really sorry to do this to you guys, really I am. But I don't know when exactly I will be updating this story again, I have tried really hard to finish typing out this last chapter, but things keep getting in the way, such as, our car breaking down and me getting stuck at someone's house, Christmas activities. Then My birthday was today and we spent most of the day getting family pictures done, and no one would leave me alone long enough to write, and now we are headed to Utah for the week. I really don't want to go, but parents order.

**I will try really hard to get one out tonight if not I will try to get it out later on in the week if I can get on a computer, if not I promise you guys will have one by next Friday or Saturday.**

Sorry for all this. But I hope you guys had a great Christmas. Let me know what was your favorite thing you got!


	15. Chapter 14

**Hey you guys, so I got this chapter out for you. Thank you for those who wished me a happy birthday. It really did make my day. I really love all the reviews that you have been giving me. It really motivates me to get chapters out. **

**I am here in Utah, and I thought that I would have wireless internet, but my aunt got rid of it, so I have to wait until late at night to take my dad's wireless USB port he has and I managed to get this out. I hope you guys like it. Sorry for all the mistakes, it is really late. **

**Anyways, read on, if you dare**

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**Chapter 14: confused**

_I have a problem that I cannot explain  
I have no reasons why it should have been so plain,  
Have no questions but I sure have excuse  
I lack the reason why I should be so confused, _

_I know, how I feel when I'm around you,  
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you,  
Around you, _

-_Roulette_ by **System of a Down**

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**

The next few days passed by in a blur before I knew it Christmas had come and gone like that. Edward didn't spend Christmas with us. He was here for a little bit on Christmas Eve, but then left. None of us knew where he went. He had told us that he had some special meeting for AA because holidays could get really bad for them, but I didn't believe it, and what kind of meeting takes freaking two days. If he couldn't come up with a better excuse, that was his fault. All of us knew that he was lying, but no one really wanted to go up and question to him. We just let him go on his little merry way.

On the days that Edward was over we actually talked to each other. With the both of us, things were still progressing as usual, the best way they could. I didn't think this past week would go as smoothly as it had, but it did, and if I was being honest with myself, I would say that I really like how things have been going. I could tell that everyone was happy about how much improvement Edward and I were both making. I was still nowhere near being his friend again, but things were still good.

The only time Edward was a complete ass was whenever Felix had come over. I had invited him over a couple of times for our game nights and it was always fun, but a little awkward at times because of Edward. I wanted him to deal the fact that Felix was my friend, but he would get all pissy and throw a fit like a little girl.

I didn't care about what Edward said or thought about Felix, he was more of a friend to me right now then Edward was, and Felix was still going to hang out with us wither he liked it or not. Right now though, I've been getting this feeling that no one else really liked Felix either. Anytime I would ask them what they thought of him, they would put on their fake smiles and say he was great, but I know they are lying, but if they didn't want to tell me, that was their problem, so until they give me a reason to hate him and stop hanging out with Felix, I was still going to.

It was now New Years Eve day, and us girls were trying to put things together. We were out shopping to buy loads of junk food and some New Years Eve toys, like noise makers, and small fireworks. We couldn't buy any champagne, so we went ahead and bought a bunch of Apple sparkling cider, and a few grape flavored, because they're my favorite.

"Just letting you guys know, I invited Felix tonight." We were walking down the chip and cracker aisle and I saw both Alice and Rose cringe a bit then regain composure trying to hide it.

"Okay you guys, what is it?"I tossed a box of Wheat Thins in the cart and stopped in front of it.

"It's nothing Bella" Rose tried to reassure, but I knew it wasn't an honest reassurance.

"Bull Shit! I know you guys are hiding something. Now tell me!"

Both of them exchanged looks.

"It's not that we don't like Felix. He seems like a pretty good guy, but as I remember he wasn't all that great in high school." Alice sighed.

"What are you talking about Alice? He was one of the people that saved me when you guys weren't there."

"No, no, you're right. He was there for you. It's just that he was such an ass to Edward."

"Don't you see why?!" I threw my hands into the air.

"We do see that, but he was that way even before you guys started fighting." Rose stated.

"I don't know, maybe he knew Edward better than I thought I did." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Bella, that can't be it."

"You know I don't care about that. I am trying to move on from the past." I turned and started walking down the aisle again.

"How are you supposed to do that when you don't even talk about it?!" Rose shouted out pushing the cart a little faster to catch up to me.

"I will. Just drop it okay." They don't seem to understand that it's not really easy going up to the person that caused so many scares that have started to heal and just so they can be ripped open again, and possibly have a little lemon juice squirted on them to make it worse than before.

"Whatever, besides that, he still at times can be kind of a douche to Edward." Alice tossed in a bag of salt and vinegar chips.

"And Edward is kind of a douche to him" I finished for her. "I don't see any problem. Felix has been nothing but nice to me, while Edward on the other hand has just started."

"Okay, enough beating around the bush." Rose huffed, "We're really afraid that he's going to say something to James."

I stopped moving when she said that. I never really thought about that. I had completely forgotten that Felix's brother was James himself.

"I really didn't think about that. I guess it really shouldn't matter right now."

"What are you talking about? Of course it matters. If he comes back, who knows what he will do." Alice put off.

"Yeah _if_. Don't you think that if Felix wanted to tell James that Edward was back and I was different, he would've done it already? If he was the ass you guys are saying he is, wouldn't he have done it?" Neither of them said anything. "I thought so." I then resumed the grocery shopping.

--

Once we had everything checked out and in the car, we headed back home.

"Bella, when we get back do you want to go to the gym with us?" Alice asked as she drove the car.

"I don't know. You guys know how I feel about using the gym." I really didn't like working out in public, it made me feel awkward knowing that there could be a bunch of people staring at you as you lifted weights, or even some perverts watching you as you ran on the treadmill. I really didn't like it.

"Oh, come on Bella." Rose started to whine. "The guys are going to go too."

At that thought I saw both Rose and Alice start to drool thinking about their men shirtless, lifting, heavy weights and watching their muscles clench and unclench as they flexed…and…and…sweat falling off his chest sliding down into his very well-defined V curve while his usual disarray of bronze hair was even messier and slightly sticking to his forehead and in his green eyes because of the swe-

Wait…what the fuck am I doing?

"Bella...Bella? Are you okay?" I heard Rose asking over and over again waving a hand in front of my face.

"Uhhh…Yeah" I shook my head breaking out of my trance. "I'm good."

Both of them started to look at me suspiciously. I didn't realize that we were now parked in the driveway.

"Are you sure you are alright? You're kind of breathing heavily." Alice questioned.

"I'm sure. I'm just getting a really bad headache." I started to rub my forehead for effect so that they would believe me.

They both seemed to believe me, so we got out of the car and unloaded it, taking everything into the kitchen.

"So we're going to head to the gym, and I take it you're not going to go." Rose asked once everything was unloaded and put away for later tonight.

"You took it right." I told her. "I think I'm going to go lay down or something."

"Well, have fun! We're off." Both Alice and Rose headed out the door with me following them to the doorway.

"Bye guys, see you later." I waved them off before shutting the door.

I stayed there leaning up against the door for a moment trying to think of something to do when I saw my yoga mat leaning up against the wall in the family room and decided that I was what I was going to do.

I made it a habit to do yoga when I was really stressed out or needed something to do and right now, I was kind of going through both.

I went upstairs and got changed into my booty shorts and tank top; I usually wear this kind of outfit only when I'm doing yoga and also when I'm alone. Being able to move around freely with out to many restraints is nice, but having other people around when that's all I'm wearing, is not. The reason? I'm still really shy about my body. I know that I have the toned muscles and everything and my bulging stomach is now gone, but I'm so used to hiding my body from everyone. It's become really difficult for me to start showing myself off.

I laid out the mat in the family room on the floor and was following the instructor on the TV. I didn't know how long I was doing it for, but I really didn't care. It was really relaxing and calming, and I was enjoying every minute of it.

Then the door burst open.

Oh God, no.

"Hahahahaha...and then she was like, 'it's not hard enough' and then I was like…BELLA! What the hell are you doing?!!"

I was in the middle of doing a downward facing dog with my ass high up into the air facing those who were now in the room.

I stood up so fast that my head started to spin and turned to see everyone standing by the doorway wearing their gym clothes. How long was I doing yoga for?

"Hey guys" I nervously waved my hands at them.

"What the hell were you doing? What the hell are you wearing?!" Emmett started shouting. That is when I realized what exactly I was wearing, practically nothing.

"Umm…" I folded my arms across my chest.

"You shouldn't be wearing that stuff when we have people around, plus its freaking freezing!"

"Oh hush Emmett. She looks hot. You're not used to seeing her like this because she's always covered in baggy clothes, even when she goes swimming." Alice deafened me walking up next to Emmett and hitting him on the shoulder.

"Damn woman! You should wear clothes like that more often." Rose cheered.

"Look, you even have Edward here speechless." Jasper said patting Edward on the shoulder as Emmett glared at all of them.

Oh shit. Edward.

I slowly moved my head to see Edward standing there. I could feel his eyes raking up my body, but I couldn't meet his gazes. Once I did look up into his face, it was pretty much expressionless, except for his eyes.

They weren't filled with disgust like I thought they would, but full of something else I couldn't quite make it out because he was hiding it.

It was then, for the first time in years, I felt heat run up my neck onto my cheeks, getting hotter by the second, and I couldn't stop it.

"OH MY GOD!" Both Alice and rose shouted and squealed, and they started towards me.

"You're blushing!" Alice squeaked.

I looked back at Edward and saw something that I haven't seen in a long time; that heart stopping crooked smile that I fell for back when we were still in middle school.

Oh shit. This can't be happening.

I ran past everyone who were still standing near the door in awe and ran up the stairs slamming my bedroom door, locking it behind me, so that no one could get in. I leaned my back against the door and put the palm of my hand to my cheek. It was still warm, if not hotter.

I couldn't believe it. How is it that the one person that I loathed so much could be the one to make me blush again?

--

I didn't come down for the rest of the day until it was absolutely necessary, which was when we were supposed to start putting food together for tonight. Plus Felix was coming over soon and I had to be down there for that, incase Edward answers the door and tells him to get out.

I got up off the computer and got dressed into some comfortable jeans and my Gears of War tee shirt that I got at Hot Topic for Christmas covering as much skins as possible.

"Well there you are." Rose said once I had entered the kitchen to help out.

"We didn't think you were ever going to come out." Alice was taking out the crackers and putting them into a bowl.

"I kind of had to come out sooner or later. I have Felix still coming over and I wanted to be the one to answer the door just to be safe." I went over and started pulling out beans, avocados, sour cream, and peppers to make a bean dip.

"True. Now, what was with you blushing?!" Rose had stopped mixing together the strawberry Bacardi that she was making with Sprit, rather than alcohol, and Alice joined her.

"It was nothing guys." I continued making the bean dip trying to act like the fact that I blushed was really no big deal.

"It didn't seem like nothing. That is the first time you have blushed in years and all you can say it that 'it was nothing?'" Rose started mocking.

"I don't know what to tell you guys. I don't know why I did it." I shrugged.

"Oh, but we think we know why you did it." Alice and Rose both looked at each other then back at me so that Rose cold start wiggling her eyebrows at me. I darted my eyes back and forth between them. I could tell that they were up to something.

"I am glad that you two think you know, because I don't."

"Don't worry, you'll figure it out soon enough." Rose said with a mysterious tone.

I gawked and shook my head at both of them for a minute then the doorbell sounded. I stepped away from the bean dip I was making and ran towards the door.

"I got it, I got it." I started shouting as I saw that Edward was about to answer it and ran in front of him pushing him back.

"You. Go sit back down." I started pushing him away from the door.

"Jeez Bella, calm down, it's only the door. I think I could've answered it myself." I ignored him and opened the door.

"Hey!" Felix smiled as soon as the door was open and he saw me. Edward on the other hand growled in disgust and went back to the family room with the guys.

"I take it he's not happy to see me?"

"When has he ever been?" I rolled my eyes. "Come in" I moved out of the way and motioned for him to come inside.

"I brought some champagne to help ring in the New Year." He held out the fine bottle of champagne to me as he came into the house.

"Oh thanks Felix" I took the bottle from him hesitantly, "But we don't have any alcohol around here." I glanced over at Edward who was sitting in a chair facing the TV with a grumpy look on his face.

"Oh, sorry. I guess I kind of forgot." I saw him glance over at Edward as well.

"What do you mean you forgot? How did you even know?" He started chuckling softly as he finished entering the house and moved towards the living room.

"My brother is James, is he not?" He was talking softly. "I know what my brother was up to, and kind of still up to, and I know that Edward was there with him a lot of the time."

At that I felt myself get a little angry. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into another room away from everyone.

"If you knew what Edward was doing, why didn't you stop him?" I hissed at him. "You could've prevented a lot of the things that have happened to him, happen."

"I could've, but do you honestly think he would have listened to me. Would it change him from being the dickhead he was to you in school? I don't think it would've. Plus he really didn't start doing all the hard drinking and everything until after you left."

"Still Felix, you should've done something! I mean, it was your brother too!"

"That's the thing Bella, it wasn't only my brother; it was also my father." I took a step back for a minute. "Who do you think supplied the drugs? And how did you think we became so rich?"

I really didn't know what to say. All I could do was shake my head.

"See, my life hasn't been all roses and kisses like some people think, but I knew what you were going through, that's why I stood up for you. I knew what it's like to have an ass riding you and take complete pleasure in demolishing you. I actually had two of them, while you, you did have a few more than me, but I do understand.

"Why didn't you say nor do anything."

"As much as I would've loved to, I couldn't. They were still family and no matter what I loved them. I don't know why, but I did, it's not like it mattered anyway. James has run off, but still talks to me, but I don't know where he is, and my dad, he is sitting in a jail cell, busted for selling drugs to minors, and he even was also…"Felix took in a heavy breath "he was also convicted of rape, so he'll be there for awhile."

I went over and gave him a hug. Even though his dad got what he deserved, I still felt bad for him. He was all alone and didn't have anyone.

"I'm sorry" I whispered into his ear.

"It's not your fault. I know that you've been through hard times as well and it's not right to think about my difficulties when I'm really not the only one who has gone through them." Felix took my hands and gave them a kiss. "Now, let's get back in there I'm getting a little hungry." He started to rub his stomach.

"Lets" I agreed and we left the room. "You're going to have to go in there with the guys and hang out while I put this in the kitchen and grab the food." He nodded his head and went into the family room while I took the bottle of champagne into the kitchen where the girls were preparing the rest of the food.

"So how did it go out there? I didn't hear any screaming or cursing." Rose teased.

"Nope, I got to the door first, although Edward did try to beat me to it. And when I answered all he really did was grumble and storm off into the family room." I put the bottle of champagne into the pantry.

"What the hell is that?!" Alice started to shout as she saw the bottle.

"It's nothing, just something that Felix brought over by accident." I hurried and slammed the door shut.

"Like hell its nothing! Who the fuck does he think he is bringing in that stuff!" Her voice rising louder and louder.

"Alice, chill, please! He didn't know."

Alice started to grumble something underneath her breath and went back to what she was doing.

"Is everything ready?" I asked after I grabbed a few bottles of sparkling cider and the noise makers for the countdown.

"Sure are, let's take all this out and go set it on the table." Rose started picking up a couple platters of food, and I followed behind her with the drinks.

As soon as we set everything out on the table we told the boys that they could grab a dish and get themselves some food. Emmett of course was the first one at the table pausing the game that they were playing.

They all one by one came over to the table except of Edward he stayed sitting in the chair looking out at the window. Felix came over and gave me a smile. I smiled back at him, and decided to go talk to Edward.

"Edward." He didn't say anything so I knelt down in front of him.

"Edward, you and I both know that you won't be able to ignore each other all night with the friends that we have so what's the point in trying." He only grumped.

"I know that you hate Felix, but will you please do me a favor for once and try to be civilized around him for once, for me." He looked over at me and I started to plead with him using my eyes. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, he just looked at me.

"Bella, I am not going to pretend I like him, but I guess I will try to be a little bit civilized." He sighed.

"Thank you." I stood up from my knees and patted his hand, and yet again just like at the hospital I felt a shock go through me but I just ignored it and went over to the table with Edward following behind me.

"Wow Bella, this stuff looks delicious." Felix exclaimed and I swear I could hear Edward roll his eyes behind me.

"Thanks Felix, but it wasn't only me, it was Rose and Alice as well."

"Well, ladies, you did a great job."

"Thanks" Both and Alice mumbled a little bit and I stomped on their feet.

Once everyone grabbed their food, since it was more like a buffet set up we all went into the living room to watch the boys finish their game, before we all played something together.

"So what game do you want to play?" Emmett asked as soon they finished their game and put his arms around Rose.

"I Know!" Alice yelped and as fast as lightning she jumped off of Jasper's lap ran upstairs to grab a game and came back down holding _Twister_ in her little hands.

"No, no, no!" I started chanting over and over as I got up off the floor and grabbed the game out of Alice's hands.

"Aww.. Come on Bella" Rose started to whine along with everyone else.

"No you guys already know how clumsy I'm and I'm pretty sure that having me on a slippery mat with a bunch of other people on it will end up in a big disaster. I don't want to end up with someone on top of me or me on them."

"Isn't that what makes this game so much fun?" Jasper said.

"Yeah Bella, come on, it will be fun. Who knows what can happen." Alice agreed with Jasper.

"Bella, if you play I'll make sure that you don't end up hurting anyone or yourself." Felix replied from the floor.

"Bella, if you don't play, I'll tell everyone about what you saw that one night you were over and we were playing Donkey Kong." Edward started to tease while I gave him a dirty look.

"You wouldn't!" I said darkly growling.

The story is that when I was over at his place on night, we were up late playing Donkey Kong when we both started to hear some noises. Being only about 11 at the time neither of us knew what it was and Edward was too scared to get up himself and figure out what it was. His parents were_ supposed_ to be out for the night and they trusted us enough to be left alone as long as we had kept the door lock and stayed up in his room.

Well, we went out to figure out what the sound was and it was coming from Edward's parent's room. Let's just say that the next day we got the bird and the bees talk from them. It was so fucking embarrassing, I used to blush every time I thought about it, and trust me I never I want to think about that again. It has kind of scarred me for life, considering Carlisle and Esme are like second parents to me.

Edward merely laughed it off, but I couldn't. It was embarrassing. All he would say is that 'it's only embarrassing if you care about what other people think"

"O I would," he replied, "and plus I would really see if those yoga moves help you out at all." He said in my ear as he passed by me to grab the game out of Alice's hands and set it up. Yet again I felt heat rise to my cheeks.

"Oh my god! Are you blushing again?" Alice asked with a high pitched tone.

"Wow, Edward must have really let Pandora out of the box, because you know he never really goes back in once you let him out, just like your blush now." Rose taunted.

"It's nothing you guys, just really hot in here." I started to whine.

"Yeah and Emmett here loves to eat salads." Jasper started to laugh.

I didn't say anything after that. I groaned and sat back on the floor next to Felix who looked really lost at this moment.

"So, who goes first?" Edward asked as soon as the pad was flat on the ground.

"How about we have Bella, Emmett, Felix, and Rose go first?" Alice suggested and I heard Edward groan.

"No, how about I spin." I picked up the wheel and held it up in my hands.

"Nope, I'll do that this round." Edward snagged it out of my hands "Now get your butt over there." Edward pointed towards the mat, and Felix stood up, helping me up after.

"Now we all know the rules right, if your knee or elbow touches the ground you're out, and if you fall over, you're out as well. Let's get started." Edward flicked his finger on the spinner and we all watched it spin for a moment before it finally stopped.

"Right hand red." We all reached out and put our hands on a red circle some of us had to reach across the board while others had it right in front of them.

"Left foot blue." Again we put our foot where he called.

This continued for a few minutes longer and soon we were all tangled together. I had my hand woven under Rose and my foot was up over her back leg, while Emmett was practically suffocating Felix.

"Left foot green."

"Shit!" Emmett and Felix both reached for the same green, but Emmett got there first pushing Felix out of the way as he fell to the ground. Everyone started laughing.

A few more colors were called and now it was only Rose and I standing.

"Right hand red." I reached my hand clear across the board and touched the red with my fingers while my body was contorted in a really awkward fashion. Rose tried to reach for it but fell to the ground instead.

"While, it looks like your yoga did help you out." Edward said as he handed me the wheel. "Wonder what else you can do because of it." I started at him as he made his way over to the board with the rest of the guys. Did he really say that?

The game continued on like this for a couple more rounds and every time Felix played I could swear that they were pushing him and causing him to fall, especially Edward. He would purposely move himself in the right way so that Felix would collapse to the ground.

"Okay, now it's time for Bella, Emmett, me, and Edward!" Alice called out as I made my way over to the board with Edward standing right in front of me smiling.

"Left hand green." I bent my hand so it landed on the green dot in front of me while Edward reached across and put his hand on the dot next to mine.

"Left foot Red" We all moved and Edward positioned himself so that he was facing me, but I didn't look at him, I kept my eyes on my foot that I had put down.

"Right foot yellow" He placed his foot in the yellow circle nearest me so that I had to wrap my leg around his to get to the other yellow that was behind his foot and Emmett's as well making me start to bend backwards a little bit.

"Right hand blue."

Oh great.

He moved his huge hand to the blue circle that was above my head making me move mine to the on underneath him.

I swear he was doing this all on purpose. Now here I was with my back bent backwards and the rest of my body contorted in a ridiculous way and Edward hovering above me. I could feel his chest rise and fall against mine as we waited for the next move to be called out. I really didn't have anywhere else to look. Neither of us did, so we just looked at each other.

I looked over at Alice who had an evil smile on her face and shared it with Emmett. She began moving causing Emmett to move and shake and then eventually she fell taking Emmett down with her. Like dominos Edward fell right behind Emmett, taking me with him.

I let out a little yelp as I fell to the ground holding on to Edward, as if he could help prevent me from hurting myself. I still ended up hitting my head first.

At that moment I was on the ground laughing along with Edward. I could feel his chest up against mine rippling with laughter. His face buried in my shoulder sending vibrations up the side of my neck.

As our laughing slowly started to fade; Edward lifted up his head from my shoulder and looked me in the eyes holding me under his intense gaze that felt as if they were burning a whole into my face. While his eyes were filled with mixed emotions that I could not decipher, I didn't really know what mine was holding, I was so confused right now. I didn't know what to think.

"How much longer are you guys going to lay there? Or do you two want to be left alone?" Rose was trying to hold in her laughter.

I realized the position I was in with Edward laying on top of me. One of my legs was up on his hip and the other in-between his legs, my hands were holding tightly on to his shoulders. One of his own hands was holding onto my thigh that was resting near his hip, while the other was holding tightly to my waist.

I immediately removed myself from under him and straightened my clothes out while Edward slowly stood up with a slanted smile on his face.

As I scanned the room I could see everyone was trying to hold in their laughter at the scene that was played out in front of him, but Felix…Felix, now he looked pissed off. He tried to cover it with a smile when I looked at him, so I just smiled back at him shyly.

"What time is it?" I asked with a slight high pitched tone. Alice giggled a little at my composure.

"Oh man!" she looked at the time on the DVD player, "They should be starting the countdown soon." She ran over and turned on the TV to Rockefeller Plaza where the ball will drop. Right now they had Katy Perry on singing "I kissed a girl," with the boys singing along with it.

After a few more artists came on and sang, the countdown started.

10…Everyone started to count along.

9…I gave everyone one of those pull fireworks that has confetti in it that come out the top once you pull it.

8…Emmett grabs a bottle of sparkling cider.

7…Alice and Rose grab some noise makers.

6…the ball is dropping lower.

5…everyone starts to stand up.

4…Everyone started to couple up, except for me, Edward, and Felix.

3…and lower it drops.

2…Alice holds on to jasper tightly and Rose does the same to Emmett.

1…

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" We all start shouting and making nose with our noise makers. Confetti flies everywhere across the room as Emmett opens the bottle of sparkling cider gulping it down. Rose shoves the bottle out of the way and replaces it with her mouth. Alice does the same to Jasper, while I give Felix a big hug.

"Don't I get at least a peck on cheek?" Felix asked with a small pout. I lean over and give him a quick peck. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward's fists clenched tightly.

"What about me?" Edward pointed to his cheek, as soon as I pulled away from Felix.

"Sorry, but I don't think so. You've had all the physical contact you'll ever get from me." I folded my arms across my chest. Edward frowned at me. I saw Felix who had a smug grin on his face causing Edward to clench his fists again. I knew he was really holding back, I could see it in his face. He was trying.

"What the fuck are you so smug about?" Edward growled at him.

"Oh nothing, just happy, that's all."

"Happy about what? That you are about to have my foot shoved up your ass!" Edward strode right up to Felix shoving his face into Felix's. I swear Edward saw something that I couldn't see in Felix, or something I didn't want to.

"What the hell is your problem?" Felix got right up into Edward's face as well.

"At the moment, you're my problem." Edward yells.

"Why can't you stand the fact that Bella actually has a friend that is actually willing to stick up for her rather than tear her apart for their own personal enjoyment?"

"Felix, you shut up right now. I know for a fucking fact that you aren't as holy and righteous as you pretend to be. I know what you are up too!" Edward was in rage now. What was Felix up to that has Edward so on edge? Why can't he stand that Felix is my friend and is going to be? Why does he hate him so much to begin with?

"You know what" Felix stood back, "I'm going to go before this ends badly. I'm going to be the better person and leave. I don't want to end up hurting you and causing Bella pain in the process"

"Wait Felix, you don't have to go." I pleaded with him.

"No Bella, I do." He headed towards the door and opened it. "I'll see you later Bella, I had a great time." I couldn't help but notice the fake smile he held when he said that. As he left he leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left."

I shut the door and left out an aggravated sigh.

"Bella, I'm sorry." Edward apologized. "I-"

"I know Edward, I really do. I told you to be civilized and you did a good job at it. I know that you tried your best at behaving around him. I'm kind of tired, so I think I'm going to head off to bed."

Edward started to say something behind me as I went up the stairs to my room, but all I wanted to do right now was sleep.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it. It didn't really turn out the way I wanted it to, but this will have to do, nothing seemed right as I wrote it out.**

**Next chapter will have…can you guess…that's right James! That one I really do have all planed out and something else will come out in the next chapter. The more reviews I get, the sooner I will post it.  
**


	16. Chapter 15

Sorry this took so long to get out, but now I am home yay! But now school starts again tomorrow, and I don't think I will be able to update as often as I have been, but I will try to get out at least two chapters a week.

Thank all you guys for the reviews. I LOVE YOU. I had the most reviews for the last chapter and guess what I have almost 300 alerts for this story.

Also as a note for you guys nominations are going up over at

**www[dot]twilightawards[dot]this-paradise[dot]com**

I hope you guys go nominate your favorite stories, I know I have nominated some of my favorite stories.

Anyways, read on, if you dare.

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**Chapter 15: And I feel unsafe**

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me_

_-Breath Me _by **_SIA_**

**_

* * *

  
_**

It was the night before school started back up and a week has passed since New Year's Eve. Ever since then I've decided not to invite Felix over anymore, especially with Edward around. Although it hasn't stopped me from calling and talking to him or anything like that. I had made my decision because of the fact that Edward really _could not_ deal with Felix. At all. I really knew he tried hard to behave, but he just couldn't and I guess I would have to deal with that.

This past week Edward has spent even more time than usual over at my place. The only times he was gone were for his meetings, expect this week he didn't go to his Friday "meeting". He stayed here instead, but that wasn't the only weird part, he even stayed here when no one else was over.

When it was only me and him.

That was something new and somewhat awkward at first. When I asked him on the first day when he came over while Emmett was gone, he said that he was lonely and wanted someone to talk to because neither of us had work that day, and everyone else did. We didn't have anything to talk about at first, but as the minutes dragged on we found something to talk about, Soon, I found that we couldn't stop talking. It would start out with little things such as classes that I had been taking while he was away eventually it turned into our childhood memories that we had together.

This went all week, laughing at each other and screwing around. For the first time it felt like I was starting to get my friend back, but I knew that I would never fully get him back unless I talk to him about everything and if he talks to me as well.

I was still too afraid to breach anywhere near the subject of our sophomore year or about my bulimia. I was really afraid that after all the progress that we've been making, that it would send us both back. I felt that I really needed to tell Edward about my issues, because I had found out about his, but I was not going to be the one to bring up about _why _I did what I did. Once I tell him, he should know why.

Edward and I were in the middle of laughing at old memories of me getting hurt or being just a complete idiot, something I seemed really good at, while we waited for everyone to get from there double date that they had together again. They actually went out clubbing and I hated doing that, so I opted out, and Edward stayed with me to keep me some company. We planned that as soon as everyone got back, we were going to watch a couple movies.

"Do you remember that time when Emmett ran over you with his bike?" Edward asked laughing a little.

"Do I remember it? What kind of dumb ass question is that?" I laughed with him.

"So you do remember it?" He asked slyly and snickered a little bit.

"Nooo...I don't." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Why did you want that ribbon so badly?"

"Because I did! If we had kept it all week, we were going to get a special treat."

"And because you wanted it so badly you ended up getting ran over by Emmett." Edward kept on laughing.

The whole story was that in like 2nd or 3rd grade at school, our teacher had given us a red ribbon, saying that if we wore it every day she had a special surprise for us at the end of the week. Me being a stubborn little girl, I was determined to wear that damn thing every day, but Emmett being the douche bag that he was took it from me and ran off on his bike with me chasing after him. I ended up standing in front of his bike while Emmett sat on his bike a few feet in front of me, both of us having a hardcore stare down. I had told him that I wasn't going to move, he said that he wasn't going to stop as he started to peddle his bike towards me. Well guess what, both of us stayed true to our word and I ended up with a spiked tire ran across my leg cutting it down almost to the bone.

I was in such shock that I didn't know what to do. I sat there holding my leg looking at all the blood gushing out from it. Emmett was freaking out enough for the both of us, running around screaming like a girl. He didn't know what to do and Charlie was at work. Luck y for both of us, and rather convenient, Edward was being dropped off by Esme. They had to of saw Emmett running around screaming and me sitting there holding my leg as blood rushed onto the sidewalk.

Edward was the first one over to me followed by Esme and Emmett who had a blanket in his hands. Edward came over and pulled me into his lap as best as he could at the time, while Esme and Emmett carefully wrapped the blanket around me leg, then carried me over to the car.

The whole time Edward stayed with me while Carlisle gave me stitches. Till this day I really don't remember any of the pain at all, I was just in too much of a shock I guess.

"Do you still have a nasty scar?" Edward asked taking me out of my daze.

"Of course I do, see" I lifted my pant leg up to show him the giant scar that was just below my knee. He reached his hand out and traced the scar slowly with his nice cool fingers. They felt so nice against my warm skin. He began laughing again as he continued rubbing it.

"You have bad luck with bikes don't you?" He was refereeing to another time when I was riding my bike on a hill and the wheel kind of lost traction when I went off a small jump, causing the wheel to rotate around and the handle bar as well. My stomach collided into the end of the handle bar creating a ring on my stomach because it didn't have that little rubber protector at the end of the handle bar, just the metal of the bike.

"I really do." I started to rub my stomach where the scar was and giggled a little with Edward.

"Looks like you guys are getting along nicely." Emmett came in through the front door taking off his coat and putting his keys on the table followed by the rest of the gang.

Edward leaned back against the couch taking his hand off my leg making me all of a sudden feel lonely at the loss.

"Yes we are." Edward smiled at me and I returned it with a slight blush on my face, but not enough for anyone else to really notice.

"What movie are we watching?" I asked as soon as everyone came in and sat down somewhere. Edward and I didn't move from the couch, so Alice and Jasper were on the big chair, while Rose and Emmett were on the ground, already making out.

"Will you two stop" I tossed a pillow at them and they broke apart yelling at me. "What movie are we going to watch?" I asked again.

"Humm…What about Tropic Thunder?" Jasper suggested.

"Sounds good to me!" Emmett agreed.

"As if you guys are really going to watch it." Edward played, as I got up to put the movie in. "We'll be lucky if we can hear the movie over your guys' lips smacking."

"Hey, no need to be jealous. I'm sorry that I have a pretty girl willing to make out with me and you don't." Edward chucked another pillow at him and Emmett tossed it back as Edward caught it ready to throw it again.

"Now, now children, enough!" I took the pillow out of Edward's hand after I put the movie in the DVD player and held onto it as I folded my legs beside me.

--

I don't know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up I realized that I was on something hard, yet it was incredibly soft and warm at the same time. I snuggled my face deeper into it and it smelt absolutely delicious, like Vanilla and chocolate mixed together along with a sort of musky smell mixed into it.

Then my eyes popped open.

I shifted in my spot quickly and looked to see that I was lying on Edward's chest as his head was tilted back against that corner part of the couch. You know that part where that is between the arm of the sofa and it's back.

I looked at the time and saw that it was almost 3 AM and no one else was in the room.

How could they just leave me here lying all over Edward?

I got up off the couch careful not to wake up Edward. I headed towards the stairs, but stopped and looked at Edward again. He kind of looked uncomfortable, so I went over and slowly moved his legs and his head so that he was lying flat on the couch. He moved around a bit moving his arm around as if he was looking for something. I just grabbed the blanket that was on the back of the couch and draped it across him.

I couldn't help but laugh internally, that was the same blanket that we had used to wrap my leg with. I took it once we moved out of Charlie's place, the blanket just held to memories to leave there.

I went to bed and slept quiet peacefully, but it didn't seem as peaceful as the rest that I just had and I was hating myself for it. I can't let this all be happening again.

--

"Bella, get your ass downstairs!" Alice burst through the front door.

What did she want now?

We've only gone through one week of school and I already have a paper to write for one of my classes and it really sucked because it was taking me ages to get it done. My brain really did not want to fucking focus on it. It seems to be everywhere else.

"Bella, can you hear me?" She came bounding up the stairs.

"What do you need?" I didn't move away from my laptop as I was typing away on it.

"You need to get ready?" That made me stop.

"Get ready for what?"

"We are going out tonight."

Ugh….. I smacked my head against my desk.

"Why?" I groaned into my desk.

"Because we haven't gone out, just the six of us, in a really long time."

"That's a great answer." I told her sarcastically.

"Do you really need a reason to come out and have dinner with your friends?" She was right, I shouldn't really need a reason to go out and hang with them.

"Your right Alice, getting away from working on this paper may actually help me out a little bit." I pushed away from my desk and headed towards my drawers to grab a fresh pair of clothes. Alice stood there staring at me.

"You know, you are kind of creeping me out right now." I pulled out a tee shirt.

"I want to make sure you don't end up picking out some old baggy clothes like usual."

"Alice, where are we going?"

"We're going over to Red Robins, but I still don't want you to go looking like you just got out of bed."

I gave her a dirty look and shoved my clothes that I had grabbed a second ago and back into the drawer and headed into the closest to get some Alice approved clothes. She nodded her head a little bit once I came out of the closet with a new set of clothes and left the room to let me get ready. I was really surprised that she really wasn't going to dress me or do my hair and make–up like she seems to do a lot of the time.

I put on some slightly faded jeans, and a red orange top that was short sleeved and had a v-neck design on it that panels down the front. It was not at all reveling which I really loved. I kept my hair down with a slight wave to it and my make-up was put on lightly.

When I got downstairs everyone was there and waiting, even Edward. He was talking to Jasper about something, but that ceased as soon as Rose greeted me, oh so graciously.

"Finally, there you are! We can go now." She stood up from the chair she was sitting on.

"Did I really take that long?" I asked as I grabbed my purse from the banister.

"No, Rose is just pulling your chain." Edward came up from beside me, startling me a little bit. I couldn't help but admire him. He was wearing a dark athletic tee, so I could see some of his stomach muscles through the shirt along with his firm pecks. He was also wearing some loose jeans that were hanging low on his hips…

Snap out of it woman, I shifted my head so now I was looking at the floor rather than at Edward. I swear I could hear him chuckle a little bit.

"Good Job. I'm proud of you Bella. You look great!" Alice appeared from out of the bathroom.

"Thanks Alice." I said mockingly and rolled my eyes.

I could see Edward look at me from my peripheral vision, but I refused to look at him directly.

"Well, let's go, shall we?" We all headed out the front door.

"Are we all riding together or what?" I asked as soon as we were out in the driveway.

"I'm going to ride with Rosie here because I want to ride in her convertible with the top down." Emmett sounded giddy about it, like a little kid.

"Oh, Oh, oh, Can I go with you?!" Alice started to cry out eagerly.

"Sure, just get in." Rose sighed and Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him out into the bright red BMW convertible.

"We'll see you guys there!" Rose and Emmett got into the car and drove off.

"Guess that leaves you riding with me." Edward jingled his keys in his hands.

"Looks like it." I made my way over to his car and opened the door.

--

The car ride was quiet except for a few pleasantries exchanged here and there. It really didn't matter because the restaurant wasn't that far away, so there really wasn't enough time to talk about anything even if I wanted to.

Everyone else was already at the restaurant and seated by the time we got there so we sat down with them with all the couples sitting next to each other and Edward sitting across from me.

We all ordered and got our food and we had all started chatting about almost everything and anything. It was turning out to be a great night, but things never really ever go the way you want them to. Right when you are in the middle of something great, something else has to come up or shove their ass in your face just to ruin your day, week, year, or even life.

"Edward?" I froze where I was, about to shove a French fry into my mouth when that voice stopped me. I could feel myself suddenly start to gag.

"James?" I looked at Edward to see him staring behind me.

"Hey man! How's it going?" James brushed past me making me want to rip my arm off and throw it away, to greet Edward with a boyish handshake.

"It's going." Was all the Edward replied. I could tell that he felt really uncomfortable with having James around, especially with me here sitting across from him. I turned my head down and stared at my plate having my hair cover my face and block it from James.

"Now, who do we have here?" I heard his sickly voice directed at me.

"Oh, no one. Just a friend of mine from school" Thanks Alice, but I doubt that will help at all.

"Really?" James let out slowly in a kind of flirtatious way that made me want to throw up then and there, all over him.

"So…" I felt him move over to me, "What's your name precious? Or should I just call you mine?" Who the hell did he think he was! He did not seriously say that shit to me. I lifted my head up bravely and looked him right in the face.

"It's Bella you jackass, Bella swan."

"Izza Belly!" I furrowed my eyebrows together and clenched my fists.

"No Fucking way! Holy Shit!" He started to laugh really hard that I swear he was about to piss himself.

"Look at you!" He continued to laugh, "Looks like my job worked! I can see why Felix has been so busy."

"James, stop!" I looked at Edward to see him too had his fists clenched and looked as if he was about to pounce, while Alice and Emmett too had disgusted looks on their faces.

"Whoa! Chill man, just admiring our handiwork." He began to play with my hair and I pulled back. "Man, how I would love to-"

"JAMES LEAVE NOW!" Edward stood up from the table looking as if he was about to punch James in the face with his clenched fists. Everyone in the restaurant was now looking at us, but at that moment I was paying no attention to them, I was too worried about a fight that was about to happen right in front of all of them.

"Dude, what happened to you? You were so much cooler back in high school, but now that you're back, you run right to Bella thinking that she will give you what you want now huh! I hope this is all part of some plan because if not then," he huffed, "you're just pathetic." James left us and Edward started to lunge for him, but I stood up and pushed him back.

"Edward, sit back down." I pressed, forcing him back into his seat.

We all sat back down after a few minutes, no one really said anything. I noticed their glances at me every now and again afraid of me doing something after seeing James, but I wasn't going to do anything. Sure I was a little disgusted for him flirting with me, but at least he didn't do anything to hurt me. I know they were all aching to ask me if I was alright and I tried to reassure them a couple of times but they still didn't seem to sure.

Edward wouldn't take his eyes off of me. He seemed to be the most worried about me and right now, I was really getting sick of it. Not just him, but of everyone waiting for me to scream or yell.

"Umm…you guys, is it all right if I went to go get some fresh air while you finish?" I asked. I couldn't stand there sad, questioning looks anymore. I was completely fine but they acted as if I was going to die or something.

"Sure squirt." Emmett spoke up, I gave him a smile. I standing up from the table I took a hold of my purse and made my way towards the exit. I could feel all their eyes on me, but the one that was the hottest was Edwards.

I left the building making my way towards the side of it where we parked the cars when someone yanked me away from the direction I was heading.

"Where do you think you're going?" said a sick sadistic voice as it dragged me towards the back of the building away from everyone and everything.

"Let go of me!" I tried to pull my arm away from James but he twisted it making me yelp. He covered my mouth with his hand. I kept fighting against his hold, but he just kept on dragging me towards the back as if I was trash.

"No, this should actually be fun and would make up for all those lost years, don't you think?" he pushed me up against a wall and held my hands up over my head with one of his overly large ones.

I tried to scream and yell, but couldn't because of his hand, all of it sounded muffled. The tears began leaking out of my eyes.

I struggled against him some more but he was too strong to make much of a difference. I even tried to kick him but he locked my legs against the wall with one of his own.

"Someone has gotten feisty haven't they? I like that." My vision became blurry and my body shook with fear of what may happen to me, but none of that was stopping me from trying to escape James' grasp.

"You are going to have to hold still if I'm going to do this right." James leant down and started rubbing his nose against my neck as he roughly turned my head so he could gain better access to it.

"You know, I never knew why either of them had a thing for you, but I guess I can see it now. You are so…tempting. And you smell absolutely delicious." He inhaled deeply, his face still against my neck. Soon he began to do something that was absolutely repulsive; he started to suck on my neck. Never softly. He went right on biting my neck.

"You know, this shirt has me conflicted." He traced the top of my shirt with his nose because both of his hands were occupied, across my neck, "It doesn't show enough for my liking, but at the same time it makes me wonder what you are hiding down there." He licked his lips.

I had to do something, anything to get away from him so I bit down hard on James' big ass hand that was pressed against my mouth. I dug my teeth deeply into his skin feeling the top of my teeth penetrate his skin and warm liquid gushed out.

"Ow!" he pulled back away from me to inspect his hand and I took that as my chance to run for it. I pushed myself off the wall and James in the processing running away. I screamed for help but no one came. I could hear James' feet pounding against the concrete behind me.

"You little bitch!" He caught up to me and tripped me with his foot causing me to fall down on the ground face first. I stopped the fall with my hands before I could hit me face. I was panicking; my breath was erratic and uncontrollable with tears pouring down my face and my heart pounding so hard and fast that it was all I could hear. James was about to pounce on me but I kicked his leg causing him to fall to the ground.

I tried to stand back up and run but James was too fast for me. Before I could even fully stand up he yanked me by my hair causing me to fall down on my back and my head this time did hit the ground giving me an immediate headache.

"You little fucking slut!" James straddled me on the ground locking my hands and legs with his own legs. I started to scream and he slapped me really hard against the side of my face making it sting like a thousand needles and my necked snapped to the side.

He grabbed my face roughly and made me face him. His eyes were full of hate, wickedness, and dark from his nauseating lust. I felt vomit creep up the back of my throat at the thought of what he was going to do to me. I tried to turn my head so that I could throw up, but he wouldn't let go.

"You be a good little girl now and let me have my fun."

"GET OFF HER!" James was pulled off me and fell to the ground on his ass and back.

"Oh, Edward. Did you want a turn?" James asked as if everything he was doing was okay and stood back up onto his own feet.

Finally being able to turn my head I turned on my side and threw up all over the ground. Edward ran over beside me and helped me sit up leaning me against the wall. He pushed hair out of my face and started to move his hands all over my face to make sure I was alright. He was so worried for me I could see it all over his face; hell I was worried about me right now. My brain was all over the place, I didn't know if I should stay there, run screaming, or what, but now having Edward here, I knew that I was safe.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" Edward moved to stand between James and me once he thought that I was okay, his back facing me.

"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to show this little bitch her place." Just then a fist collided with James's face sending him right back down to the ground, but he just started laughing as he stood back up yet again with his nose bleeding, it looked as if it was broken now.

"James you better walk away now! I never want to see you again!" Edward growled low in his stomach.

"Do you really think that because you are now clean and that you are better than me that she still wants you after everything we did? She never wanted you man. Isn't that why we started treated her like the shit that she is."

"_You_ did, after everything that you did James." James laughed hard at this.

"Me? Edward, you had as much part of it as I did. You were the one that set everything in motion, I was just the one that helped you move it along, so don't think that it was just me. I know that you know you did as much as I did if not more. Fuck Edward, you actually hurt her more than I ever could because of that one fact," he held up his finger in front of his face as blood poured out of his nose. "You were supposed to be her best friend." He pointed at Edward.

"Shut the fuck up right NOW!" Edward started to holler.

"You know, she is not really worthy of anyone anyway. She is so fucking sick and disgusting." James was now looking back at me while Edward stood there.

"Don't you know? I figured you would've found out by now. I mean I've known about it for years now, but that was because of Tanya. I'm surprised that she never told you about it."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Edward snarled trying to figure out what James was talking about, but I knew where this was leading. I knew what he was talking about and what he was about to tell Edward.

"God, you are so god damn oblivious, even in high school, everyone knew but you." James slowly started walking up towards Edward. "How do you think she lost all that weight Edward? Huh?"

"Edward?" I didn't want James to tell him, I wanted to, but I couldn't get Edwards attention.

"Did you think that she was like every other normal girl and lose the weight by exercising and eating right?" James pressed on, "No, of course she wouldn't. She had decided to take a different route and be one of those sick people who love to taste their food twice, once on the way down, and then on the way back up." I could see Edward face loosen up in comprehension of what James just said.

"Edward, please?" I begged for him to look at me or something.

"That's right; your best friend would gag herself instead of being like a sane person and exercising. She was probably too lazy to do that, I guess it was easier for her to sit by a toilet and puke into it instead." Edward still didn't say anything. "Do you want to know how I found out? It's a great story actually. So it was after we had gym one day while playing doge ball. We were all aiming for her and it was quiet funny watching the marshmallow over there try and dodge the balls. She would get hit no matter what because she was just a giant fucking target; it was hard to miss her. Anyway, it was near the end of class and I remember us teasing her a little bit as she fell to the ground and she couldn't really get up that fast and then you just had to say something.

"It was something like 'Look at the fat lard, she can't even stand on her own two feet, but that's probably because she can't even see them.'" James mimicked Edward, while Edward was starting to shake in fury. "You were looking right at her as you said it while she was looking at you giving you sad puppy dog eyes. It was all really pathetic and completely futile. After that she got up so fast off the floor it was amazing and ran right into the bathroom. Well, Tanya wanted go in there to say something to Bella, probably to make things worse, when she heard someone puking. Once she had turned the corner she saw Bella there shoving her finger down her throat, over and over again. She just watched it as if it was a show. Tanya eventually did come out of the bathroom laughing her ass off and told me what she saw." James was laughing hysterically at the memory of my horrid past.

Edward looked back to me as I sat there crying. He looked so sad and angry at what he had just heard.

"Don't you see, the best part of the whole thing it that it was because of you." Edward snapped his head towards James.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I have never heard Edward's voice that malicious before. It was kind of scary.

"What I'm talking about is that it is because of you that she ended up going all bulimic and everything. You're the reason why she went to the bathroom everyday to puke her guts out. Hell she probably still does it. And I got to say, I'm really proud of you, Edward, for doing what you did, because then she may still be a balloon and I don't think I would have as much fun with her as I will now."

Edward launched himself at James, full force knocking them both down on the ground. They were rolling all over the place, each one trying to gain more of an advantage over the other.

James had rolled Edward onto his back and started to punch him in the face causing Edward's face to bleed all over. He even picked up his head and tried to slam it against the sidewalk but Edward wouldn't have any of that. He kept his head firm and solid to keep James from being able to smack it against the cold cement.

I cried out to Edward and for some help but no one was listening. No one really cared enough. I was too afraid to get up and go get someone, afraid that if I didn't just stop this now, Edward could be seriously injured.

James stood up and started to kick Edward in the side over and over again while Edward withered in pain. He was trying to do block the blows but wasn't doing that well of a job. It didn't matter for even if Edward could block James' hits, he wouldn't stop.

I couldn't stand it anymore.

I pushed myself up off the ground and made my way towards James and jumped on his back. He swung around as I clawed at his face leaving deep cuts. He spun himself around and ripped me off his back causing me to fall to the ground and I could still feel the skin and blood under my nails that I had just ripped off his face.

"You stay there you little whore!" James shouted at me. I saw Edward kick James' feet with his own causing James to tumble to the ground. Edward took this moment and jumped on him pinning James down to the ground so that he could go nowhere, and started punching him repeatedly worse then what James was doing to him.

It was as if he was punching a punching bag rather than an actual person. Left fist, right fist over and over again into James' stomach, chest, side, face, everywhere, all while James laid there laughing in-between each strike he received.

"Edward, stop it!!" I yelled at him as I got up and ran over to him trying to pull him off James, "Please stop it."

I finally pulled him off James, who just continued to laugh. I was surprised that he was still breathing at this point. Edward and I fell back off of James and sat on the ground.

"Wow, Edward" James slowly and painfully sat up hissing with each movement he made, "Seriously I am damn fucking proud of you. I didn't think you ever had it in ya. I mean, I was the one that usually did the dirty work anyway." He glared over at me.

"James, get the fuck out of here before I call the police!!"

Without another word he turned to get up off the ground as best he could and ran away.

"Edward? Edward, are you okay?" I went over and put my hands on his face seeing that he had a cut over his eyebrow, a gash along his hair line, along with a swollen eye, bleeding nose and his lips were cut up as well. I couldn't really check the side of him where James had kept kicking him, but I knew that it was going to be bad.

"I'm fine." He tried to stand up, but he was struggling to do so, so I helped him up and we started towards his car.

"Give me your keys Edward." I held my hand up to him as I leaned him up against the passenger side of the car.

"No, I can do this by myself." He was trying to stay strong but I saw him falter.

"God, you are so stubborn." I reached my hand down his pant pocket and grabbed the keys from them trying to ignore the fact that I was putting my hands down his pants.

God that sounded so wrong.

After unlocking his car I carefully shoved him in and buckled him up as he leaned his head against the back of the seat holding his side. Once I was done, I made my way to the driver's side and started the car.

Throughout the whole ride home, I could feel Edward's gaze on me and it was somewhat making me uncomfortable. I was really worried about what was going to happen now and what he was going to say to me.

You wouldn't imagine how relieved I was when we pulled up into the driveway because that car ride was making me really antsy.

After much struggling I finally got Edward out of the car and into the house sitting him on the sofa. I inspected his injuries yet again on his face while his eyes stayed on mine. My face heated up a bit.

"I think you may need to go to the doctor." I told him.

"No I don't. I'm fine, just get me some ice and I will be good." He winced in pain and held his side again as he tried to move on the sofa to get into a more comfortable position.

"I'm going to get you some ice and the first aid kit; you try to get comfortable."

"Sure." He mumbled.

I got up from the couch and made my way into the kitchen to grab some ice before making my way to the medicine cabinet and grabbing the first aid kit.

As I made my way out of the kitchen back into the living room I stopped when I saw Edward taking off his shirt that was covered in blood, above his head.

I cocked my head to the side as I saw him slowly lift it trying to get it above his head and watched his back muscles clench and unclench as he struggled. As he continued to pull it up I noticed a tattoo on his right shoulder blade and partly going down his arm. It was some sort of bird, almost looked like and eagle or maybe even a phoenix.

My breathing was picking up a bit as I sat there watching Edward fight with his shirt.

"Bella?" I shook my head out of my daze and recovered from the drool that I was sure would be coming out the side of my mouth.

"Yes."

"I need your help." He had his shirt around his neck and just couldn't lift his arms over his head all the way.

"I wouldn't have guessed." I started to laugh a little as I walked back over to the couch and stood in front of him. He looked really embarrassed that he couldn't take his own shirt off.

I sat down on the couch in front of him and grabbed the hem of his shirt that was scrunched up around his neck and pulled it up over his head keeping in mind the cuts and bruises that he were on his face.

I had taken the shirt fully off of him I couldn't help but let my eyes drift over the newly exposed skin and over his chiseled chest.

"You like what you see?" Edward teased and I couldn't help but blush. Damn that blush, I was happy when it was gone, but now it had to come back and in full force.

"Oh, God Edward!" I think I was too busy ashamedly admiring his body to notice a giant bruise starting to form on his side. I reached my hand out to touch it and sooth it, but he winced back in pain.

"Sorry." I mumbled taking my hand away from him.

"No, it's not that, your hands are just cold."

"I'm still sorry, because this is going to be a lot colder." I pushed the bag of ice against the bruise and he flinched. I had my hand sitting there for a minute holding the ice looking at the long bruise, then his hand came down and rested on mine.

I looked up and gazed into his eyes for what felt like eternity just trying to read what was in them, but it was full of so many other emotions that I just couldn't pick any single one out.

I quickly moved my hand so that he could hold the ice and opened up the first aid kit pulling out bandages and wipes to clean up the cuts on his face.

I opened up the sanitizer wipes and held it up to his face about to rub it along the gash above his eyebrow and forehead.

"Now, this is going to sting." Edward nodded his head so I moved forward and started to clean the cuts.

"Ow! God! That does sting." Edward moved his hands up to the cuts and held his hand there.

"No shit Sherlock. Did you think I was joking?"

"No, it's…I didn't think it would hurt that badly." He said defensively.

"Well, that's what happens when you get your ass kicked."

"I didn't get my ass kicked, he did. And he deserved it."

"I didn't say he didn't, but Edward what happens if he goes to the police for this?" I was worried about Edward getting thrown into jail with a bunch of creepy people that god knows what they would do while you were asleep, or worse, in the shower.

"Bella, he won't go to the police, because if he did, he would be the one thrown into jail for what he did to you." Edward took my face in his hands, as I looked down at my fingers.

"You know you are sitting here taking care of me, and it is I who should be asking if you are all right. You were attacked, and…" he began rubbing circles on my cheeks with his thumbs. "Why did you do it?"

I didn't have to ask what he was talking about, because I knew exactly what he meant. I've been dreading this day ever since I found out about his AA meetings and I had decided that I was going to tell Edward about it.

"Edward I don't know what to tell you. Why do you think I did?" I felt myself getting angry and tears on the brim of my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall.

"I don't know Bella, why do you think I am asking." I removed myself from his hold and stood up.

"Jesus Christ Edward, are you really that conceited to pretend that you have no idea why I did it."

"Was it really because of me?" he spoke softly.

"Yes, yes it was." I told him honestly and kind of harshly.

"Bella"

"Edward, what would have you done if you were me and the size of a blimp. If you constantly had people around school call you names, make up rumors about you, and did absolutely everything and anything they could to get under your skin you would feel like you had to do it too." I couldn't hold the tears in anymore, they flowed freely.

"It never bothered me before, because everyone was always doing it to me for the longest time, but then everything changes when it is your best friend that is the one that is saying things behind your back, and sometimes right to your face." I couldn't look at him so I just paced back and forth across the room.

"And then…and then, the things you did with everyone. It made things worse, and before I knew what was going on, I couldn't stop myself. I felt so dirty and disgusting whenever I didn't do it. It was like there was an itch in my stomach that just would not come out and less I forced it out the only way I knew how. I thought that even by leaving that school and never seeing you again would help me recover from it, but it didn't. I kept telling myself that it was just going to take time and eventually it would pass, but it didn't. Every time I saw something that reminded me of you and had to puke, every time I slept I would have nightmares about what you did, and I would have to run to the bathroom. I could not stop it. I knew I was scaring everyone especially Charlie, because he had no clue what to do, or even why I was doing it. It was scaring him to death." I was sobbing now but still kept moving afraid that if I stopped I would collapse right then and there.

"Edward, you did drugs, me, this is what I did. I'm not proud of it and god knows I hate myself for it. Everyone tried to help me through it, they really did, and at first I would shut them out, but after time passed and I became weaker and weaker. They eventually pushed their way through. They would sit there with me day and night holding me and telling me that everything was going to be all right, but I knew it was never going to be all right, because…" I stopped moving and turned towards Edward but kept my face down at the floor, "because deep down, I knew, no matter what I told myself, the only one I wanted there telling me that everything was going to be alright and was my best friend." I lifted my head up as I said this and I could see the pain and hurt that was in Edward's eyes, he looked as if he was about to cry.

"The only one I wanted there was you." I finished with a whisper, before I knew it I felt two strong arms wrap around me as I fell to the ground crying uncontrollably.

"I'm so sorry Bella." Edward voice was quivering. I sat there for awhile with Edward rocking me back and forth while stroking my hair as I let out all my tears.

I had cried myself to sleep in Edward's arms. It was right then that I knew that I had gained my best friend back.

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**wooo.. That is the longest chapter I have written, I hope it was good enough for you guys. It is really late and I really should be going to bed because I have to wake up in the morning. Sorry for any mistakes. **

**Okay there is a picture of the tattoo on my profile along with the shirt she was wearing. **

**The stories about the bikes both happened to me actually. I even have the scares to prove it. Not fun.**

**Dont forget go nominate your fav stories and then vote!**

**Review you guys, next chapter will have a surprise!**


	17. Chapter 16

**Sorry you guys, I have so many projects going on at once that it was hard to find time to type this out. But here it is, sorry for any mistakes.**

**Anyways, read on, if you dare. **

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**Chapter 16: Tonight I lack the strength to even move**

_The road ahead is lined with broken dreams,  
So walk, walk on by_

_And I failed to give you everything you need,  
For the fears, behind your eyes_

_When I can't feel you,  
I'm not alright, I'm not alright,  
When I can't heal you,  
I'm not alright, I'm not alright_

_-Alright _by **Pilot Speed**

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**EPOV**

Once she had fallen asleep in my arms, I really didn't want to let her go. I can't believe that I had hurt her so badly. I was so consumed by my own self loathing of what she did that I never realized how much I was hurting her in the process.

I was such an asshole assuming that I was the only victim in all this.

I sat there on the living room floor for who knows how long, holding her in my arms and rocking ourselves back and forth.

"What happened?!" Emmett and Alice were the first ones to burst through the front door with Rose and Jasper trailing behind.

"Shhh…." I hugged Bella closer to me afraid of them waking her up.

They saw Bella in my arms, fragile like a piece of glass and walked over to me.

"What happened?" Alice asked again as she knelt down beside me.

"James" I all but roared his name.

"We figured as much, because when we left we saw him at the side of the building looking as if he wrestled a bear." Emmett came over as well leavening Rose and Jasper still standing over by the door not sure what to do with themselves.

"But what happened?" Emmett continued.

Flashes of me walking out and hearing that bloodcurdling scream from the one person I would never want to hear that from. Running and seeing James on top of Bella pinning her down and attacking her, James attacking me, him hurting Bella again, and then me beating the living shit out him, all passed through my head giving me a major migraine.

"He… he was attacking her." I gulped and heard everyone gasp.

"If I didn't get there when I did...he would of…" I looked down at the sleeping woman in my arms that had cuts on scared on her face and arms, but was too worried about me to even think about her."

"Jesus, I don't even want to think about what would've happened." I started rocking more and put my chin on top of her head holding her tightly as I felt my eyes start to cloud over with the tears that I was not going to let fall from my eyes.

Everyone sat there, not knowing what to say or do.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I let out in barley even a whisper; I was surprised anyone had heard me.

"Tell you what?" Jasper asked, but I didn't really need to say it out loud for Emmet and Alice to understand what I meant.

"Edward, we didn't want to tell you. We really wanted her to tell you for herself." Alice told me sympathetically.

"That doesn't matter, who knows when she would've told me. She may have never told me if it wasn't for James." I started to raise my voice out of frustration.

"Okay, really Edward." Alice was getting frustrated at my attitude, "I wanted to tell you. I wanted to make you feel like such a god damn fucking asshole for what you did to her. For every little fucking act you pulled on her that caused her to fall into that black hell hole that she was in, but I couldn't because of what you were going through at the time as well." I've never seen Alice this furious before. It really was something I don't think I would've ever wanted to see again after tonight.

"It was the same reason why we didn't tell Bella about your drug problem." Emmett stiffly replied. "We didn't want either of you to throw yourselves deeper into your guy's problems."

"Didn't you think I should've still known? Don't you think that if I knew that everything I was doing to her was sending her to do what she did, that I would of stopped?!" My voice raised even higher. I was surprised that I hadn't woken up Bella yet.

"If you cared about her at all in the first place you wouldn't have done any of that shit. Maybe we wouldn't be in the position we are in now." Emmett couldn't keep his anger in anymore and was starting to shake out of fury. I just shook my head at him.

"You don't think I get that now!" I hissed. "You don't think that I feel horrible for what I did?" and I really did, that was the god's honest truth, but I knew that they wouldn't believe me.

"Then why did you do it?" Alice asked using her soft voice again, but I could tell that she was trying to keep herself from screaming at me.

I knew she really wanted to know, they all did, but I couldn't tell them. It just hurts too much to even think about it.

"I can't." I pleaded with her using my distressing eyes hoping she would at some level understand that this is not something I want to talk about to anyone at the moment.

"Why? Why can't you tell us Edward? Get it all out and over with." I took my hand and started rubbing it aggressively through my hair tugging at the ends of it.

"Because I can't! I yelled a little too loudly causing Bella to stir in my arms. We all sat, frozen to see if she would wake up. She moved around a little bit and snuggled closer to me and I could feel my heart thumping in my chest.

"You wouldn't understand." I said after a moment of silence, my voice back to a whisper.

"Try us." Emmett crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I don't want to talk to you guys about it okay! The only one I really should be talking to about anything is the one in my arms. She's the only person I need to talk to."

"Then why won't you?"

"Because…because I'm afraid." No one said anything, so I went on, "I'm afraid of it all happening again. I'm afraid of losing her again." I let the last part out softly and I felt a traitor tear slide down my cheek, but acted like it was nothing.

After so much progress that we've made, I was really afraid that it was all part of some evil hoax. That everything that happened in the past would just happen again. It would explain why she was hanging out with Felix; then again, I don't think she would've started hanging out with him if I didn't end up sending her to the hospital that while back.

I just don't want it to happen again, I always thought maybe since she wasn't bringing the past up that we could ignore it and move on, but after what has happened, I knew deep down that in order to really move on, the past needed to be brought up again, no matter how terrified it was to relive it.

It wasn't only the past though that I really should talk to her about though. There is something that I really should tell her. But I don't know how she would react to it. I really need to tell her anyway.

"Here, let me take her upstairs to bed." Emmet moved so that he could grab Bella out of my arms, but I clutched her tighter to me.

"No, I'll do it."

"No you won't. You look like shit. I don't think you'll even make it up the stairs." He still tried to extract Bella from my arms.

"Emmett! I'll do it." I stubbornly stood up with pain racing up and down my body, but I wasn't going to give in to it. I didn't want to let her go. I was wincing and flinching in pain as I made my way over and up the stairs into her room trying to keep my groans to myself, not showing anyone how much pain I was really in as they stood there watching me.

I was in so much pain, not just physically but mentally as well. My brain and body were both just begging me to stop, but I wouldn't.

I set her down on her bed sorely and placed a blanket over the top of her. I was about to leave the room when I heard her stir.

"Stay" She murmured delicately that I wasn't sure if she was still asleep or not, but either way I wasn't going to deny her, as much as my brain was telling me to do so, to keep away from her because she was just going to end up hurting me again, I couldn't.

I walked over to the bed and slowly lay down on my side facing her. With her eyes still closed she reached her hand out to me and I hesitantly took it into my own.

"Thank you" she whispered before she fell back into a deep sleep.

I stayed up most of the night watching her sleep.

She moved around a lot and mumbled in her sleep. That has never changed about her, really she still seemed like the same as she was when we were kids, but that was just her personality, physically wise she had changed so much.

She never let go of my hand as she moved around. She held it tightly in her little hand never once loosening her hold on me.

After some more movement I took notice of the cuts on her face and saw that the little bit of blood that had seeped out of her wounds were now all dried up and stuck to her face.

As carefully as I could I got up out of the bed pulling my hand out of hers and made my way towards the bathroom to grab a warm wash cloth to clean off her face. I grabbed a wash cloth out of the drawer and limped back to the bed after I had soaked it with warm water and ringed it out.

I sat on the bed in front of her moving my hand to clean off her cuts as her little body moved up and down with each breath that she took and her lips slightly parted. Despite everything that has happened she still looked beautiful, she always has.

God, no. I cannot be doing this again.

I ran my hand through my hair.

She moved again reminding me of what I still had in my hand and I placed the wash rag softly against the side of her face washing the now dried up blood.

As I moved the rag away I replaced it with the palm of my hands, inspecting the scrapes but soon my hand had a mind of its own and I wasn't really paying attention to the cuts anymore. My hands began to move across her face softly caressing her cheeks, temples, eye lids, anything and everything that had to do with her face. It felt so smooth and silky under my fingers tips, it was hard to stop, but what I really wanted to do was wipe that worry and fear off her face that she was wearing while she slept. I wanted to make everything go away.

I took my other free hand and grabbed her hand again squeezing it tight and bringing it up against my bare chest and heart. He hand was so cool against my heated skin. I didn't want to move it. My other hand rested on her cheek still rubbing it softly with my thumb.

I fell asleep that way, never moving or letting ago, scared that if I did so reality would set back in and everything would crumble under me. In the morning I have to tell Bella about _her_, because if I wait too much longer, I don't know what is going to happen. I just got to tell her.

--

**BPOV**

I woke up to a sharp pain in my neck that felt like someone had smashed it with a ton of bricks. I started to groan a little bit and lifted my hand up to ease the pain but it was caught in something else.

I fully opened my groggy eyes to see Edward asleep facing me with our hands still entwined near his bare chest. That's when everything came back to me, the dinner, the fight, the confession.

What was I going to do now? I can't believe that he really stayed here. I was so sure that he would be disgusted with me and leave, and yet here he was.

I felt my heart start to dance around in my chest.

He looked so soothing and content after everything that has happened. It was great to know that now I had my friend back, even though there are still things that we hadn't cleared up, I'll take all I can get right now. I know that when he wants to open up to me he will.

Edward started to move and I just sat there watching. He started to stretch his legs then moved his arms above his head taking my hand with him and kept them both over our heads. He had stopped moving and I looked at his abdomen to see the giant purple bruise looking worse than it did last night.

I instinctively reached my hand out and softly touched it cooling down the hot spot under my hand and felt him shiver beneath it.

"Your hands are still cold." I looked up to see him staring at me.

"They can't be that cold can they?" I took my hand away and held it to my face feeling my cool fingers touch my warm skin, but they felt like ice almost. "Okay, maybe your right."

"I usually am." He laughed lightly then got really quiet.

"Bella, there's something I need to tell you." He sounded really uncomfortable.

"Edward, you don't need to say anything right now." I didn't want him to say anything that made him really uncomfortable or even anything that could harm our new found friendship.

"I really think we should talk about something." Edward still wasn't looking at me but did start to play with my hand nervously.

"Really, Edward, we don't need to say anything until you're ready. To be honest, I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it either. I really like where we are right now, and I don't want to ruin it. It has taken so long to get my friend back; I don't really want to lose him again at the moment." I gave him a small smile.

His eyes darted between mine as if he was searching for something.

I felt his breath on my face caressing my skin. He was so close to my face that I never noticed before. He just kept burning into my eyes and I was sure that I was going to melt if he didn't stop.

What was he doing?

"Bella" he breathed across my face and leaned in more my own breathing becoming stuck in my throat.

"Bella?" Emmett's big fist knocked on my door and Edward moved back away from me running his hand through his hair and letting go of my hand as Emmett came through the door.

"Hey you guys," Emmett let out a little awkwardly, "Bella, Rose and Alice want to talk to you, and Edward, your cell phone keeps going off."

"Who was it?" Edward asked trying to sit up as best he could.

"It was Kate."

"Oh shit, I forgot, I was supposed to go see her today." Edward started mumbling, "Emmett I need you to take me over to her place, I forgot about something."

"Sure man." Edward made his way over to Emmett slowly and cautiously, but before he left the room he looked over his shoulder at me and gave me his crooked smile.

"Good luck." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion not getting what he meant until he nodded his head towards the two girls that were making their way towards me.

"Thanks" I rolled my eyes at him. "Talk to you later?"

"You sure will." With that the boys left the room and the girls came and sat down on my bed asking so many different questions.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

**Sorry that I couldn't get this out earlier to you guys, and sorry about the length, but I promise the next chapter will be much longer, and more exciting. **

**I know all you guys are really dying to know what Bella supposedly did but you will found that out really soon, let's say like after this coming chapter?**

**Review please! I love waking up to them in the morning. **


	18. Chapter 17

**wow, you guys I am so sorry, I really wanted to write this chapter at faster and get out to you guys, but for some reason I had a really hard time to finally find the inspiration and everything to sit down and right it out. Plus school can suck taking away actual free time to sit down and right, but I did it! At three in the morning you guys finally have your chapter, and it is a good one. **

**Oh also BATTLESTAR is on tonight!!!! I am so fraking excited. lol, There may be one or two of you that actually care or even know what I am talking about. I just freaking love Jamie Bamber. **

**Anyways, Read on, if you dare.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Cursing my sore blunt tongue**

_Have I found you?  
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding  
Or lost you?  
American mouth  
Big bill, stuck going down_

_- __Flightless Bird, American Mouth_ by **Iron and Wine**

Weeks have gone by and most of us were back at school for another term, while others of us just went on with work.

After telling Edward that I was bulimic I was sure that he would find some reason to hate me for it, but he was hating himself more than anything, sure he did deserve some of the blame, but I don't want it to go on like this anymore. I just want to move past everything and I guess he did as well. I knew that he wanted to talk to me about high school that night and morning, but then I really didn't want to know. I had just got done telling him one of my dark secretes and was exhausted mentally at that moment, I just didn't really want to hear anymore then.

Now that I want to talk about it, he won't. He doesn't want to go anywhere near that subject I guess. I did have a feeling though, that there was something more that he wanted to tell me than just about the past, but like I said before, he hasn't said anything about it. I was starting to get really annoyed at the fact that I just didn't let him talk. I have been trying to get through to him, and hinting to him that I wanted to talk now, but he just ignores it and starts a new subject. I just wanted to give up, but part of my brain was telling me just to yell at him and tell me everything and I was sure that at one point I am going to. In fact I was planning to do it soon, real soon.

--

I was taking my photography class, and I loved it. It is all dark room photography so most of the pictures I take are black and white, but not to be cocky or anything, but I found them to be pretty amazing at times. I just couldn't stop taking pictures and it was kind of annoying some people, cough cough Emmett, but I never realized just how much I missed it. I never have taken so many pictures since we were kids. It really seemed like I was getting my old life back.

"Bella, Can I have a word?" Mrs. Bravo (yeah I know funny name, but she is Italian, so it makes sense) called me just before I had left the room.

"What do you need?"

"I was just looking at your latest pictures, and…I got to say they are amazing, much different from the ones from last term." Mrs. Bravo is the same teacher that I had for my last photography class, and one of my favorite teachers, so I was happy when she said that she was going to teach this course as well.

"Really?" I couldn't hold in my smile.

"Yes. They are just…." She began flipping through the portfolio that held all my latest pictures, "remarkable." She breathed.

"Thank you." I was very honored that she loved my work so much.

"The ones that I rather enjoyed are these ones." She started pulling out the pictures that I have taken of the gang outside playing football in the rain awhile back, and some other ones of us girls covered in grease and guck after trying to fix my truck. Rose was the one to actually fix it though, the guys were making fun of us at first, but they shut right up when we did end up getting it to run.

I also ended up getting some pictures of Carlisle in his white coat just getting off work and was meeting Edward at another family meeting. Yes, Edward let me take him to another meeting, I couldn't go in there, but he did let me walk him to the door. Seth even came out and talked to me saying that he loved the progress that Edward was showing and said that if he would just completely open to me then he would be done. So you can imagine the pressure that I was under trying to get Edward to talk again.

Before I left I had taken a couple of pictures of Seth as well and they were included into the profile.

"But I got to say," Mrs. Bravo continued, "I love these ones the most." She started pulling out pictures that I have taken of just Edward. Some of him just sitting on the sofa playing guitar hero with a giant smile on his face as he just owned Emmett at a song. I also had some of him outside in the rain during the football game we had. Water was dripping down his face, causing his hair to fall in his face as he gave Emmett a high five after scoring a touchdown; his shirt all wet and socked clinging to his chest and stomach.

"And I can take it that you do too." I removed my gaze from the pictures for a minute and looked at her as she gave me a sly smile.

"What do you mean?" I asked suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"It's just that you have a lot of pictures of this same boy. More of him than anyone else." She kept pulling out pictures all of Edward grinning and smiling at the camera, my heart beating faster and faster after each one.

"Is he someone special?" she asked but I don't think I fully heard her because I was staring at a picture with him looking at me with a crooked grin.

"Well, is he?" she smiled at me and I realized that I to had a small smile on my face that I quickly wiped off when she said something.

"What?...Oh…uh…no, no , no…he is just…just a friend." I stuttered my way through rather quickly.

"Really?" She folded her arms across her chest and had that look on her face; you know the one, the one where she is looking at you and saying you are just full of shit, that one.

"Yes, really. Well, I got to go; I will see you next Friday." I said in a rush and ran out the door to my truck.

I was speed walking to my truck, and I didn't know why I was going so fast. I mean I didn't have work for another hour. I really need to get another job, because this only working like twice a week at the Doggie Hotel wasn't giving me enough hours.

I was nearing my truck when my phone started to ring.

Felix.

I just hit ignore and went on to my truck starting it and heading in to work early.

I haven't talked to Felix since that night at the restaurant. I just could not face him after what his brother did to me. Was it really just a coincidence that he just so happened to show up not to long after he had told me that he really doesn't talk to his brother?

That was just less than half of what was going through my brain all through work. What I was mainly thinking about was all those photos, and Edward, god Edward, is there really something more that I am hiding from myself? Or am I just secretly hoping that after spending so much time he will finally talk to me? Or is it that I am trying to fight something inside of me that wants out?

--

"Hey guys, bye guys!" I called when I came into the house and saw Emmett, Jasper, and Edward, all looking as if they were getting ready to go somewhere, so I just went straight upstairs to my room. I was still a little uneasy and embarrassed at what happened today, and really just wanted to be left alone to my thoughts for the rest of the day.

I had gotten changed and as soon as my head it the pillow I was out like a light.

I was awoken by some obnoxious noise and it was coming from downstairs, it almost sounding like a bunch of cats being drowned, but I think it was supposed to be singing and music.

With each step I took down the stairs the singing got louder and louder. Oh god, who the hell was here? And why are they singing that song of all things.

I entered the kitchen and saw a horrific and yet utterly hilarious sight before me. Emmett and Edward were dancing around the kitchen as they were cooking breakfast, to Andy Samberg's "Jizz in my pants."

I couldn't hold in my laughter any longer as they started to shake their asses back and forth, it just exploded out of me.

They both looked over at me in surprise and just when you would think they would be embarrassed or something, they were far from it. They just continued right on dancing around like no one interrupted them.

They were taking turns singing different parts. Edward would sing be singing Andy Samberg's part, while Emmett took on that part sung by that same kid who played Andy's brother in Hot Rod, I never knew his name. That didn't matter anyway, I just watched them. They were both just really into it.

It became really hilarious when they decided to throw in some hip thrusts. I just doubled over in laugher holding on to the wall for support as I watched them make complete asses of themselves. They even decided to grab each other's hands and started spinning around while they let the food cook, it was as if my laughing just encouraged them on even more.

I started clapping my hands and whistling when they completed and they bowed towards me accepting my applause.

"That was amazing you guys." I told them both playfully as I pulled out a tool to sit at the counter and they resumed making crapes.

"I know." Edward grinned at me.

"But can you please tell me why you guys are being so loud at," I looked over at the stove for the time, "8 o'clock in the morning, on a Saturday." I groaned and laid my head on my arms.

"There was really no reason. Neither of us slept at all last night and crapes sounded good, so we decided to make some and I turned on my mp3 player and this song so happened to come one." Emmett shrugged.

"Are you guys high or something? And what do you mean that you didn't sleep at all last night? What did you to do, have sex with each other or something?" I taunted.

"Ha ha, very funny." Emmett was getting some dishes out.

"No, we stood up watching Generation Kill for awhile, then Jasper left so we decided to play counter strike against each other." Edward told me.

"How did you guys do that, Emmett only has the one computer in his room, it is kind of hard to have a LAN party with one computer."

"There was your computer that Edward used." I looked at Edward as Emmett said this.

"You were in my room!" I yelled out.

"Don't worry you were asleep, I just sat at the computer and played a game that's all." Edward was pulling out a bunch of berries to go with the crapes.

"Still, you were in my room! You know how awkward that is?"

"Oh chill Bella. It's not like he took advantage of you or anything lying on your bed." Emmett started laughing as my mouth just hung open.

"Not funny." I chided.

"Here, just take your crapes and eat up." Emmett shoved a plate in front of me that was had couple of crapes that were covered in a bunch of barriers and some whipped cream.

"Fine." I took a fork and shoved it into the flat pancakes. "Why did Jasper go anyway?"

"Because he wanted to spend all day with Alice today." Edward came over and sat next to me with his own plate.

"Doesn't he spend every day with Alice?" I asked.

"Yeah, but she is supposed to be going over to her parents for the weekend, and she also wanted to spend some time with Carlisle and Esme while she is over there." Emmett just stayed standing behind the counter as he dug into his food. "The only ones that have really seen Carlisle lately would be you too when you went to the meetings."

"Oh. Are you going to go too?" I turned towards Edward.

"Yep. But not until later tonight, Esme really wants to see me, she really hasn't in awhile, I have only talked to her on the phone, plus I have a few things to discuss with her that I kind of need her help with."

"Like what?" I probed taking a drink of orange Juice that Emmett had set in front of me.

"I have to go to the bathroom." He called out after giving me the drink.

"So?" I started again after Emmett went into the bathroom.

"So…you know how I have been going to Kate's a lot lately?"

"Yeah and you said that you are just there and keep her company because of what happened to Tanya, but I got to say that I don't think I really believe that." I shoved mouth full of blueberries and strawberries.

"That's because it really isn't true." He dropped his fork on his plate and rubbed his hands all over his face. "Kate is pregnant."

"Really?" I let out slowly not sure where he was going with this, unless… god no.

"Umm… is it yours?" I asked quietly not making any eye contact with him, he just started laughing at what I assume was me.

"God no." he continued to laugh, "God no. She is still with Garrett, and it's his."

"That's great!" I let out in relief and I was happy for her as well.

"You were really worried there for a minute weren't you?"

"No" I jumped off the stool and walked towards the sink with my plate in my hand trying avoiding my embarrassment as heat started in my cheeks.

"You are such a liar."

"Sorry can you blame me, you are over there every Friday and sometimes on other days during the week."

"No I can't." he sighed.

"Anyways, she's pregnant, what does that have to do with anything."

"That's the thing, she has been taking care of something for me lately while I have been…busy, and I need to see if Esme will help, now that Kate is going to busy with her baby."

"What are you talking about, is it like a dog?"

"No, no, not a dog."

'I'm back!" Emmett came back into the kitchen, "don't you always feel ten times better in the morning after you take a dumb. You always feel like fifty pounds lighter."

"That's great Emmett." I was really irritated right now, Edward was going to tell me something, again, and Emmett had to interrupt, again!!! It is usually Alice that does this kind of shit to me.

"So you guys, I just talked to Rose…"

"Dude, you talked to her while you were taking a shit?" Edward interrupted.

"Yes, now anyway, Rose and I are going out later this afternoon and will probably be gone until later this evening."

"Your point being?"

"You guys get the house to yourselves, congrats! Now I am going upstairs to take a shower." Emmett rinsed off his dish to my surprise and headed upstairs.

"Great, he is going to leave me to clean up his mess."

"No, I will clean it." Edward got up from the other side and came to stand by me at the sink.

"You don't have to."

"No, I think I do, I did after all create the mess." He pushed me out of the way so that he could start the water and load the dishwasher.

"Thanks, I am just going to go upstairs and get changed then." I didn't really wait for him to respond, I just ran straight upstairs to get ready of the day.

--

"We are off! Are you kids going to be okay alone?" Emmett asked with authority and underlying of teasing. Edward and I were in the middle of playing Wii Mairo Cart, and I was trying to stop him from winning again by pushing his wheel out of his hands.

"Yes, daddy." I gave Emmett an evil smirk.

"God, don't call me that."

"Why? You like it when Rosie calls you that." I pouted at him trying to hide my smile. I knew that I was getting to him.

"Oh yeah, and he likes it" rose slapped his butt, "but if he wants me to be calling him that at all tonight we better get going." She gave him a seductive grin.

"Kay, bye guys." Emmett waved his big hand as Rose pulled him through the front door and slammed it.

"Guess they are going to have a fun time tonight." Edward smiled at me taking his eyes off the screen for a minute.

"Please don't say anymore. I really don't need visual on what Prince Hummperdink and Booburala do when they are alone." I shuddered at the thought.

"How the hell do you do it?" I yelled tossing the wheel on the floor irritated that he has beaten me yet again, and folded my arms across my chest.

"What can I say? I am just that good behind a wheel, no matter what kind." He was getting really cocky right now.

"Just shut it."

"Oooo… Look at you! You are so cute when you are angry." He grabbed my cheek just like a grandma would and pinched it.

"Stop it." I shoved his hand off my cheek, that's when I an idea popped into my head.

"How about we do something else?" I offered.

"Like what exactly."

"We wrestle." I told him matter of factly.

"Wrestle? You cannot be serious?" He had a shocked expression on his face.

"As I heart attack."

"I don't want to wrestle you." He stood up from the couch and stood in front of the TV looking at me.

"Why? Are you afraid of losing to me?"

"No."

"Come on. I know I used to be twice the size I am now, but that doesn't mean that I cannot still beat you." He gave me a disappointed look and folded his arms across his chest, I know I was being overly dramatic with the twice the size thing, but I just went with it.

"No Bella!"

"Don't be such a pussy, I won't hurt you." I stood up from the sofa and went to stand directly in front of him.

"I am not worried about me; I am worried about you getting hurt. Like you said, you are smaller now."

"You are just afraid of getting your ass wiped by a girl. Don't worry, you won't hurt me. Trust me when I say this, I can take care of myself these days." I could tell that he was about to give in.

"Alright let's go outside."

"Why outside? It's all muddy and wet." He ignored me and went to the back door.

"Exactly." He opened the door and walked outside. I felt a smile crawl across my face as I followed him out.

I walked past Edward who was just stand on the deck and made my way down the few steps out to the middle of the muddy lawn as it squished in between my toes. I just sat there moving my toes feeling the mud gush between them. It was like I was six years old again, running around out in the mud so that it would splatter everywhere, while playing tag with the boys. It was just after we had found Edward and Esme thought it would be a good idea if we all hung out together as much as possible to distract him from what had happened, but at that time I didn't even know what had happened to him. The girls didn't want to play with us though, because of the fact that it was all muddy. I couldn't help but smile at the old memories.

I heard soft snigger behind me, and looked to see Edward leaning against a post on the deck just watching me with a silly grin on his face.

"What?" I couldn't take off my own smile that was on my face.

"Nothing." He shook his head and then proceeded to take off his dark black shirt.

"What are you doing?" My voice was high and squeaky.

"I don't want to get my shirt dirty and plus, this will be easier without one. He lifted his shirt off of his body and over his head leaving him yet again shirtless in front of me, except this time he was wearing an interesting necklace that I have never noticed before.

"Sounds like a good idea." I copied him and started to lift up my t shirt and Edwards eyes started to pop out of his head.

"Relax will you, I do have a sports bra underneath, it's not I will be going topless." I finished removing my shirt and tossed it at Edward who just sat there holding it gawking at me, making me feel really uncomfortable.

"Seriously Edward, you saw me even less when I was doing yoga." I saw him tilt his head and lift his eyes up to the sky as if he was remembering it.

"Yes, yoga, I remember that. That was a good day."

"I don't have all day. Let's do this shall we?" I got into my pose of bending forward just a bit with my hands out in front of me.

Edward made his way over to me and stood in front of me taking a similar structure to mine, but not without popping his neck a couple of times first.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Ready." I replied flexing my fingers a bit.

Edward lunged at me and I smoothly moved aside so he went right past me and fell into the mud.

"Sorry, that was a cheap shot." He just stood back up.

"It's all good, all good. I know you are afraid of losing to me and I can understand if you just want to stop this now." He was taunting me.

This time I lunged at him, but he stood firm and as hard as a rock as I dug my shoulder into his chest. He just grabbed me by the side and tried to take me down to the ground. I just wrapped my arms around his stomach and pushed up against the wet ground only to have my feet start to slip and slide.

Edward took this moment to push me backwards, because I was focusing more on not fall face forward than back. I fell to the ground having water and mud splash all over of me getting all over my arms stomach and face, along with having my jeans soak up a bunch of water so my ass was all wet.

"Here let me help you." Edward reached beside me and grabbed a handful of mud and rubbed it all over my face.

I knocked his feet out from under him using mine and he fell onto his back and started to groan a little bit at the pain.

I saw my opportunity and took it. I jumped off the ground and on top of Edward locking his arms by his legs using my knees and hands so he couldn't move. I leaned forward on him so our chests were touching and rubbed my face all over his so that he had some of the mud that was on my face on his as well.

"Looks like I win." I said smugly breathing across his face.

"Not quite."

"What?" Edward moved his leg so that it wrapped around and hit me in the chest knocking some air out of me bringing me over to my side. I struggled to get out of his tight grasp that he hand on my legs but he just pushed me over so that I was on my back and kept our legs locked together.

I tried to fight him off with my hands but he just took them and clasped them together over my head using his own large hands.

"You…were saying." He let out breathlessly. Both our chest were heaving up and against each other as his necklace hung down in my face, it was a dog tag, but I didn't quite get what was on it, but at this moment I wasn't too concerned about that.

Now, what _was_ I saying? I didn't know anymore, I wasn't even sure what was going through my head anymore. All I could really focus on was that the fact there was a half naked man on me covered in mud. The same man that I used to love all those years ago and I think I still felt something. No, no I don't never mind, there are no feelings for him left, they are all gone.

My eyes were darting back and forth between his pearly green ones. I saw his eyes darken and then drift down to my lips.

"I…I…" Oh great Bella that is intelligent.

I was trying so hard to think of something witty to say or anything, but nothing would come, but that didn't matter, nothing mattered for he had swooped down and pressed his lips to mine, fast and hard, but it wasn't rough. I sat frozen for like less than a second not really sure what to do. I mean I have never been kissed at all in my life, and I mean at all! And yet I still somehow knew what to do. It was like human instinct, I just kissed him back just as hard lifting my head off the ground as high as it would go for I was still pinned to the ground.

He began to suck on my bottom lips as I gently nibbled on his top lip. The hands that were holding mine above me loosened and he slide his muddy hands down my arms, one stopped and slid into my hair as the other one grazed my sides causing me to shiver as it landed at my waist, all while he continued to suck on my lips switching back and forth between the top and bottom of my lips going faster and harder as he did so.

I moved my hands up from over my head and slid them up his arms and shoulders, having them end up tangled in his bronze locks making it even muddier than before. His hand started to slide across my bare stomach creating a soothing feeling because of the mud; it was almost like a massage. His kisses still kept the same rhythm of fast and hard but he never tried to deepen it so I thought that maybe I should take the lead.

I parted my lips a little bit and slid my tongue out and licked his lips hoping that he would get what I wanted, and he did, but it didn't last long. As soon as I slid my tongue and got a little bit of taste of Edward, he scared me by pulling away fast and jumping up off me leaving me breathing heavily on the ground looking up at him with wide eyes.

He just stood there for a minute panting and looking down at me. He seemed really nervous and I could see a debate was running within him as he just stared at me. He ran his hair through his filthy hair.

"I…I can't do this." He breathed out pinching the bridge of his nose, "I got to go."

He ran back to the house and I heard him slam the front door shut and start his engine driving away from me.

I let out an unsteady breath. What the fuck was that?!

I was starting to shake and I didn't know how to move, I had absolutely no idea with what to do with myself.

I had just had my first kiss ever, with the one person that I have always wanted it from, and he just left me here alone in the dirt. I felt so dirty, both inside and out, literally and figuratively.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it did start to rain and so I decided that I shouldn't just sit here and sulk about this. This really isn't the first time he has hurt me, maybe this was some sort of sick joke that he was been planning for some time.

No, that can't be true. I just got to get up and move. Just stop thinking about all of it.

I pushed myself up from the ground slipping a few times, but it wasn't because it was slick, but because I was shaking so badly.

I got up and headed towards the back door, but not without noticing Edward's black shirt sitting on the banister along with mine. I grabbed mine first and really debated if I should pick up his as well, but my greater instinct made me pick it up and take it with me.

I went straight upstairs to the shower trying not to think about what happened, distracting myself by trying to scrub myself clean. I was so concentrated on not thinking about what just happened that I really didn't notice that I was rubbing my skin raw.

As soon as I got into the shower I went back into my room to get dressed putting on my undergarments first along with a pair of PJ pants. I saw Edward's shirt just laying on my bed and I couldn't help myself; I picked it up and shoved it over my head and let it fall on my body. Bringing it to my nose I inhaled deeply the delicious aroma that was Edward.

Oh shit.

I ran out of my room and back into the bathroom ending up at the toilet, disposing everything I had eaten. This time it was different though from what normally happens; I didn't force it out or anything, I just truly felt sick to my stomach.

I needed someone here; I cannot stand being alone with myself right now. After washing my face I went to get a phone and dialed the only person that I could think of right now that could comfort me.

"Hey Felix, can you come over?"

--

"Bella are you alright? You haven't talked to me in weeks?" Felix started asking as soon as I opened the door and let him in.

"Yeah, sorry about that, things just have been happening a lot lately."

"What's been going on?"

"Since the last time I saw you? Edward and I have been getting closer which is a good thing, but he is hiding something from me and it is starting to drive me up a fucking wall, my brother and my friends have all found someone special in their lives, which is each other and seem like they all could get married any day now, while I am going to die alone because no one wants me, and let's not forget about James..." I rambled off

"What about my brother?" Felix stopped me before I could continue. I figured he would already know what James did, and figure out that is why I haven't been talking to him.

"Your brother fucking attacked me while I was at a restaurant with my friends!"

"Bella, I am so sorry, if I had known…"

"How did you not know? He is your brother isn't he? How do I know that you didn't tell him exactly where I was and everything? You and Edward have such a big thing against each other and I am starting to think that you are using me to get at him for something."

"You are just going to have to trust me Bella, I didn't know." He seemed earnest, but I still wasn't so sure.

"How?"

"You know me. I stood up for you when James was tearing you down, why would I just sick him on you like that now?" That did make sense, at least for the moment it did. My brain was so fucked up right now that I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able tell up from down.

"Now tell me the reason you wanted me to come over."

"I don't really want to talk about it." I hide my face from him.

"Why did you want me here if you aren't going to talk to me?"

"Because I just needed someone I knew that could help me right now from myself. If I called anyone else they would freak out and make things worse."

"Bella, what happened?" I felt a few tears finally fall down my face that I wasn't so sure would ever fall down.

"Please?" he took my face in his hands and forced me to look into his dark eyes.

"It was Edward"

"What did he do?" he voice was fierce.

"He, he, he just left me." Felix looked confused and tears were falling down my face.

"We were having such a great time today together like how we were back when you were younger. Felix, I had my first kiss in my life, and I never thought it would actually ever be with Edward, but he ran away from me as if I had herpes or something." I started to sob losing all composure that I had.

"I think I am starting to fall for him again, but after that, I don't know. I just feel so disgusting and with myself, worse than back in high because I have never, ever gotten this close to him, and just to have him tell me that he 'can't do this', just made me feel even lower than shit. I don't even know how to put it into words."

"You are anything but that. Bella, you are beautiful and Edward is too much of a dumb ass to see that. There are other people who would die to be with you."

"Oh yeah, who?"

He didn't say anything; his only response was his mouth on mine his lips rubbing mine. This wasn't right, it didn't fell right at all. His lips were hard and really rough, they felt all dry and chapped, almost as if I was kissing a tumble weed. I tried to push him off me, but that just spurred him on.

He put his hand on the back of my head shoving my face closer to his and took my bottom lip and began to bit on it, nothing like Edward.

Maybe he was right though. Edward doesn't want me, but looks like Felix does. He licked my lips like I had done to Edward asking for entrance, but before I could do anything; I heard the front door slam and someone screaming profanities from outside.

I pushed myself away from Felix who was looking out the window and I ran out the door and towards the retreating figure.

"Edward Wait!" but he didn't hear, or he just acted like he didn't. He had jumped in his car and after starting it he fishtailed out of the driveway and onto the road speeding away from me yet again. I was breathing as if I had just ran a marathon trying to keep my tears under control at the fact that he had just left again before even trying to explain anything to me.

I turned to head back inside but stopped when I saw Felix just standing there with a smug smile on his face looking off towards the direction Edward had just driven off to.

"Felix, you need to leave." I scolded him.

"Sure! No problem" He happily bounced down the front steps.

"What the fuck?!" I started at him wide eye and in shock at his sudden happiness.

"Bye Bella, I'll talk to you later." He kissed me on the cheek and continued his way to his car.

I went inside slamming the door angry at everyone and everything, and also hurt for what Edward did, I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't any more, at least for right now.

I lay on my bed after making a trip to the bathroom, for what felt like hours, but never really knew exactly how long I really was laying here.

Emmett did come home and did open my door, I m sure ready to tell me about his day having no clue what happened to me, but he must of thought I was asleep for he just shut the door quietly. I just hugged my pillow tighter to me just wishing for sleep to come.

--

Ring…ring…ring…

I tried to ignore the fun ringing, but it just kept going off, one call after another a never ending torture. I still hadn't gotten to sleep and the phone ringing really wasn't helping. I reached for my phone looking at the caller ID I noticed that it was Alice.

Should I really answer it? What kind of news was she going to tell me? Does she already know? He was supposed to meet up with her, so maybe he told her everything.

Against my better judgment I answered the phone to see what she had to say.

"Hello?" I asked exhausted.

"Bella? Bella? Please tell me that Edward is there." Alice was talking really fast and I could tell that she was really worried.

"No Alice he isn't, why isn't he there with you?"

"No he isn't Bella, god, he is gone!" she was starting to cry.

Oh no.

* * *

**Sorry for any mistakes, remember it is really early in the morning right now. **

**So I hoped you guys liked! It was kind of fun to write the wrestling part. Also if you guys dont know what the hell I am talking about with the Jizz in my pants song, the link is on my page. **

**Another note, it is really sad to say this, but I am a virgin at kissing, well and with everything else as well, but I hope that secne truned out well. **

**So I am off to bed now, and I look forward to waking up in the morning to your guys' reviews, I am going to try really hard to get another chapter at by Sunday! The more reviews I get the more likely that will happen. TRUST ME.  
**


	19. Chapter 18

Okay, I have done it, here is the new chapter for you guys, and guess what I was actually able to put it out on a Sunday! Go me.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to all of you have reviewed. Thank you all so much! I just love reading the reviews.

Another note, when you read this chapter, listen to some sad songs or something, trust me it will make it sound a lot better if you do.

**ETA Aug 27th: Hey you guys, I made some changes in this chapter, and I may go do it again, nothing to big, just a few details that's all. Also I tried to catch as many errors as possible. Give me a couple of days and I'll more than likely be doing it again. **

Anyways, read on, if you dare

* * *

**Chapter 18: Fight inside**

Enemy  
Familiar friend  
My beginning and my end  
Knowing truth  
Whispering lies  
And it hurts again...

* * *

"_Bella? Bella? Please tell me that Edward's there." Alice was talking really fast and I could tell that she was really worried._

"_No, Alice, he isn't. Isn't he there with you?"_

"_No he isn't Bella, god, he is gone!" she was starting to cry._

_Oh no._

"Alice, are you sure he's gone? Have you even tried to get hold of him?"

"Yes I have. He's not answering his phone at all and he was supposed to meet me here like two hours ago." She was really panicking and I didn't know what to do.

"Alice, I don't know how to help you. To be honest I don't want to talk to him." I told her flatly.

"Bella what happened? What did you do?"

"WHAT DID I DO?!" I screamed into the phone sure that I had caused her to go deaf in one ear." Alice don't you dare fucking think that I drove him away, he _ran_ away from me! Twice!"

"Bella, what the hell happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened; he kissed me and then left! He left me! And then I went to the bathroom and puked. I was so afraid that I was retorting back to old habits so I called someone."

"Who, Bella? Who did you call because it sure in hell wasn't one of us?" She was really pissed off and yet extremely worried.

"Felix" I whispered but I knew she heard me.

"Why?"

"Because Alice, he was the only person I could think of at the moment, that wouldn't start to judge me for everything. Also he doesn't know about my bulimia and if he does, because of his brother, he showed no signs of it. I could talk to him a little bit easier without getting yelled at or something, but if I called you guys and told you about Edward and I kissing and then me throwing up all you guys would blow everything up. All I wanted to do at that moment was give Edward space and let him think while I had someone to talk to and distract me from going back to the toilet."

"You still haven't told me the rest." She was demanding to know everything.

"Fine, I was talking to Felix and he kissed me, and I guess Edward saw and drove off speeding away like a bat out of fucking hell."

"Oh shit, oh shit," Alice repeated, rambling. "Bella, this isn't good, we have to find him!"

"Alice, I don't know what to do!"

"Please, Bella. You have to help me find him. God knows what he could be doing right now." I have never heard Alice so frightened in her life, it was making me a little scared as well.

"Alice, you should call Seth."

"Good idea, but I still need your help. He could be anywhere out there, please?"

"Fine Alice, I'll help you find him, but I'm going to tell you now, that if I find him I'm going to tear him a new one." I was still so pissed off at what he had done to me, so my anger was controlling any other possible feelings that I could feel right now.

"Fine, just get your ass out and look for him!" She hung up on me after that and I was left to start this journey on my own.

I looked at the clock as it read 12 am.

I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs with my cell phone in my hand and Emmett's keys in the other. There was no way I was going to take my truck, it couldn't go over 45 miles an hour, and I had a feeling that I was going to have to go faster than that.

"Bells? What's going on?" Emmett called from the top of the stairs.

"Edward's missing. I got to go!"

Without another word I left.

/&/

"He isn't at the bar." I told Alice over the phone after I left The Hideout, one of the most popular bars in Seattle.

"Well he isn't at Havana either!" Alice cried.

We _all_ had been out searching for Edward for a little over an hour now at all these bars, clubs, and pretty much anywhere we thought he may have been.

We haven't called Carlisle or Esme though; afraid that something bad would happen if we did, like them calling Charlie and having him out searching for Edward. Alice didn't think it would be the best idea at the moment, because if we did find Edward, we knew he would freak out seeing everyone while he is more than likely a mess, and if he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing, Charlie could lock him up.

"Don't worry Alice. He may be over at Kate's. Emmett's on his way over there now to see if Edward's there," I tried to reassure her. Emmett was the only one who knew where Kate lived because he had to drop Edward off there that one time.

If Edward wasn't there, I don't know where he could possibly be. I tried to think so hard of all the places he would go to sulk in his own misery.

That's when it hit me.

"Alice, I think I know where he may be if he isn't over at Kate's."

"Where?!" she asked urgently.

"You remember that old park that we used to go to all the time back in Forks?"

"Yeah"

"Meet me there if he isn't over at Kate's." I hung up the phone after that and pressed on the gas making my way to Forks.

/&/

I was outside of Forks when my phone started going off. Looking at the caller ID I noticed that was Emmett calling.

"Is he there?" I was really hoping that Edward was, because, to be honest, I didn't want to be the one to find him.

"No," Emmett let out slowly.

"That's what I thought," I sighed.

"Bella, there's something I need to tell you," he voice sounded really anxious.

"What is it Emmett?" I asked with the same tensed tone.

"God, I don't know how to say this…"

"Just tell me Emmett."

"Kate, she uh…she has a kid."

"I know Emmett. She's pregnant - that happens." I was irritated by his stupidity at the moment.

"No… God, Bella. No." He took a deep breath and finally said, "This is an actual little girl. It's not Kate's."

* * *

_What I fear  
What I try  
The words I say and what I hide  
All the pain  
I want it to end  
But I want it again_

_

* * *

  
_

That's when it all hit me - Edward always going over to Kate's place every fucking Friday. The conversation we had in the morning with him telling me that he needed Esme's help, because Kate couldn't take care of something for him anymore because she was having _her_ child. Then there was and the journal I read a bit of when I went to his place - talking about some girl named Alexis. Alexis. That was her.

"What?" My breath was caught in my throat just begging to escape.

"Yeah, fuck, I am so sorry Bella." My throat finally unclog letting air run in and out, but was going too fast. I was starting to hyperventilate.

"I'm gonna kill him," Emmett growled lowly, but I wasn't really paying attention to him. I was trying hard to regain control of my breathing, while keeping a steady hand on the steering wheel.

"Are you okay?" Emmett's concerned voice rung in my ear.

No, I wasn't. How could I be 'ok' right now? I just found out that Edward had a fucking kid for Christ's sake. It explains why Edward didn't let Emmett help him over into the house that one day. He didn't want Emmett to find out that he had a little girl that runs around his feet.

I took a moment before I could finally answer him.

"No, but I can't do anything about it now can I?"

_I need to forget this now. Alice needs us to her cousin and if I keep focusing on this, I may end up driving over a cliff._

"Did you call Alice?" I asked trying to get back to the real reason I was in Forks.

"Yes." Emmett replied.

"Then I take it you are heading over to the park?"

"Yes, we should be there soon. Where are you?"

I hadn't really realized that as I was hearing all this new information, my brain was on auto pilot and I was sitting in a parking spot at the Forks town Park.

"I'm here."

It was dark and the only light was a lamp post that stood along the side walk casting dark disfigured shadows where ever the light went. The moon was hidden behind dark clouds and you could barely make out a faint its glow through the clouds. I could faintly make out the shape of the old jungle gym and swing set that held so many memories.

I tossed my phone on the passenger seat after hanging up on Emmett and ran my hands over my face and through my hair. My brain was slowly processing everything, yet again.

_How could I have been so stupid?! Of course he would have been so damn stupid to knock up some girl._

No, not some girl. _Tanya_.

I couldn't handle that thought. The thought of him rubbing and grinding against that sick slut, making her moan and yelp in pleasure.

I started to rip my hair out of the top of my head and screamed as more images of the two of them in a dark room on a bed ran through my head - nothing but moans of pleasure feeling that room.

_He never loved you. Never has and never will. _The girl in my head sneered.

"Shut up. I don't love him either why should I care?"

_But you do. It irks you knowing that he has had hands all over her, but wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole._

"Stop it." I pleaded to her.

_Maybe that's why he stopped kissing you._

"Please?"

_We aren't good enough for him. You aren't __**her**__._

"SHUT UP!" I screamed thrashing around in the car banging my hands across the steering wheel in complete and total frustration and rage wanting to hurt something or someone, take out everything that I have held in me.

As soon as I was done ripping things apart and banging up the inside of the car I took I few heavy deep breaths- sounding like a raging bull - then it came. The fluids in my stomach felt like water bubbling up, boiling. Slowly the burning moved up inside my body as if Satan's hot hand clawing at my throat and into my mouth.

I opened the car door and vomited on the ground as it splashed everywhere. This did nothing to calm me at all. It simply made me angrier. He was seriously making me do this to myself again. I can't believe it!

I jumped out of Emmett's jeep avoiding the steaming pile of puke on the ground and slammed the car door so fucking hard that I was surprised that the window didn't shatter. That just egged me on even more. I wanted it to shatter in pieces just like I have. I wanted to be ruined inside and out, like I was.

I started to kick the door hard leaving giant dents in the side of it, over and over again - each dent deeper than the next. Emmett was going to be pissed when he saw what I did, but I didn't care.

I turned around to head into the park and that's when I saw _his _car. His precious.

I went to the back of Emmett's jeep where I knew all his tools would be. Digging through all of the shit that he had back there I found the perfect tool, a crow bar.

I ran straight for Edward's car and jumped on the hood, causing it to dip deep in the middle as the sides started to lift up. I took the crow bar and heaved it behind me before slamming it against the glass, watching as the pieces flew in every which direction getting cut by some in the process, but I didn't care. I needed to do this.

This is for everything that he has put me through. For having his whore do his dirty work in high school and having her shove it in my face as he eagerly agreed. For all the fucking times he hurt me by putting dog shit in my locker and laughed as I opened it only to have it fall in my face. For just sitting there as he watched me get hurt.

This was for coming back into my life after I was getting better and finally being able to move on. For hanging out with me. For becoming my friend again. For kissing me than leaving me there. For having a child with that slut. For not telling me about it sooner. For not talking to me period so we could move on. This is for… for making me fall in love with him again.

* * *

_And it finds me  
The fight inside is coursing through my veins  
And it's raging  
The fight inside is breaking me again_

_

* * *

  
_

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!!" I stopped beating up the car and turned to see Edward standing over by the swing set with a beer in his hands looking infuriated, crushing the can in his hand slowly.

I ignored him and continued beating the hell out of the vehicle.

The crow bar was up over my head and I was about to smash it again against the hard metal of the car when I felt arms grip around my waist and yank me off the hood of the car, causing me to drop the crow bar to the ground with a loud clanging sound.

"LET ME GO!" I fought in his grasp as he kept pulling me away from the car. Tired of me struggling in his arms, he tossed me over his shoulder instead.

"GOD DAMNIT EDWARD LET ME FUCKING GO!" I smacked his back with my fists and kicked him as much as possible.

"Fine," he let go of me and I fell to the ground, groaning at the sharp pain that shot up my back.

"Now, are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on through that piece of shit you call your brain, or act innocent and pretend that you didn't do anything as per usual?"

I sat up to see him bent over with his hands on his knees glaring at me. He had dark circles under his eyes and his normal bright irises were now dark with rage and fury.

"If I have a choice I choose the latter." I was trying to sound like a smart ass, anything to piss him off a little more made me happy.

"Jesus Bella, you're such….ugh! Why can't you leave me alone?!" He stood back up and tossed his hands in the air.

"You know what - I wanted to leave you here alone. I really did. I didn't want to come out here looking for your sorry ass after what you did, but-"

"What I did! What did I do to you? You were the one sitting on the sofa making out with that fucking creep." I had to roll my eyes at him annoyed at the fact that I wasn't making out with Felix, nor did I really want to. At the time the only one I wanted to touch lips with was the one standing above me. Right now though, I wanted to hit that pretty face of his and make him bleed.

"You know that wouldn't have happened at all if you didn't leave me alone in the cold after you kissed me. Who knows what would've happened if you fucking stayed with me." I stood up from the ground and shoved my face in his. He turned and began to walk away from me. I watched his retreating figure as I felt a couple of drops of water hit my face mixing in with a few fallen tears.

It was all true. If he stayed and continued the kiss, who knows, maybe we could actually be laying in each other's arms right now. We could be even calmly discussing our situation instead of being here - yelling at each other.

I ran up in front of him placing my hands on his chest to make him stop.

"Edward, why won't you just talk to me?" I was really angry at myself for crying right now, when all I wanted to do was scream and yell, and maybe beat his ass a couple of times.

"I CAN'T!" he yelled at me, making me jump a little in surprise.

"Why not?! What did I do that made you want to run away from me like that?" I so badly wanted to know the answer to that question. Was I horrible? Did I do something wrong? _Was_ it because I wasn't **her**?

"Why did you have to call him of all people?" He ignored my question. "Was everything some plan to humiliate me or something? Did you plan to hurt me again?"

_Again? _

If anyone had a plan to hurt someone in the first place, it would be him. How did I know that all this just wasn't part of his plan?

The rain was coming down harder now, but we ignored it – ignored the fact that we were soaking wet and cold.

"Edward, Felix is my friend." Edward scoffed at this, but I continued.

"After you left me there, I felt so vulnerable and useless. I needed someone there…"

"Why not call someone else? Why did it have to be _him_?"

"God what is it with everyone," I growled. I was already irritated with myself because of I called Felix. He didn't really care like I thought. If he cared he wouldn't have left me either like he did – with a smug smile and a cheery kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry, I was fucking stupid and called the wrong person. I'm sorry that I called the one person that everyone hates, but the only one that I felt like I could talk to at the moment. I see that may have been the wrong decision."

"It was and you're right – you are fucking stupid," he hissed pushing me away so he could continue his retreat.

I wanted to give up. I wanted to let him leave and walk away from me. I was ready to give up on him and it broke my heart thinking like that.

I bowed my head in deft, ready to walk back to Emmett's jeep and drive away from here.

"Can you answer on question for me?" I raised my head back up to see Edward a few feet ahead look at me. "Back in high school…What was it? Did you need someone to comfort you than too? Someone to make you feel like you were worth something? Is that why you choose the one guy that was the biggest bastard to me? Was I not a good enough friend to you that you had to do something like that to me?" He was seething in anger as water dripped from his hair down his face mixing in with the heavy rain and what looked like could be tears.

Rain poured down faster and faster showing no signs of ever letting up. I sat there for a moment just listening to the sounds of giant rain drops hitting this cold Earth.

I was totally baffled at his questions. He was making almost sound like as if…

"Edward, do you think Felix and I slept together?" I asked quietly not sure if he could hear me over the pounding rain. I saw him wince forcefully showing me that he indeed heard my question.

"You know Bella you really hurt me back than too," he snapped, choosing to ignore the question. "You broke your one promise to me."

"And what was that?" I rebuked walking back up to him. I don't remember ever promising that I wouldn't sleep with anyone ever in my life. I never did anyways. The one that I wanted never wanted me.

"You promised you would never leave, but you did, you left _me,_ just like _she _fucking did. You are just like her!"

That's when it hit me. His mother.

I was nothing like his mother and for him to think that I was just....ugh! I can't even think of a word. I was just angry as hell.

"Edward, the only reason that I left was because I couldn't take all the shit you, your little girlfriend and other bitches were doing to me. Why don't you get that through your fucking skull already?" I was right up in his face now, "When were you going to realize that I only left because of you. Don't you think that I've had enough?"

"Evidently you didn't if you can still sit here and act like you didn't do anything to deserve everything you got." He shoved his face even closer to mine and I could smell the beer on his breath. I felt the tears come forcefully now and being so close to him I am sure that he could see them.

"Oh look, you're crying now aren't you? You're going to act like you're the victim in this again and be that precious Bella that everyone loves and knows that she would never do anything wrong. Make everyone go to her side and make them feel bad for her, while all they did to me was ignore me until I finally turned to drugs. That got people's attention didn't it?!" The night sky should have been lighting up by now to single a new day, but it was still dark as if this night would never end.

"Edward, tell me why. Why did you do it? Why did you go from one day being my best friend to being my worst enemy a second later?" I was trying to keep control of my sobs. "Why couldn't you come up and tell me yourself that all you ever saw me as was some fat chick that you couldn't stand because she hung onto you too tightly. Why did you have to send Tanya to do it?"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about." I laughed a humorless laugh, irritated at the fact that he couldn't tell me the truth.

"What is wrong with you Edward?! Why is that I am the only one that is supposed to know what I supposedly did to you, but you can't even come to terms with what you did to me?"

"Because I didn't do or say anything like that! You are the one that hurt me!"

"HOW?!!" I screamed at him wanting to shake him until he finally talks and tells me everything.

"You turned out to be exactly like her." He growled at me shoving his finger in my face. "You sold yourself out like she did, except you didn't sleep with someone for drugs or money, you did it the other way around, you ended up selling me out, so you could have a good fuck. And it wasn't with anybody, it was with _him_. You tossed me aside not even thinking about my feelings, like a used piece of tissue or something. You turned out to be exactly like her and I FUCKING HATED HER!!!" he was breathing deeply and huffing as he finished yelling at me.

"How could you think that Edward? How could you think I would ever, ever do something like that? You were-"

"How could I not after the sight I had walked into - with him on top of you sucking your face?" He kept on talking loudly, my fists clenched tightly on my side ready to sock him in the face.

"You know what Bella, I seriously can't take any of this anymore, I am going to make this real easy, so both you and I don't have to deal with each other anymore. Just stay the fuck away from me. Don't come near me, don't look at me and don't even share the same air with me. Just stay the god damn away from me." His voice was low and menacing and I could feel the tears just pouring out of my eyes, as fast and as hard as the rain was coming out from the dark sky.

* * *

_It's still the same  
Pursuing pain  
Isn't worth the light I've gained  
We both know  
How this will end  
But I do it again_

_

* * *

  
_

"So this is what I get? You were the only one that was truly hurting me in the worst possible ways – physically, emotionally, mentally - and I have to be the one to leave." My voice was shaking and quivering all over the place. I was surprised that I wasn't stuttering yet.

"You know I wasn't the only one that was surprised tonight. How do you think I felt when I heard that you have a daughter, huh? Her name is Alexis isn't it?" He kept his face stone hard and started to breath even deeper.

"Bella, stop there, you don't know anything!" he hissed at me, but this time I was the one that ignored him.

"How did you think I would feel knowing that you slept with the only other person _I_ hated more than you? Is that how you feel about me? Knowing that I went around and fucked with someone you hated so much. How would you feel if I ended up having _his_ child, huh?

"That is all you ever thought of me wasn't it? You thought that I was some fat slut that would rather fuck some random guy then the one she really loved?" I saw his face fall as I said this.

"Bella, you don't understand…"

From the corner of my eyes I could see headlights pulling into the parking lot, while Edward made no indication of him noticing it, his eyes only focused on mine.

"You're the one who knew I would never do anything like that, Edward, especially with someone like Felix, he will never mean to me as much as you _did_, but now after the day that I've had, I've realized that both you and Felix fucked up in the head.

"Felix was using me to piss you off. You know what gave it away? That smug ass smile he had when you left, then his readiness to leave me. A real friend would've stayed there with me, but guess what, neither of you stayed there, neither of you even fought to stay with me. You both eagerly left." Edward sat there staring at me as I turned and walked away from him.

"Another thing Edward," I turned to face him, my eyes blurry from tears, "yes I left, but I had a good reason, what was yours? Now I am gone, you don't have to see me ever again. I hope you and Alexis have a great life." I turned back and continued to the jeep, when something else popped into my head. I spin back around keeping my face looking down at the ground.

"I also got a bit of news to tell you" I looked up into Edward's steamy eyes. "I'm a god damn Virgin, you can check if you don't believe me. By the rate things have been going for me I will probably die that way." With that I ran the rest of the way to Emmett's jeep trying to get in soaking wet, as Edward stood out there in the rain and everyone else came got out of their vehicles and ran towards him.

Once I knew I was far enough away from that place I pulled over on the side of the road and started crying, leaning my head on the steering wheel and feeling my whole body rake with sobs.

It hurt so much, knowing that all this time he always thought of me as a whore and nothing more. How could he think so little of me? He knew me better than anyone else I've ever known, better than my own family did.

Family.

After being able to control my sobs I put the car back into drive and got back onto the main road heading to that one place where I knew I would always feel welcome and safe.

I parked the car across the street and stared up at the white house with dark curtains in the window. I forced myself out of the banged up Jeep and headed towards the green front door knocking on it.

"Bella, honey? What are you doing here?"

"Hey dad, can I stay here for awhile?"

"Of course you can." I went up and gave him a hug and cried. He never pushed me away or let go, he simply held onto me while I let the tears fall down my cheeks onto his shoulders. This is the most anyone has done for me in a long time.

* * *

_And it finds me  
The fight inside is coursing through my veins  
And it's raging  
The fight inside is hurting me again  
And it finds me  
The war within me pulls me under  
And without you  
The fight inside is breaking me again_

_It's breaking me  
It's breaking me_

_I'm falling apart  
I'm falling apart_

_- Fight inside _by **RED**

**

* * *

  
**

_**Flashback: Summer before freshman year.**_

"_Edward, where are we going?"_

_Edward and I had spent most of the Saturday afternoon sitting inside the house watching movies and he decides that it was time to get outside for a little bit. _

"_There's just a place I wanted to take you real fast." Edward says giving me his famous crooked grin again and I feel my heart flutter in my chest. If only he knew._

"_Look, were actually here." He nods his head towards a park ahead of us._

_As we get closer, I notice that we are at a small park, the same park that I haven't been to since I was a little kid. _

_It has a swing set and a little jungle gym that is bright and colorful, with two kinds of slides, one that goes straight down and another one that twists around. There's even an old See-Saw. Man, I used to love those things, now days if I got on one I would always be stuck on the ground. _

"_What are we doing here?" I ask Edward as we near the jungle gym. He doesn't say anything and we keep walking until he reaches the swing- set and sits down in one._

_His face has a solemn look to it. It's really sad to see him look like that. He usually always has a smile on his face. _

_I move over and sit in the swing next to him. We're silent for awhile watching the sunset turn into a twilight sky._

"_Bella, have I ever told you about my real mom?" Edward asks keeping his head down looking at his feet as he moves them around in the sand. _

"_Not really. All you've ever told me is that she simply left and then Carlisle and Esme took you in."_

_He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. His green penetrating eyes meet my dull brown ones. They are full of sorrow and hurt. It's heart wrenching to look at._

"_Edward what is it?" He has me a little concerned sitting here staring at me like that. _

"_This really isn't easy for me." He takes in another heavy breath. _

"_This place holds so many bad memoires. I don't even know why I still come here" He sighs looking around the desolate park. " It could be that deep down I hope she comes back, but then again I think that I am happy that she left me because I would never be where I am today, with great friends, real parents that love me, and you." He looks deeply into my eyes._

"_Other times I come here when things get hard, as a reminder that things couldn't get any worse then what she did." His eyes glaze over, but no tears come._

"_What happened?"_

_He takes in an unsteady breath._

"_This is where she decided to leave me."_

_A gasp falls from my lips._

"_You got to understand something about my mom. She was a druggy, and she really loved any drugs that she could get her hands on. I found out she even did drugs while she was pregnant with me." I know that this must all be hard for him to talk about, so I don't say anything afraid that I may say the wrong thing, so I let him continue. _

"_Her name was Elizabeth Masen and turns out that she used to be a very well known attorney, and one night, after an office party, she was raped. A little over a month later she found out that she carrying a child. She was carrying me." He looks back down at the ground._

"_She didn't know what to do, she was going to get an abortion, but her mother wouldn't let her. Her mother actually said that she would take care of me once I was born. She took care of her daughter for 7 months, helping her through all the stages of her pregnancy, taking her to all the doctors' appointments and birthing classes, everything. Then unexpectedly, her mother passed away, because of a heart attack._

"_My mother was devastated. She had absolutely no one that could help her anymore. She really did not want me. I wonder why at times she didn't fall down the stairs on purpose to get rid of me." I wince as he says that not liking it at all. It really hurts to have him thinking things like that._

_I was about to say something when he continued with, _"_No, instead she turned to drugs. But because she didn't start the drugs until so late into the pregnancy and I was pretty much developed, full lungs and everything, the drugs really didn't harm me, although I was born upside down with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. Thankfully they were able to get me out and remove it before permanent damage._

"_The first time she held me- when I wrapped my finger around hers- she said she wasn't going to do drugs anymore, but of course that didn't happen. She was addicted and I soon became noting but a burden to her." I can tell that he's trying to keep himself together, and it's hard to sit and watch, but I know I have to. He's trying to tell me about his past, something he wants me to hear._

"_We were practically living on the streets. I was surprised that social service never came to get me, but then again I didn't go to school, so no one even knew I existed. I had to teach myself things, or I had one of our neighbors, Aro, help me out. He would give me a new problem everyday to solve and every time I solved it correctly he would give me a piece of candy." Edward starts to laugh lightly at what I assume is a memory._

"_Once we ran out of money, Elizabeth turned to prostitution, so she could get more money for more drugs. Although, she did give me some cash so that I could get food and everything. Eventually though, she got sick of me._

"_I was almost seven at the time and we went on a 'road trip.' She had stolen a vehicle and stuffed me in it along with what little possessions I had, which merely included some books that Aro had given me. _

"_After that she just…drove. I knew she had no idea to where she was going, but I wasn't going to say anything. She wanted to get away - get away from me." Tears finally fall down his face, but he hurriedly wipes them away._

"_We ended up at this park. I was asleep in the back seat of the car when I felt her start to pull me out and drag me out of the car. It was in the middle of the night so not a soul was there. She set me in the middle of the park and started to yell at me, telling me that I was holding her down, that I was a worthless piece of shit, and….and that she wanted nothing to do with me." I watch the tears fall down his cheeks again, but this time he doesn't remove them. He simply lets them slide down his cheeks and fall off his chin. _

"_She took off after that. I ran after the car yelling for her to come back, but she never did, so I stayed inside that tunnel over there," he points to a small round tube that was hiding under the jungle gym. _

"_I stayed there for weeks scrounging around for food out of trash cans. Bella, you don't know what that can do to a little kid. When weeks went on it really hurt to see all these mothers bring their children here - seeing them laughing and playing while I was the creepy little boy that stayed in the tunnel. But one day, when I was out looking for something to eat, I saw them."_

"_Saw who?" I ask when he doesn't say anything for a awhile._

"_You and Alice." I get up out of my swing and kneel down in front of him as more tears ran down his face._

"_You guys were running around playing two-way tag having the time of your life. You don't know how badly I wanted to come and join you guys. As I was about to come out and play with you, your dad had called your name and you had to go while Alice stayed. She was running around with another little boy with greasy blond hair and buck teeth, who turned into the stunning and smooth Jasper. Anyways, as they were running around she spotted me and came over. She said I looked sad and needed a friend." Edward smiles at this, and I can't help but give a small smile in return finally becoming aware of the fact that I have tears on my cheeks._

"_We were playing around for awhile when I saw Esme telling Alice it was time to go. She was like 'but Aunti Esme, we can't leave Eddie'" He starts to chuckle again through his tears._

"_Esme came over to me and asked where my mom was and I told her she left. After that, she and Carlisle took me in. They couldn't have a kid of their own, so finding me was like a blessing for them. After a few months when no one claimed me, they both fully adopted me." His face is stained with tears. _

"_I'm so sorry Edward." I say through my own tears._

"_It's not your fault, but will you promise me one thing, Bella?" His eyes are piercing as if they are looking down to my very soul. He takes my hands in his._

"_Anything." I let out with bated breath. _

"_Never leave me like she did. I don't know what I would do if I lost you, or if you left me. Please, please stay, always. Never hurt me like she did." He's very urgent and holding tightly onto me as if I'm going to run away from him that minute._

_I reach my hand out and wipe his tears off from under his eyes and off his red cheeks._

"_Edward, I'm never going to leave. I'll always be here for you. You're my best friend; I don't know what I'd do without you." It hurts so much to see him in this kind of pain. I never want to see it again._

_He leans forward and wraps his arms around me as I do the same to him, holding each other close._

"_Thank you," he whispers softly in my ear. _

_There's no way I can stay away from him, even if I want to._

_He's my light in the dark, and I his. _

_**END FLASHBACK**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

**So I hoped you guys listening to all that with sad music, throughout most of it, I actually listening to a bunch of Linkin park, and then some really depressing songs.**

**Any who, I hope you guys loved that chapter, sorry for any mistakes, again early in the morning. I'm actually supposed to wake up in a couple of hours to go to church. I hate insomnia sometimes. **

**If you guys don't like the chapter, I may re write it because I am not so sure about it. Please let me know what you think. If no one really reviews then I know I will have to redo it.**

**Also you guys guessed right on him having a kid, but with the whole Tanya thing, I wouldn't be too sure. Just trust me when I say nothing is what you think.**

**So goodnight, and review, looking forward to seeing them in the morning. **


	20. Chapter 19

Okay you guys, I really want to apologize for such the long wait, especially after that last chapter. I know some of you are angry at me right now, but things happened and didn't go turn out the way I wanted them to. Then again, what in this world does.

I want to give a special shout out to the lady's over at Twilighted, especially **redd4169.** I freaking love you! She actually stared a thread over at Twilighted for this story.

You should all really check it out. I put up teasers for this story, and then I even have teasers for my new story "I cry when angels deserve to die" over there as well.

**http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=2188&st=0&sk=t&sd=a**

(Link is also on my profile page)

Seriously you got to go check it out.

Again sorry for the long wait

Now read on, if you dare.

* * *

**Chapter 19: Always lying saying you're fine**

_You've got to take your mind off him  
But not with aspirins  
You won't  
You won't let your family in  
Like smoke your body comes  
Through the gaps in the urban slums  
You try  
You try to speak American  
When you don't know what you want  
You end up finding that you haunt your own  
Your own life  
You're the daylight ghost that creeps  
You're the empty city streets and I  
And I see you  
And those talkshows fill your days  
Something is slipping away  
Sometimes it feels like you don't have a body  
Your skin is cellophane  
You know I feel the same  
Sometimes it feels like you don't have a body_

_Body _by **The Servant**

**

* * *

  
**

**BPOV**

It's been over two weeks since everything has happened, and I have spent most of my time locked up in my room. Never crying though. I wasn't going to cry anymore over this. I am going to start working past this, and just not talk or hang out with him anymore.

This is the second time in my life where he has hurt me badly and I wasn't going to take it anymore. Despite how much my heart was aching, as if someone was trying to dig it out of my chest with a spoon, I was not going to see him anymore just have him do it all over again.

I really don't know how I was going to avoid him, but I was going to have to, even if that meant moving out of the house with Emmett and finding somewhere else to stay for awhile. I was really debating whether or not if I should just get away from it all totally. Just leave the state; maybe go spend time with my mom.

"Bella, I am heading off to work, okay?" Charlie asked from the other side of the door. "I'll call you later this afternoon to check on you."

"Kay." I replied barley raising my voice, but just enough so I knew he could hear me. I knew he wanted to say something back for I could still see his shadow under the door just lingering there for a minute. That is what shows me that Charlie is really worried about me; he really isn't one to linger.

But, he did leave. I heard him shut the door and start up the cruiser leaving me in my own misery for the time being.

On that day when I got here two weeks ago, Charlie got a call from Emmett asking if I was here. Charlie told him that I was, but then he pressured Emmett to give him answers. Well, I guess Emmett told him, for Charlie started to yell into the phone angrier than ever at what Edward did. He told Emmett that Edward was to keep away from me. Little did he know that I was going to stay away from him as much as possible.

Turns out, Emmett really hasn't seen Edward since that day either. No one has, except for Seth and Kate. Seth did let everyone know that Edward was fine and was just trying to sort things out.

That is a bunch of bull shit. Sort what out? His next plan to make my life his own personal enjoyment. It was seriously as if I was one of Alice's Barbie doll and he was trying to rip my head off.

As my thoughts continued to settle on Edward, no matter how hard a tried to make them melt away and just disappear, they wouldn't, which in turn made me run to the bathroom to continue my new daily routine, or should I say to my old original routine.

It was seriously back to the high school days, except, Edward wasn't physically there tormenting me, he was in my thoughts. Hiding in every dark crack and crevice that I try to lock up behind a metal door, and yet he still finds a way to break through.

After I was done, I decided it would be best if I took a shower and clean myself up as best as I could.

Upon getting out of the shower clean, or what at least as clean as I could feel, I put on my robe and walked back out into my room to put on some music, hoping to distract my thoughts. I just hooked my MP3 up to my speakers that were sitting on top of my drawers and pushed on. One of my favorite songs by Bob Marley came on. Three little birds.

_"Don't worry about a thing,  
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.  
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,  
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"_

Yeah right, everything is gonna be all right my ass. That is a bunch of shit.

I slammed one of my drawers after pulling out some clothes and tossing them on my bed. In turn it caused on my books big hard back books of Edgar Allen Poe poems to fall to the ground hard making some, all ready loose floor boards to pop up out of the floor a little bit.

I had completely forgotten that that was there. I got down on my knees and pulled the boards out of the way revealing an old tattered box.

I pulled the box out from the floor and was really fighting myself to not open it. I knew what was inside it. Old fucked up memories. I really fought against myself of trying to toss it out the window and opening the box and facing the old memories that once used to be pleasant, but now would only cause pain.

I stood up from the ground ready to go throw it into the garbage when I tripped on the boards that I didn't put back causing the box to slip out of my hands and its contents to spill all across the floor.

Out of it came old letters, pictures upon pictures, and my old camera. That camera Edward had given me for Christmas. I pushed myself up off the floor and started to pick up everything as fast as I could so that could just throw them out, or even burn everything, but I still had to face pictures of my old heavy self with Edward smiling at the camera like two dumbasses that used to be best friends. Now they were just two dumb asses that couldn't stand to be around each other because one decided to screw the other over with a bitch and a knife in the back.

I was picking them up as quickly as possible and was avoiding looking at them as much as possible until I picked up one and stopped. It was a picture of Edward and me while we were camping just before sophomore year had started. I slide down to the ground with my back up against my bed as I recalled the old memory.

Charlie really wanted to go fishing and didn't want to go alone because he didn't have his pal Billy Black to go with him, but none of us really wanted to go fishing, but Esme and Carlisle had suggested that we all go camping together and turn it into a giant outdoor party thing.

So we all went, and I mean everyone, even Alice and Rose, especially Rose, neither of them are really the camping type, but once both of them had heard Jasper and Emmett were going they had readily agreed.

As soon as we arrived to the forested area where we would be staying we unpacked and set our tents up, with the girls in one and the guys in another. Since it was a warm nice day, we had spent most of it down on the river swimming around and river rafting. It was an amazing day.

That night was just as great. We always had the weirdest conversations when we were all around a fire. We had started off talking about politics and ended up in the discussion of saying how when you take a really hard shit, that is the closest you could get to an orgasm without really having one.

Like I said, we always had the weirdest conversations.

I laughed lightly at the memory as tears began to slide down my face onto the picture. It was of Edward and me that same night. We had all decided that we were going to bring our air mattresses out of the tents and just sleep under the stars. After shoving all the mattresses together we all plopped down together laying beside each other. I was in between Alice and Edward with Emmett and Jasper on the other side of him and Rose on the other side of Alice.

We were in the middle of talking about whether Hillary Swank was hot or not when I fell asleep. It was the best night's sleep I have ever had, and I really didn't know why, that is until Alice had shown me this picture she had taken.

It was of Edward and I cuddled up close together. It wasn't lover close, but it was still close enough for me to be happy. Our foreheads were touching each other and his arm was under my neck while one of mine was resting on his free hand in between our bodies.

I wanted to tell him so badly that day how much I loved him, but I freaked out. And right now I was happy that I have never told him. He would probably just use that against me back in high school.

I can see it now, James and Tanya poking fun at me for even thinking Edward would ever like me, and having Tanya throw herself even more onto Edward. I wouldn't have been surprised if she would have had it planned for me to walk in on them in the bathroom in a very disturbing position.

As if he would ever love me like I love him.

The tears came faster down my face and I got back up and ran into the bathroom.

* * *

EPOV

This was it. I was going to talk to Bella. I needed to. I needed to explain myself.

These past couple of weeks I have been really horrible for me. Everything I did would remind me of what had happened. Nothing was able to distract me from thinking about Bella. I spent as much of my time with Alexis as I could, hoping that she would distract me, but every time I would try to play with her, just looking at her would remind me that I needed to talk to Bella.

I knew that this time it wouldn't be easy to get her to listen to me for all the stupid things that I have done, but I have to do this. I still am kicking myself in the ass for believing Felix. I can't really explain what compelled me to believe him, but I just did. I don't think it was the fact that he had said that they "slept together" was what really got me, it was more of the fact of what she had said to me before that and he came over and practically confirmed it.

So here I am now at the front door of the Swan resident with my fist knocking hard against the wooden door waiting for her to answer. I didn't see Charlie's cruiser in the driveway which I was thankful for because I knew he would be waiting to kick my ass right now, or even pulling a gun on me for hurting his daughter yet again. I wasn't so sure Bella would still be here either but Emmett's Jeep was still parked across the street, so I knew that she had to be here.

I pushed on the door bell while impatiently taping on my foot waiting for the door to open but nothing.

"Bella?" I started to bang on the door with my fist again but still nothing so I tried the door. Lucky for me it was unlocked so I stepped inside.

"Bella?" I called out as I shut the door and looked around downstairs but no one was there.

"Are you here?" I made my way upstairs and as I neared the top of the stairs and approached her room I could hear the sound of someone dry heaving. It was as if they had nothing at all in their system, but they were still trying.

I knew who exactly it was. I picked up my speed and just as I was about to enter the bathroom Bella stepped out looking sickly pale with a sheen of sweet along the top of her head. She looked as if she hadn't slept in days with deep purple bags under her bloodshot eyes.

"Edward?!" she whispered frantically.

"Bella, I…" I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know where to start at this moment after what I just came across.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" she was walking backwards towards her room as I moved forward towards her.

"We need to talk." I told her firmly.

"No, we don't. I don't want to talk to you." She turned and stormed off into her room.

"Bella, I think it is best if we do talk about all this." I followed her into it and put my hand in the way so she couldn't shut the door on me.

"I don't want to talk to you." She snarled at me again.

"I really think you should."

"Edward, no! I want you to stay away from me. You were the one in the first place saying that you didn't want to see me again. Well I am trying to keep my end of the bargain, but you are making that really difficult right now." She started to yell at me.

"I just want to talk to you about everything." I pleaded with her just wanting her to listen to me.

"Can't you tell that I want to be left alone? Isn't it enough that I have you constantly haunting my nightmares?"

"If you just listen to me for one minute then-"

"No Edward. I am done. Please just leave me alone. I am not in a good place right now, I can't even take care of myself anymore, what makes you think that I will be able to take care of your problems?"

She can't take care of herself? This can't be good.

"You're doing it again aren't you?" I asked her softly taking a couple more steps towards her and she just stood there looking at something to the side of the room.

"What do you want me to say?" She shrugged her shoulders.

"I want you to tell me that you aren't doing it again. I don't think I could handle the fact that I have made you do this to yourself again."

She just shook her head at me looking down at the ground with tears glistening in her eyes.

"Bella"

"I don't want to hear it, especially from you." She stabbed her finger at me. "I was fine until you had to come back. Did you just come back so that you could hurt me all over again? Didn't you get enough back in school?" That hurt. It really did, and her tears weren't helping the pain either. I knew I had hurt her badly at school. I was just a stupid juvenile teen who was lied to and thought that the person he loved hated him.

"I'm sorry" I whispered knowing that it would never make any difference and would never erase what I did in the past.

"You make me sick." She snapped. "How you tormented me daily, doing harmful and a lot of the time painful things to me. Sure at times you would never join in some of the things that James and them did, but you just sat there. That is what was the most disgusting and distasteful thing you ever did. While I was being pushed around, shoved into the dirt, you just sat there and watched it all happen."

I didn't say anything. It was true. All of it, and I was disgusted with myself because of it. All the things I put her through just to try to keep me happy, when all it was doing was ruining both our lives in the process.

"I hate you for it! I really do and yet…and yet…oh god" she pushed me out of the way and started towards the bathroom, but I caught on to what she was doing and before she made it that far I grabbed her and pulled her back into me.

"Let go of me!" She started to pound her little fists across my chest, but I just tightened my grip around her not letting her go. I wasn't going to let her go just so she could do this to herself. Not again.

"Please Edward, I need to go!" she started to scream at me between sobs.

"No Bella." I said softly into her hair as I hugged her tighter. She gave up fighting and we fell down to the ground with her weeping in my arms. I felt my own tears fall down my face and into her hair as I held her as close to me as possible.

"I am so sorry." I kept whispering to her over and over again in between my own tears. I really badly wanted to tell her that I loved her so much and always have, that I didn't mean anything I said to her at the park, but I knew after the hell I have put her through she hated me with a fiery passion.

"Why Edward, why?" he begged me wanting to hear the answers to everything.

"Because…" How was I supposed to tell her all this?

"Because I was a stupid son a bitch that believed what my worst enemy said."

"So it is true, you thought that I slept with Felix, and that is why you treated me like shit!" she pushed herself away from me and I let her.

"No Bella. That is not just it! Just please listen to me!"

"God damn it Edward, then what the fuck was it?" I took a deep breath ready to explain myself but she didn't let me.

"Was this all before or after Tanya came up to me in the bathroom and told me that all you thought of me was a fat slut that hung on to you to tightly." I just gawked at her for a minute not knowing exactly what to say. I would never say something like that to her. I love her, and for her to believe in something Tanya said is complete ridiculous.

"And when will you explain how Alexis came into the picture, or was it that just because you thought that I had sex with Felix you had to fuck Tanya as a way to get back at me but ended up knocking her up." That got me fired up, she doesn't know anything about Alexis.

"Stop right there. There is one thing you should know about Alexis and that is she is not Tanya's."

"What the fuck is your problem?!" I froze as she shouted at me.

"How is this supposed to make me feel knowing that you didn't just screw around with one person, but more than one and ended up getting one of them pregnant?"

"That's not it, let me explain god damn it!" I was getting so frustrated at her. All I wanted to do was finally explain myself and she wasn't letting me.

"No! Get out of here!" she tried to push me towards the end of the stairs.

"NO!" I roared at her and that is when the front door burst open reviling an angry and enraged Charlie.

"She said to leave!" Charlie said in a very commanding voice as Bella ran back into her room and I ran after her ignoring that her father had just busted trough the door.

"Bella please listen to me!" I started to bang on her bedroom door.

"NO!" she shouted from the other side.

"Edward, get the fuck away from that door." An icily voice said from beside me. I have never heard Charlie curse in my life time. That proved that he was pissed. I slowly turned to face him to see that he had a shot gun pulled out facing towards me. There was no way he was going to shoot me, but it still didn't mean that I didn't fear that he would.

"But sir."

"Don't 'but sir' me. You have caused enough problems around her too many times to count. I'll give you the count of three to get out of my sight and away from this house.

I just stood there for a moment not moving then he cocked his gun and made me jump.

"One….Two…" I pushed myself away from Bella's bedroom door and slowly passed by Charlie looking into his dark eyes and ran down the stairs and out to Kate's car that I had borrowed. Driving off I could see Bella in her bedroom window looking out with her tear stained face as I drove off.

/&/

As soon as I had arrived back at Kate's I ran inside slamming the door behind me and ran into a very puzzled Kate.

"Wow, you're back early. I figured you guys may be having angry sex or something right now." Kate started to tease me when I neared her, but I wasn't in the mood at all. I gave her a dirty ass glare and she backed away.

"So, I take it that things didn't go according to plan?"

"Up your ass with broken glass." I told her rudely as I pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down at it putting my head in my arms.

"Okay, it didn't go well at all."

"Of course it didn't! Her father fucking threatened me with a gun when I was trying to talk to her!"

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" She pulled out a chair next to me. She had her long light brown hair pulled back into a loose pony tail and she had some flyways going in every which direction. I could tell she was cleaning, she even smelled like cleaning supplies.

"Where is Alexis?" I asked making sure that she didn't need attending to.

"She is asleep. Now stop changing the subject and tell me what happened."

"I tried to talk to her, I really did, but then I found out that she is making herself sick again."I sighed and ran my hand down the back of my neck.

"It's all my fault, yet again." I groaned.

"You can't think like that Edward. You are just going to keep beating yourself up for that."

"How can I not beat myself up for it? It is my entire fault that she is doing this again."

"Don't worry, she will recover from it, she has before." She grabbed my hand and rubbed soothing circles on it trying to keep me calm.

"I don't know Kate." I just shook my head at her. "I have fucked up everything. I can't believe that I was such an idiot and believed Felix."

"Haha, neither can I" she laughed lightly. "That guy is such an ass that needs to be shot a few times in the head."

I couldn't help but laugh a little at the thought of that happening to him, but then was taken back into reality.

"Why won't she just listen to me?" It was a stupid question to ask, I know. I already knew why she wouldn't listen to me, hell I wouldn't listen to me after everything I did, but it would still be nice to hear from someone else their point of view of why she would let me talk.

"You got to see it from her point of view Edward. You accused her of doing every single thing that she thinks you did." I looked at her confused waiting for her to continue.

"You see, you accused her of sleeping with someone you despise, she thinks you slept with Tanya, the one she hated more than you. You accused her of her of telling someone your past, and yet you gave James her dairy! That is the one thing that a girl doesn't want the world to read. Then you accused her of being just like your mother and leaving her, and yet you were the one to leave and push her away. She would of never left you if you didn't torture her and just talked to her." It was true everything she said was true, but with her leaving me just like my mother, it wasn't just physically it was mentally. It really just wasn't that she left at all, it is what she said that had really brought all those horrific memories back of lying at night in a tunnel with no blanket and only the moon as light to keep away all the ghosts.

"What am I supposed to do? I want her back. I want her so bad, but I don't know how I am ever going to do that."

"Just give her time Edward, but not too much, you give her too much time then she may just over think everything and just try to run away from everything. You need to fight for her. Force her to listen to you." She took a deep breath, "Edward, despite what she tells you, she does love you."

"How do you know, you haven't seen her for years?"

"I just know. She has always loved you, even when you were making her life hell; she still had feelings for you. It is really hard to just fall out of love with someone you have practically loved all your life. And for her to be hurting this badly, it is because she is fighting against those feelings." I just groaned and dropped my head back against the table.

"Don't worry about it. Everything will work out in the end. You just got to fight hard for the things you want, but even harder for the things you need."

"I hope your right." I looked at Kate and she gave me a small smile.

"Daddy?" I turned to see Alexis holding her Tinkerbell blanket in her hands rubbing her eyes.

"Hey toots!" I tried to sound as cheerful for her as I could.

She ran over to me her dirty blond curls bouncing as she ran over to me and reached out for me. I readily grabbed her and hugged her tightly.

"Brownies?" she looked up at me with her misty eyes so hopeful.

"Sure baby." I got up out of the chair and headed into the kitchen with Alexis. She has always loved to help bake things with any of us when we decided we wanted something good to it. Alexis had to be the one to pour the milk, pour the oil, crack the eggs and everything, just creating a giant mess because she would miss the bowl completely at times.

"Does she know?" I knew what Kate was talking about as she nodded towards Alexis.

"I tried to tell her. The farthest I got was to telling her that she wasn't Tanya's and now she thinks that I slept with some other girl and got them pregnant." I sighed deeply.

"When she finds out she is going to feel like an ass. I can grantee it." She laughed as I pulled out the coco and vanilla out of the cupboard.

I don't want her to feel like an ass for assuming what she did. I would probably assume the same thing if I was her. I just wish that she would actually let me talk and tell her the truth.

"Just remember Edward, you have to fight_ for_ her, even if you have to fight _her_ to do it." Kate left to go finish the cleaning as Alexis and I made some brownies. We created a large mess making them just like I thought we would, but once they came out of the oven, you couldn't even tell the kind of disaster we went through to create them.

* * *

_**EPOV Flashback: Doomsday**_

_It's been a week, a whole week since Bella started to avoid me. But it isn't only her - it's been everyone. All our friends have been trying to ignore me like I'm some fucking plague. I don't know what I did. I keep trying to talk to Bella, but she's going out of her way to avoid me. _

_I keep thinking it may have had something to do with that kiss between Tanya and me. In all honesty, I don't know what happened. I was out looking for Bella to apologize for what I had said earlier with Felix, when I ran into Tanya. _

_Once I asked her if she had seen Bella, she said she didn't know and then pulled me into her and towards the lockers. My manly side took control of me and I kissed her back, but once she started to kiss me even deeper I had pushed her away from me and told her to stay away from me. All she did was smile at me and said that I would be back soon. I still have no idea what she means by that. _

_I never want to do like that with Tanya__ again __. The only one that I want is the one that's doing anything she can to shun me. _

_/&/  
_

_I end up finding Bella at her locker; she looks really upset and kind of sick. Her normal radiant pale skin now looks like a sickly gray color and her hair looks dull and matted, not the usually smooth and shiny it is. What's wrong? She's really starting to scare me. _

_Bella's pulling out some books and slams her locker shut. As she makes her way towards her next class I stop her._

"_Bella!" She freezes where she is and turns to look at me. Her eyes are full of fear, but you know what she does – she simply turns back around and runs away from me as if I never said anything to her._

_Seriously, what the hell has been her problem? She has been really pissing me off with her constant avoidance of me. All I want to know is what's wrong._

"_Bella!" I run and grab her arm roughly turning her so that she'll look at me. _

"_Let me go Edward." She tries to pull her arm out of my grip but I won't let her go._

"_No Bella, I need to talk to you." I look her dead in the eyes. I have no clue to what is written on my face or in my eyes at the moment, but whatever it is she doesn't want to see because she tries to look every other direction but at me. _

"_No, no we don't! I don't want anything to do with you! I never want to talk to you again, so leave me the FUCK alone, will you?!" She's never cursed at me before so it's shocking to hear something like this come out of her._

_I loosen my grip on her and she pulls her arm out of it, running away from me as fast as she can. I don't know where she goes, but I notice Alice trailing behind her calling out her name while I stood there._

_She doesn't want anything to do with me. Those words have never been so painful to me, even when my mother yelled them at me. _

"_Eddiekins!" _

_Oh great, god doesn't seem like he hasn't given me enough shit with having my best friend runaway from me, now he has to see it so fit to curse me with the presence with the dike of a man, Felix._

"_Felix, what the fuck do you want?!" I turn and scold him._

"_Wow man, someone has their panties in a twist," he mocks as I growl._

"_Edward, I have something to tell you that, as far as I can tell, Bella hasn't told you yet."_

"_And what is that?" I feel myself begin to quake with anger. Why can't he leave me alone?_

"_Oh, she has told me a little something about you and your mom."_

"_What are you talking about?" I snap. _

"_Let me see how I should say this so it would make sense to someone who is the son of a crack- whore."_

_I feel my face fall and all the blood drain from it._

How does he know?

"_That's right, I know about you and your druggie mother and how she left you at the park so you could rot. She didn't want you exactly like Bella doesn't want you now. You wanna know how I know this?" Felix taunts me, but I keep my face and body solid, refraining from showing anymore emotions for him._

"_Well, Bella actually told me herself, of course she wouldn't tell me unless I did something for her. At first I wasn't so sure because of all the baggage she was carrying, but they are right when they say 'more cushion for the pushin.'" _

_I feel another tremor of anger run through my body. _

_This can't be true Bella would never do anything like that, especially with someone she knew I hated with a passion. Plus she told me that she would only do anything like that with one person she's truly in love with, I'm pretty positive that she's nowhere near in love with Felix. I always hope that it could be me one day in the future. _

_But then how does Felix know about my mom. Bella's the only one that really knows what happened. Not even Esme and Carlisle know the _whole _story. _

_It's always painful recalling the fact that my mother wants nothing to do with me. That she hates me so much that she had to get rid of me, and it hurts even more having Bella herself tell me she wants nothing to do with me. I love her so much, and her saying that to me feels like my skin being ripped off me. Why is it that the people I love never love me back?_

"_We all know that you love her too, hell even she knows, but she despises you. Why do you think that she told you that she wants nothing to do with you? No one dose and no one will after hearing that you are nothing but a crack baby. That explains why you're so god damn retarded." He spits at me and starts to laugh. _

_My hands are clenched in tight fists and I'm twitching in rage ready to pounce at him as I bite the side of my cheek drawing blood._

"_I got to tell you though man, you really missed out. I was pretty surprised that she's as flexible as she is." He laughs a little harder._

"_And between her calling out my name as she withered beneath me, she was also saying how much she hates you and how she wishes she never knew you. All you do is give her grief. I bet you enjoy having her around to give yourself a boost in self-esteem realizing that you found someone sadder than you."_

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I pull back my fist and ram it into his face so hard that I can feel his nose break under it._

"_You fucking basterd!" Felix yells at me holding his nose. I just turn and walk in search of Bella. _

_I find her in her third period class - which is about to start - sitting at her desk staring out the window looking as if she's been crying. _

_What does she have to be so upset about? She's the one that told Felix about my mother just so he would sleep with her._

"_BELLA!" She turns to look at me with even more fear in her eyes than before. I'm so infuriated, and I'm sure that it showed. _

_She gets up out of her seat and yet again runs away from me out the back doors of the classroom - I run after her._

_She's opening her rusty truck door, but before she has it opened it wide enough to get in, I slam it on her, almost smashing her fingers in the door._

"_Edward, please, just please leave me alone." She begs me, and I see the tears coming, but not falling. I can tell she is trying hard to keep them held back._

"_No Bella, I want to know. I want to know how you could do something like that!" I yell at her._

"_What are you talking about? What could I do to you to make you so angry at me?"_

"_Are you going to stand here and act like you don't know what I'm talking about?!"_

"_Well obviously I am, since I have no fucking clue to why the hell you're so angry at me!" Her face is bright red with fury. _

"_God Bella, you're so full of it! I'm done with your shit. I'm done with you. You want nothing to do with me? Well fine because I don't want any god damn thing to do with you! You're nothing to me but a FAT FUCKING WHORE!!" I spit the last three words while shoving my finger in her face. __She loses control of her tears as they begin to roll down her face, but I hold no sympathy for her right now. I can't. I'm too furious to care. _

_I notice Bella look around us and I can only assume that at some point we attracted a crowd of people, but I pay no attention to them. _

_Instead I storm away from Bella __and out of the corner of my eye I notice Tanya leaning up against her mini cooper with a huge grin on her face. _

_I'm so angry and pissed off at Bella for everything that all I want to do was shove shit in her face and show her I don't care about her anymore, so I do the one thing I know would hurt her even more than she was. _

_Ignoring people's gazes, I walk right up to Tanya and push her up against the car shoving my tongue down her throat - which Tanya rather enjoys. _

_I open my eyes to see Bella in pieces as she gets into her truck and scrambles with her keys as she put it in the ignition. A part of me feels awful for doing all this and all I want to do was run over to her, hold her and tell her how sorry I was, that I didn't mean any of it, but the evil side of me won out and I stay where I am standing, with Tanya, as Bella drives off._

_From this moment on I don't know what's going to happen. All I know is that nothing is ever going to be the same. _

_**End Flashback**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

Sorry for any mistakes.

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, trust me the next chapter will be more interesting and entertaining, and will come out a lot sooner than this one did. **

**Now you guys, if anyone is interstead I have decided to look for a BETA so if anyone is interested, send me a PM or come over to Twilighted and let me know. Please.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Just want to let you guys know that I am going to be leaving on a cruise anytime now actually, I have to go to the airport in a few hours. Which to be honest, I am a little scared of going on, but that is because of all the airplane incidents I keep hearing about. I am really afraid of something bad happening.  
**

**Anyway, so I will be gone for the next week, sorry about that.  
**

**I want to give a special shout out to my new BETA, Megsly. YAY! With out her, I would of never realized just how badly I needed a BETA. lol, also thank you to all of you who offered to be my BETA, I really appreciate it.  
**

**Another special Shout out to the ladies over at Twilighted. You guys really make my day.**

**You guys should really check it out over there, I respond a lot faster to people over there because I seem to be on there all the time, also I post teaser over there as well.**

**Anyways, read on, if you dare. **

* * *

**Chapter 20: I've got to break through**_**  
**_

So go on and scream, scream at me,  
I'm so far away.  
I won't be broken again.  
I've got to breathe,  
I can't keep going under.

_**-**__Going under _by** Evanescence**

"What the fuck do you mean you are leaving?!" Emmett started to yell at me. I had just gotten back from Charlie's the other day, after being with him for another couple of weeks after Edward showed up that day fateful day.

"I mean that I am going to go stay with mom for awhile," I told him calmly.

I knew he wouldn't take this well at all.

After quite some time, I had decided that it would be best for me to get away from everything for a while and go stay with Renee down in Jacksonville. Once I told Charlie my decision he was a little sad to see me go, but I think he understood where I was coming from somewhat. I guess he agreed with me that getting away from _him _would help me out.

Charlie just didn't know exactly how to help me out, although he did try his best. Alice and Emmett tried their hardest as well. They would come over whenever they could and keep me busy so that I wouldn't have time to sit around and think about Edward. It's just they couldn't always keep me busy from my mind wandering, especially at night when I tried to sleep. None of them could prevent that.

Right now all I really wanted was the comfort from my mother. She was the only person I knew could help me out. She had her fair share of broken hearts, receiving as well as causing others. She was truly the only one that could understand what I was going through anyway, for she was the one that helped me through my last break down, and she herself used to be Bulimic.

"I am not going to let you go." Emmett huffed crossing his arms over his chest trying to act tough.

"Emmett, you can't stop me. I am leaving tomorrow and I have already called mom and told her everything."

"You can't just leave me here alone!"

"You won't be alone; you will more than likely have Rose moved in even before I leave. Don't worry about it." He just glared, sending daggers at me.

"Bella, I don't want you to go." I knew that this was going to be hard for him; it was hard for me to.

"I know, Em, I know. But this is something I have to do. You know that. She helped me last time, she can help me again." He uncrossed his arms and sighed.

"Why can't we just do an intervention or something?" I couldn't help but laugh a little at that.

"That's the thing Emmett. I already know you guys are worried about me and everything, and I already know what is wrong with me. Why do you think I am going to mom's in the first place, other than to get away from him?"

"Are you going to come back?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know. This time things are different." Emmett gave me sad, sorrowful eyes. He was truly upset by me leaving him, yet again, and I hated myself for doing it but I needed the help. This time around it was just more difficult because of the fact that I was fighting something inside me that I have been fighting this whole time.

When Edward came back, I had felt something, but during all that time I thought it was my hatred. It wasn't though. It was those same feelings I had for him long ago that I had kept hidden, even from myself. Another thing was that this time around, he got closer to me than ever had before.

I wanted my Renee's help more for my depression state than anything; the bulimia was less than half of it.

I really wasn't throwing up as much as I did in high school. It was only at times when things got really bad and I started to over think everything that I need to vomit. Also, I really wasn't trying to make myself throw up; it's just that I become seriously get sick to my stomach. I think, more than anything that it was my head telling me that I was sick and needed to throw up, rather than me just wanting and forcing myself to like before.

"Just give me time; that is all I need. I may come back eventually. It is just too hard for me to stay here now." Emmett nodded his head slowly looking down at the ground.

"What am I going to do now?" he asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"Well, you could help me pack." I gave him a small laugh, which he didn't think was funny at all.

"Pack?!" Alice screeched from the entry way looking over at Emmett and me.

"Pack? Where do you think you're going?" She ran over to me.

"I come here to welcome you back home and see if you wanted help from me only to find out you are just leaving again," she cried out. Alice was positively furious, but I knew she wouldn't understand why I needed to leave. Why I needed to get away from everything. No one could really and truly understand why I was doing this except for me.

Deep down I knew I was just running away from everything, from all the problems that I needed to face head on, but I wanted to be strong enough to face them. I wanted to be able to stand my ground this time for good and not let things tear me down ever again.

"Sorry Alice."

"No you're not, because if you were you wouldn't be doing this to me, to my cousin!"

"I am doing this exactly because of your cousin."

"Please, Bella, don't let him make you do this again!"

"He already has Alice, he already has." I turned and left them both down at the end of the stairs as I ran up to my room pulling out duffle bags and packing them.

I could her Emmett and Alice bickering downstairs, but I just ignored it all, until Emmett came upstairs into my room.

"Bella, Alice and I are going to go drop off my car over at the shop to get the dents fixed up."

I couldn't help but give him a shy smile thinking about his bent up jeep. "Yeah, sorry about that."

Emmet let up a heavy breath.

"It's alright, I will get over it, but when you get back you owe me." Emmett chided me and I smiled up at him, "Is there anything you want us to pick up while we are out? New suitcases? Anything?"

"No thanks, Emmett. I think I am good."

He nodded his head and shut the door. I heard him and Alice say goodbye as they left the house but paid no attention to it as I continued going through my closet, pulling out things I knew I would need.

--

"Jesus Christ Bella, what do you have in here? A dead body?" Rose started to complain as she followed me down the stairs with one of my oh-so-many bags (note the sarcasm).

"If she had anyone's dead body in that bag it would probably be Edwards, and even then I am pretty sure she would set fire to it." Jasper joked from the bottom of the stairs and I noticed Alice give him a dirty look, but then shrugged it off mildly.

She knew it was true, I probably wouldn't just burn it though; at the moment I wanted to send him through a wood chipper. Harsh, I know, but today isn't a good day. I wanted to go to Renee's, but I didn't want to leave all my friends behind.

"Sorry guys, no dead bodies for me today. They are just books." I set my bag by the door and Rose did the same thing with the other one, with a giant thump.

"Of course, leave it to Bella to pack more books than clothes." Alice said hanging on to Jasper. I just shook my head at her.

"Yeah, and she has read most of them like 20 times now." Rose

"You know what they say, if one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use to reading it at all." I told them.

"Exactly why I don't read." Emmett came pounding down the stairs with his own bags.

"This is just unfair." Alice began to pout as Emmett set his bags next to mine.

Renee had invited everyone to come along with me for awhile; she wanted to see them too, but Alice and Rose had tests, and since I had already missed so many classes I withdrew from school for the semester, much to Mrs. Bravo's displeasure. Emmett was the only one to really who was able to get work off to come. He really wanted to see mom as well.

"Sorry Alice, I don't know what to tell you."

"Oh shit." Rose looked at the time, "Jasper we got to go to class."

"Sure do." Jasper gave Alice a small hug before heading over to me. "I'll see you soon Bella." He gave me a big hug wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"I'll see you soon too." We let each other go and I gave him a small smile when all of a sudden Rose rushed over to me knocking me off my feet in a giant hug.

"Please don't stay away to long." Rose asked gripping my harder.

"I will really try. Just long enough to get better."

"Good." She stated simply. I knew she was trying to hold in her real feelings. Rosalie was never one for wearing her feeling on her sleeve. She would always keep them hidden.

"Sorry to break this up, but Rose, we are going to be late." Jasper pointed towards his watch.

"Okay, okay." Rose grumbled as we pulled apart from each other. She gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Take care of yourself."

"That is kind of the whole point of me going." I giggled a little at her, but I could feel water forming on the ridge of my eye.

"Love ya! Call me when you get there." She called out to me as she went out the door.

"I will." With one last wave goodbye, Jasper and Rose left.

"Kay Bella. Alice and I are going to go pick up the jeep from the shop, and then once we get back, you and I will head off." Emmett said.

"Kay, I'll be here." He came over and gave me a kiss on the temple before him and Alice headed out.

I stood there for a minute or so, not sure what to do. I had everything packed up and was ready to put it out in the car. I guess I could just watch TV. I made my way over to sit on the sofa when the front door opened up again.

"Emmett, I thought…" I stopped mid sentence when I turned towards the door to see a very disgruntled looking Edward. My heart rate started to speed up in apprehension and surprise, but neither of them were the good kind. I took in his much disheveled posture and brutally sharp eyes that were slicing through my own stunned gaze.

"Damn it Edward! Why the fuck do you have to keep showing up?"

"You're leaving." It wasn't a question.

"What gave you that idea? Is it the fact that you are standing next to a giant pile of suitcases." Nothing but sarcasm coming out of my mouth.

Edward didn't say anything. He just sat there running his hands through his hair over and over again looking around the room.

"What do you want?" I was getting annoyed with him just standing there.

"You know exactly what I want."

"Well, guess what. I'm not ready to deal with you yet, so get the fuck out of my house."

He just ignored me and shut the door.

"Edward, I am not joking."

"Enough Bella!" he shouted at me making me take a step back. "I am not leaving this time until you listen to me, and actually talk to me."

"Even if I run upstairs and grab my pistol and _I_ pull it on you."

"Not funny." He growled at me walking up towards me.

"Who the fuck is laughing? I am being serious." Did he think I was joking or something? I was being one hundred percent serious. Being a daughter of a cop I had been taught quite a few things. "If you don't leave here in about 3 seconds I am going to call the police."

Edward just stood there and folded his arms across his chest, standing up tall to prove to me that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Fine." I stomped over to where the phone was on the table and grabbed it.

He doesn't think I will do it, but I'll show him.

I picked up the phone and started to dial, but when I was about to push the last one, he took the phone out of my hands and raised it up over his head.

"Edward…give me...the damn… phone!" I was jumping up and down in front of him trying to get the phone that the phone that he was waving back and forth above his head

"You are so stubborn." I gave up trying to take it away from him. It really was no use anymore.

"Just as stubborn as you. Now will you hear me out." He was pleading with me; perhaps I should just give up and see what he has to say. I was really tired of trying to fight him off, but he was right. I was far too stubborn to just give in. I huffed and turned to walk up the stairs.

"Where are you going now?" Edward called from behind me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Upstairs to get another phone."

"Oh no you don't." he ran up behind me and gripped tightly onto my waist

"UGH! I am going to kill you! Can you stop touching me?" I was trying to push myself away from Edward as he carried me over to the sofa and tossed me down on it. He got close to my face that at this moment was full of frustration.

"Back in high school I know I was a complete jackass, but I just want you to understand my point of view of everything, so will you just sit the fuck down and listen." He growled at me as I scoffed at him.

"After I am done saying what I want to say you can run away from me again, but at least this time you will know my side."

I didn't say anything. Maybe I should let him say what he has to say. This is what I so badly wanted wasn't it? But what if he said something wrong and I didn't want to hear it? Would any of this justify his past actions?

"Bella, I know this is hard for you, but please listen to what I have to say. That day when I first tried to talk you and you ran off? That was the day Felix came up to me - you could already guess that the day wasn't going too well - but anyway, Felix just _had _to come up to tell me that you had slept with him."

I wanted to say something to that, but he just put his hand in front of my face to stop me.

"I know what you are thinking."

"Doubt it?" I mumbled.

"You are probably thinking what the fuck should I care if you slept with Felix. You thought I already had done it with Tanya, so what would it matter if you slept with him."

Damn he was good.

"I'm not going to lie, just hearing from him saying that you had sex with him. It just…humph...it just really irked me, but it wasn't that that really got me going. It was the fact that he knew about my mother and what she did. And here's the thing Bella, you were the only one who know about her. The only one, so what was I supposed to believe?"

"You could of talked to me you know, instead of being so fucking gullible and listening to Felix."

"I know I should of…" I didn't let him go on.

"Is that why you treated me the way you did? Because you thought Felix was telling the truth and you didn't have the fucking balls to come and talk to me?" my voice was raising slightly but really shaky and I was hoping that he wouldn't notice.

"I guess it was. I know that sounds so fucking dumb, but it's true. I felt so horrible about doing all that to you. Every time you fell because someone pushed you, or you took a hit to the face by a dodge ball, it felt as if I was driving a spear deeper and deeper into my own chest and…"

He wasn't able to finish for I did something that even surprised me. The palm of my hand slapped against his ice cold cheek leaving it red hot and causing my hand to tingling.

How could he say something like that? There is no way he could hurt like I did.

"Don't. You. Dare. Cullen. My hate for you at doing that is all I have left and you trying to make yourself sound more innocent in all this is really making you look pathetic. --- Acting as if you could really feel anything. You are nothing but a Fuck face and that is all you will ever be." I spat in his face.

"I deserve that, but you got to believe me when I tell you that I felt awful."

"If you felt so _awful _about doing those things to me, then why did you do them?" I shouted at him.

"I don't know! I just constantly had James and Tanya riding my back. Whenever I wanted to end it all they would bring up something about my mom and relating her to you, and then Felix would have to say something about you two---god it just made me so angry." He started to pull at his hair and rub his hands across the back of his neck.

"And you gave into them. Instead of just ignoring them, you rather cause me pain and see me cry." I could feel the water build up in my eyes, but I was not going to let them fall. I was going to stand my ground.

"I didn't want to hurt you!" He screamed at me, his face turning red in utter irritation.

"Then what the fuck was all that!"

"I don't know." We were both fuming; both of us heaving like a heard of enraged bulls.

"But you know what Bella? None of this, and I mean none of this, would have happened if _you_ came and talk to me about Tanya."

Great someone must have finally told him everything about what Tanya had said. I knew that at the park I mentioned being his dirty messenger, but I never told him everything she said.

Of course! Emmett and Alice must have made a little visit when they went to drop off the Jeep yesterday.

"Bella, why didn't you come talk to me when it happened?"

"Besides the fact that I saw you two make out with each other after she told me?" I snapped at him then taking a deep unsteady breath I continued.

"Because Edward. What Tanya said was more realistic. That's why." I continued not really thinking about it.

"I was fat and I dealt with it okay, but I was never the happiest person about it. It just made so much sense that you had finally seen me the way everyone else did." I felt the tears finally start to fall down my face. I hated this. I hated that he could always make me cry.

"Everything that she told me was just---it just sounded right. That you didn't love me the way I loved you and that you never did." What the fuck did I just say?

Edward, who was pacing around the room stopped and looked at me as I shifted back and forth from one foot to the other, restless and ready to run with my breath heavy.

I really wanted to run now, run as far and fast as I could. I had just told him my secret that I had managed to keep to myself for years.

"And---and you believed all that?" Edward sounded as if he was trying to keep himself together.

I, on the other hand, was already starting to crack at the seams with red eyes and tear splattered cheeks.

"You believed that you weren't good enough for me?"

"What was I supposed to believe?" I whimpered softly trying to gain control of myself.

Edward didn't say anything, he just ran up to me taking my face in his large hands and roughly pressing his lips against mine.

My hands were up in the air in shock and I tried to move back but he just moved with me, so I was frozen in place with Edwards's lips rubbing against my solid, unmoving ones.

What was going on here?

I moved my hands down to his chest and with as much force as I could muster, I pushed him away. "What are you doing?!"

"Showing you what you should believe." Edward pushed himself back against me and continued where he left off, pressing his mouth fervently against mine. Only this time I started moving my lips along with his.

Edward pulled my body flush against his, making me gasp lightly. As soon as his tongue was touching my bottom lip, begging for entrance into my mouth, I discovered that I was the one who couldn't do it this time.

All I could do was keep picturing Edward hurting me time after time and laughing as I cried out in pain, in both physical and mental pain. I couldn't take anymore.

"Edward." I murmured forlornly against his lips trying to move my face away but he still held it firmly, thinking that I wanted more he gripped the back of my head tighter, tangling his long fingers into my hair.

The sad thing was that my body responded to his every touch. As much as my brain and one half of my heart were telling me to stop, the other half of my heart and my entire body was begging me to keep going.

He licked my lips once again and this time I couldn't deny him anymore. Before I could really even think about stopping myself, my lips parted and Edward glided his tongue into my mouth, stroking mine with his. He pulled me even tighter against his chest and I couldn't control my hands as they made their way around to the back of his neck.

God, he tasted so good, like chocolate with the texture of mousse. So delicate, smooth, and flawless. It was if he was capable of just melting in my mouth.

No! No!

"NO!" I pulled my face away from his, ripping my arms from around his back so that I could push him away. He fell back to lean against the wall. Both of us sat there, our chest heaving up and down as we both tried to fight for air.

"I can't do this." I finally let out.

"But Bella," Edward motioned towards me readying himself to push off the wall, but I put my hand up in the air making him stop.

"No Edward. I really can't do any of this. I honestly don't know who you are anymore." This time he did push himself away from the wall and slowly made his way to me. Upon reaching me, he cupped his hand to my face wiping away the tears with his thumb. I forced myself not to lean into it and kept my eyes on him.

"You don't know how painful it is for me to hear that you don't know me anymore." His eyes were hot on mine and I started to feel like he was trying to light me on fire. I had to look away.

"No love, look at me." He pulled me so I had to look back into his emerald eyes that were full of grief and were scarred. "I swear to you, I am still that same boy - that same stupid teenager - that fell for his best friend."

I could feel the butterflies start to swarm in my stomach and my heart began to race with my blood pulsing in my veins.

Did he just say that he fell for me? Did that mean that he loves me?

Both our eyes were darting back and forth between each others, waiting for someone to say something.

Edward started to lean down again, but I turned my face to the side to avoid his kiss. He leaned his forehead against the side of my head and sighed before he pulled back up.

"I'm sorry Edward, but this is just too difficult for me. I just don't know if this all part of some sick joke." I let out another unsteady breath before I continued. "You just done know how much it can ruin someone to have the one they _love_ repeatedly hurt them like you have to me."

This time he was the one that had a few silent tears slide down his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but never got to say it.

"Bella? You ready-" both Emmet and Alice came into the room, Emmett jingling his keys around but stopped as soon as they say Edward and me, "-to go?"

"Is everything alright?" Alice was glancing back and forth between Edward and me. I pulled away from Edward and turned towards Emmett and her.

"When is anything ever all right?" I looked back at Edward who still hadn't removed his gaze off me. "Come on Emmett, we are going to miss our flight."

I made my brother, but was stopped by someone grabbing my hands.

"Edward, just let me go," I wanted nothing more than to get away from everything and just think, but he was making that really hard to do.

He let go of my hand and I walked towards Emmett grabbing my bags. We loaded the car quickly, no one saying anything. I was about to jump into the jeep when Edward stopped me.

"Bella, before you go I want you to know something." He was fidgeting around on his feet. "It's about Alexis."

"Oh no. I don't want to know." That is something that at this moment, or even ever, I didn't want to hear or know about. I didn't want to hear who was the one that ended up being the mother of his kid.

"You don't get it, she is not mine."

"Then who is she?" I demanded.

Edward didn't say anything. I nodded my head at him and turned back to the car when he finally spoke up, saying something that I never expected to hear about Alexis.

"She's my sister."

* * *

**Kay, got to go, BYE!**

**Just remember you guys, if I dont update this in awhile, it is because something bad has happened to me, because I would hate just to leave it there and that's it. **

**To go along with that, if you hear anything about a plane crash, or a cruise ship being raided by a bunch of pirates or anything like that, just know that I was on it, and that is the only reason why I would never update.**

**I forseee a great ass beating for Felix coming soon.  
**


	22. Chapter 21

Okay, okay, you can beat me with an ugly stick now.

Sorry this took so long to get out to you guys, but I have my reasons, but I am not really going to get into that, although I am hoping this chapter and next chapter make up for my long delay.

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Suggested songs to listen to:

**Let the bodies hit the floor by drowning pool**

**Bombshell by Powerman 5000**

**Feel so numb and never gonna stop me by Rob Zombie**

**Liar liar The used**

**The howling by Within Temptation**

**---**

And also including this chapter's theme song. Those are the songs that I was listening to during the ass kicking scene. Oh yes, that is happening this chapter. YAY!

Thanks to my Beta **Megsly. **

Another special shout out to my wonderful ladies over at Twilighted! You guys, I just cant get enough of you. You really make my day. We have a lot of fun over there.

Anyways, read on, if you dare.

* * *

**Chapter 21: Things couldn't get much worse**

_You had to have it all,  
well have you had enough?  
You greedy little bastard you…  
will get what you deserve.  
When all is said and done,  
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become._

-_Had enough_ by **Breaking Benjamin**

**

* * *

  
**

**EPOV**

"She's your sister?" Bell asked, stunned by my revelation. Hell, I was surprised by it as well. I couldn't believe that I actually built up enough courage to tell her what I've wanted to for so long.

"Yes, my sister," I confirmed.

"But…But…" Bella started to stammer and moved out of the vehicle she was stepping into. Both Emmett and Alice stayed where they were - Emmett in the driver's seat of the car, and Alice just standing outside of it, glancing back and forth between Bella and I. They both had come over the other day begging me to finally talk to Bella and tell her everything after I told them.

"I know, I know. It's a long story and if you stay I'll tell you all about it. I'll tell you everything and anything you want to know, just please don't leave me," I cried out to her, not caring how much I sounded like a five year old. I grabbed her hand and held it tightly in my own. "Forget everything I said at the park, everything. I don't want you leaving. Not again."

"Edward, you don't know how much that all….relieves me, but..."

"No, no - no 'buts.' Just let me please explain everything," I pleaded with her, squeezing her hand even tighter.

"I can't do it, Edward -I can't stay here. I need to spend some personal time with my mother. Clear my head of everything."

I completely understood where she was coming from. As much as I hated to admit it, but maybe leaving will ultimately - in the end - help her. Bella needed time to absorb everything, along with overcoming her own complications.

"Just promise me that you'll come back?" I sounded so grim and jaded. "There's so much we need to talk about, and I hate the fact that you're leaving before I can fully explain myself." There was so much that she really needed to hear from me - so much more than she can imagine.

"I'll come back when I'm ready to face everything again," she removed her hand from my own, surprising me when she didn't drop it and instead lifted my hand to her warm lips and pressed a small kiss on my knuckles.

"I don't know when that will be, but I'll eventually come back. God knows that for some reason I can't stay away from you no matter how badly I want to at times." Bella didn't say anything else as she got into the car while Emmett started it and they both started down the road. I watched from where I was as I caught her heartrending gaze from behind the windshield. As awful as this may sound, but it was good to know that this was hurting her as much as it was me.

"She does love you Edward." I heard the gravel crunching under Alice's feet as she approached me, both of us watching the car drive away. I had completely forgotten that she was there, but can you blame me? I had all of my attention focused elsewhere.

"I know, Allie - I know." I replied softly and gave her a small smile as she came over to me and gave me a hug. I knew Bella loved me. She practically came out and said it. I could only wish that she actually had said those three words that I was dying to hear, but then again, why didn't I just come out and say it.

--

"Did you finally tell her?" Kate asked as soon as I entered the house. She had a big grin on her face and was holding her ever growing belly. She was a few months along and her advancing pregnancy was becoming very noticeable.

"Mmm…hmm…" I hummed and Kate immediately started to clap her hands.

"Hey man, what's she so giddy about?" Garrett made his way into the entry way to see what all the excitement was about.

Before I could even open my mouth Kate was already talking for me. "He finally told Bella!"

"Really? That's great man. It's about time but… why are you here? Shouldn't you two, you know, be celebrating or something?"

I let out a very uncomfortable laugh while rubbing the back of my neck.

"Yeah, Garrett's right. What the hell are you doing here?" Kate pressed on.

I gave her a very disgruntled look without really meaning to and I saw the look of realization dawn on her face. She knew what was coming as I started to shake my head.

"Edward, what happened?" Garrett asked.

"Daddy!" Alexis ran towards me out of the family room interrupting our tense conversation. She was holding her _My Little Pony_ doll in one of her arms while the other was reached out towards me signaling for me to pick her up, which I gratefully granted. I was happy to have Alexis distract us and take us out of the tension for a moment.

"Hey toots!"

"Here," she handed me her baby pony. What did she want me to do with it? Do a magic trick?

Figuring out that I had no clue what she wanted me to do Alexis pointed to the pony's head and said, "Kiss it."

I smiled at her silliness and leaned down giving the plastic doll a kiss on the forehead. I could see Kate out of the corner of my eye. She loved Alexis as if she was one of her own, but I could tell that she really wanted to know what happened.

"Hey Alexis! Guess what?" Kate asked with that high pitched tone you use with little kids to gain their attention.

"What?" Alexis asked, her brow creasing with a cute little line of confusion.

"Yo Gabba Gabba is on!"

"Gabba!" She squealed and started to squirm in my arms so I let her down. She bolted right out of my grasp as soon as her feet touched the ground and ran into the family room squealing. Kate just rolled her eyes at Garrett and me and followed Alexis to change the channel.

After looking at Alexis I could see why Alice and Emmett thought she was my daughter when they came over before. Alexis did look a lot like me, but then again, I looked a lot like my mother. Alexis' hair was similar in color to ours, a lighter shade of bronze but thick with light curls like Elizabeth's. The only thing I wasn't too sure about were her eyes; they weren't green like Elizabeth's or mine. Alexis' eyes changed colors often and I had a sickly feeling that she got those from her father, but I really didn't want to think about him.

Kate entered the room again joining Garrett and I back at the entryway, "Okay, I'm back, now tell me what happened."

"Kate-" Garrett tried to stop her.

"She---she left again." I told her quickly ignoring Garrett's actions. It would be useless to stop her from finding out what she wants to know, but as soon as I told her everything came back, flooding my mind with the events that just happened not even an hour ago. From when I forced her to listen to me, to that powerful kiss we shared, to almost fully confessing our love for each other, to the second she left me.

_God I am so pitiful. Why do I have to have the emotions of a little girl at times? _

"It's okay, Edward." I didn't even notice that Kate had come over and wrapped her arms around me rubbing my back. Even more, I didn't notice the tears that were falling down my face.

"Everything's going to be alright." Kate continued rubbing soothing circles on my back, trying to sound confident. She didn't know that everything was going to be alright, she just hoped it would be.

"Kate, how can anything be alright after everything I've done to her?"

"Edward, I told you she wasn't just going to accept it all. How could she?"

"I didn't expect her to accept it all, and I understand that it is going to take her time, but I just wanted her to stay so that we could actually talk like civilized people, rather than me holding her down so I can explain myself." I pulled away from Kate so and looked at her.

"Like you wouldn't enjoy pinning her down to a couch, or even a wall." Kate giggled softly trying to lighten up the conversation.

I couldn't help but smile a little bit through my lightly tear streaked face as I thought about that kiss Bella and I shared, again, but we went even further than we did when we were in the mud. At first I didn't think she would kiss me back, but she did. She did kiss me back, and once she did I never wanted to stop. I wanted so badly to toss her on that couch or even carry her upstairs if I had to, but nothing is ever that simple.

"Edward…" Kate had a slow smile spread across her face, "what did you do?"

"She told me that she loved me and I couldn't control myself anymore. I had such a powerful urge to show her that I actually loved her." I admitted.

"Really! Oh my god Edward! You should be happy about that at least. Now you know that she does care for you a lot."

"Wait Kate, she said she_ loved_ me. I don't know if she does anymore."

"Of course she does, otherwise this wouldn't hurt as much as it all has." Kate stated.

"Sorry to interrupt this _wonderful_ moment, but Kate we have a doctor's appointment." Garrett interrupted.

Kate cast me a wide grin and nodded eagerly. "Oh yeah! I am so excited. I was finally able to convince Garrett to let us know the sex of the baby." She rubbed her belly enthusiastically as Garrett just shook his head. "I have to go pee before we go."

"By all means, don't let me stop you." Garrett laughed at his wife as she made her way towards the restroom.

"Good thing you did come by. Not that I don't love Alexis or anything, but I wasn't looking forward to taking her into a hospital." Garrett commented and I nodded my head at him in understanding.

"Bella will forgive you Edward." Garrett started after a moments of silence as I watched Alexis jump up and down and dancing in front of the TV. I could feel his eyes on the side of my head.

"I am not as confident that she will," was all I could say as I watched my baby sister play around the family room.

"She will. It's going to take time, Edward, like Kate said it will. Hell, you remember how long it to Kate to finally forgive you?"

I did remember. When I first showed up to their place with Garrett she kneed me in the balls.

That was such an exciting day let me tell you.

Kate didn't care what had happened to me even after Garrett had explained everything, or that I had a sister to take care of. She wasn't going to let me into the house until I was fully recovered from my addictions. Little did she know that at the time I was already going to rehab in Utah, where I found my mom, or more, where she really found me. I just left rehab for a week with Garrett to help explain to Kate what he was doing with newborn baby, and so he could convince her to let me stay with them when I got out of rehab.

"I still don't understand how you even could let me in your house especially after what happened, or how you could so easily forgive me when I still haven't fully forgiven myself. I was so sure you would actually cave in and listen to Kate," I admitted quietly.

"First of all, I am not such a push over. I don't give into everything that I Kate says." Garrett chided me, "secondly, you forget that I was there to witness everything that happened between you and your mother that day. Kate wasn't at the hospital to see that. She didn't see just how much your mother truly affected you. And thirdly, when are you going to understand that Felix and James are my cousins. I know them better than anyone else can, because I used to have to stay over there all the time back in elementary and middle school." Garrett paused for a minute apparently shivering at some bad memory before continuing on.

"That is seriously one fucked up family. James, Felix, my uncle - all of them are. Edward, everything that happened really wasn't your fault, trust me. It is all Felix's. All of it."

I had no clue to what the hell Garrett was trying to get at the moment. The only thing I could keep thinking was that of course all this was my fault. I played the largest role in all this. Without me, none of this would have happened.

"What are you talking about Garrett, how was the things I did to Bella Felix's fault? Not that I wouldn't love to blame him for everything, but he didn't do those things to her. I did. ME!" I was raising my voice at him, while he just sat their calming listening to me.

"I agree with you there Edward, and that is the thing that made Kate so resistant on letting you stay with us, but I convinced her that not everything was your fault." I was about to interrupt him again but he stopped me. "Let me finish before you interrupt."

I nodded my head and let him go on.

"A lot of people have always assumed that James is always the one coming up with schemes and shit, but that is not true. Felix has always been the brains of any operation that they do; James just does the dirty work. Whenever James was doing something, Felix was always behind it. I don't know what it is but Felix just has always had this way of manipulating people to do what he wants and control them. He just knows how to get under someone's skin so deep and cause them pain and misery. He becomes that itch you can never seem to scratch no matter how hard you try. The sad thing is that he didn't always used to be like the way he is now."

"Than what the hell happened?" I was so frustrated with all this.

"Everything went downhill when he was in middle school. That was when his mom left my uncle. No one knew why she did, she just left. It was then when we noticed Felix's mood shift. It was as if he decided to run right off a cliff straight down to hell and was dragging as many people as he could grab on to down with him. Unfortunately for you, he has seemed to hold onto you the tightest, and is not letting go."

"But why Bella? Why me?" I asked becoming so frustrated.

"That is something you are going to have to find out yourself, because I don't have the slightest clue to why you became such a big target to him." Garrett shrugged his shoulders.

"That is what I thought." I mumbled under my breath, "so are you sure that all this was because of Felix, and not _just_ James?"

Garrett looked at me incredulously, "Edward, are you really that naive not to have notice the things that Felix did? The way he acted a lot of the time. Constantly taunting you and while trying to practically seduce Bella, while you hung around with James?"

"No, no, no…," I shook my head at him while looking down at the ground "I just wanted to make sure."

"Why…?" He asked skeptically.

I raised my eyes from gazing at the ground and looked at Garrett with them full of rage and fire like never before, "Just wanted to make sure that I was going to beat the living fuck out of the right guy."

--

I felt like a creepy stalker as I waited out in my Volvo inside a darkened parking garage for Felix to come out the hospital doors. I didn't feel any better as I found myself checking the clock every ten minutes, the hour growing later and later. I was supposed to be at Emmett's right now. He told me something big was going to happen, but at this moment, nothing was more important than finally shoving my fist down Felix's throat.

I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I was going to make him talk one way or another. I was going to find out the truth. I was going to find out why he decided to play his sick games on Bella and I.

What kind of sick demented man must he be to treat us like his puppets in a show?

I had thought about it, and I was certain that I would have been fine if it was just me he screwed with, but it was Bella too. She was the innocent one in all this.

It's been over two months since Bella left. The only time I heard about her and how she was doing was through Emmett when he was with her, but since he came back home, I haven't heard very much at all.

I was really praying that right now everything was fine with her, and that she was getting better. The last thing I heard was that she was improving, but I would never know the truth until I finally see her again. Hopefully when or if she ever returned I could have the whole truth and maybe we can finally move past all this shit that had gotten in the way.

It was starting to get dark and I really needed to go, but as soon as I was about to give up for the night and head to Emmett's, the devil himself walked right out of the hospital doors.

"So foot, are you ready? Because I am shoving you so far up Felix's ass that you will get stuck and I will drag him down to hell with me." I smirked at my own remark becoming really cocky at the thought of causing pain to Felix.

Felix was talking with a pretty woman with long black hair and dark chocolaty skin. I could tell by the way he was flirting with her and by the smile on his face that she was really taken by him, and that right there made me sick and disgusted. How could anyone fall for someone like him was beyond me.

Felix and the woman exchanged quick good-byes. She headed one way and Felix headed right in my direction, just like I was hoping.

I quickly jumped out of my car and ran up to him. He was too busy trying to shove his key into the door lock that he didn't even notice me as I ran up behind him and bashed his head against his shiny Audi and tossed him down to the ground. Felix landed flat on his back with his nose bleeding from where I had heaved his face into the side of his car.

"What the fuck!" Felix started cussing completely distorted and confused at what just happened. That was until he saw me, and as soon as I locked my eyes with his he knew exactly why I was here.

"It's about time Edward. I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to figure it all out and show up." He pushed himself up off the ground and dusted himself off. He finished cleaning himself by wiping his nose off with the back of his hand creating a giant smear of blood across it.

"I am not as stupid as you think I am Felix," I growled at him.

"Could've fooled me." He laughed at me, so I ran up to him punched him the gut and he keeled over holding tightly to his stomach.

I was in no mood to be fucked around with right now.

"You're not going to even fight fair are you Cullen? You are just going to be one of those people who won't let the other guy even throw in one punch." He slowly sat back up.

"There is no such thing as fair, Felix, you should know this. Life sucks, than you die."

"Fine, I guess I am going to have to do this the old fashioned way."

"And that would be?" I sneered at him.

Felix didn't say anything; he ran up to me as fast as he could and shoved me hard against his car. I could feel my body being sucked into the cold metal of the car from force of the push and the weight of our bodies.

Felix pinned me there for a minute using his shoulders as his fists rammed into my stomach over and over again. With each strike Felix made my stomach began to burn more and more until I couldn't take it anymore. I freed my arms and wrapped them tightly around his waist. Picking up his body and with as much strength as I could, I lifted him up off the ground and slammed him down to the ground with me on top of him.

Felix took his own fist and punched me squarely in the face causing me to stagger back off him. Just as I got my bearings, Felix popped his neck and ran at me yet again, but this time I was more than ready. He extended his arm out to hit me in the face and I dodged it by stretching my hand out and pushing his out of the way, pinning his arm between my ribs and upper arm. Using my free hand I punched him in the face a couple of times before bringing him down to the ground again. I pinned him there with my foot at his throat, confident that he wasn't going to get far.

"You think you're the shit don't you," Felix coughed, pushing his hands against my shoe trying to move it, but every time he pushed my foot away, I pushed it tighter against his neck. "You think that you can make everything that you did to Bella…just… vanish by…by beating the shit out of me?" He struggled for words. "I have something to tell you. All this, it isn't going to erase what you did. The things that you put her through back in high school. She is forever broken now. Bella is forever going to be so fucked up in the head, because of what you did."

I couldn't control myself anymore. I was so furious.

Fuck no, I was beyond furious.

I removed my foot and grabbed him tightly by the collar and dragged him up to his feet shoving him against a brick wall. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HER! That was all you!!!!" I yelled into his face standing right over him. Even though I knew it wasn't true, I just wanted someone else to take the blame as well and if anyone deserved to share the blame with me, it was Felix.

"Ta ha, you fucking serious man? I was the one that stood up for her, while you were the one that did those things to her."

"Don't think I am so fucking stupid to still think that you were actually doing it all for her. What the hell was that all about?" I gripped him by the collar tighter and shoved my face right up into his, smelling the blood that was discharging out of his nose and mouth.

"Haha, so you finally figured out that I was the mastermind behind it all."

"I am not that fucking retarded. I have known for awhile it was you. Did you honestly think that I would for one second think that your brother would be that smart to pull all this shit off?!"

"Your right, he is kind of stupid, unless you shove money in his face, than he becomes a goddamn genesis." Felix gave me a wicked smile before spitting out some blood that was coming from within his mouth onto the cold concrete ground, but not without getting some of it on my shoe.

"What are you talking about?"

"I paid him off to get close to you. To taunt you and make you do things to Bella, to make it so Bella would finally run away from you. Now, with Tanya, she was quite easy to pull on to my side, all she wanted was you. I got her to agree right away with my plan as soon as I mentioned that she could have you."

"What the fuck is your problem? Why did you do all of it?" Felix didn't say anything. He just stood there glaring at me.

"WHY DID YOU DO IT?!" I shoved him harder against the wall. I wanted my longing question answered and he wasn't giving it to me.

"Because it was your mother that fucking ripped my family apart!" He spat in my face, "She was the reason why my own mother left _me_!" I felt my face fall for a moment. Could he really be telling the truth? But then again, it does sound like something my mom would have done back then.

"How is that my fault?!" I shook him around a bit trying to get more answers out of him.

Felix was panting heavily, but it wasn't out of exhaustion, it was out of frustration and ferocity. He was avoiding my piercing gaze as much as possible. I could tell that he was trying to hide something that was lying within his eyes, but he wasn't going to show it, not even hint to what it was.

"God Damn it Felix!" I shook Felix even harder, my nails digging deeper through his shirt collar and into my skin. "TEL ME!!!"

"It has always been your fault! If you weren't born, your mother never turn to drugs like she did, she would've never meet my dad at that bar, she would've never ended up causing my mother to leave when she walked in on your mother and my father fucking each other up against a window! My mother wouldn't have left in the middle of the night as I watched her get into a cab through my bedroom window without even saying good bye to me. I was fucking eleven years old for Christ's sake." I could see Felix's eyes glisten as it caught the light of the street light and I slowly loosened my grip on him. I knew exactly how he felt to have someone you love just completely abandon you, but this still wasn't fully explaining why he decided to come back.

Felix took this moment and wrapped his arm around both of my than shoved his elbow into my face a couple of times. I wobbled backwards. I was so sure that Felix was going to come after me again, but he stood there, both of us waiting for something to happen.

"So…So…," I panted trying to gain all the air that I have missed out on. "You had all your fun back in high school, why the fuck did you come back and do this all again?"

"Don't act like you don't know why you little prick." Felix growled, finally lunging at me and kicking me in the shin, thus causing me to fall to the ground.

"Was it because I finally sent that mother fucker you call your father to jail!" I yelled up at him as I stood back up.

"That's exactly what it was in the beginning," he told me honestly. "I thought all of it was going to be much harder to do at first, not because I couldn't get Bella, but because at first I thought that she was still going to be that fat lard that I would have to flirt with again until I wanted to throw up, but I guess she did that enough for the both of us. I got to tell you, man, when I saw her in the hospital that day…" he let out a low whistle, "I couldn't wait to uncross those legs."

I could feel my nostrils flaring and I ran after Felix out of instinct, not thinking about what my next move really was, but it seemed that Felix already had. It was if he knew exactly what I was going to do. I went in for a round kick to his side and he used his forearms to block the blow. He wrapped his arms securely around my leg and using the side of his hip he pushed me down to the ground.

My head ended up hitting the ground first sending a jolt through my skull.

"Ha…ha…ha…She had turned into a fine bitch and would've made an amazing sex toy for me. Admit it, you wanted to fuck her from here to space as soon as you saw her again didn't you? God, who wouldn't?" Felix breathed a deep sigh as if he was thinking about it all in his head at that exact moment. It made my stomach churn.

"When I told James to follow her that night to the restaurant, he had told me I actually didn't have to pay him to do it like usual, because his reward was being able to fuck that fine piece of ass, but of course that didn't happen because you got in the way." He shoved his disgusting finger in my face that wanted to rip it off.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed at him I screamed at him as I launched myself back up to my feet, grabbing tightly onto him again and tossing him against the ground. "Don't ever talk about Bella that way again, you piece of shit! You have no right to treat her in anyway, especially like that. Your father got what he deserved."

"He didn't deserve anything! He was the only parent that I had left and you sent him to jail!" Felix cried out.

I wanted so badly to kill him at that moment. He didn't know shit evidently.

"Your father deserved to go to jail, he raped my mother!!"

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**AN: So this chapter was actually supposed to be a whole a lot longer, but I decided to break it up in half because if I gave you the whole other chapter with this one, it may have taken a while to read, and there would be a whole lot of shit that happens at once, but you will love the next chapter. Trust me.**

**Now I am crossing my fingers that I can get the next chapter out sooner, considering a lot of it has already been written, but I have finals coming up so all my teachers are tossing shit loads of projects at me to get done.**


	23. Chapter 22

Sorry this took so long you guys, but I have my reasons. This chapter goes out to my lovely ladies **AllINeedIsYourLove, redd4169**, and **vickitori303**over at Twilighted. They have really been helping me out this past month. I love you guys for it! Another special shout out to **dihenydd**, whose been amazing and helping me by editing previous chapters. Last and most certainly not least give a big thanks to my BETA **Megsly**. I need to make this clear that I don't think I did in previous chapters, but Felix is older than Edward, Bella and his brother James. He was a senior during their sophomore year.

**Warning this chapter contains….yes… a Lemon!**

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Suggested songs: Gotta be Somebody – Nickelback

Sorry - Daughtry

Because of the night – Cascada

Right here, Right Now – Fat Boy Slim

(Song playlist on profile)

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**Without further ado…**

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**Chapter 22: I'd crawl across this world for you**

_By now you'd know that I'd come for you  
No one but you, yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you_

-_I'd come for you_ by **Nickelback**

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**BPOV**

"God, just please make it end!" I pleaded in-between gags as I slumped down on the cold tile of bathroom floor, with my head hanging over the toilet.

"It's okay honey," my mom sat by me on the edge of the bath tub, holding my hair back tenderly. She had tried her hardest to restrain me from going to the toilet, but it was hopeless without Emmett pulling me back. He had went back home a few weeks ago for work. He didn't want to leave because he wanted to stay and help my mom.

_Yeah, help my mom with me. I've become such a fucking burden to everyone haven't I?_I snarled at myself.

"I just don't get it," I pushed myself away from the toilet with my breath heavy and throat sore from all the bile that I released into the porcelain bowl. "I was doing fine. I actually had control, now I lost it all."

"It's only a minor set-back, sweetie. Don't worry about it, you'll get through all of this like you did before." Renee pulled me gently towards her and wrapped her warm, comforting arms around me.

"That's just it mom. I don't think I will be able to get through all of this again. It's too much."

"You can't give up, honey, you can't give in."

"Why not? I'm so pathetic for letting all this happen again," I cried out to her in frustration.

"You are not pathetic. This is simply a roadblock that you have to get through. We all have them, some of them are just worse than others."

"You're right, except mine isn't a roadblock, it's a fucking dead end," I pushed myself up out of her arms and stood up pacing back and forth in the cold bathroom. I could feel Renee's eyes on me as I tried to keep control of myself.

"Bella, you are my daughter and I love you too much to see you give up. If you won't do it for me, do it for your father, your brother, for your best friends..." I could see the tears in her eyes, "Baby, you got to do this for Edward…"

"No mom, I'm not going to do anything for Edward," I cried out before I could really stop myself. It was as if my mind was programmed to say shit like that after years of telling myself it was his fault.

"Why not?"

"Because he was the one that made me do this!" _Fuck!_

The moment the words escaped my lips Renee did something that completely surprised me. She slapped me hard across the face with a loud thwack... I stood there holding my hot cheek in my hand starting at my mother with my mouth a gap. Renee stood there red in the face furious at what I had said. She was never a violent person, and had never laid a hand on anyone - her actions left me completely speechless.

_Why can't I ever control my mouth!_

"Don't. You. Ever. Say that!" She hissed at me with a low, dark voice. "No one made you do anything. No one! You're the one that did this to yourself. There was no one else that shoved you into a bathroom and shoved their finger down your throat. You're the one that did it."

I didn't say anything. I continued to stare at her. Tears ran down my face, a result of the combination of the slap to my cheek and the guilt building up inside of me.

She was right.

"I know what it's like, Bella, to want to blame everyone else for what happened to you - to blame them for pushing you to such lengths." Renee's voice began to quiver and break. "When I went through my Bulimia, you don't know how much I loved blaming it all on my mother, for telling me that I had to be perfect or no man was ever going to want me. Every time I saw her she would always comment on about how I looked like I had gained a couple of pounds. Or when I got actually sick and she saw me puking she would tell me it was a good thing - that I actually needed to lose a few pounds. I didn't need to lose any weight. If anything I needed to gain it. I was less than 90 pounds when I was 17, but whenever I looked into the mirror I would see a 200 hundred pound girl, and that my mother was right. I was going to die alone with only a bag of Funyuns to keep me company." Renee had never told me the whole story about what drove her to her decision, and hearing about it, how she felt, it all really got to me. It was all exactly how I felt, in every single way.

"Do you see what I'm trying to tell you?" She continued after wiping her eyes with the back of her hands causing her makeup to smear under her eyes and onto her hand. "I'm not going to say that my mother didn't play a major role into driving me to Bulimia, but it was partly my fault as well….It was my fault that I gave into her. That I gave into all the peer pressure to make her happy, even though I knew deep down that I was never going to make her happy. I could've easily ignored her. I should've moved in with your grandfather, but instead I stayed with her. If I was going to blame my mom for what she did, I had to blame myself as well for doing what I did when I could've left."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like a total piece of shit.

"God I am such a fucking idiot!" I ran my hands over my face, pulling at my skin in frustration and wanting to bang my head up against the wall.

I couldn't believe that I gave Edward so much shit to for giving into James and Tanya, when I did the same thing. I gave into them too. I let them get under my skin, when I too, - like my mother -could've handled this all differently. I could've for one, completely left and ignored it all and for another, I could've talked to Edward. If I had only done that, everything would be so different now.

"You're not an idiot. We all give into peer pressure." She reached forward, tenderly wiping the tears from my eyes. "Now, I'm not saying that what Edward did was right, because it is far from it, but baby, I know that this is hard to hear, but you too have to take some blame for your actions as well, just as he has to take the consequences for his, and I am pretty sure he already has." She started to rub my back again.

"And his consequences would be?"

"Honey," she chuckled softly and rolled her eyes at me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "He lost you."

I couldn't stop the tears that came from my eyes. "Mom, I don't think he wants me anymore, how could he ever want someone like me. I am so disgusting," I cried into her hair as she hugged me closer to her.

"Of course he wants you." My mom pulled me back so she could look at me and brushed my hair out of my face with her soft hands. "Bella, the boy is madly in love with you."

There was a large part of me that loved Edward too, but for him to still love me. It didn't sound right. It didn't even sound right to say that _I_ still loved _him_. You would think that I would avoid everything that had to do with him and he would do the same to me, but I couldn't.

"How do you know that?" I asked her softly, sniffling.

"I'm a mother, you don't think I wouldn't notice when a boy is hitting on my little girl," she giggled through her own tears as she pulled me back into her arms and started to rock me.

I loved my mother so much. She had always been able to help me with anything and everything, but I didn't think that she knew the whole story like she thought.

I really had hurt Edward, but I didn't want to see it. I had been so self righteous in thinking that I was the only one that was destroyed by the past.

Edward was just as much of a victim as I was.

"Why does it all have to hurt so much?" I cried out clutching her tighter to me.

"I don't know baby. Love hurts."

"Please don't start to sing that song." I did a little hiccup laugh along with my sniffles as she giggled, knowing that I was talking about the famous Nazareth song.

"Okay, how about this, 'the course of true love never did run smooth,'" Renee quoted William Shakespeare softly. I had never been a _huge_ fan of William, but at times he really does know his shit.

***************

Another few weeks passed and I spent most of it thinking about everything that has happened to me over the years, and I mean everything: from the day I first meet the adorable copper headed boy, to the day when my world was turned upside down, to the present moment in time.

My life was seriously fucked up.

There has always been this saying that I've heard many times thought-out my life, but never really thought about.

_The greatest battle_ _we face in life is the_ _one within ourselves_.

Never have those words rang truer to my life than they did in that moment.

I had always fought this battle inside myself without even realizing it and it was tearing me apart. At first thought, someone would assume my greatest battle within myself had been against my Bulimia. Although that was a pretty immense battle, I had a far superior one that was ripping at my insides.

Edward.

I knew that I still loved him. The thing was, I wanted to love him, but at the same time I wanted to hate him - to loath him with such fury. But I couldn't. The things he did to me were wrong and I don't know when or if I will ever fully be able to forgive him, but I still couldn't tell myself that I didn't love him.

_Fuck my life._

I was deeply in love with a guy that had totally screwed me up, though I had screwed him up just as much, by this point. I couldn't blame everything on him. If I wanted to blame anyone I should blame James, Tanya, and Felix.

Felix… I had thought that he was my friend. I wasn't sure about that anymore. I should have listened to Edward in the first place when he said that Felix wasn't good news, but no, I had to be a bitch and completely disregarded his opinion. _But honestly, could you blame me?_

I needed answers. I needed to know the truth about everything. I was so sick of sitting here like a fucking pansy. I knew how I felt and how I always have.

I'm done fighting myself. I was ready to go see him again. I was ready to talk to him. I was ready to tell him how I really felt.

"Mom?" I walked over to the sofa for where she was sitting next to her current boyfriend Phil watching _Underworld_.

"What is it, sweetie?" Renee turned herself so she could look at me more easily.

"I am ready."

"Really? Are you sure?" She was trying to contain her excitement as she jumped of the couch, leaving a confused Phil. She knew exactly what I meant.

"Yes. Yes I am."

**EPOV**

"_He didn't deserve anything! He was the only parent that I had left and you sent him to jail!" Felix cried out._

_I wanted so badly to kill him at that moment. He didn't know shit evidently._

"_Your father deserved to go to jail, he raped my mother!!"_

I was trying to keep control myself from running back over to him and kicking Felix in the gut a few more times. I was really itching to do so. Yu have no fucking idea how bad I wanted to finish beating the shit out of him for everything. For destroying my relationship with Bella in high school, for manipulating me to do things to Bella, for ruining my life in general, for my life was Bella. He destroyed everything that I wanted with her and I didn't know if she was ever going to come back, or if she was ever even going to forgive me.

Felix slowly stood back up from the gravel and looked at me with deep hatred in his eyes.

"You know, you're still just as pathetic as that day I saw you at the park." He wiped the blood from his nose, smearing it onto the hand of his sleeve.

"What are you talking about?" I snarled.

"Don't play stupid with me. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's the day that I know haunts you and always will. Hell man, I got fucked up too, the day my mom left me. It does things to people, hurts them, scars them knowing that their own flesh and blood couldn't stand them long enough to stay with them."

"You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what happened."

"Oh really? You mean I didn't see your mom leave your ass in the middle of the playground and yell at you? Are you telling me that I didn't see you run after her yelling your little fucking heart out begging her to come back to you? That you didn't have that sad pathetic look in your eyes when she got into her car and drove off leaving you stranded and alone?" Felix taunted, raising a cut up eyebrow at me.

"Shut up, Felix!" I roared at him. My fists clenched into tight balls, nails digging into my flesh.

"How the fuck did you think that I knew it was your mother that was screwing my father? You don't think I wouldn't be able to recognize the face of that whore that fucked up my family, my life!!"

I didn't say anything for I launched myself at him again taking us both to the ground. Our bodies collided like two hard stones and I could feel ourselves grate against the hard gravel cutting up my legs in the process through my jeans.

"I said shut the fuck up!!" I was straddling his waist and lifted him up by the collar before pushing him back down into the ground.

"You know, I actually feel bad for you because it didn't just happen once, not twice but three times! And the last two were by the same fucking bitch!" I took my fist and slammed it into the side of his face watching blood fly out of the side of his mouth as his whole face turned from the force of the hit. Felix turned his face back to me laughing.

"I can still see that same look in your eyes that you had when Bella finally left you alone at school. It was that exact same weak look you had when your mom left, and I was just waiting for you to run and cry after her just like you did your mother."

I lifted my fist up in the air ready to take another swing and add another open bleeding wound to that pretty face of his, but I stopped.

_What the fuck am I doing? I shouldn't be doing this?_ I was supposed to be getting better and move on away from my past, for my parents, for my friends, for Seth, for my mother, for Bella. Yet here I was resorting back to the past of using physical abuse to get answers. What would Bella think if she saw me here beating the shit out Felix? I really did want to move on with my life. I wanted to prove to Bella that I'm not who I was in high school and to do that, I had to stop.

Now.

**BPOV**

He still hadn't shown up and no one knew where he was. Emmett had called Kate and she said that he went to his meeting awhile ago and that it should've been finished by now. We couldn't get a hold of Carlisle and Esme either because they went away for their anniversary, so the only other options were the rest of us. The thing was we were all here waiting for him.

"Bella, I don't think he's coming." Emmett said as he snapped the phone shut after his latest attempt to call Edward.

"Really? What gave you that impression?" I snapped at Emmett, causing him to wince at my icy tone. I felt bad after I did. I didn't mean to be angry at him. "Sorry Emmett. It's just that I'm finally ready to talk to him and he decides that it's better not to show up. He probably knows that it's me and has finally given up on me."

"Bella, that's not true. He's been so worried about you. Something must be holding him back. Maybe he got caught up talking with Seth," Alice tried to comfort me.

"Fine," I sighed deeply. "Well, I don't want to wait for him any longer. I'm going to bed."

"Bella, he really does care about you," Rose interjected.

All I could do was nod my head slowly and wearily as I made my way up the stairs and into my room for the night.

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1:41am---1:41am---1:42am

My clock kept flashing.

Mocking me.

Never stopping.

I said that I was going to bed, let's see, almost 6 hours ago there I was staring at the fucking, annoying clock.

I couldn't get to sleep. I came all the way back to talk to him; to see him and I hadn't done either. I didn't think that I was ever going to get to sleep until I did.

I needed to tell him. I needed to see him. I needed to hear him.

I needed him.

I pushed off the heavy comforter that was pinning my body down to the bed like a paperweight and jumped out of bed. Grabbing one of my light tan robes and tided it securely around my body before heading out of my bedroom, I made my way down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible since everyone had fallen asleep in the family room after watching some movie. I didn't care enough to find out what movie it was. I grabbed my keys off of the small entry table, opened the door and stepped into the night air only to wrap my arms across my chest as the freezing air whipped past me.

I wanted to kick myself for not putting on jeans or sweat pants because all I had on were my pajama shorts and a fitted tee shirt. My robe really didn't provide any protection from the freezing temperatures. As quick as I could to get out of the cold, I ran towards my truck and hopped in. I started to pray that no one would wake up as I turned on the truck and to my relief I didn't see any lights come one as I backed out of the driveway and drove off in the direction of Edward's.

*******************

I pushed my truck nearer to Edward and Jasper's place, happy that Jasper was still over at my place asleep on the couch with Alice. Now all I was praying for was that Edward to be home.

I pulled my truck into the wide driveway of their place. My heart fluttered in my chest when I saw Edward's hatchback Volvo hiding in the dark shadows of the night and a light on somewhere in the house.

He was here.

No signs of movement stirred in the house once I parked my truck and turned it off. What if he was asleep?

_Psh… Edward? Sleeping at night? He doesn't do that._ He only sleeps during the day. He would constantly complain that he couldn't sleep at night so he insisted at staying over at mine and Emmett's to keep us awake, when he didn't go over to Kate's place that is.

Slamming my car door shut, I swiftly made my way to the front door of the house. Once I lifted my hand to knock on his door I took a deep breath trying to calm down my heart. Without another moment of hesitation, I banged my fist on it.

No answer.

I continued.

Still no answer.

_What the hell?_

I reached out for the handle and turned the knob.

It was unlocked.

My heart skipped a beat.

So I opened it.

My heart started pounding.

Was I really going to do this? Tell him how I really feel? I've dreamed about this moment, but I never thought that it would be at two in the morning after breaking into his house.

I entered the house anyways noticing the lights were out in the entry way, the small kitchen, and family room, but there was a light on down the hall.

Near Edward's room.

I could hear water running.

It wasn't raining. The sound was coming from a bathroom.

_His_ bathroom.

My breath hitched in my throat just picturing him in there. I started to feel embarrassed for thinking about him that way, but continued anyways.

I shouldn't have though. Because of my little day dream I was not watching where I was going, so I stubbed my toe. Again. That same place on that stupid fucking wall I did last time I was here.

"FUCK!" I screamed out, jumping up and down grabbing hold of my toe.

I heard the water turn off.

_Shit._ I looked around the room as if I was trying to find a place to hide, forgetting all about my sore toe.

But why should I hide? I came here to talk to him, not to run and hide from him. I'm not going to do that anymore. Even if he didn't want to see me, he was going to have to deal with seeing me anyway, because I'm not going anywhere anymore.

"Who's there?" I heard Edward call out, making his way down the hall. Before I could respond he ran out to where I was with a bat in his hands and flicked on the lights.

"Bella?" He spoke softly under his breath as if he were in shock, uttering my name like a prayer.

"Ed-Edward." I stumble softly as well. It felt like I was seeing him again after all those years for the first time, but this time I actually _wanted_ to see him.

"Jesus Christ, do you know you scared the shit out of me," he finally spoke, putting the bat down up against the wall.

"First of all, my name is not Christ and second of all, I don't see any shit, so you're good," I tried to lighten up the moment, but it didn't work with my voice quivering, high pitched and fast.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" He scratched his forehead and I couldn't help but gawk at him when he lifted up his arm, his chest muscles moving with the movement.

"I…I…" I couldn't help it. I just had to keep staring at him.

Before, I would always catch and stop myself when I would start staring at him, telling myself that it wasn't right. That it was wrong for me to look at him like that, but I didn't care anymore. I finally admitted my feelings for him to myself so I was going to stare all I want.

And was he a sight to behold. He was glorious. No, much more than glorious. I don't know what is better than glorious, but he was. Especially considering the fact that all he was were those pair of familiar dog tags lying flat across his hard chest and a set of boxers that were quite snug on his body. They ended up showing everything that he had to offer.

I was pretty sure I was drooling.

Edward was glistening with water droplets cascading gracefully down his damp body, making his muscles sparkle and shine in the light. His beautiful bronze hair was spiked up in all directions, as if he had just barely ran a towel through it. Then there were his eyes, which were slowly darkening as I continued to ogle him.

I let my eyes drift up and down his body one more time admiring every single bit of him. That is when I finally noticed it.

Scratches, up and down his legs as if someone clawed at them.

Cuts, all across his face.

Scrapes, spreading across his chest as if being dragged against the ground.

Bruises along his rib cage that looked a ghastly shade of purple.

Abrasions, everywhere! He looked as if he should have been in pain, but he wasn't showing any outward signs of it.

"Oh my god! Edward, what happened?" I ran up to him taking his face into my hands and rubbed my fingers across the fresh slashes along his forehead, cheeks, and jaw.

He took both my hands off of his face and placed them down in between us but he didn't let go of my palms. "Nothing," he brushed my question away, completely ignoring it, "What are you doing here? I thought you were still in Florida with your mother?"

_Why is he changing the subject?_

"No I'm not," I stated.

"Clearly." Edward smirked for a moment.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" I asked again. I was a stubborn girl and he knew it. The bad thing is that he was just as stubborn as I was, so this could go on forever.

"No,not until you tell me what you're doing here?" He retorted and I pulled my hands out of his grip, stepping back away from him so I could fully look into his face.

"No, I want to know why you look as if you were dragged to hell and back!" I raised my voice, stomping my foot indignantly.

"And I want to know why you suddenly appeared at my house at fucking two in the morning!" He matched my tone fiercely, "I'm not going to ask again, why did you come back?"

_Fine, I give up._

"For you! Alright! I came back for you! Is that what you wanted to hear?!" I shouted at him, throwing my hands up in the air in irritation.

He slowly approached me one step at a time until he had no more room to come any closer. My clothed chest pressed against his bare one while he stood there gazing down into my eyes. I don't know what I expected to happen at this moment. I guess that in the back of my mind I was hoping that he would run up to me and catch me in a searing kiss that would knock me breathless, but that didn't happen.

He just stood there.

"And why did you come back for me?" he quietly asked under his breath.

_Why did I come back for him? Shouldn't that be obvious?_ At least I thought it was.

"Because I'm tired of running away from you. I'm done fighting, Edward." I sighed and took another deep breath before continuing. "I feel like I've held up my fists long enough and thrown enough punches that my knuckles are bleeding. I've been hit enough times to have wounds and for scars to open up and bleed, but Edward, I want them to go away. I want to heal and become me again. I want to be able to talk to you without that annoying voice in the back of my head telling me to run away." I removed my eyes from his and looked down at my feet as I continued.

"The sad thing is though, I don't think that voice is ever going to go away, but I am going to ignore it," I told him, confidently looking back up into his green orbs. "Edward, I came back for you because my heart told me to. For once I was sick of listening to my head and dealing with the constant pain in my chest. Here's the thing though, I didn't come back for my best friend because I know that we'll never be able to go back to that, but I came back for the one person I've ever loved and ever will love."

I didn't remove my eyes off his and he didn't either. He didn't do anything but stand there and gaze down at me. I could feel my cheeks heat up because of the intensity of his eyes. I just had to look away.

"Now if you don't-" Edward silenced me with his finger after turning my face back to his.

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear," Edward cupped my face with one hand, pushing hair out of my face. He leaned in and gave me a small Eskimo kiss, rubbing his nose against mine as if trying to find the right angle to place his lips. I tried to keep control of myself and not throw myself at him to finally kiss me, but I didn't need too.

He finally lent down and fully captured my top lip in between his. I was quick to reciprocate the action and draw in his bottom lip between mine. The kiss was soft and slow, yet powerful at the same time. After a couple of rounds of rotating from bottom to upper lip he gently licked my lower lip and I opened my mouth up for him, allowing him to taste me and I him.

This was so different from all the other times we have kissed, because this time neither of us pulled away. This was what we both wanted. For the first time ever in my life I was finally able to kiss someone properly.

No. Not just anyone. I was able to kiss _Edward Cullen_ properly.

He let me explore his mouth with my tongue finding all the dark crevices in it as he fervently returned my every action with one of his own.

What started out as a sweet and gentle kiss quickly escalated into something more dominate as he began to devour my mouth. His strong tongue was stroking mine, fighting for the control that I was more than willing to hand over.

My arms were wrapped tightly around his neck while one of his was binding around behind my back pulling me flush against his stone body. The other dug into my robe so he could tightly grab a hold of my hip as he let his fingers freely trace the sliver of skin under my shirt.

I was running out of air and so was he, apparently. Edward pulled away, leaving us both breathless and peering into each other's eyes. Green against brown; it was as if I was the chocolate chips in his mint ice cream.

I could see it in his eyes, there were things that he wanted to say and I knew there was so much that we needed to talk about. So many things needed to be said, but I didn't want to bring it all up now. I finally had him in my grasp and I was afraid of letting go.

Before anything could be said I pulled his face back down to mine by grabbing his dog tags. He didn't seem to have any objection to it for he kissed me back with such passion that I became lost in it.

Gently, Edward untied the robe that was on me and slid it down my arms letting it fall to the floor so that all I had on was my tight t-shirt and shorts. We started moving backwards until I hit something. I could only assume that was his desk but there was no way I was going to double check at this moment.

Edward moved his hands down to my hips before pulling back away again. He looked at me as his hands gripped onto my hips and lifted me up, roughly placing me on the desk as he pushed himself between my legs. Releasing my hips, his hands gripped the bottom of my shirt and began to lift, pulling it up. I lifted my arms up allowing him to completely rip it off my body and he tossed it over his shoulders, leaving me in my blue polka dot bra. I heard him snicker a bit before I pulled him back down to me, gripping tightly to his chestnut mane as he growled into my mouth.

For someone reason my brain must have not been functioning properly at the moment, because I didn't find myself _that_embarrassed to be sitting in front of Edward in my bra. Sure, my face heated up, but that's about it.

It didn't matter to me anyways. I could do without the embarrassment and nerves for tonight.

Edward removed his mouth from mine letting me breathe as he continued to kiss, lick and suck any piece of skin he could get. Starting from the side of my face and ending up on a very sensitive part of my neck, his every movement sent shivers down my whole being.

He pushed further into me and pulled me towards him at the same time to bring our bodies closer to each other. His hot chest pressed up against my barely covered one. Edward shifted his hips a little bit and I could feel the moisture build up between my legs.

"Edward!" I gasped as I felt his prominent arousal press into mine through the thin fabric of my pajamas. I started to rub up against him, relishing in friction it was creating. Edward groaned into my ear before slowly drawing the tender skin of my earlobe between his teeth and sucking gently. I let my hands flow out of Edward's hair and down to his chest feeling him; touching him.

It was as I was touching him that, for some reason, my nerves wanted to finally show up. I guess it was because he was actually allowing me to touch him - to be this close with him. My brain must have been a little behind, waiting for Edward or even myself, to push each other away and stop what we are doing.

That wasn't happening though.

I still let my hand trace down his rippling of abs, but I must have hit a sensitive spot, for he winced back but did not remove his mouth off of my body.

We can't do this now. He was injured. Badly.

At least that's what I kept telling myself, but that wasn't even the half of it and deep down I knew the real reason.

I was nervous.

"Edward…" I tried to get his attention but he had grazed his teeth along my neck at the same time making it come out as a groan more than anything.

"Edward," This time I pushed him back off me. He pulled away, confused.

"We can't do this now," I told him, sadness and confusion quickly spread across his face.

"It's not what you think," I hurriedly told him, rubbing my hands along his biceps trying to sooth him. But I wasn't so sure it wasn't what he thought. It could've been. "Edward, the thing is that you're seriously hurt and I can only assume that doing this," I waved my hand between the two of us, "right now, it's going to make you hurt more."

Edward gave me his crooked smile before looking down and shaking his head and laughing lightly. "Bella, believe when I say that I can handle the pain."

"But Edward-" he cut me off with a kiss.

"No buts" he breathed across my face as he pulled back so I could gaze perfectly into his vibrant eyes. "You don't know how long I've waited for you. Bella, you don't know how long I've waited for a moment like this to finally prove to you that I do love you."

"W-What?" I whispered in astonishment, my nerves vanished for the moment, being replaced with surprise. Edward took both of my hands in one of his, holding them to his bare chest, and cupped my face with his other, looking deeply into my eyes as if he was searching deeply for something.

For what? I didn't even know.

"I love you," he repeated those three words that I've been dying to hear since I was a little girl from him. Those three words that I thought that I would never hear fall from his pink lips. Those three words that I only thought I would hear from my closest friends and family, but never from Edward. My breathing had hitched up to match the racing of my heart.

I whispered back to him, "I love you too."

Quick like lightning he pulled my face back to his, locking our faces together and pushing his body back down to mine. My mind was so far astray from the fact of where this was really leading, too far away to even really worry about my nerves any more. All I could focus on was Edward, here and now.

And right here and now, I was feeling like a complete different person. Like someone who wasn't ever dragged through shit. Someone who didn't have her life ripped apart and had the pieces scattered.

I felt whole again. I felt like _me_.

I'm not sure what had gotten into me and I could tell Edward badly wanted to do it by the way he traced his hand up my stomach to the bottom of my bra and then stop for a few moments before going back down and doing it over again. I picked up his hand up and hesitantly pressed it against my clothed covered breast.

Edward, surprised by my actions, pulled his mouth off mine and darted his eyes back and forth between my face and where his hand was now.

I sat there on the desk biting my lip not really knowing what else to do or even what he was going to do. Soon though I felt Edward's hand slowly start to massage my breast. He let out a slow, unsteady breath as if he was trying to control himself.

It felt amazing, even with myself still covered. I arched my back more into his hand and he lifted up his other hand to do the same with my other breast, making me gasp. He picked up speed on my breasts massaging them even harder and faster, digging his fingers into the swollen mounds.

He returned his mouth to mine and let go of one of my breasts and let his hand glide down my rib cage and stomach, down my thigh and stopped at the back of my knee where he hooked his hand underneath it and placed it up on his hip holding it there tightly. I could feel his fingers digging into my skin. I couldn't control my head as it fell back with a moan as Edward continued to suckle my neck.

Not being able to take it anymore I wrapped both my legs around him and Edward lifted me off the desk and staggered towards his room. I couldn't help but giggle on our way down the hall as we stumbled into the wall every once in awhile only to have him kiss me deeper and laugh along with me.

Once we finally entered the room he slammed the door shut with his foot and we both fell onto his soft bed, our bodies bouncing together against the springs in the mattress.

Edward groaned at the sensation over my body bouncing above him and I giggled at him. Frustrated at my laugh, he rolled us over and pinned me down underneath him, his hands holding down my wrists above my head.

"Do you take pleasure out of my discomfort?" Edward raised an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, you know I do." I smirked at him and wiggled my hips against the hard bulge in his boxers, causing him to hiss and me to sigh.

Where the hell was this coming from? Me? Isabella Marie Swan with confidence? That's almost unheard of. Edward was brining out a side of me that I didn't even know about.

He didn't let go of my wrists as he placed his smooth lips against my collarbone sucking on it lightly before his lips slowly slid down my body kissing any part of free skin he could, appreciating it. His hands let go of my wrists and glided down my arms and sides until one was down on the bed beside our bodies holding him up as much as possible while the other was rested on the underside of my hip.

He was kissing the valley of my breasts and I couldn't help but to arch my back up towards him. He proceeded to go lower down my body stopping at that scar on my stomach paying extra attention to it for a moment. It was as if he was trying to make it go away by licking it.

After a couple tongue swoops and playing with my belly button he kissed lower only to stop at the ties to my shorts. He untied the strings slowly and sensually, all I could hear is the sound of my heart beating like heavy metal drums in my ears. My nerves were starting to kick in but that didn't stop my body from lifting my hips so Edward could slowly skate my shorts down my legs.

_Curse you nerves. Go the fuck away!_

I tried to banish them away from me hoping that it would work.

Upon removing my legs from my shorts, Edward came back up my body letting his hands trace the same pattern up my legs as they did going down, savoring the feeling of having his fingers touch me.

Edward started to kiss me again as his warm hands began groping my thighs, tightly massaging them.

I let my hands roam his body admiring every piece of it and how it felt underneath my fingertips; the ripples of his abs the firmness of his hard pecks, everything. I felt Edward shiver under my touch and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

The banishment I had cast upon my nerves was working! For the moment, at least.

"What are smiling at?" Edward asked against my lips before he continued to suck on them.

"You." I simply responded. He gave me his crooked smile.

"What about me?" he traced my bra lines as his lips found the perfect spot just under my ear making me groan his name.

"I just can't believe that I am here with you." I whispered.

"You better believe it." His voice was rough, "because once I make you mine, I am never letting you go again."

I felt my heart swell ten times its normal size as he said that.

_Oh, shit._

Those nerves that I tried hard to keep down in me, now suddenly came back with full fucking force. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but nervousness suddenly started to overflow inside me.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

I suddenly felt like some chick that was trying to write out an erotic novel with no experience what so ever. I didn't know where to start, or how it felt, or anything. How was I supposed to do this?

Am I supposed to let him take control or do I? Does he want me to pleasure him at all? How _exactly_ do I do that? Am I supposed to talk to him while having sex or should I just stay quiet? What if I get a sex headache and it hurts or what if he gets a sex headache and can't even finish because it hurts too much?

_What the fuck am I getting myself into?_

And the thing is, it isn't just about the physical aspect of sex that was getting me so worked up, but also me wondering what exactly was going through Edward's head at the same time. Should I really be doing this? Are we just doing this just because of the heat of the moment? What the fuck is he thinking through all this?

I could feel my breathing picking up, but it wasn't because me being aroused or anything. I was starting to hyperventilate.

Edward noticed and quickly sat up pulling me with him so that I was sitting up.

"Breathe, Bella." Edward was rubbing my back. I did as he instructed and took a few deep breaths.

"What's wrong?" Edward had my face cupped in the palms of rubbing soothing circles on my cheeks as my breathing started to slow down.

I shook my head back and forth and took a large gulp of air.

"I'm sorry, Bella, if we're moving too fast we can stop now if you want to."

"No, no, Edward. It's just that... I've never done any of this before." I let out a sigh feeling embarrassed. "And I mean none of it. You were my first kiss for God's sake. I don't even know where to begin with all this." I gestured between Edward and me using both my hands.

"It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just that I'm extremely nervous." I felt my face heat up from my blush. "God, this all sounds sad doesn't it." I put my face in my hands.

"Bella." Edward was laughing lightly and put a finger under my chin so that I was looking at him. "I don't find it pathetic at all. I actually find it quite endearing." He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss before I pushed him back.

"Edward, I just want to know something."

"What?" he brushed hair out of my face looking deeply into my eyes.

"Would you still want me in this way if I was still fat, if I never lost the weight?"

"First off, you were never fat. If anything you had curves, and what's so wrong with that?" I was about to respond but he stopped me. "Secondly, I didn't love you just for your looks, but your personality as well. Sure, you didn't have a lot of confidence back then, but you sure make up for it now. Also I always got see a part of you no one else at that school did. That you were always full of life and that you loved everyone and everything around you. You would always tend to think of others first rather than just for yourself.

"Bella, you have always been beautiful to me, no matter what anyone says. If anyone makes you feel inferior about yourself just ignore them because they don't matter. The only thing that does matter is the fact that I love you for you. Nothing is going to change that, nothing ever has." I grabbed Edward by the neck pulling us towards each other and I pressed my lips against his before my back fell against the bed and he hovered over me.

He had said everything that I needed to hear at that moment. My nerves were still there of course. Everyone goes through them, but they settled down, for the most part, knowing that Edward really did love me.

Edward's hands began to caress my thighs once more and I rubbed his biceps realizing that this is what I wanted. I've waited all my life for him and now I finally have him. I can understand how some people may think that I should've never forgiven Edward for what he did, but I don't give a shit what they think. To be honest, I don't think I've even fully forgiven him. It's just that we've both been through hell because we didn't have the balls just to sit down and talk to each other. Now here we are with each other and I don't think I am ever going to let him go again. I was now praying to god that he'll never let me go either.

I really don't think he was going to go anywhere at this moment anyways. Edward started to play with the bottom of my bra fiddling with it and I knew exactly what he wanted to do. I sat up taking hold of his hands and placed them where the clasp of my bra was as I began to place delicate kisses on his neck and chest.

Without another second he popped off my bra and gracefully slid the straps of my bra down my shoulders placing kisses there before removing the fabric completely off my body. Laying me back down on the bed, he stayed there straddling my stomach staring down at me and my newly revealed skin. My hands were gripping tightly to his thighs that I was rubbing trying to keep me from covering myself.

I know that this sounds really cliché and everything, but you got to understand that this is the first time I've ever been topless in front of a guy, first time topless and front of Edward no less, and his eyes did not move. Then there was that look on his face where I couldn't tell if he was disgusted, excited or what. I just had to cover myself up. Edward was too fast though. I had just barley released my hold on his legs when he grabbed my wrists pinning them up over my head.

"Don't, god please… don't ever cover yourself." My face covered its self in the familiar blush at the sight of Edward's hungry face. Without another word he swooped his head down grazing his nose along my collar bone and down the valley of my breasts inhaling my scent.

He moved his mouth over to one of my breasts and I could feel his warm breath spread across the top causing my already hard nubs to stiffen even more. He took me into his mouth without another moment of hesitation sulking me. Edward removed his grip on my wrists and took one of his hands to palm my other breast that was left unattended. He shifted back and forth between each breasts with me moaning each time.

All I could do was fist my hands into his hair and arch my back to him. He wrapped his free hand around my back and lifted me up towards him to gain a better access. My head fell on the top of his as his tongue continued to do amazing things on my chest. My breathing was becoming heavier and everyone once in awhile Edward would groan against my chest sending brilliant vibrations up and down my body.

Not being able to take it any more I yanked his face to mine by his hair and kissed him deeply and roughly, tangling and twisting our tongues with each others.

Edward pulled us both up keeping his one hand on the small of my back so that I was straddling his lap, his other hand in my hair keeping our faces against each other. Our chests were pressed tightly against each other's and I could feel his hard arousal against my hot one. My hips grated against him on impulse causing us both to moan into each other's mouths at the amazing sensation.

Before I knew what was happening my body began to move on its own accord grinding its self into Edward's pelvis and hardening cock. What made it so infuriating was that he was hitting directly where I wanted him to, but couldn't quite reach because the fabric of our underwear was in the way. I wanted to get between us and move all fabric out of the way, but I was way too into the moment to do anything.

My head felt like it was about to fall off my body as it rolled back, my hips continued rocking with the help of Edward guiding me with his hands. I felt a tightening in my lower abdomen start to build up to an extreme that it was actually becoming slightly painful. I started to whimper out Edward's name wanting more, but actually screamed it out when I felt something cool slip inside the fabric of my boy-shorts and into my soaking folds.

"God Bella, you're so wet." Edward hissed as his fingers began to pump in and out of me. I just wanted to shout out a 'no shit' to him but it came more out as a growl. He continued to work his magic fingers on me, or I should say in me, and took my breast into his mouth again. This time he actually began to bite my nipple at the same time pinching my bundle of nerves with his forefinger and thumb. All I could do was let out a high pitched moan and my hips moved faster against his hand.

I pulled myself back up by gripping tightly onto his hair yanking at the strands to keep me held up. Edward pushed us back down so I was lying flat on the bed again, him hovering over me holding himself up with one hand.

"Oh, god…Edward…"

The tightening got even stronger if I ever thought that was possible. I felt like I was ready to snap any minute. Edward must have sensed it, for he lent into my ear and whispered, "Come for me Bella." He sucked on my earlobe and I couldn't take it any longer.

I did it.

I snapped.

Like a fucking dry branch, or a Popsicle stick when you bend it too far. I felt my whole body shake and quake as my juices poured out all over Edward's hand. I could literally see stars in front of my eyes. The kind you usually see when you are about to pass out. They were all over my vision, painting it everything I see.

Edward just stayed there watching me as I tried to gain control of my breathing again and as soon as I did I sat up as best as I could with Edward still over me and started to pull his boxers down when he stopped me, holding both my hands in one of his and brought the other up to my face.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He began to rub his hand across the side of my chin and down my neck sending electric shocks throughout my body.

I've heard that line millions of times from watching movies, reading books, and at times when I actually sit down and watch soaps. Hell, it was like an unwritten rule to ask this everyone's first time, but I never thought that Edward would be the one to ask me it. Shit, I never thought that I would ever be this close with Edward. Sure I'd dreamed about it, but I never actually believed that it would happen. I always thought it would just remain in my own fantasies.

I took my hands out of his grip and wrapped my arms around his neck bring my face up to his so that our lips were barely touching.

"More than sure," I whispered against his lips teasing him as I twirled some of the silky hairs at the nape of his neck around with my fingers. "I'm positive" Edward grabbed the back of my head threading his fingers into my hair and pushing my face up against his to stop the teasing and kissed me deeply and uncontrollably.

I wasn't able to resume my work of taking off his boxers for he had gone straight for my boy-shorts and eagerly pulled them off and away from my body. I couldn't help but to giggle at his obvious enthusiasm and at my slight embarrassment of being completely naked in front of Edward.

Noticing my slight discomfort Edward sat up to pull of the last piece of fabric that would stand between our two bodies and I was fucking stunned.

It's not like I've never seen a dick before, I've seen plenty of movies, but it's that he was…HUGE. How the hell was that even going to fit?

Edward, seeing the shock and little bit of fear on my face, placed a delicate kiss on my lips calming me down.

"Don't worry." He whispered.

"I know. We belong together." I responded and kissed him back. Edward positioned himself between my legs and I wrapped my arms around his neck. My heart was practically dancing in my chest.

This was going to happen. This really was going to happen. Edward was finally going to make me his and him mine.

A slow smile spread across my face and Edward took this as all the encouragement he needed. He slowly glided himself in me, stretching my wall and making me cry out at the tremendous feeling. I cannot even begin to explain how it feels to being stretched from the inside. It did hurt, but I knew it was going to be nothing compared to how it will feel when he finally takes me completely.

I was digging my nails into Edward's back as an outlet for the pain, trying not to cry out. Edward kept his face buried into my shoulder, groaning low and deep into it tossing my name in the mix. His hands held tightly to the bed sheets scrunching them into his tight fists. I could tell that he was trying really hard to hold himself back from doing something to fast for me. I couldn't even imagine what all this felt like for him; having my tight walls practically suffocating him.

He slid himself even deeper into me, my nails digging even more into his shoulders, but stopped when he reached my barrier. He lifted his head off my shoulder so he could look down into me, making sure I was alright with this, and I was.

I gave a slight nod letting him know that I was ready before saying, "J-just do i-it quick. Quick, l-like a band-aid."

He let out a small chuckle that sent dazzling vibrations throughout my body especially at the point where we were connected. I moaned loudly.

"That's not something a guy expects to hear his first time." I snapped my eyes to his. His first time? I was so sure that he has done all this before.

I wasn't able to think a thing of it for he, quick like a cat, shoved himself further into me breaking through my barrier. I cried out in pain.

More like screamed. Loudly.

Jesus Christ it hurt. And I honestly don't think it helped that he was the size of a fucking walrus.

Why did I have to be one of those girls that had to feel so much pain? I was hoping that since I've already been through enough pain in my life this would be the one thing that would go smoothly. But of course it didn't.

Why did it have to hurt so bad?

The tears started to fall from the corner of my tightly squeezed eyes. Edward started to pull back but I held onto him. If he left now, I don't know when I would let this happen again. I wanted to get over it now.

"Please…, don't… move. Give me a moment." My body was still trying to adjust to his size and I was preventing myself from just telling him to get out. I felt Edwards's lips kissing my tears away, whispering that he was sorry.

"I love you." He whispered softly into my ear. As if they were magic words, I could feel the pain start to decimate. Not totally and not as fast as I would like, but it was becoming slightly bearable.

"Okay." I told Edward. He must behaving a _really_ difficult time not moving, trying to keep himself still. He let out a deep sigh in gratefulness for he was able to finally start moving. He pulled out half way and pushed himself back in over and over again a few times to get the feel of our bodies together. I would let out a soft cry of pain with each movement.

Steadily the pain turned into complete pleasure and Edward's speed picked up. He began to thrust into me faster and I never felt so complete before. So whole.

This is where I belonged. Where we belonged. We were EdwardandBella. No spaces between.

"Edward…" I gasped, one of my hands let go of his shoulder and went up into his hair.

"God, Bella…" He grunted once I yanked his hair bringing his face down to mine to kiss him wildly.

"Edward, harder…faster…." Beads of sweat were forming by the dozens on his forehead and against his chest making him slick as I rubbed my hands down his it before placing them on the sheets next to us clutching tightly on to them.

He compiled to my request and plunged himself even deeper into me than before. I began to rise up my hips to meet his every thrust and swiveled them around a bit. He gripped onto the back of my knee and placed it on his hip where I ended up wrapping both my legs around him. He both moaned at the fact that he went even further into me, which is pretty amazing considering the size of him. Edward titled his hips a bit and hit a spot inside me that made my yell out his name in utter pleasure.

I didn't know how much longer I was possibly going to last. I had that same tightening that I had earlier, but this time it was stronger and tighter.

"Uh…Edward…" I moaned out.

"Fuck Bella, you feel so good…" He groaned out. I don't know why but hearing Edward curse in this kind of situation was sexy as hell.

"Na…Huh…" I gasped out when he lifted my hips, holding on tightly to me, creating a delicious new angle. It was then that I knew that I wasn't going to last much longer. That tightening in my stomach was becoming too strong for me to handle anymore. It almost like a balloon was in me ready to pop any minute. Edward was getting close too. I could tell by the way he moved even faster and harder inside me. He traced his hand down my arm and laced his fingers trough mine that were still clutching the bed sheets.

"Come…Come for me Bella." He uttered in my ear. And again for the second time tonight I came undone for him. My muscles were clenching tightly around his cock, as it began to pulse inside me when I called out his name.

He froze above me as his seed spilled inside me and then collapsed on top of me. Both of us completely exhausted to move or talk at the moment. I wrapped my arms around him holding him tightly to me thriving in the feeling of his body on top of mine and the fact that we were still connected. Both of our chests heaving against each other's trying to gain the air we both so desperately needed. My hands traced through his damp hair as his head lay on my chest.

I whimpered when he pulled out of me and shut my eyes squeezing them tightly. When I opened them I found myself staring directly into Edward's green ones.

Staring in Edward's eyes, they were full of so much passion and lust and I was sure that mine was matching his, but I don't know. His seemed to be able to burn permanent holes into me. It was as if he was trying to tell me everything through his delicious, apple green orbs.

He leaned into me and gave me a soft kiss, "Bella, I love you so much." I could tell that he was being sincere. This was his apology for everything, and I accepted it.

"I love you too, Edward." I kissed his him lightly before laying my head down on his chest savoring the feeling of his warm body pressed snugly under mine and I listened to the beating of his calming heart.

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**Yep, my longest chapter to date.**

**Okay, this is the chapter I need your reviews considering the fact that this was my first Lemon ever! So please, please review and tell me what you think.**

**Also, yes there is such thing as a sex headache. We actually talked about it in class one day before I finished this chapter. I thought it was funny, that's why I put it in… (if you know what I mean). It happens more often to guys than girls though.**


	24. READ!

**I know you guys are looking for a new chapter but this needs to be posted.**

*******PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ*******

**A lot of you know about the loss of Daddy's little Cannibal and while many are paying their respects there are still those out there that can be horrible. **

**This is the note I've received:**

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I hate to post an author's note just to ask for a favor, but I really need one from all of you. My friend Bronze, one of the sweetest people I've met on this site and a fellow FF author, lost her friend Daddy's Little Cannibal recently. Today, someone opened a Fanfiction account solely to post an awful message on EVERY story Bronze and DLC wrote. I'm including the link to that person's profile page as well as what they put in their review.

All I ask of you is that you please write to reportabuse at fanfiction dot com and ask for this person's account and all related reviews to be deleted. You have to send it from your email program. It's not within fanfiction.

This is not something any fanfiction writer or reader should be subjected to. We are in mourning for a fellow FF writer/reader and no one should be allowed to post something this hurtful and disgusting.

(change all the "dot" listed below to a period to reach the address in your search bar)

_Review posted by __**Don't Flip My Bitch Switch ID # **__1932508 http:// www dot fanfiction dot net/u/1932508/Dont_Flip_My_Bitch_Switch_

_Rejoyce! The wicked bitch is dead._

_How rich! Oh the Irony hahahaha. All those flames about how she should just drop dead and it actually happens. IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS! I can honestly say that May 08, 2009 is the best day of my life. The day this mediocre shit that Stephanie Bell has been posting for years has finally COME TO AN END. Everyone says the best moment of the girls' life is her prom, or her wedding, or her first crib midget. But I STRONGLY disagree. The best moment of THIS girl's life was the moment STEPHANIE BELL WAS HIT BY THAT DRUNK DRIVER AND DIED! I HOPE YOU AND YOUR FUCKTACULAR IDEAS BURN IN THE FIREY PITS OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!_

_P.S. Keep the responses coming. I LOVE THEM_

Please send an email to **reportabuse at fanfiction dot com** and ask for this account and these horrible reviews to be deleted. Even if you don't know Bronze or DLC, please do it anyway. Please think of how her family will feel when they see these horrible messages. They knew their daughter wrote FF and loved to write on this site. They will see it. Think if this was your family or your friend.

We humbly beg for your help with this matter.

My-Bella, Hellopants, & Lizbre

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	25. Chapter 23

**AN: Sorry about the long ass wait you guys, I know that you're all either pissed off, or just gave up on the story, and to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of you did. It's just been a hard few months for me. I just graduated both high school and college at the same time, so I had a lot of things to prepare for, than a day before graduation, I lost a friend of mine. **

**So yeah, it's been hard, and it doesn't help when this chapter seemed to be the hardest one I've ever had to write!**

**Thanks to my wonderful BETA Megsly. She's the best, seriously she is. Another thank you to those few ladies over at Twilighted who have really helped me out lately. I love you guys! **

**Also again, the past events are in present tense to make you understand how important they are. **

**Songs are on my playlist posted on my profile. Check them out if you really want to get into the mood while reading this chapter**

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**Song suggestion:**

Supernatural – flyleaf (acoustic)

Over and out – Alkaline Trio (renholder remix)

Floating - Roberto Cacciapaglia

Fly - Ludovico Einaudi

And chapter song.

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**I'll face myself**

_In this farewell  
There's no blood  
There's no alibi  
'Cause I've drawn regret  
From the truth  
Of a thousand lies_

_So let mercy come  
And wash away  
What I've done_

_What I've done_ by **Linkin Park**

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**-EPOV-**

**1 year ago**

_As I sit in the crowded waiting room, with old magazines sitting beside me and fake plants stuck in the corners of the room, I can feel the anxiety coursing through me as I bounce my knees up and down uncomfortably. They feel as if they are about to break off my body and walk out of this building themselves; all while my hands rub at face as if they are trying to rip off my skin. My breathing is difficult too; it feels as if I have a heavy body sitting on top of it and I can't push it off no matter how hard I try. _

Why am I freaking out so much?

Why did Garrett have to drag me down here?

_The answers are all simple actually._

_My "mother" is the reason. _

Mother. Ha! Yeah right! _She's no mother._

_Isn't a mother supposed to take care of you when you're sick? Feed you when you're hungry? Help you with school work that you're having difficulties on? Actually send you to school? _

_The child isn't supposed to teach themselves how to read or have their old fat neighbor teach them instead of an actual teacher. _

_The child shouldn't have to take hits from their mother's drunken "boyfriends" and then cook them breakfast in the morning. A child isn't supposed to clean up their mother's puke because she was too drunk to even make it to the toilet._

_Isn't a mother supposed to be there for you when you need them? Not leave you alone in a park so that you fend for yourself and have people just sit there and gaze at him as if you were an animal at the fucking zoo. _

Goddamnit!_ Isn't a mother supposed to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright you're your life turns to complete chaos that's even worse than hell its self. _

_Yes they fucking are!! So I ask again, what the fuck I'm I even doing here?!_

_I rip my hands away from my face and push myself out of the fucking uncomfortably hard chair__and run out of the hospital doors ignoring the yells and screams of Garrett. _

_Evidently I'm not fast enough though, for Garrett grabs onto me and yanks on my arm forcing my body to turn towards him. _

"_Where do you think you're going?" He roars and spits in my face. _

"_Let me go, Garrett. I have no reason to be here," I try to pull my arm away from him, but he grips onto it even tighter, digging his fingers into my skin. _

"_Your mother is here, Edward! Your _dying_ mother," he yells letting my arm go. _

"_Why should I fucking care," I yell back at him, even louder and more powerful than he did. _

"_Ed-"_

"_No Garrett, I don't know any Elizabeth Mason, alright? I never have had a mother and that woman in there is defiantly not her. She's not even an acquaintance. She's nothing but a nuisance. She's just the woman that I had to take care of because she couldn't even take care of herself. She's nothing to me. For all I care my mother died when she gave birth to me." I can feel my pulse racing with rage._

"_So you're just going to leave your mom? Is that how it's going to work? When you don't want to face something you leave?" Garrett throws his hand up in the air in frustration. _

"_She really shouldn't be too surprised considering she's a fucking pro at it herself," I turn to walk away from him yet again._

"_Fine! Be a god damn pussy! Leave! It's because you can't take your shit out on her, huh? Like you did with Bella?" Garrett taunts and I stop dead in my tracks and march right back up to him._

"_Shut the fuck up Garrett. You have no fucking clue what you're talking about," The words spit out of my mouth and into in his face _

"_I think I do, man. You love fucking people's lives over don't you?"_

"_I didn't fuck up her life, she fucked up mine!" We both know that I'm not talking only about my "mother" any longer._

_

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_

I couldn't fall asleep. I mean, who could after what just happened?

Well, yeah never mind, pretty much anyone could fall asleep after having sex, but I couldn't. Not because I wasn't tired, but because I was afraid of closing my eyes - afraid that everything that happened was a dream.

I was so sure that it was. It sure as hell felt like it was.

Plus, it seems that anytime I do close my eyes, the nightmares come. The ones that plague my dreams every single night - that remind me constantly of the things that I've done.

I pulled Bella closer into my chest and let my hand trace up and down her bare spine. I heard her sigh deeply into my chest and looked down to see a smile on her face as she scooted even closer to me.

I still couldn't believe what had happened. Even though Bella is right here in my arms, I still can't believe that she loves me. I just don't get it, if I was her, I would've ran the other way; I would've stayed as far from me as possible, but she didn't. She came running right for me instead. Despite everything, she came for me.

I began to nuzzle my face into her hair smelling the delicious aroma of freesias wishing that we could've had this a long time ago – that I told her how I felt when I wanted to instead of holding back. If I told her back in high school like I wanted to, things would be so much different. It's hard to even begin to tell you how different our lives could've been if I told her how much I loved her than.

Our lives could've been so different even if I still never told her, but if I didn't give into James and his taunts against her.

I mean, the things he came up with were so far beyond the things that I did to her. Every time he came up with some sick joke to pull on her I had to convince him to do something else and quickly before he stuck with his ideas. In no way does that make up for what I did, because even though my ideas weren't as bad as James', I still did them.

I still caused her pain when I should've of been protecting her from it. I made her cry when I should've been the one to make her laugh. I was supposed to be her best friend and I turned into her worst enemy.

Can you see why I'm so shocked and amazed that I have this woman right now, lying in my arms, telling me how much she loved me.

She should hate me.

Fuck, I hate me!

Bella moved again taking me out my self-loathing, but this time it seemed like she hissed in pain, while asleep, but this causes her eyes to flutter open.

"Edward?" she asked, her voice laced with sleep.

"Yeah?" I still wasn't too sure if she was really awake or sleep talking like usual. That is until she sets up rubbing her eyes to look at me more clearly.

"Are you okay?" She must've noticed the look of distress that passed across my face. Covering herself with the sheet, she straddled my lap, but not without me noticing the slight pain that came over her face, but she hid it well. Something I used to be good at doing too, but now, now it's too hard to keep it hidden.

"I'm not sure," I mumbled more to myself than her.

"What do you mean?" she grabbed my face in her hands and rubbed soothing circles under my eyes.

"It's…huh…I-I don't get it, Bella." I took her hands away from my face grabbing them in my own to pull them down into my lap. I didn't remove my stare from our hands though.

"Don't get what?" She didn't remove her eyes off me as I played with her fingers.

"I don't know how you can so easily forgive me – acting like nothing happened," I looked back up at her. "I mean after everything I've done. After everything I did to you I don't…" I couldn't even finish what I was saying.

"Edward, after my mom left my dad, he would constantly go around saying, 'I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.' I never understood exactly what he was talking about. I didn't know if that was his way of saying that he would never forgive my mom, or if he was trying to tell himself that he needed to forgive and forget. That he needed to move on," she put her hand under my chin so that she could look into my eyes before continuing on, "but for me, I know that I want to forgive and forget. I don't want to be reminded of the mistakes or the pain. I really do want to move on from this, so will you please forget with me? For me?" She whispered as her eyes became glossy with unshed tears.

"That's just it Bella, I won't _ever_ forget what I did to you. I hate myself beyond my own understanding. I don't think that I'll ever be able to forgive myself."

Bella didn't say anything. She merely moved her hands out of mine so she could grip my face again and brought our lips together in a soft gentle kiss.

We both knew that this wasn't going to be easy. It was going to take time for either of us to truly move on.

God knows I want to.

* * *

"_Mr. Cullen, you can go see her now." A blond nurse tells me. _

_My breathing picks up as I shakily push myself out of my seat. Garrett proceeds to stand up with me, but I shake my head at him. He understands what I'm saying._

_I need to do this on my own. _

_I don't think about anything else._

_I don't notice anyone else _

_It begins to feel like I'm gliding down the hall towards her room, not paying any attention to the fact that my feet are actually moving. _

_That is, until I reach her door. _

_There's no way I would ever be prepared for what I now see. _

_There're machines spread all across the room beeping and humming, trying to keep her alive. Monitors are keeping track of her heartbeat and blood levels. The thing is…her heart isn't beating steadily like a normal heart. Her beats are irregular. _

_There, lying in a white sheeted bed is a woman with tubes going up her nose and an IV plunging deep into a vein in her arm. Her body is sucking down the fluids in the IV bag like a vampire as it continues making soft dripping noises matching the beat of the rain drops hitting the room's window. _

_She looks so small and frail compared to the things in the room trying to keep her heart beating. _

_She looks so…_

_Pale and cold._

_Sick and weak._

_Scared and alone._

_I actually feel bad for her. _

_She doesn't notice that I'm in the room with her as she's curled up on her side looking out the window, out into the cold, miserable weather. _

_I can't take it. Just seeing her lying on the bed looking so sick is making me sick. Not in the actual sense of "I'm so sick I could throw up" kind of way, but sick with myself. _Disgusted _with myself. _

She's making me feel guilty?!

_Making me feel guilty that I didn't want to come to see her. For feeling like she deserves what has happen to her. _

_I turn on my heel to leave the room when I small cry stops me dead in my tracks._

"_Edward?" It's so soft that it's surprising that I even hear it. I take a deep breath and sigh heavily really wanting to leave, but not able to. _

_Licking my lips in frustration, I turn back slowly to look at her. _

"_Edward? Is it really you?" _

_I don't move from where I stand at the door way looking at her. I don't even know how to move. _

"_Edward" She breathes a whisper. She knows that it's me. No use to denying it anymore. I nod my head at last as I avert my eyes away from her. _

_**************_

_How long has it been? An hour? Two? Three? _

_I've been sitting here in silence ever since I arrived. _

_In deafening, fucking silence. _

_Well, silence except for the irritating heart monitor. _

_Neither of us is saying anything. Both of us are just sitting here waiting for the other one to make the first move. I keep my eyes straight ahead of me trying to burn a fucking escape hole through the plain, boring, ass, white wall. _

_It feels so weird sitting in this room with this woman who used to be my "mother", but all she feels like now is a stranger. A complete and total stranger; you know the kind that you are taught to avoid back in school. _

_All I can focus on is a little piece of wallpaper that's barely hanging onto the wall begging me to peal it off. Rip it away from the wall that it's attached to, holding it down. _

"_Edward-Edward; please look at me." I hear her beg, but I make no movement. _

"_I-I can't." I see her out of the corner of my eye sadly nod her head as I bow down my own feeling slightly ashamed that I can't even look at my own "mother". _

_I hear I sob escape her throat before she replies, "I understand." _

_Its barley a whisper. I could barely make it out because of her sniffles. _

_She understands! _

_Does she really?_

_Does she really know that she has fucked up my life? Does she know that I could've avoided so many bad things that have happened these past few years if she just stayed sober? If she actually took care of me like a mother should rather than ditching me when I became too much of a burden for her than I wouldn't be the fuck up I am now! _

_Like shit she understands! _

"_No…No you don't."_

_

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_

Neither Bella nor I said anything for a few minutes after her gentle kiss. I don't think either of us knew what to say. We both badly wanted to move on and away from everything in the past, but how can you forget something like that so easily. It was going to take time.

Lots of time.

It seemed that Bella was more readily to forgive me than I was to forgive myself.

I know what I did to her was horrible, fuck, it was worse than horrible; it was god damn-…ah fuck – I don't even have a word to describe how atrocious I was to her.

It wasn't like I was blind that I couldn't see the pain that I was causing her all those times. I just really didn't want to see it, or believe it.

_I know, fucking stupid right? _

I was scared to death though. All those years ago, I was terrified that she was going to leave me like my mom did. Abandon me completely, so when I heard that she "slept with Felix", I did the only thing I could think of to do – hurt her, before she could hurt me even more.

_Do you not see why I can't forgive myself as easily as she so seems can easily forgive me?_

_Dose she even really forgive me? _

That's the real question, isn't it?

She never really came out and said it. She did say that she wanted to move on, but that doesn't mean that she has forgiven me.

"Bella, there's something I want to ask you."

"What is it?" She pulled away from me with a worried expression written across her face.

"I know you're probably sick of talking about it, but I have to know. Do you forgive me?"

"I-I…umm…no." She stuttered at first, but the no came out as clear as day. I slowly nod my head not looking at her. "Edward, I do want to forgive and forget like I said before, but it's going to take time. I do love you. I really do. I have for the longest time, but the things that you did. Everything that happened, it's not going to vanish like that.

"I understand that it's going to take time for us to get passed this, I just wanted to know. I needed to know, so that I can make it up to you. I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I want to make everything right again. I love you, Bella." I gave her a soft chaste kiss.

"All I need is you." She whispered against my lips.

I pulled Bella into my chest where she placed a small kiss before replacing her lips with her cheek. I wrapped my arms more snuggly around her tiny frame letting the whole palm of my hand rub her back. I took comfort in the feeling of her soft delicate skin underneath my large hands. It just felt so smooth and I didn't ever want to stop touching her.

That day back at the park a few months ago when I was saying those awful things about her being like my mom was a terrible lie. She wasn't like my mom, I was. I was the one that was exactly like her.

I hurt the person I loved.

* * *

_Why did I even come back? What am I expecting? _

_When I left yesterday, I should've stayed away, but…I can't. I still haven't gotten my answers and today, no matter what, I'm going to get them. _

_The same nurse from yesterday tells me again that I can go see Elizabeth. I don't take my time this time. I know where I'm going and I know what I'm doing. _

_I'm going to get this all done and over with. Get my answers than leave. Simple as that. _

_I push the door out of my way and make my way over to her._

"_Edward? I didn't think you'd--"_

"_Elizabeth," she has no right to being titled mom, "I only came back for one reason. That reason being is that I want some answers from you." I firmly stand my ground. I know I sound harsh, but I don't care. _

"_I figured you would and I'll tell you anything you want to know." _

_I sneer as I pull out a chair and seat myself as far away from her as possible. _

"_So, where do you want me to start?" She asks playing with the white sheets of her bed. _

"_How about we start with 'where the fuck have you been?'!" My voice is loud, but I'm not yelling or screaming. Yet, that is. _

"_Fair enough." She sighs. "After I cleaned up I came here." _

"_And how long have you been clean?"_

"_I've been one hundred percent drug and alcohol free for about ten years now." She tells me trying to hide her pride. It wasn't a mocking type of pride, but more of a…I don't know, I can just tell that she's extremely happy for herself for her accomplishments. _

"_That's what I was hoping you wouldn't say." I mumble grumpily folding my arms across my chest. Don't get me wrong, her being sober is a good thing…I guess. It's what I'm working towards, it's just…complicated. _

"_Why?" she asks me and it's as if that simple question was the key opening the flood gates. _

"_Because you've been less than four hours away from me for the past ten years, Elizabeth. TEN!" I cry out. "Did you really hate me that much that you couldn't drive up at least once in your life to see me? Or even pick up a fucking phone? You could've let me know that you are okay and that I'm not a total fuck-up in your life. To at least tell me why you did it - why you left me alone that night in the park." _

_Thinking I'm done, Elizabeth opens her mouth to speak, but I'm not done, so I shut her up before she can say something. _

"_Elizabeth, I was only seven years old. Seven! Do you understand what that can do to a little boy? I feel like I'm not good for anybody anymore. I feel as if nothing I do will make anyone happy and they will all leave me in the end like so many people already have."_

__

"Edward, what I did, leaving you, I did it for a reason...I did it for you," she declares.

"Ah…that's a load of bull shit!" I shush her, my voice becoming loud and thunderous, "And you fucking know it."

_"You don't have to believe me if you don't want to, but it's the truth." Elizabeth's voice is tight along with her body, trying to keep control of herself._

"_I knew I was a horrible mother. I wasn't that brainless not to notice what I was doing to you, Edward. I hated coming home wasted or high every night only to have you be the one to take care of me. It bothered so much because I knew that it was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one to take care of you. Not the other way around. Every time I would come home drunk, you'd hold my hair back for me as I puked. Every time I would yell and scream at you for no reason other than because I needed a fix, you would clean up the house and try to make me something for dinner just to make me happy." Her breaths are long and heavy now as her control is beginning to waver off. _

"_Back when I was doing drugs, I wasn't in with good people as you can probably guess. I would do anything I could to get drugs or money to buy drugs. And I mean anything. --- But there was this one man that I would always go to because he always had the good stuff that I wanted that no one else had. The thing was in order for me to get it; I would have to sleep with him."_

"_Aaannnddd…why are you telling me this?" I rub my forehead with the palm of my hand and toss it in the air in annoyance and frustration. Why she thinks that telling me about her sex life will help is beyond me. It's only making this worse. I don't want to hear how she sold herself like that!_

"_God damn it just listen to me, Edward!" her voice becomes vicious, snapping at me. "I'm trying to explain myself to you and you are making that really difficult. This is already hard enough!"_

_I silently wait for her to continue. After another heavy sigh, she does. _

"_Now, even though I know he had a wife and children, I still did it." My eyes open wide with shock and outrage. As I'm about to yell and scowl her for being so fucking stupid , her hand rises and stops me before I can even open my mouth. _

"_I know, I was more than screwed up, I was completely fucked up. It wasn't until one late night that I finally realized just how fucked up I was. I actually saw that I wasn't just screwing up my life, but yours and this family's life as well."_

"_What happened?" My own voice has no emotion to it as I ask. It's so monotone and dull. _

"_Umm...I was with him… and we were, well you know and I had heard a small nose come from the doorway. I had looked over his shoulder to see this boy. He looked to be maybe only a couple years older than you, standing there with…I don't even know. He had so many things running across his face. Hurt, sadness, rage, disgust, and all I could picture was you. How would I feel if it was you that walked in and saw me selling myself for a drug that was ruining my life? I never felt so filthy…so…so disgusting." She finally lets her tears fall down her face. She hurriedly wipes them away as fast as she can, more than likely not wanting me to see them. _

"_I left you at that park, not because I didn't want you or because I hated you, but it was because I loved you so much that I did it." I see her teary eyed face look into my blank one through my peripheral vision. I stay still not knowing really what to say or do. _

"_I-I got to go." Without another word I stand up and run out of the building not looking back. I need time to process it all. To take everything in. _

_There's still so much I need to know, but there's only so much I can take in at a time._

_

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_

"She came to talk to me you know." I finally spoke after complete silence had filled the room for a few minutes. I knew Bella wasn't asleep. Neither of us could sleep right now, not with so much on our minds.

"Huh?" Bella lifted her head up off my shoulder to look at me.

"My mom. She went to Forks wanting to talk to me back when we first started high school. To explain herself."

"Did she?" Bella raised an eyebrow slightly.

"No, she never got the chance. She tried on many occasions to try to approach me, but was always held back, than finally one day, she decided it was best to let life move on."

"What do you mean?"

"She tried to talk to me back when we were first starting high school. She came back wanting to tell me everything."

"Why didn't she?"

"She found out how much I had hated her." Bella's eyes opened wide in reorganization.

"You-you mean the day at the park? She was there?" I nodded my head slowly while licking my lips.

"Yeah, she was there hiding behind some stupid tree. She heard everything."

Bella began to bite her lip and moved away from me, sitting up against the headboard. "Why didn't she come out and say something? Why did she stay hidden behind a tree?"

I was about to say something before Bella stopped me. "It was because of me wasn't it? Because I was there?" Bella stiffened and buried her face in her hands.

I knew at that moment what she was thinking. That because of her my mom wouldn't come out to talk to me. That she was the one who scared my mom off, but that wasn't it.

"Hey, hey, hey…" I tipped Bella's face back up with my forefinger under her chin so that she would look at me, "It's not like you scared her off Bella. I was the one to do that. Not you. The reason she didn't come out that night was because of the fact that she only wanted it to be me and her when we talked. She knew that I wouldn't be able to take seeing her well, and didn't want to embarrass me in front of you." I inhaled deeply, "She was right. I didn't take seeing her well at all when I finally did go see her."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella took my hand and intertwined our fingers together.

I let out an anxious laugh, "There's not much to say. How do you think I would've reacted? I was totally selfish thinking about all the things she's done to me and how my life was so bad, while there laid my mom in a hospital bed dying because she couldn't get a heart."

"What was wrong with her Edward? You never talk about her expect for that one time." I take a deep breath ready to respond to her but she stops me.

"If you don't want to I understand," she said quickly.

"No, it's fine. Bella, my mom, her heart – she was suffering with heart disease so her heart was weak. It was giving out on her, it just didn't want to beat like a normal heart should and she was one of the people near the bottom of the list. We knew that she wasn't going to receive her heart in time. It was becoming too late, so all we could do was wait." I spoke softly never taking my gaze off our intertwined fingers.

"I'm such and idiot, Bella. My mom had gone through so much fucking shit and I treated her like shit because she was trying to do what was best for me." It was then I finally removed my eyes off our hands and looked up into Bella's face.

"Did you know that she left me at the park on purpose? In fact she knew about Esme and that she couldn't have children. My mom practically studied Carlisle and Esme before leaving me. She wanted to make sure I had the best life possible." It was true. My mom really did make sure that Esme and Carlisle were the best people to raise me for her. She gathered as much information as she possibly could, she practically stalked them, and when she found out that Esme couldn't have kids, and she knew that Esme deserved one.

"Some life huh?" I scoffed at myself, "I ended up destroying it."

"You didn't destroy it Edward." Bella cupped my face in her hands. "It's merely sorely wounded, but all wounds heal. No matter how deep the cuts are or how dark the bruises get, they will heal."

"Yeah, well, I wish they could heal sooner rather than later."

"Edward, you will get through this, like everything else; like you did with your alcoholism and me with my bulimia." She took my hand and placed it on her face, "_We_ will get through all of this."

I didn't really say anything all I did was let my fingers rub along her cheek before she started talking again.

"If your mother told you why she was leaving you at the park when she left you there would you have listened? Would you even understand why she did it?"

If only she knew, this was the question I ask myself constantly.

"I would like to believe that I would've but I don't think I would. I think that my brain still would tell me that she didn't want me. Hell, my brain was still telling me that even after she told me."

"But I think that's because of how you kept telling yourself that is why she left you, and after telling yourself that she didn't want you so much, you believed to be true, so even when she told you all your brain would read it as was a lie."

"What about you Bella?"

"What about me?" I dropped my hands from her face as she pulled her knees to her chest.

"I mean, after telling yourself for years that I hated you and that you weren't good enough, how did you handle it when you found out the truth?"

"I'm not going to lie; it hurt like hell when I found out that you actually believed that I slept with Felix," Bella clutched her knees tighter to her chest. "Then I was, well, I still am sort of pissed that you treated me like shit because of it. Instead of having the decency to ask me if it was true, you believed _him_. I mean, c'mon Edward, of all people you had to believe the one that treated _you_ like shit."

"I was stupid, I know, we've established that. A really stupid fuck. I knew deep down I should've talked to you and I wanted to, but there was still this greater darker side of me that believed it." I pushed up off the bed and moved so that I sat on the edge of it with my shoulder's slouched, looking down at the ground. "I didn't really have a strong trust with woman after my mom, or really anyone. I believed that every time I got close to someone they would leave. And for that, as soon as Felix said something about you two, I believed it. I was afraid to lose another person I loved, so I did the only thing I could think of, hurt you before you could hurt me more."

Neither of us said anything or moved. I don't think Bella knew what to say after that. I gave her a good reason to leave now.

Leave me.

I finally tell her the truth and it feels like the lamest excuse in the world. Fuck it probably is. I would leave too if I were her.

Bella finally shifted from her spot and I really thought she was going to leave, so I shut my eyes tightly and placed my head on my arms not wanting to see her go. Instead of hearing the door shut I felt her lips kissing my shoulder blade where my tattoo laid and up my neck before she placed her chin on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my waist. I let my hand intertwine again with hers as I let myself enjoy the feel of her warm body pressed into mine.

"I wouldn't and could never hurt you. Not seriously anyways." She teased. "I loved you too much to do that. No matter how badly I wanted to back then, I couldn't. I still loved too much to do anything. I guess you didn't feel as deeply as I did."

"Don't say that. I was madly in love with you Bella. I still am, but I think that's why I took everything so badly. I thought that you never loved me, that you could never love me. That's one of the reasons I was so afraid of coming back in the first place."

"Edward" Bella tried to get me to look at her but I wouldn't.

"Edward." She said more firmly gripping tightly onto my face and turned it so I was looking at her. "If you never came back, I honestly don't know where I would be right now. I would more than likely be alone while I watched Emmett and everyone else fall in love, get married, have children all those things.

"You feel this?" Bella grabs hold of my hand and places it directly over her heart where I feel it fluttering violently at my touch. "If you never came back my heart wouldn't beat like this. It would probably be more stone-like than anything, but you and you alone make my heart beat. You make me fell alive. You always have. I didn't think I would ever feel this way again, the way I felt when we were younger, but when you came back, you brought the feeling back. The feeling of what it's like to be in love."

I couldn't hold myself back as I flew at Bella kissing her with a heat-searing kiss pushing her back against the mattress but at the same time holding her close to me, never letting go.

After awhile we pulled back to gain some air but neither of us moved from our position. Her hands wrapped around my neck playing with my hair as I moved some of hers out of her face before leaning down to kiss her jaw line.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I ask not removing my lips off her skin.

"Why did you come back? Not that I'm not happy that you did, but you could've gone anywhere to move on with your life. Why did you come back here with us?" I pull away to look directly down at her.

"My mom. I made her a promise."

"What kind of promise?"

"One that I'm bound and determined to keep now." I bowed my head down to hers again kissing her deeply.

She eagerly pushed herself into my kiss licking my lips lightly before I opened my mouth sliding my tongue against hers.

I let my hand run up her thigh under the sheet that was covering it as her hand flew across my chest before she let them slide down my sides. It felt amazing. That is, until she hit an already sore spot – a gash on my side that wasn't deep but it hurt just as painful as a deep paper cut on your finger.

I winced in pain trying to hide it by kissing her harder, but she still tensed and ripped her lips away from mine, creating a tearing sound.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" she asked urgently looking at my sore body.

"I'm great." I mumbled as I pressed my lips against hers trying to act like nothing happened. I knew what this was going to lead into.

Questions.

Questions that she may or may not want answers too.

"I don't think you are." Bella talked against my lips as I kissed the side of her mouth.

"Edward, are you going to tell me what happened? And don't try to avoid the question or say it's nothing."

With a heavy sigh I pulled my face back away.

"Okay, but promise me you won't freak out." I brushed hair out of her face, but as soon as I said that, she pushed herself up leaning on the palms of her hands behind her.

"Why? What is it?"

"There's no simple way of putting this but I got into a fight…with Felix."

"Edward!"

"I need to tell you the whole story before you start saying things. There are reasons to why we hate each other so much these days, reasons to why I came home like this."

* * *

_I've been coming back to visit Elizabeth for a few weeks now. Garrett's been coming back with me each time. He's like my support service I guess you could say. Anytime I want to give up and leave, he's there forcing me to stay. _

_I don't know if I hate him for it, or if deep down I really appreciate what he's doing. _

_As for Elizabeth and I, I don't know how I feel yet. I know that with each visit and each conversation we have, either civilized or not, I can feel my grudge against her slowly slipping. So as of right now I think it's safe to say that I'm indifferent towards her. We both still have things to talk about and discuss and we better do it soon because of the fact that her each day her heart is slowly giving out. It was only a matter of time before it stops completely. We all know that there's no chance of her getting a heart. There's just not enough time. _

"_Edward?"_

"_Yeah?" I turned to look at her dropping the magazine I'm looking at. _

"_There are some things I really need to tell you and talk about before….before…." she's struggling with saying it out loud so I say something to stop this struggle._

"_What is it?"_

"_First off, I need to tell you that I had met someone." Her small smile didn't go unnoticed as she said this, "someone who really helped me out while I was recovering." _

"_And who was this someone?"_

"_His name was Jamie Thrace - Corporal Thrace of the U.S Marines."_

"_A military man huh?" I smile at her. _

"_Yep, a good one, too. He was strong and brave; he once took a bullet to his shoulder after saving a young boy from getting shot. Jamie, he was very caring and compassionate about the things that were important to him including the people he loved. He was an amazing man."_

"_Sounds like he's something."_

"_Yes, yes he was. Edward, he was the only man I ever fell in love with." Elizabeth closed her eyes briefly as if picturing him in her head as she gave herself a watery smile. _

"_He was there for me when I had no one else; when I was about to give up on myself. He was there helping me with the hardship of wanting to see you and then dealing with the things that I heard at the park when I did go to see you. God Edward, he held me back when I needed a fix and didn't judge me when he saw me falling apart. Jamie, he…he didn't leave me even after it happened."_

"_After what happened?"_

_She doesn't respond immediately. She merely looks out the window to avoid eye contact with me and I watch a single tear slowly falls down her face._

_This isn't good. _

"_Elizabeth, what happened?" My voice becomes firm and strained as I demand to know. Whatever happened couldn't have been good._

_She still doesn't say anything but cringes instead and a few more tears fall faster down her face._

_She doesn't remove her eyes from the window and her hands clutches tighter onto the sheets wrapped around her, "I…I was raped."_

"_AGAIN?! By who? Who the FUCK would do that to you?" I'm yelling now, not able to control my outrage and my disgust for whoever the fuck this sickening person is. I just can't believe that this has to have happened to her again. What is wrong with sick fucks in this world that they have to do something like this? _

"_He's name is… Royce King." She cries softly into the sheets that she brought up to her face hiding the pain away from me. _

"_Royce King." I say softly at first, "King? You mean as in the owner of King's Bank? As in James and Felix King's FATHER?!"_

_She nods. _

_Yes, she fucking nods._

"_Wha-why?!" I breathlessly let out stuttering and stumbling my way through it. _

_Elizabeth removed her face from the blanket and stubbornly scratched the back of her neck, "Royce, well he was my dealer and I guess I owed him still or at least that's what he told me." She sighs, "He wanted money from me, money that I didn't have._

"_Jamie found me curled up in a ball on the floor with no clothes on and I was so sure that he would've been repulsed by me, but he wasn't. He took care of me. Washed me off of all the filth that covered me, stayed with me even though I wouldn't let him talk to me or touch me, but when I finally opened up to him again and told him everything- when I finally let him touch me again" Her lip begins to quiver as her voice shakes and cracks, "he just held me the whole time as I cried." _

_It's than Elizabeth breaks down in front of me. Crying like I've never seen anyone cry in my life. It's hard to simply stand there and do nothing when this woman in front of me is falling apart, so what do I do?_

_I actually go up to her and wrap my arms around her. _

_Something I never thought I would do. I'm hugging my mother, telling her that everything is going to be alright. _

_When her cries slow down I ask her, "Why didn't you ever go to the police?"_

"_Jamie wanted me to, but I was too afraid," Elizabeth pulls away from me. "Royce has so much money that I'm sure he would buy his way out of prison and come after me again and I didn't want that."_

_I feel so angry. I really want to toss things around the room in rage, but I settle for pushing myself up off her bed and pacing around the room clenching my hands into tight fists. _

"_Well,…I'm not going to let this happen. I'm not going to let a guilty man get way with what he has done to you, and I'm sure he has done to other woman as well. Plus, do you know that he sells drugs to minors? Elizabeth, he sold drugs to me! Now I'm sure that I can go in and say something along with others. Maybe we could even see if there was other –"_

"_Edward," She stops my rant, "that's not it." I furrow my eyebrows together in utter confusion. What else could've happened? _

"_Two months later-" _

_Deep breath_

Oh fuck

"_I found out that I was pregnant, and it isn't Jamie's."_

_I fall back onto an open chair running one and through my hair down to my neck before gripping onto it tightly. "You mean…"_

"_Yes, Edward, you have a baby sister."_

"_So you didn't-"_

"_No…No, I didn't get an abortion." She shook her head at me. "To be honest I couldn't."_

"_What do you mean you couldn't, weren't you going to do the same thing to me?" I snarl at her not really meaning too and I instantly regret doing so when I see her cower away from me. _

"_Yes." Elizabeth whispers barely audible. _

"_So why was _she_ any different than me? Why couldn't you go through with her like you were going to do with me?" I don't hiss or snarl at her this time. This time it's a genuine question that I want to know._

"_Jamie told me that it was my choice and that he would stick behind me know no matter what I decided, so I decided to keep her. I really do believe that if Jamie could, he would've stayed with me no matter what. Jamie, he helped me with my unborn child. He did everything he could to help out, like taking me to doctors appointments, dealt with all my weird food cravings, he even took me to birthing classes. You got to understand, this time I wasn't alone, like I was with you."_

_It's than that I knew exactly what she's trying to get at. It made sense, I guess. With me, she really was alone after the attack, than she thought she had her mother to help her out, but once her mom died, she really was alone. No one was there to help her stay on her feet, or talk her through the whole pregnancy thing. _

_This time though, she did. She did have someone that held her hand and took care of her. That someone being Jamie._

"_Edward, for all that I care, Alexis is Jamie's daughter. Period. That sick __fuck__ had nothing to do with Alexis, nor will he ever." She's heaving with thick heavy breaths. _

"_God damnit Edward, Jamie was supposed to be the father of my child!" She cries out her face red with anger. _

"_Elizabeth?" I speak up after a few minutes of silence when something dawned on me. _

_She kept referring to Jamie in past tense._

_Jamie was._

_Jamie did._

_What about now?_

"_Where's Jamie?" Once I ask this there is a whole new round of tears that fall from her already red, sore eyes. _

"_Just after Alexis was born, he was sent to Iraq with his unit, than a couple of months later…I…I had soldiers on my doorstep telling me that he died in combat." I hug her again, knowing that anyone, no matter whom you are, needs comfort when they lose someone they love. Who knows, maybe because losing that someone is the whole reason they were in the mess they were in._

_I know it was that way for me._

"_We were going to get married, Edward!" she cries into my neck practically ripping my shirt this time with her fingers. "He proposed to me before he left. He promised nothing would happen. He promised me," she rasps out and I let her bring it all out. The nurses come in and were going to give her drugs to calm her down, but I shake my head at them telling them to leave us._

_She needs to let everything out. It can't be easy going through all the things that she has gone through. She has had so much more shit happen to her than has ever happened to me. _

_Now I feel like a complete ass for thinking that she deserved what happened to her. I'm completely wrong; no one deserves to go through all the things that she has gone through. _

_After calming down, Elizabeth pulled back from me. Reaching behind her neck, Elizabeth unclasps something. _

_A necklace. _

_After kissing the pendants of whatever was on the silver chain she takes my hand and places it into the palm of my hands, and pressed my fingers closed around it. _

"_I want you to have these." She tells me._

_I slowly open my hand again pulling out the necklace and look at the dog tags. At first I think that it may be Jamie's dog tags from the military, but they aren't. It's something else._

_I look closer to what's written upon them. _

_**It's not enough just to live.**_

_**There has to be something to live for**_

_I look up at _my **mom**_ with furrowed brows._

"_Jamie, he made those for me just before he left."_

"_If he made these for you, I don't want to-" I begin to hand them back to her, but she stops me by folding my fingers around the tags again._

"_No, no Edward, he knew everything about you. I told him everything, and when the time came for him to leave, he left them with me saying that, I was his life. That without me, there would be no reason for him to exist, just like with you and me, Edward. You are what I lived for, I made myself get better for you, so that I could see you again and tell you that I love you and that I do care about you." She reached her hand up to my cheek and wiped a tear that I didn't even know was there._

"_I-I don't know what to say."_

"_Just take it. I need you to know that I will always be there for you, I always have been there, even if you didn't see me." _

_I sniffle and wipe my face with my hand, nodding my head at her._

"_And Edward? Whatever happened, I'm sure it will work out in the end." _

_This caught me off guard. "What do you mean?" _

"_I can see it in your eyes. You've been through a lot and you hurt. Don't give up on her."_

"_How-how did you know?"_

"_I'm a mother. I can tell when my son is hurting because of a girl. Plus, at the park…I saw it in both your eyes, how much you care about each other. It's the same look I would see in Jamie's every time I caught him looking at me."_

"_Both?" I take my eyes off her and look down at the tags in my hands, playing with them as I continued to mumble, "You must be wrong, she doesn't-" she stops my talking by taking my face in both her hands this time forcing me to look at her. _

"_Yes, both. You both love each other and I can tell you still love her, otherwise you wouldn't be hurting as badly as you are." _

"_Edward, can you promise me something? I know that it may seem farfetched for me to be asking you for anything, but still, will you promise me that you will fight for her, to never give up on her? That you will go back for her? Promise me that once you have her, you will never let her go and always be there for her no matter what. Finally promise me that you will show her how much you love her every day for the rest of your life, and even after. Can you do that?" _

_I would love more than anything to able to tell her that I will fully do what she is asking, but I don't know if I can. I've fucked everything up, but I can promise one thing at least, _

"_I'll try."_

_

* * *

  
_

I had told Bella everything about my mom. About when I first went to see her to when I found out about Alexis and about Jamie and Royce.

My head was lying on her chest as she let her fingers run through my hair, while I listened to the steady beat of her heart.

"What happened with Felix was because I sent his father to jail, not only for raping my mom, but along with 9 other woman, and for selling to minors. They had so much against him that when they were holding him, they wouldn't let Royce post bail. Than the actual trail came and we had 4 of the woman he raped testify. The others didn't want anything to do with it. Lastly, than there was me, I testified against Royce for selling drugs to minors."

"How long does he have? His sentence I mean." Bella softly asked, never stopping her hand movements in my hair.

"Life, with no chance of parole."

"So, that's why Felix hates you so much." Bella replies with understanding.

"Yeah, I took away the only parental figure he had left. But I never understood how he could love his father in the first place, after everything he did. Felix blamed me and my mom for splitting his family apart when he was younger, but really it was his own father.

"I understand that Felix has had a hard life, but _he_ doesn't understand that I've had one just as difficult. But the thing that drove me over the edge, that made me so pissed off at him. That made me go after him in the first place last night was the fact that he made me drive you away again. I thought that you were gone for good and that you were never going to come back. I thought for sure that you were going to stay away."

"I'm here Edward, and I'm not going anywhere. Well, that is unless Jensen Ackles or Cam Gigandet come knock on my door, than your outta luck." She giggled trying to lighten the mood with her playful teasing. I moved so that I was hovering above her.

"You do know that if either of them come knocking on your door I'll kick their asses."

"Jealous are we?" She gave me a little smirk as she rubbed my arms.

"You know I am. When I said that I was never going to let you go I meant it. No one else can have you. Your mine." I teased her back with a possessive tone, my face mere inches away from hers.

Bella leaned up and kissed me softly before whispering against my lips, "I know I am."

* * *

"_Edward? Edward?" I hear my mom calling my name, but it sounds like she is miles away rather than right next to me._

_We both know that it couldn't be much longer. We know it's coming. _

_I still don't say anything._

_How can she be okay with this, be okay that she doesn't have much longer to live?_

_The doctor had come in and after running some tests we found out that her heart is about to give out. She doesn't have much time left._

_Not much at all. _

_Her heart's slowing down faster and faster by the minute; eventually it's going to be too weak to pump at all. _

"_How can you be alright with all this? Especially with a baby girl at home?" I finally ask her after I finally come back down to the real world. _

"_I've lived my life. Sure at first when I heard that I had heart disease, you can only imagine how upset I was especially after the life I've had. I thought it was horrible for God to see it so fit to have something like this happen on top of everything else, but there is nothing I can do. I've learnt to deal with it, to accept what's happening. I can feel it coming closer, Edward; I know that it's going to happen so, so there's one last thing I need to talk to you about."_

"_What is it?"_

"_Alexis. She's yours Edward."_

"_What? Um…no…I can't." I shook my head fiercely at her. _

"_Edward, Please? She needs you. I need you to take care of her for me, give her the life that I can't give her anymore." My mom's face is covered in a light shine of cold sweat as she rushes through the next part as I try to interrupt her, "Right now she's staying with Jamie's sister, Tracy. Now, she has all the papers ready for you to sign to legally adopt Alexis."_

"_I can't!" I try to plead with her, "You have to understand, I have issues with myself that I have to work out. I don't think I'm the right person to be raising a child!"_

"_You're perfect, honey, and you don't have to do it alone. You have people that will help you when you need it."_

"_Like who? I don't have anyone that would be willing to help me out."_

"_You've got me, man." Garrett enters into the room and stands next to me. "Kate and I will help you out, granted I don't know how much Kate will, but I will. You don't have to be alone in this." _

"_I won't be alone in this, because this is insane!" I toss my hands up in the air as I stare at my mom and Garrett. "I-I don't know how to take care of myself, let alone a 17 month old child!"_

"_If anyone can do it, you can." Elizabeth tells me. Her voice is extremely shaky that it starts to worry me. "You know what she deserves. You know that she deserves a happy life full of love and surrounded by people that care about her. She needs people around to show her what life is like. What's it like to have and be in love. She needs a father Edward, and I don't want it to be some stranger because who knows what can happen then." _

_My mom grabs onto my hand and holds it with both of hers._

_They were so cold and pale._

_I let my eyes move from our hands up to her dull green eyes that were full of pain and sadness, pleading for me to do this. To not leave this little girl alone – to give her everything she deserves. _

_I can't say no._

_I slowly nod my head, "Okay, I'll do it."_

"_Thank you." My mom whispers so softly that I could barely hear her, than it happens. _

_Her eyes roll into the back of her head as it falls flat against her bed._

NO!

"_No! Mom…mom. Don't leave me! DON'T GO!" I yell at her, "HELP! WE NEED A DOCTOR!!" I scream out as loud as I can and Garrett runs out of the room to get some help._

_I clutch tightly to my mom trying to keep her here with me. Trying not to lose her._

_Not yet. _

Not yet.

"_I just got you back mom. Please don't leave me alone again." I whimper my face buried into her arm. _

_I feel her hand come up and rest on my cheek wiping away tears. _

"_I love you Edward, you will always be my baby boy. Please, don't give up. Never give up." Next thing I knew her hand falls away from my face and all I can her is the sound of her heart monitor flat lining. It seemed like everything was going in slow motion. _

_Nurses and doctors pushed me away grabbing the paddles, trying to start my mom's heart back up. I want to run over to her and make them try harder than it seems like they are doing, but Garrett comes back into the room holding me back. _

_My hands are shoved up in my hair pulling at the roots. I didn't know what else to do with them. _

_I begin pacing back and forth crying. _

_I start screaming as I hear one of the doctors call it and I start to charge after him wanting him to keep trying, to not give up on her, but I'm stopped again by Garrett, who drags me out of the room, but not without me continuing to kick and scream. _

_Everything starts to blur together than. Almost like you see in the movies when something exactly like this happens and leads into another scene._

_That's exactly what felt like happened because next thing I know; I'm walking up to Tracy's house knocking on the door. _

_The door swings open reviling a beautiful middle aged woman that had mother written all over her. _

"_Hi…I'm…um…Edward." I don't need to say anything else. She knows exactly who I am as she pulls me into her arms resting her chin on my shoulder._

"_It's good to see you. Your mother's told me so much about you…I'm so sorry."_

_I don't do anything but nervously clear my throat as Tracy pulls away from me. _

"_Alexis is in the living room. I'm going to finish getting her stuff together." Tracy leads me into the house and points towards the room._

"_Thank you." I tell her. Tracy merely nods her head and goes off to finish packing. _

_I enter the living room to see the baby girl sitting on the floor flipping through a bunch of children books. _

_I take a deep breath and walk towards her completely stunned at how much she truly looks like mom. _

_I step on some toy making a cracking sound and causing Alexis to look back at me. I'm so sure that she would cry, but what she does completely surprise me. _

_She begins to smile and laugh pushing herself off the floor and waddles her way towards me using her clumsily feet. Upon reaching me she looks up at me holding her hands out waiting for me to pick her up and hold her. _

_It's as if she knows exactly who I am. That she knows we're family. That we're going to help each other throughout these hard times and anything that happens in the future._

_My sister and I, we are in this together. _

_I do as she wishes and pick her up holding her tightly to me. _

"_Well toots, looks like it's just me and you for now."_

_

* * *

  
_

**Okay there you go guys, please review and let me know that you're still with me. **

**Please? **

**Working on the next chapter, and I swear if it takes as long as this one did to get out you guys can beat me with an ugly stick. **

**Also I'm working on two one-shots right now. I've had these ideas floating in my head for awhile now and they don't want to go away. So you'll be seeing those soon too!**


	26. UPDATED MAY 10th

**UPDATED MAY 10, 2010**

**I have not given up on this story! I just wanted to let you all know that I'm working on it, it's just been a slow moving process. After everything that happened I lost my inspiration and it's been hard to get back into momentum and shit, but I am working on it. I just really want to have the story either finished or way ahead before I start posting again. **

**New teaser added**

* * *

"Would you like to join me?" I asked shyly biting down on my fingernail while gazing up at him with puppy dog eyes.

"Are you sure? I mean I don't want you to-" I stopped him from continuing by placing my fingers against his mouth.

"Yes, I'm sure. Plus I think you owe me."

"I owe you huh?" Edward wrapped his arms back around me again.

"Yep, you do," I played with his dog tags that splayed against his firm chest. I slowly looked up at him through my eye lashes biting my lip before finishing with, "For making me wake up alone."

"Well then, I guess I have some making up to do." He leaned down pecking my nose softly.

I had a great feeling that he wasn't simply talking about this morning, but about everything. He wanted to make it up for the years we've missed, those years we both fucked up and who was I to deny him at this moment.

I let out a startled squeal when Edward picked me up and tossed my body over his shoulder.

* * *

**and older one that was already here**

* * *

"You!" Both of us snapped our heads towards Emmett who was standing in the doorway pointing at me.

"I need to talk to you," Emmett pointed at me with one of his giant saugue fingers.

I nodded my head and looked back at Edward telling him that I'll be alright with my eyes.

"I tried to calm him down as much as I could." Rose whispered to me as I passed her by on my way over to Emmett.

"Thanks." I told her softly.

I didn't look at Emmett as I made my way around him into the room but I had a good feeling that he was glaring at Edward before he slammed the door with a loud BANG.

I stood there in the middle of the guest bedroom not moving. I didn't know if I should move or not.

I heard Emmett huff his way over and stand directly in front of me, my head held high simply staring past him.

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing?!" he snarled into my face.

* * *

**It's not edited JSYK**


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